I can remember the first dead person I ever saw. I was only about 6-7 years old, and was at the beach with my family. A man drowned, and I can vividly remember the confusion and gathering crowds on the beach that day as they searched for, and eventually found, a man who had drown. Oddly, I cant remember what the dead person looked like, but I can still see the body covered, laying on the beach in my mind.
Little did I know then, my life would expose me to more dead people than most people could even imagine. I would also experience dead people in more horrific ways than any movie could ever capture. From suicides', to murders, to car accidents, to dead children and babies; I have seen it all. I have seen people who died in my arms, staring at me, terrified, as well as the various stages of decay, and different methods of decay. I have seen bodies that looked like they were sleeping, and could wake at any moment, to bodies in pieces, scattered across highways and embedded in other parts of vehicles. Dead bodies generally don't bother me anymore. I have never counted the number of dead people I have seen, but I know it has been hundreds and hundreds. I tried once, just to count the number of dead I had experienced in a small community in Galveston County called "Port Bolivar" and is basically an island, with one highway, 2 miles wide at its widest point, and 27 miles long. I worked EMS as well as Police work on that peninsula. If I recall correctly, in the short time I spent working that beach, I saw over 200 dead bodies. This was over the course of about 3-4 years. 6 of the other years of my time on the streets was in much higher populated, and volatile communities...So I have no clue how many dead folks I have seen over the years in, and out of Emergency fields. .
I never saw a body that made me nauseous, or even turn from the horrific nature. I have always found it oddly intriguing what the human body is capable of. I can attest; you cannot imagine what the human body can sustain, endure, and at the same time, be so fragile and delicate. I wont say that watching people die is not impacting. In that regard, watching people die, especially when you know you cant do anything to save them, is something that still haunts me, and probably will until I die myself.
I can honestly say, I have never been on a scene that was so horrific that it made me sick, or queasy. "Gore" is not something I am uncomfortable with; but smells?? Smells are something I have always had issues with. I don't care if its a horders house, or a floater in the bay, smells are what always seems to get me. I have smelled houses, people, cars, I have even been on a couple of scenes that were so bloody, you could taste the iron of the blood in your mouth; but decaying bodies are unique.
My experience of humans in various stages of decay have an oddly "sweet" smell that human beings have when burnt, drowned, or simply decomposing. This has always just made me not want to be near those scenes. But, because of my intrigue, it has never deterred me. So, needless to say, I have seen some things most people never will, and the majority of people would never want to.
I left Law Enforcement in 2001, thinking I had left all of the "gross-ness" of the job behind me. In 2018, I started as the Deputy EM for a small, rural, Mountain community in Colorado, and was re-introduced to the joy and excitement of dead bodies.
Currently, in my position here in the County, I office with the Coroner and his team. We are a small, rural County, so everyone helps everyone as they can and need. At hire, I was asked if I would be willing to help the Coroners Office in times they need help in recovery, transport, and identifying bodies. In my short time back in the field, I have been exposed to several "unique" body recoveries, but one day, it got really "special"
The Corner and I get along pretty well. We have a similar dark humor, and a similar appreciation for the uniqueness of Emergency Professions. We joke, and cut up and bust each others balls constantly.
One day, he walks into my office, smiling, being just "too cheery" and he said...
"Wanna go to class today? I am teaching a class, I have lunch cooking now"
Being guarded with him, and knowing this is "odd" behavior, I bit at the hook softly.
"What kind of class? is it going to be a good lunch?
"Yeah, come over to the morgue, and I will show you"
When he said that, I knew immediately something was going to go south in this little exchange. I cocked my head sideways and said...
"You know I aint falling for that...Tell me what it is?"
"Well, we found a guy in the woods, not sure how he died, so we are using crock pots to cook the meat off the bones so we can do forensics on the bones"
"You are full of shit? You have some guy in crock pots in the morgue? That's fucking disgusting...…. Let me grab my mask, I wanna go see!"
As I was gathering my mask up, I asked him if it was pretty stinky. He explained that it was pretty bad, the body was missing for about a year, so it was a dried, and decayed body. Once I got my mask, I walked over to the morgue with him. The door was open just a little and I could already smell the sweet, putrid smell of decay; but it was a little different than anything I had smelled before.
As I walked up to the morgue, with my mask covering my face, I could see the two crockpots sitting on the morgue counter top and made my way in. I could hardly smell anything, but I was also pressing the mask so hard to my face, I probably wasn't breathing at all.
When I saw the crockpots, there were what looked like rib bones in one crock pot, and part of a pelvis in another. If you look closely, you can see where the animals have been chewing on the bones. The water they were in looked like brown gravy with little specks of burnt gravy that had been scrapped off the bottom floating around in the "soup." Since I couldn't really smell anything, I decided to take my mask off so I could get the full experience.
When I took my mask off, the smell was so overwhelming, I didn't dare try to take another gasp, and ran out of the morgue coughing, thinking I might gag, with the coroner laughing behind me, pointing at me, and saying...
"You just made my day, that is hilarious"
With my one finger salute to him, I cleared my throat and told him...
"I have smelt dead humans in just about every stage you could imagine. Now, stewed human is a new experience for me, and that stewed human STINKS!"
Because I had been away from the field so long, there were a few things I had forgotten...
Decaying bodies smell will embed itself into your sinuses, your hair, your nose hairs, your clothes... It just clings to you, like a really stinking morning dew...It sticks to you, then soaks into everything, hence, you will smell that smell ALL DAY!
As I sat in my office, I would get hints of the smell, and it quickly came back to me about how the smell would just linger....Just enough of the smell to make you wonder if you "got some on you" and start checking clothes, shoes, hands....Just trying to locate the source of the smell, and forgetting it is embedded in everything on you.
I got to the point where I could not escape the smell, and being that my office is next to the morgue, I figured it was possible the smell was coming through the walls. I went and got one of the dispatchers and had them come in my office and said...
"Can you smell that?"
"Oh my god, yes, that is horrible!"
At that point, I decided to use a sick day for what was left of the day and leave the office. I am pretty confident my organization did not put in my job description, nor do they pay me enough, to sit and smell a stewing human all day! As soon as I got home, I stripped down, and took a long, hot shower, giggling at myself about forgetting this vital part of the experience!
A couple of weeks later, a couple of the assistant coroners came bouncing into my office, smiles and all cheery (For those of you that aren't familiar, if you see a coroner do this, something is amiss!!). As I turned around to see what was going on, one of them said...
"Wanna go see our new friend?"
Of course, I was skeptical.
"You know, when you guys come prancing in here, telling me you want to show me something, I am starting to understand you are about to add new material to my PTSD memory bank.... So, hell yes I do!!"
" we have another guy we are doing forensic work on, wanna come see?"
"Sure, is the smell really bad?"
"No, its not that bad."
"See, you say things like that, and I don't trust you even a little, so I don't know why I even ask"
And I grabbed my mask and started to head towards the morgue. As I walk in the door, this is what I see... There is a lot going on in this picture, so take a few to look it over...
Because the coroners and I are always pranking each other, I was not sure if this was real because the legs looked so fake, like maybe a movie prop of the witches legs from "The Wizard of Oz". I slowly took my mask off, and quickly realized this was real.
Let me give a bit of background and story on this recovered body...
Where I work, our community, is in large part, looking to escape society. Many are very anti-establishment, living off the grid, remote, detached, alone... Its not uncommon up here to find people living a remote, hermit type lifestyle to escape the ridiculousness of society and all of the drama that comes with being around people. I cant blame them even a little. It seems to be proven through experience, people are the largest stressors and drama makers in our lives. To have an absence of people and societal boundaries can create a pretty peaceful existence. However, living a life like this will probably result in you dying alone, and unnoticed. It is not uncommon to find people who have been deceased for some time here. As a result, the forensics process is a little more extensive because of the decay of those found after long periods.
This picture was taken around 8-5-2020, the last time this person was seen alive was in 9-2018. A neighbor had noticed a couple of packages on this persons front porch that had been sitting outside for a long time. The neighbor realized he had not seen the man in some time, so stopped in to check on the man. When he did, he found the mummified remains, wrapped up in winter clothing.
As it was explained to me, the man was laying on the floor, and all of his organs and soft tissues were gone. Either through decay, or through rodents... All that was left was bones, skin, and some hair. The coroner explained how when recovering the body, placing it in the body bag, the head still had tissue on it that had decayed to the floor. This caused that tissue to adhere to the floor, so when they picked the body up, the head came off and was stuck to the carpet. Even with all of the dead people I have seen, the horrific scenes I have been on, I think this would have given me a little startle had I been there!
The coroners office is sponsoring a PhD student for her dissertation to become a Doctor of Anthropology. This student managed the forensics and all of the cleaning of the skeleton. Now, the coroner, I feel bad for him, as the man was wrapped in about 4 layers of clothes, so he had to cut, and peel away all of the clothing that was stuck, or molded to the body.
The smell was still bad, but not nearly as bad as the first one I had seen, so, once I knew I could handle the smell, I was intrigued with the remains. As I have said, it is fascinating to me, the limits and extremes of the human body. It is truly fascinating to me how we return to whence we came, and how that process works. I have also been so extremely fascinated with how the human body responds to horrific trauma. I have seen pieces of humans that are so unfamiliar in their trauma, you would never even think it was human. As morbid as this is, it is still truly fascinating to me. Not so much that it makes me want to pursue this as a living, but when I can get a "front row seat" to the atrocities of this world, I am always so intrigued, so curious, so amazed. My curiosity of such things has left me with a twisted and dark humor and vivid memories of horrific things....But I wouldn't have it any other way!
Below are the pictures of the deceased in the start of the forensics process to try and determine if any foul play was involved with the demise of this person. I will add text under the pictures...
As seen in this picture, the skin on the feet is different. I regret not asking why this happens. I will be sure to ask the anthropologist when I see her next.
I have to confess... Seeing a human skull in a Walmart crock pot is a bit strange and created a weird "feeling" when I saw it. Images of Jeffrey Dahmers apartment resonate in my mind.
I find myself drawn to looking at the skull. So many things seem to overwhelm you at once. That this was an actual talking, eating, and breathing human being with struggles and accomplishments. I find myself considering his life, and wondering about his journey, as well as his demise. Its a very strange feeling to be just inches from a stewing, human skull.
I had heard stories about how peoples finger and toenails grow after death, but in this instance, I think it appears that way from the mummification and the skin receding/"drawing up."
These three pictures show the moment I had a "trigger" experience.
My very last decaying/decomposing body I worked in my Law Enforcement career exposed me to this. I worked a deceased woman call in Bacliff Texas, 2001. Bacliff is on the Galveston Bay, and the summers there are horrific with heat and humidity. On this call, the lady had not been seen in 2 weeks and her son came to check on her, and found her deceased. The house had no air-conditioning, and it was mid August. There is no way I can explain the smell that day, but I had to use an airpack to enter the house to check the body for foul play. As I approached the woman, I noticed she was black (but not a black person) and extremely bloated. The tissue was breaking down, and the skin was sitting on the skeleton. It was something directly out of a horror movie, but I wasn't afraid at all. I was intrigued!
She was semi reclined in her bed, one leg was partially off the bed, and the rest of her was propped up on pillows, reclining on her bed. It appeared she died of natural causes, sitting up in her bed.
What struck me was, every portion of her back side was MELTING into the bed. The only way I could describe it, it looked like melting wax. All of the meaty portions of her legs, the back side of her thighs and calves, they were all bubbled and looked almost exactly like these pictures but FAR more advanced in the decomposing and not dry... She was still "fleshy" and heavily bloated. As I observed her body, looking for signs of foul play, I had to examine her neck closely, and because of the stage of decomposition, it was hard to see if there was anything strange, so I looked closer. I was maybe 2-3 inches from her face and noticed her eyes were closed, but moving... She was filled with maggots and they were making her eyelids move as they feasted.
Seeing this in the morgue brought back all of those memories and even smells to me. Its very strange to see...
This is the lower portion of the body. Pelvis is submerged and the bones soaking.
For those that don't know what a "body farm" is, roughly, it is an area where bodies are placed that have been donated for science, out in the elements, and the process of decomposing is studied. This body farm is the highest elevated body farm and will provide new studies for decomposition in arid, high altitude, high UV exposure. To many, this is far too creepy and bizarre to even consider; to me, its extremely intriguing. When she completes her PhD, the University will continue the body farm for future students. I am very impressed with this young woman... This is no small effort! I am looking forward to going and visiting the body farm.
So, stepping away from the "gore" of this blog, let me finish it with what makes this so cool to me.
On 8-19-20, I was outside my office, and noticed the morgue door was open, and I could see some bones in the entry on a table. I walked up to see what was going on, and the Anthropologist was in the morgue doing measurements and weights of the bones. She had cleaned everything, and assembled the bones in the manner they would be assembled. THIS I found to be quite incredible... Below are the pics...
Pretty incredible!
I was so amazed by this, I went back to view it 5-6 times, asking questions, paying compliments to her work.
If you notice, there is an abnormality here. The two bones near the top are supposed to be identical. The gentleman broke his collarbone at some point in his life, and never repaired it. What you see id bone growth where the body was trying to repair itself. Another remarkable thing to me.
I just thought this was so cool. If you notice, there is a small "chip" of bone at the top of the picture. I asked about this, and its a bone in your thumb, comparable to a kneecap, that allows the thumb to move so well. Very interesting to me!
I find these pics to be so remarkable. I see a true art/skill in this Anthropologist in what she does. It was an honor to learn about it.
I want to end this by stating I am truly grateful for the deceased as well as his family who allowed this to happen. I also want to honor this person and their contribution, not only to the life he lived, but to the lives he is impacting in his death. I have often, throughout my life, put on an "act" of sorts when I learn of peoples passing. Society has deemed that suffering and mourning from the death of a person is the accepted response to a death. I rarely feel those emotions when someone passes. I find it interesting that death is something that will not elude any of us, but we avoid facing it or accepting it as part of the natural process. It IS inevitable for all of us to face this one day, and when my day comes, I hope I am not sad, afraid, or unaccepting. I hope those around me and are close to me celebrate, not mourn. I hope that people will celebrate the exciting and impacting life I have lived, not suffer as a result of that ending.
So, in closing, I honor, and am grateful for these people who are now a part of my living experience. Thank you and may you truly, Rest in Peace!
