Thursday, November 24, 2011

Brandi

I am not sure where to even start with this girl but I want to make sure i document what has taken place with her over this last year.

Brandi graduated with her Undergrad and is moving forward to attain her Doctorate in Physical Therapy. She went to work assitsting Physical Therapists as a type of intern in Fredericksburg.

As part of her duties, she was assigned a task to search out vendors to replace the physical therapy equipment. It was a simple task to just get the information of the vendors available and their prices. Her, being the overachiever she is, went above and beyond and found all the vendors, gathered all their information, the stats, the service plans, the prices, the contact person... EVERYTHING....She put them in binders with covers and then created a presentation to give to the bosses and the CEO.

The CEO was so impresed that he thanked her personally. As a result of her efforts, a contriutor gave a huge check to the organization to attain the physical therapy equipment....The CEO was so impressed with Brandi, that he took her to the acceptance ceremony and let HER accept the donation check....SUCH a proud moment for her and for us...She is one hell of a young woman!

She has two young boys, does it all on her own, asks us for very little help and just continuosly DRIVES FORWARD to make life happen on HER terms...She is an AMAZING young woman!

She started to apply for graduate schools and in her efforts for that, the CEO of her organization gave her a letter of reccomendation...In that letter of reccomendation, he stated that upon her graduation from PT school, he would have a job waiting on her....Again, she hits it out of the park!

She turns in her application for Graduate School with Texas State and was dissapointed to find out that she did not have a GPA in science that was high enough for their standards....she had a 3.2 and they wanted a 3.5 GPA....So they denied her application and she was really upset about it. She came to talk to me and I told her that it was simple....Texas State just isnt the school for her!

The next day she was contacted by her COO of the organization she works for and he told her he wanted to have her GRE test score and her grades from Undergrad. Come to find out, the COO has connections at University of Texas and is starting the efforts to use his contacts to get Brandi into school there. Once again, my chest pops out full of pride for what brandi has stepped up and done with her life...So very cool!!

When the COO met with her, he told her that he didnt want financial probems to stop her from applying for school as the application fee is 125.00. He explained that he had gone around to all of the other employees and that all contributed to Brandi to raise the money for her application fee....The girl is just an inspiration!! From where she has come from to where she is now is amazing...Where she will go is limitless!!

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Thanksgiving

I am generally not one that enjoys the Holidays all that much. It is told to us to be the season of giving and a time of thanks, but I am torn...

I have more people close to me that struggle through the holidays than clebrate them (or so it seems) and every year I have friends who pass away in some form or fashion in this "blessed" time. The time has become so commercialized and the idea of one family sitting around one table for one meal is no longer a reality in the world I understand.

Divorced families, family drama, life struggles, no money to get gifts, going into debt to get "things" for people and it seems the idea of community, connection and togetherness has dropped down the list of things that are important in this "blessed" time.

Now its how many family members houses do you have to get to to "make your rounds" or what drama is going to unfold with which family member at what time during this "together time."

I feel bad sometimes because my distaste for the holidays has resulted in a limited participation in the Holidays. Me and Donna's kids are grown, have their own lives now and generally don't have the time or money to come visit us during the holidays. Generally there is so much drama in their lives and with whoever it is they are choosing to spent their lives with that it causes us to be separated from them.

Not so  much because we cant "tolerate" them, but because we cant TRUST them in our house to not steal or just be out of integrity (its deeper than just this too).

I do have to say I was blessed with parents who have always seen the value of the Holidays and this time to be together but they are a long way away from me and time and cost restraints stops us from being together during the holidays. Luckily, this year, we have worked it out to be home for Christmas....I am VERY excited about that as we will be bringing Brandi and the boys for their first trip to Colorado. It will also be the first time I have been home for Christmas in about 8 years.... it warms my heart to know I will be with my family this year!

I still do see the value in the GIVING portion of the Holidays and if I cant be near my family, I want to do something to give and am looking forward to serving dinner at the Salvation Army for those far less fortunate than me.

I still understand the value of the Holidays and it "tis the season for giving" so I will do my part in that, but to "celebrate" these hard times is not something I see as reasonable.

I have lost an old friend recently, have another who is struggling with family problems so completely unbelievable, I don't know how he is keeping his sanity intact. Donna's family is scattered all over the place and generally don't get together for the holidays nor do we have much of a desire to go spend the holidays with them because of the lives they choose to live....Not because we judge, but because it just isn't a life we want to be near or around...Its not something that serves us or our lives and is generally much more of a struggle than it is an enjoyment...And togetherness should be enjoyable, not a struggle!

I have been labeled as The Grinch now by my daughter, grand-kids and wife...They play it as a joke, but it is a real thing. I really don't care for the Holidays because it really is hypocritical....A time for rejoicing, giving thanks, togetherness, connection, caring, love and compassion...but generally filled with struggle, hurt, drama, entitlement, loss, and hurt....

I will end this by doing my part to represent this particular Holiday though....

I am thankful for.....

My wife
My kids
My grandchildren
My family in Colorado
My job
The place I live
The job i have
The kids in my life now that remind me how blessed I am and show me everyday
The life Donna and I have created TOGETHER
That I have a warm bed, a decent little house, a garage to sit in and reflect, my music, my Harley, my friends, my little office where I can sit and type this out, the people in my life that encourage and support me from afar and through the web, those who read my blogs and tell me that it helps them through their day, the memories I have of lost friends, the life ahead of me, my animals, that I am walking, talking, healthy and still have my sense of humor in spite of it all!

I have SOOOOO much to be thankful for and SOOO many people to thank for that....To those of you that do read this...I appreciate you and am happy that I have you here to spend your time reading this.

Although the world outside of me happens no matter what, my immediate reality is in my control...And although I might not be sitting around a table with friends and loved ones giving thanks, don't ever think I am not thankful for all I have listed here and more.

I am convinced and know without a doubt that I am TRULY blessed for the life I have and am living...And It is all of you in it that helps make it a reality for me....Thank you all and I hope your Holidays are blessed, filled with happiness and connection....

For those of you struggling in these times...My heart is with you and I know that its tough. Hang on, get through it, and get past it....Life can be so much bigger than this instant and even in the hardest of times, BIG THINGS are on the horizon for you....Just don't turn away from the Sunrise because I truly believe....Tomorrow is an even BIGGER day!

Peace and love to all of you out there.... GIVE more than you GET....LOVE more than you are LOVED...HUG more than you are HUGGED and keep a clear focus on the path ahead....GREATNESS awaits us all!! Of that I have NO DOUBTS!!

Peace..... Brad

Monday, November 21, 2011

The accident

Today we took a group of youth to our annual Thanksgiving dinner for the youth in our care. We had a WONDERFUL turnout, they played some cool give-away games and one of my kids won twice. The food was good, the energy was great and it was nice to see some of our kids having a GREAT time!

Since I was in San Antonio and had not seen our main office, I wanted to go with a group of youth from another program through BCFS who were going to the Transition Center in San Antonio to get a feel for it and maybe meet some of the people that I will surely be working with in the near future with my recent promotion.

After the luncheon, I jumped into the truck with the youth as a passenger and we headed towards the main office. There was some confusion from the youth in regards to how to get to the office from our location. We tuned into our phones to get directions and made our way.

The sky opened up and it started to rain, and as is common here after long periods of rain, the roads were slick. The youth driving was a little frustrated with getting turned around and when we finally figured out where we were, we took the turn around and headed towards the office.

The young man driving was going a little fast, but nothing over the speed limit and wasn't being reckless and came up on a line of traffic stopped for the light. He started to brake and I knew instantly that there was no way we were going to be able to stop in time. Because of the heavy traffic, there was no lane to escape to so he did a great job at trying to apply the brakes and we went into a slide...he did well....Off the brakes, on the brakes, off the brakes on the brakes....But it was useless....

I secured myself in the back seat, planted my feet for the impact and at about 10-15 miles an hour, we slid into the back of a trailer on a semi truck. When we hit, there was a cooler in the back seat that had sodas and water in it and once we hit, the cooler exploded and we were covered in water. We didn't realize the cooler had water in it so when it happened, the water exploding throughout the cab kinda freaked us all out.

Well, we hit the trailer hard enough to damage the truck to where the radiator was punctured and the vehicle wasn't going to be drivable...At least not for very far.

Immediately I asked the youth in the vehicle with me if they were ok, re-affirmed it a couple of times, checked them out quickly for any possible injuries, and after making sure they were OK, got out of the truck to check on the driver of the other truck. Of course, there was NO damage to the trailer as we hit the bar on the trailer designed to stop vehicles from crashing into and sliding under the trailer.

Once I found everyone was OK, I went back to the youth I was with, told him to turn off the ignition and to get out of the vehicle and onto the side of the roadway in a safe spot in case someone were to slide into the accident. The driver of the big truck said he called his dispatch and the police were on the way.

I called all of my bosses and explained what had just taken place and just waited for the police to get there. I knew very well that being in San Antonio, after lunch time, we were going to be there a while.

After about 20-25 minutes, a traffic unit fro SAPD arrived on scene and called on his PA...

"Where are the occupants of this truck"

And I walked up to him standing on the curb. He called for me to come to him and said in an almost yelling voice and a real pissy tone...

"So why is that truck siting there?"

"Because it was in a wreck."

"Why hasn't it been moved?"

"Because we were waiting on you and didn't want to move the vehicles from the scene."

He rolled his eyes, took a deep breath and said...

"Where is the driver of the other truck?"


"I don't know, I think he is in the truck?"

"Is this your truck?"

"No, its my company truck."

"Jeeeezus....."

He rolled his eyes again, slammed his unit into park and started to exit his unit. You could tell he was angry and upset (why, I have no idea) and I said...

"Officer, there is no reason to be rude..."

And was going to tell him this was a young man who hadn't been in an accident before and he exited his unit quickly, rushed up to about 3 inches from my face, stared me in the eye and said ....

"What did you just say?!"


With his chest out, in an aggressive approach....

I stood and didnt move and said...

"There is no reason to be rude."

He stepped a little closer and said...

"You better watch your mouth!"

"Watch my mouth??? I am just saying there is no reason to be rude." and stood there looking at him...

"Are you the driver of this truck?"


"No."

"Then why are you over here?"

"Because you called me over here!"

"I didn't call you over here!"


"Officer, why would I be standing in the middle of a roadway with traffic all around if you didn't call me over here?"


"I will tell you what, why don't you go over there where the witnesses stand and shut your mouth?!"

"Yes sir, I will be happy to do that!"

Of course, with a smirk on my face and shaking my head as I walked away.

He went to the other driver and started to get his information....Being short, rude and just plain ugly...

I mean THIS GUY was more pissed off than those of us in the accident!

Then he went to the young man driving and was abrupt, rude and just unprofessional.... The young man told him this was his first real accident and it was clear he was really nervous. There was no reason for this guy to act like this....It was a minor accident, no injuries, everyone did like they were supposed to do and I was a bit "miffed" about how he was dealing with this young man.... Maybe it was just me trying to protect this young man from some jerk-off cop with an attitude.

We got the vehicles off the roadway and the officer went into his duties to get the paperwork together. It wasn't until he got to the portion of the report that asked about injuries that he even asked if everyone was OK....Maybe he was just having a bad day or maybe he was just a jerk....But man, just soooo un-called for.

I had to take a couple of pictures of the damage and figured I would snap a picture of this guy "working"...




As I was standing there, I reflected about my time in the field and remembered I had been a TOOL a few times myself, but I don't ever recall being such a jerk to just average citizens in a minor accident.... Guess it was a little KARMA coming back to me!

Once again, I am reminded WHY I left that past profession and am SOOOOOO happy I am no longer in that field. If it WASN'T just a bad day, sure has to be a miserable life to walk around that pissed off all the time AND at such minor infractions....Cant imagine what this guy must be like on a "real" scene....

GEESH!! REEEEEEELLLAAAAXXXX man...REEEEE-LAX!!

Happy Monday.....TIS THE SEASON!! ;-)

Sunday, November 20, 2011

My new addiction

About two months ago, Donna and I just happened to come along an auction that was going on in a business. We stopped in to see what was up and I was immediately hooked. The people, the buzz of the auctioneer....Man, it was too much fun!

I was able to pick up a HUGE barrel fan at this sale for 100.00....Once I was able to buy something, I REALLY knew I was hooked!



I got the website for the auction company and started to follow their auctions and I have been going to one about every two weeks or so. I went to my second one and was able to pick up some art from an artist we like, Dalhart Windberg. Donna and I were able to meet this artist a few years ago and he is an AMAZING painter....Have been wanting some of his stuff for a few years.





The next auction I went to, I was able to pick up some silver mercury dimes and some old half dollars and was also able to get a cool stacking tool box I have wanted for a while....I have had a TON of fun at these things!





About a year or so ago, an old friend came to visit me and stay the weekend. It was FREEZING cold outside and we like to sit out on the front porch and watch the deer, just chill out, and have some drinks... But this weekend, it was bitter cold!

Felipe showed up and he said

"I brought my smudge pot"

and I had never heard of a smudge pot.....

We went to his truck, unloaded this thing from the back and I was clueless as to what this thing was or how it worked.

He explained that you fill it with diesel, open the flue in it, drop a flaming piece of paper down the up-tube and WAH-LAH, this thing lights and puts off some amazing heat. I was stunned!!





He explained that these were used in the fruit orchards to keep the frost off of the fruit when the freezes would come. They would light these in the rows of trees and they generate so much heat, the fruit is saved from the frost.

Now not only are these things very cool heater, they are WAY cool to watch and listen to.

Because of their design, the air flows through them in a way that it causes the flame to roll up the tube. On the tube are holes all the way around it where you can see the flame shoot out of it and it makes a wop, wop, wop noise (kinda like a fan) as the fuel burns. Then, when they get really hot, the metal of the stove pipe starts to glow.

Man, these things are AWESOME for outside parties in the mountains, on the beach and even on my front porch in the Hill Country. After seeing Felipe's smudge pot, I knew I had to have one. The two things his was missing was the rack it sits on and one of the breather tubes, but it was still wayyyyy cool!!

So I started to hunt for them. I found them on ebay for 100+ dollars and just didn't want to pay that much for one....It wasn't long before the cool-ness wore off and I wasn't interested in buying one anymore....

Yesterday Donna and I went to an auction, we got there early to look around and this auction was set at an old airplane hanger and home where people lived and gave flying lessons....There was crap EVERYWHERE!!!

As we walked around, I saw a couple of things I wanted and then we went to one of the out buildings....An old trailer that was sitting on the ground and it was PACKED full of crap....Wires, maybe 100 oil pans from airplane motors, jugs for airplane motors, wire, insulation....juts packed FULL of crap....Then I saw it... in the back of the trailer, in the middle of all this CRAP, there it was.....A friggin smudge pot, buried in all that crap!!



I pointed it out to Donna and went into the belly of the beast of junk to look at it. It was in perfect condition! Had the rack, all the parts....the top....I HAD TO HAVE IT!!

I called Felipe to see how much was too much for this pot and he told me I could be safe at 50.00 but one of his was 100.00...Donna snapped a picture to send for a text and caught me in it looking at the smudge pot..

We stood there for a while and watched people go through all the junk in that trailer and NO ONE gave that smudge pot a second look.... People were like me when I first saw it, they had NO CLUE!!

Well, the auction went on and it was dragging along....There was SOOOOOO much crap at this place and not too much I wanted. I went up to one of the auctioneers and asked...

"Hey man, I cant be here all day and I was wondering....If I grab a piece out of that old shed and put it out here, will you guys auction it off and give me a chance at it?"

"Sure thing, go get it!"

So I drug it out, got it in front of the auctioneer, they described it briefly, and then we were off....

"Do I hear five dollars....five dollars....anyone give me five dollars....?"

My hand went up....

"ten...do I hear ten??? Thank you....15.....do I hear 15....15.dollars....????"

My hand went up....

Now 20...20....20...do I have 20.... thank you.....25....25....25..."

My hand went up...

"30....do I have 30....30 dollars....do I have 30..... Thank you....now 35....35....35...???"

My hand went up....

40....do I have 40....40 dollars....do i have 40 Dollars??? Are we all done here??? 40 dollars??? 35 going once, 35 going twice......SOLD, number 56, for 35.00!!"

BAM, it was mine!!

GOOD LORD I AM ADDICTED!!

Luckily, I have been pretty good about not impulse buying and coming home with a ton of CRAP!! I mean I see people buying old animal furs and old laundry hampers...boxes of old plastic cups....just JUNK...If i ever get to that point, I am going to have to give this all up!!

So I think its pretty cool that I have the pictures of the first smudge pot I ever saw and that made me want one....Then the picture of me finding one....and then a picture of me using my new toy....Pretty cool how it all came together!! Cant wait to have it for a party or get together and have pictures of people all around it enjoying the warmth, the flames and the soothing sound it makes as it burns.....

SCORE!!!!!!!!!!!



Thursday, November 17, 2011

How can one day????

How can one day be filled with so much hurt, frustration and loss.... Today I am low, down and wounded....

Yesterday was one of the roughest days I have had so far working with YouthBuild. From the moment I walked in the door to start my day, it was dramatic.... It continued throughout the day and I was unable to even get home until 7:10pm....Pissing and moaning the whole way, complaining about my day, bitter at the drama that took place....

Then the Universe spoke to me and showed me how silly, petty and stupid all this drama I had been struggling with was.

As I pulled into my driveway, bottle of wine in my hand, ready to numb the day away, my cell phone alerted me that I had a message from my old friend, Kenneth. I listened to the message and he said...

"Brad, call me back ASAP!"

I knew immediately something was going on because Kenneth never calls me like that for nothing....Something has happened.... I braced myself, took a deep breath and called him back thinking, "How can this day get any worse!"

And the Universe spoke to me again and said...."This is how"

Kenneth answered the phone and I said...

"Whats up?"

"Marty Ermis just shot himself and he is dead!"

My immediate response was ...

"No way dude, you have to be kidding me!?"

Like he would kid about something like this....I was immediately in shock!

"I don't know the details, but all I know is that it has been confirmed that he shot himself and he is dead"

And I was absolutely stunned...Speechless....Just stepped outside of my body....Reality just became foggy and surreal...This cant be true!

Now Marty and I have not spoken for some years now...Maybe once since I left the Sheriffs Department....But for my first 1 1/2 years as a rookie on the streets with the Galveston County Sheriffs Department, Marty was my partner.

Through that time and for many years after, we stayed pretty good friends. He had a BBQ team and did cookoffs, and I was at MANY of those....We had many nights in bars, getting drunk, at parties, celebrating and just kicking up our heels, and he and his friends became part of my family...So much so, that when I was out of town on hunting trips or whatever, Donna was with him and "the crew" at the Galveston County Fair, some other cookoff, some bar...He was always there to make sure Donna was OK and safe....I trusted Marty with not just my life, with the lives of my family.... I don't know that I can recall any cop I ever met that had the heart, the humor and the charisma that Marty did....EVERYONE LOVED HIM!!

I can clearly remember a day I was driving down Hwy 87 in Crystal Beach and noticed 3-4 cars stopped and Marty's unit in the middle of the road with his lights on and wondering

"WHAT THE HELL is going on??"

Only to drive up and see Marty had stopped traffic, was in the middle of the highway and was picking up a turtle to get him out of the road so he wouldn't get run over.....His heart was TRULY bigger than you could imagine!

I still, to this day, tell stories about the times we had together on the streets.

There was an incident that kind of defined my Law Enforcement experience when I was forced to shoot an escaped African Lioness (HORRIBLE experience).... When that all went down, I was with Marty.....

There are so many other incident I could refer to, but he was there, present and witness to THE moment that followed me through my Law Enforcement career and even follows me to this day....It was me, and him that night, on that highway, in Crystal Beach.

I remember I was this young rookie, ITCHING to get out on the streets, working these quiet nights on Crystal Beach, listening to the radio of the police departments and Sheriffs Deputies who were patrolling the mainland in pursuits and chasing bad guys, and taking all kinds of calls....I would sit on the beach and just ACHE to be up there in THE SHIT!!

One night, I was sitting on the beach, watching the waves crash on the shore, not a soul to be seen for miles, sky without a cloud in it, full of stars and a bright, glowing moon, and just sitting back listening to the radio chatter.

Marty pulled up alongside of my unit and we were sitting what we called "69" in our patrol cars...His car pointing towards Galveston, my car pointing towards Louisiana, drivers side widows side by side....

Marty ALWAYS wore a ballcap and ALWAYS had a cigarette hanging out of the side of his mouth....

As he pulled up to me this night, I rolled down my window and Marty started to talk...

The funny thing about Marty is he was never in a hurry with his words....Its like he actually paused and thought about every word before he said it.... So as I rolled my window down, and he rolled his down, he inhaled on that cigarette, exhaled with a big gasp and said....

"Well Junior.....I wonder what the REAL police are doing tonight!"

I took a second to take in what he said and then realized....

Here we were, sitting on a beach, on a beautiful night, waves crashing in front of us, full moon bright in the sky, GETTING PAID to do it.....While the radio chattered with other Police Officers and Deputies running their asses off, getting case numbers and doing reports....

Marty was always able to remind me what the GREAT things.....the PRIVILEGE it was to be in that uniform and in that unit....... No matter how much I wanted to be "in the shit" he was always able to remind me that being a cop wasn't JUST about that!! He was a great mentor and a teacher.

I could go on and on about the stories about Marty, and maybe I will someday, but I can still see it clearly in my mind.... That short little Deputy, getting out of his unit, hiking up his belt, walking up to any scene I was on or to just go eat dinner (where he would ALWAYS get a cheeseburger with jalapenos and eat it with a fork and knife...EVERY SINGLE DAY!) and saying.....

"So what-cha got Junior?"

It is a sad day for my family and the Sheriffs Office family.... I am not sure of the exact amount of time that Marty had in Law Enforcement but I know it had to be close to +/-30 years.

He had two children he loved dearly and for whatever reason, he found that the life he had was no longer manageable..... Some people see this type of act as a selfish thing....I don't!

I have worked with people long enough, and had enough loss like this close to me to understand that whatever was going on in their life, wherever they were in their life, it was so bad, it was so defining, it was so hard, that the only way to WIN in the situation is to take yourself OUT of the situation....And I have NO JUDGEMENTS, because THAT experience is one I have been VERY close to......

I remember a saying that sticks with me in this moment.....

"Don't ever judge the path of another, because there is no way to understand their journey or their struggles."

The Universe has a weird way of "showing up"..... I just recently said, "I don't EVER want to go back to Galveston County." and now, the Universe is showing me that I am going back to Galveston County soon....

Gods Speed Marty Ermis..... I will remember you for as long as I breathe.... YOU made my life more fun, more impacting, more clear, more simple....You made my life RICHER by just being a part of it! May we see each other again someday!



Friday, November 11, 2011

SHINING!!

I blogged not too long ago about the press coming to visit YouthBuild and interviewing our students. Attached is the article in pieces.... I would have scanned it all in one page but it was too big so here it is in sections....Sorry about the scanned quality, my editing software decided to give me fits today and rather than throwing my laptop across the room, I decided to just accept what I got!!

This has been another BIG week for YouthBuild AND for me!

This was our first week actually out on the job site, working directly on the Habitat for Humanity homes and I am happy top report that the kids are REALLY engaged in the process. I spent two days out there with them and was able to work along side of them at the home we are refurbishing.... It has been one of those weeks where I say to myself...

"Oh my God, I get PAID TO DO THIS!!??"

We have our struggles and we have our hard spots, but overall, this is not a task of a job, this is a GIFT of a job!! Actually seeing these young people take to heart what they are here to do lifts my soul and reminds me why I do this work!! WHICH by the way, we need sometimes!! As hard as our days may be sometimes, its days like these that keep me coming back!

On top of the job site duties and the newspaper article, one of our young people was able to make it to the Rotary Club here in Kerrville and give a lecture to the crowd. although I was not present at the luncheon, I was told by my boss and other people in the community that Andrew did an INCREDIBLE job.

As I hear it, he had the whole room emotional and totally tuned in to his message....So much that at the end, the President himself told Andrew he was so impressed that when Andrew was done with YouthBuild, he would have a job!

When I spoke to Andrew about the event I said....

"Dude, when you can have tears flowing just from your words, THAT'S GOOD!!"

He said....

"I am THAT good!"

and we both laughed.... Man, I am so proud of these young people and this program... I couldn't ask for a better J-O-B............................................................. And then, I got one!

I was informed last night that I have been given the position of Program Director with BCFS.... I will now manage the YouthBuild case manager, the PAL case manager (a service to assist fostered youth from 16-25 with needs from basic services to college tuition), 2 case managers over the YAD program (a program that targets troubled youth in the school system and their families) and a new Texas Workforce program that assists fostered youth in attaining employment.

I also blogged about this not too long ago in regards to a position that I turned down....

I initially turned this position down when it was offered and then it came back to me again....I turned it down again on the second go around, and then my boss took me to lunch one day and offered it to me AGAIN!!

Although I considered turning it down AGAIN, I paid attention to the Universe and realized that this has come to me THREE times now, there HAS to be a reason, so after some discussion with my boss and some reflection on the process, I chose to move forward with the interview process and see how it worked out....If I was going to get it, it would be meant to be...If I didn't, then THAT was meant to be.

I interviewed last week and after the interview, I was told there was one other person that the "higher ups" were interested in. My comment to those powers that be, and those in my interview was...

"I have faith in this program, this organization and this leadership....I KNOW that whoever you choose, me or someone else, will be the BEST person for the job."

And I walked out confident that if I didn't get hired, it was because I was not THE ONE.... If I did get the job, I would take it on with INTENTION, PURPOSE, PASSION and DRIVE to pursue EXCELLENCE!!

They interviewed the person I was competing with again last night and came back to me and said that I WAS THE ONE.....

OH......MY....GOD!!!! Here...we... go!!

I still don't have particulars in regards to the job....Start date, salary, etc....I just know its mine!

Now I am processing how to break this to the youth I work with and thinking about what we need to fill my position.... I can say with all honesty, I am excited and scared right now!

Mostly I am scared about how my young people are going to deal with this transition....People have been walking out of their lives their WHOLE lives and now I have to MAKE SURE this ISN'T how I SHOW UP by taking this position.... I have to create this in a way that they understand I am moving up to serve them BETTER!! Like I said, I am scared!!

Anyway, on to bigger and better things....Here is the article in pieces.... I am soooooooo proud of these young, brilliant, talented and FABULOUS youth.... I know GREAT things are ahead for them...

GO YOUTHBUILD!!!!! OWTFDWIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!





Thursday, November 10, 2011

Green and Clean

I am reaching out for a Youth Run organization within the organization I work with.

We have a small, youth run organization called Green and Clean which is a cleaning company here in Kerrville. Not only does the company clean, the company also does yard maintenance and other services like this.

The company is managed and directed by BCFS management (www.bcfs.net), which is a worldwide organization that serves fostered, troubled and “at risk” youth and their families. BCFS is also actively involved in areas of emergency and disaster response as well (we were recently active in assisting people impacted by the wildfires in Burnette.). We are even playing an active role in the new state wide emergency broadcasting updates.

Green and Clean was started 3 years ago with a grant to fund them and help them get started and now they are near the end of their grant. ALL of their products are “green friendly!” Due to the economy, the company has been struggling and if they do not find ways to actively self-sustain themselves, this organization will cease to exist and in turn will cause the youth running and working the organization to lose their jobs. Many of these youth are fostered youth or youth that have been troubled and are working to get their lives on track and step away from the lives they have lived in the past….It is a WONDERFUL opportunity for these kids to stay off the streets and learn how to work and manage a company… They now need our help!!

Sooooooo……..

Do you know any office buildings within the Kerrville area or areas surrounding Kerrville that need to have scheduled cleaning??? San Antonio included??

How about yard maintenance??

Hunting ranches that need cleaning after guests leave?

How about your deer camp and getting it cleaned for deer season?

Christmas lights hung? Christmas decoration set up?

Do you have or know of an organization that has a desire to become more “green friendly” that this company can come in and set up for them?

Please send this out to as many people as you can and help us to keep helping these youth…. If something doesn’t happen in three months, Green and Clean will no longer be able to operate….I am asking for your help and hope you can provide some resources to get this company back up and moving.

Please feel free to hit me up here or call Green and Clean to let them know of your needs and have them put together a bid for you and your organization. I work in a different section of BCFS but let them know that I referred you and maybe you can get an even better deal since it was an employee referral. 

Call the Green and Clean Program Director, Kimber Falkinburg at 830-928-9386 or Green and Clean directly at 830-928-8736, you can also reach Green and Clean through our main office n umber, 830-896-0993

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Suffering

I am not sure I even know where to start on this...I guess I will start at the beginning!

About eleven years ago, I experienced one of the greatest losses I have ever had in my life. To this day, it is the most difficult time/thing/experience I have EVER had.... I have had encounters with specifics that were equal, but nothing that covered as much emotion, hurt, pain, suffering as I did then.

I was in Law Enforcement and I had a boss who I was pretty close to. He had a son and his son was about the age of my oldest daughter. His son and I became VERY close friends and spent MUCH time together. We were so close, I would come home from work somedays and he would be alone, in my house, with my Great Dane Clyde sitting on the couch with him, watching my TV and drinking my beer....He was as much a part of my family and ME as anyone!

We hunted together, we drank together, we took trips together....There were times when people would actually be shocked if they saw me without this friend.

As a result of our friendship, I grew closer to my boss and the rest of his family. We grew so close that we actually spent a couple of Christmases together and a Thanksgiving.... It wasn't long before this family was MY family....They loved me, I loved them, it was a really GREAT moment of my life, AND the life of my family.

Now Shane was a wild child....I guess that's why I liked him so much! He was so much like I was when I was his age...Crazy as hell, but had ALOT going for him. When he would go raise hell, I would sometimes get frustrated with him because it was limiting him and starting to cause his problems. When that would happen, we would not see each other for a few days... During one of these periods, something terrible happened.... I remember the experience clearly...

I went to work patrol, Beach Duty in Crystal Beach for Spring Break. A number of us Deputies stayed in one house for the weekend and would all get together after we got off work and party. I could go into details about Crystal Beach, but that is a completely different story. Shane would have been with me generally on outings like this, but because we were in one of "those" places, he wasn't.

We all went out and got drunk as hell...Partied until the bars closed and stumbled in and passed out....

At about 4:00am, a deputy who was on duty came to the house and woke me up. All of the Deputies knew that Shane and I were close and his family and I were close as well. They knew the extent of this extended family and how much we were involved with each other...

The Deputy woke me up out of my drunken haze and clearly said....

"Brad, wake up....Shane is dead...."

I thought I was dreaming and dismissed the deputy and started to pass back out... He shook me again....

"Brad, wake up man, Shane is dead"

I rubbed my eyes, looked up at the deputy and said ...

"What Robbie? What are you talking about?"

"Brad, something happened....Shane shot himself and he is dead!"

(Jeezus, I am crying as I am typing this and reliving this....Man, its amazing how long ago this was and how it still pulls at my heart so badly)

I woke up, shoved the Deputy back, pissed off and said...

"What the fuck are you talking about?? What the fuck does that mean?"

"Brad, I don't know what happened...All I know is they found Shane dead a short time ago...Something with a gun...he is dead!"

I remember my knees getting weak and by body collapsed and I started to scream...Literally.... I couldn't believe it!! Donna was next to me and she was so impacted by this that she ran to the bathroom and started to throw up.

This stirred the house up and the other deputies started to wake up and I started packing.... I had to get to Shane and his family...I couldn't get there fast enough!

I called Kenneth and let him know what was going on and started to make my way to the Mainland.... If you were to just drive to the Mainland from Crystal Beach, it would take close to an hour...WITH a Ferry ride from Bolivar, it was closer to two hours... This was one of the longest drives of my life!!

Without going into too many details, I made my way to my Majors In-Laws house and found him and his family all gathered.... I ran to them and embraced them and cried with them....BAWLED with them!! Suffered with them...It was absolutely horrific and tragic what happened.... Shane had accidentally shot himself and he was GONE!

(Jeezus, this is sooooooo damn hard to type and relive.... To my readers, I am stuttering with my keystrokes as I write this because its is just still so very real to me.)

After the funeral and all of the hurt, pain and grieving over the loss, this family and I had grown even closer....We were using each other to get through this trying time for all of us. As terribly tragic as it was, it was just as magical in regards to the relationships we build as a result of this great loss.

About a year later, I left the Sheriffs Department and started my life over in the Texas Hill Country. I stayed in touch with the family through telephone calls and occasional visits back to Galveston County but it was clear that we were all moving on with our lives. The love we had for each other wasn't changing, but our relationship and time together was.... I was OK with that, because no matter what, this family was/IS a part of me!

I made my way through College and after graduating in 05' I called my old boss to see if he would write me a letter of recommendation. I also made attempts to contact other supervisors I had and was unable to reach anyone. I finally was able to track down my old boss and I asked him for the letter, explained how I was done with School and was on the job hunt.

My old boss was distant and seemed kind of resistant and then he said...

"No Brad, I cant write you a letter of recommendation"

I was ABSOLUTELY stunned!!

"What, why not?"

"Well, I have it from some pretty good resources that you were doing things while with the Sheriffs Department that weren't in integrity..."

Again I was stunned!! I left on good terms and as one of the top performers of my division...I worked hard and DEDICATED my life to the profession, AND to this boss!! He went on and explained the details and I told him...

"That's all bullshit...Rumors...BULLSHIT!! Why did you talk to me about this?"

"well, you were gone, life moved on, why bring it up?"

I have to say, I was so stunned, I couldn't even attempt to defend myself. Not only was I being rejected by someone I looked at as FAMILY, I was being rejected because of a RUMOR!

I could deal with the work part of all of this, but I couldn't handle the emotional strain I was feeling from this...the detachment...the way I was just CUT LOOSE from this man I looked at like a father... My heart felt EXACTLY like it did when we lost Shane and I was experiencing this suffering all over again.... I had LOST a PART of me, my soul, my heart...I was sooooo damaged....I was soooooo lost and confused...I was soooooo HURT!!

I got off the phone and actually broke down sobbing from all of this...I couldn't believe I was rejected like this...I was so hurt and injured, i had to respond!

I lashed back...I knew the only way to stop this pain and suffering was to cut myself clear from it....I had to end it, i had to get away..i had to run from the suffering...It was just too much!

I sat down, wrote a letter to my old boss, defended myself, explained my pain and CUT ALL TIES with him and that family. I could NOT experience that pain again....twice was enough and I could not handle suffering like that again. They were living their lives, I was living mine, appreciate the great times we had, always keep those close to my heart and then allow myself and them to move on....

That was 2005.....

Sunday, 11-6-11, through the vast reaches of facebook, I was contacted by my old boss with a friend request. This friend is now running for political office in the County I was in and I was unsure why, after all these years, all this time, why now?? why contact me now....So I asked!

The response I received seemed to be politically based and again, that old wound was opened up as fresh as the day I left it!! I was sooooo angry!

I responded back and told him that I had NOTHING to offer him in that regard and if that was his intention, there was nothing else to discuss.

The dialog continued and then it was expressed that this was for a personal re-connection.... Then I was REALLY terrified!!

Was I ready to open myself up again to this man? To this family? To this experience?? Was I willing to BE the Brad I know i am with this person?? I felt like I was petting a dog who bit me the last time and I was not comfortable with this exchange...

Then, on top of all of that emotion, I felt so petty for the anger, hurt, suffering....It has been 6 years and NO contact at all....I have made it where I am with NO help from that County or Department and I showed that my life is bigger than even a COUNTY WIDE Circumstance.... I can and DO overcome!

Buuuuuttt...... If I open back up to this man, will I get bit again?? Am I willing to take that risk??

Then I reflected!!!!! I got on my bike, took a ride, drank a few too many beers, wallowed in my misery a little and then it came to me....

I talk to soooo many people about forgiveness, about letting go of the past and moving forward with the future....How int he WORLD can I preach this and not LIVE this!!?? I am bound by my own word and commitment to take this journey....But I had to be clear with why I was distant, the pain I felt, the love I have for him and his family...I had to get back to the basics before I could move forward with any kind of REAL steps...So I did!!

So we continued to chat back and forth and after 4-5 exchanges, we both owned our parts in it and as of now, even if it is through cyber-space, we are re-connected again....

Man, this has been a rough couple of days....Talking to Donna and old friends who know of the situation....I even felt so bad yesterday, I went home and went to bed...I was ill with how it was all unfolding.... ALL I could focus on was the past (and present) pain... I just couldn't let it go!

Today was the day where the apologies were made and the ownership of our parts came out and it was absolutely liberating for me....

Am I scared?? YES!!!

Am I unsure??? YES!!!!

But I am free of a bind that held me!!!

I am quite sure that even if we do re-connect personally, the life we shared together will never be present again...I have changed sooooooo very much from when I was under this mans command...My life is sooooo completely opposite of what it was then....Hell, we probably don't have anything in common anymore other than old stories....

But I know, with all of my heart, that Shane is looking down and smiling that we have re-connected and in some way put aside our differences....

A day or two ago I thought it was a friend of mine that was generating this re-connection and I was angry with him for submitting me to this suffering and pain of this interaction....But as I REFLECT, I realize it was really a DIVINE intervention and probably at the hands of that pain in the butt kid I once knew and still love with all my heart!!

Shane, if not for anything else, this time with your family is for you my old friend....

I miss you dearly and wish everyday that you were in my house, on my couch, Clyde in your lap....But I know, you guys are both up there watching me and caring for me and I look forward to the day we all see each other again....

And yes, TODAY is an even bigger day!!

Friday, November 4, 2011

To sell a house

W have decided to sell our house....It has been a long time coming, that's for sure!

When we bought this house in 2003, we KNEW it was only going to last until I graduated and then we would move. Well that didn't happen!

When I got done, we realized Donna should go, so we re-assessed the situation and decided to stay here, pursue HER degree and THEN move on....

Then Brandi decided she wanted to "join the compound" ;) and came to live with us....SHE started school!!

So we sat....Me, Donna and Brandi and discussed ALL OF THIS!!! The goods, the bads, the SHIT!!! But since we have all been through the trainings, even through our struggles, we learned how to communicate!!

So now, we have (GET) to stay through Donna's education and now Brandis....Our life just keeps shifting!!

So now, we have all graduated....Its time to move on, and the house is on the market....

Well, let me tell you, the house we have is really pretty damn cozy...reasonably priced, big yard, secluded, and private....BUUUUT we have horses, Donna wants a barn, I want a man cave...And to have a barn with two horses, we need at least three acres!

Well, we get notice last week that someone wants to see our house. They planned well in advance so we had time to clean up....We cleaned up, lit candles, made things special, took out some clutter in out trucks in old wal-mart bags (That was weird....loading extras from our house to hide them from our house...Too funny!)

We make cookies, fluffed pillows, have LUCY out in the garage with my Shriner Beer Light on, my fan, by beauty chair....I am SELLING this place!!

We come home after that showing and the cookies are eaten, there are ass prints on the couch in the studio, the stuff we marked was "looked at" and it was a good showing....SOOOOOO good, we got a call that tonight, those folks wanted to see it again.

So I told Donna....

"NOW WE GOTTA THINK"

And think about all the "little things" that makes our house nice....SOOOOOOO

We got a bag of corn, placed in on the deck, put a sign on it and said......



I do this almost every night, and the deer come in like roaches in about 3 minutes....It was PERFECT!!

Donna set up a plate with cookies and candy....


OMG, it was like setting up a deer feeder and coming home to see if they nibbled at the feed!!




We came home after a night with friends and found that our corn bucket was empty (so they used it...AND I KNOW they came to the corn....) We went to check the cookies...They were gone...and some of the candy was gone....The chair in the studio was moved and my set in the garage was sat in....OH YEAH!! GOOD SIGN!!

Soooooooo, Friday night has always been a good "bait night" for me and Donna and we have always caught great fish or at least had "good bites".....Tonight we had the same!!!

WISH US LUCK!!


Thursday, November 3, 2011

The Press

Its been an interesting week to say the least. We started on a float and completed a service project for another Non Profit that was a mural for a stage. It was really great to watch these kids who enjoy creativity, CREATE.






Its also been interesting to see this team, once given some power to create the program as they want it, create it to break it down….No accountability, no ownership, no encouragement….Just BREEEAAAAAKKKKKDOWNNNNNNN!

So we have directed them and gotten frustrated and talked of “sacrificial lambs” and such….That we had to “make a statement” and so on and so forth.

Well, today the press came to visit our facility and our program. Because our organization is designed as it is, interactions with the press are generally handled through a PR person but sometimes we are allowed to just give general information.

The press showed up and after getting some basics from us as a staff, wanted to talk to our students. I just randomly ran through my head and walked out of the office and saw TJ in the hallway.  

I walked up to him and I said….

“So TJ, wanna see your name in the papers???”

“Uhhhmmm….. YEAH MAN!!”

“OK, follow me, we are going to go see a reporter!”
“What??right now?? What?? What and I gunna say?? How ….where…..”

“Dude, just go in and tell them about YouthBuild and why you are here…That’s easy!”

“OK, I can do that!”

He walked into the room, sat across from the reporter and they started to talk.

TJ went on about the opportunity and what he wanted to do with his life and how he was happy to be here….Then he went and started to talk about his kids….HOLY CRAP!!

“I am here because I have 2 kids and I want them to have a great life…nice clothes….food on their table….. I want them to be OK!”

OH MY GOD, I was so stunned!!! Just 12 hours before this, I was in a meeting and we were discussing how “ungrateful” these kids are and how we need to “cut”one to “make a point” and I am listening to these words coming out of his mouth….I was choked up man…truly!

TJ completed his interview and I thought it would be nice to have a girls point of view and thought Cristina would be a great pic for this and I went out to find her…

I walked up to her and I said…

“Hey girl, you wanna be a STARRRRRRRR?!”

And tossed my head back like some long blond haired actress…

She laughed and said …

“Well of course!”

“I have a reported in here that wants to talk to some YouthBuild student, you wanna make the papers??”

“UH Yeah, lets go! What do I talk about?”

“Just tell her about what YouthBuild is to you and why you are here…That’s it…Just be honest!”

She walked in, sat down, and they started the interview. It was a general question and answer, she was able to tell her story, talk about her dreams, her goals, her kids….Then she said this, right out of the blue….

“YouthBuild gives us hope….When we don’t have anything else, we have YouthBuild!!”

I almost gagged as I swallowed my emotion….I couldn’t believe it! She went on to talk about the program and I just had to stop her and I said…

“Cristina, THANK YOU for saying that! That was a very kind thing for you to say. I am glad we are here for you….But girl, you are about to make me choke up back here….Don't you make me cry!!”

The interview ended with Cristina and then I thought the best representative for this team and this program was the guy THIS TEAM voted as their President….I went out and got Joe….

“Joe, come in her man!!”

he ran up to me and said…

“Wassup??”

“I want you to go talk about YouthBuild, your team and what you are here for to a reporter….you cool with that?”

“Yeah man, lets go…”

I was amazed man, these kids were nervous and have never had anything like this happen in their lives and they just TOOK IT ON!



Joe went and sat down and again, the interview went on with general questions and answers and then the reporter asked Joe…

“Why are you here?”

“Well, this is a second chance for me. I made some bad decisions in my life and now I have a place that wants to help me find a way instead of a dead end…. These people accept me for what I am, not what I have done and they want my life to be better for mine and my family….Its nice to have people that care…”

OK, now I am about to friggin choke to death trying to hold this back…..I was even thinking… “Man, I wish I had this on video!!”

I swear man, there is magic in every moment….It really makes all the difference in the world when you just PAY ATTENTION!!

Its been a really tough week….These kids trying to govern themselves has rung up about 500.00 in fines in 5 days….I have a very strong feeling that when they start to actually SEE this affect their pocketbook, we will see SHIFT happen!! ;)

The paper will publish the story next week and I am sure I will get it posted, but I am SOOOOOO happy these kids REALLY DO see the value in what is being offered here, and its really great to know that even in the roughest times, they still really do appreciate the opportunity!

GO YOUTHBUILD!!! OWTFDWIT!!!!!!