Tuesday, December 4, 2018

New position, new possibilities, CREATING THE DREAM!!!!



Many of you know most of this story, but I want to re-cap a bit. The ending of this is pretty amazing!! I hope you enjoy this... 

In 2011, Donna and I decided that we were going to entertain the idea of a move to live in the Mountains of Colorado. We spoke at length about the options and really thought heavily on the decision before ultimately making it in 2012. We gave up our home of almost 10 years, our professions, friends, acquaintances, connections, and chose to CHASE A DREAM... We pursued this with the dream of living in the mountains, yes, but we also wanted to have a place where our kids and grandkids could come and experience the Majestic Beauty of the Rocky Mountains. And I assure you, its all that AND MORE!!

Memories made in the Mountains live in our hearts forever!

At the time of this decision, I was working for BCFS as a Program Manager in Kerrville Texas, but really wasn't enjoying the job at all. I was, however, deployed to respond to a FEMA incident. This was the incident the news as of late has been touching on. I stood up, and managed a Shelter to house undocumented children coming across the border that had been caught and were being cared for to be returned home.  

I wont get into the details of the experience, but very quickly, I knew, the field of Emergency Management was something I wanted to pursue. Before heading north to Colorado (2012), I took the FEMA courses that are required to permit one to respond to disaster incidents and assured that I was properly certified for the responses. With my background, and now certified Federally, I thought it would be easy... 

I was wrong!

I was on a mission to secure either a position in this field, or to get on a response team so I could respond to incidents. This direction, like many, is not so much about WHAT you know, but WHO you know to get your foot in the door. I really didn't know anyone... So, I got online and started to pursue this dream. I put in for Federal, State, County and City level positions to try and "break into" the field. I was met, time and time again, with disappointment and was unable to secure a position; barely even got notice of the efforts... 

I was also putting in for other positions as I needed to have a job, and I was offered a position with the State of Colorado to manage the Drivers License Office in Glenwood Springs and eventually Craig, Meeker and Rangely DL offices with some time in the Steamboat Springs office too...

I wont tell you that was a great job, (IT WASNT,
IT SUCKED!!) but it did get us to Colorado, and allowed us to live in some pretty cool places that we would have never even ventured towards without that job. It also provided us an opportunity to move around Colorado a little, and meet some really great people that have now become friends. I did this for about 3 years. 

As anyone can imagine, the Drivers License office job really sucked. If you think it sucks on the customer side of the counter, get on the clerk side, or worse, the management side... But overall, I have very few complaints about where it took us, and what we experienced in those places. There is no great dream realized without some sacrifice and hardships.  

Early on, with the Department of Revenue, I started looking for other jobs. I always knew this was JUST a temporary gig to get us where we wanted to be...A stepping stone... I KNEW I would not be staying in this dysfunctional environment any longer than I had to.

I browsed positions with Emergency Management but never could get anything secured. I started to miss working with people (crazy, I know) and I was able to secure a position with the Chaffee County Department of Human Services (2015), working for Child Welfare. This job brought us to the target place we stated we wanted to live in this state; Salida, the Banana Belt, the Collegiate Mountain Range, the Upper Arkansas Valley... Its truly paradise here to us! The Beauty here is always shifting and changing in views, personalities and magnificent Seasons.


Our experience after moving to The Upper Arkansas Valley has been a continuing opportunity for reflection of what we have accomplished, and a continued unfolding of things beyond our dreams. We have met great people, and although the job I had investigating and managing abuse and neglect of children cases sucked as a job, my TEAM was one I bonded with quickly and can say, was something I will always cherish. It is rare that a group of people come together like this team did; it is second only to my experiences as a Deputy and the team mentality offered in L.E.

I spent three years there and had some amazing experiences. Donna got a job with the County she really loves and loves the people she works with. This area of Colorado has been so good to us (even if it isn't quite as RedNeck here as we prefer...lol) . We have had bumps, tough spots, had to deal with some pretty nasty people that treated us really badly and attacked us in one of the worst periods of our lives, had extreme tragedy, success and some failure, but overall, this place has been more than we could possibly imagine. It is stunningly Beautiful here and our "backyard" is a plethora of possibilities for adventure! We can honestly say our overall experience living here has been so much bigger and magnificent than the "shit" we had to manage to create it... Or that we had made up in our heads...

These are just a very small handful of pics of this area.

We live in a place people save their whole lives to come visit for a week.

It is a place that has to be experienced to be fully understood and appreciated. Come visit, I assure you, you will appreciate it!!

                                 
                                                           The elk never get boring to see.



Closed on our house...Amberlynn sold it to us, and her family is now our family!! We just love these people!!

The boys first visit to this area. Arkansas River between Buena Vista and Leadville.

50 year birthday present. Coming back from Arizona to paradise. Greg Straight road-trip experience!!

Baby going back to hims momma!!

Im not sure we could have gotten a better coffee drinking view

Our little community park and the magnificent Twin Sisters

The winds here are insane!!

Just a hop, skip and jump from our back door here... North Fork, in the Collegiate Range.

Spring Snow in Salida...This was at the office


This was 9 miles out our back door in Maysville. North Fork, in the Collegiate Range.

This is the exact moment we decided that we would be living in this area. This was a capture Donna got while scouting this area, and when she caught this, we knew it was a sign. Took 3 years of effort to get here after moving from Texas, but it was worth it! Mt Princeton, in the Collegiates. 

Front yard view

Back yard view

Hayden fire as it lit up just a mile or so from our house

The STUNNING Buena Vista Mountains... Collegiate Peaks!

Maysville Schoolhouse, just a couple blocks from our first home in this area (Maysville, 2015). Mt Shavano in the background (Collegiate Mountain Range).

Downtown Salida  and the Upper Arkansas River. Mt Antero in the distance (Collegiate Mountain range).

Baby deer that got caught in our fence. We got him back to hims momma!!

Pixie goat and out fainter Duke... She was a great goat!! I miss her!


Spring Time Rocky Mountain View. This range we live on is the Sangre De Cristo Mountains.

Twin lakes. Just about 45 minutes from the house, back way to Aspen

And through it all, her smile still melts me, and her beauty always makes me feel unworthy! This was a fun night!


I never thought it possible to love a person as much as I love this girl...She makes my life worth living!! Best human being I know!! Without her, I'm not sure ANY of this was possible!



We live in a community called Acres of Ireland on a street named Leprechaun Lane, so the rainbow is fitting...Still haven't found that little green short bastard and his bucket of gold!! 
Well, maybe we have!! 


We settled into the amazingly beautiful valley here, Donna is enjoying the job with the County and we were just doing the Mountain Life thing and enjoying the experience.

2018 has, by far, been the most difficult year of our lives. Again, not going into details here, but many of you know why... It will be good to get this year behind us...

After far too much tragedy in our personal lives, my professional life offered some very tragic events as well. I thought I was a "tough guy" but dealing with deaths of children takes any bit of my strength I can muster. I have had 6 child deaths directly associated to my professional life, the first 2 were infant murders, the last was an 18 year old tragically lost in a flash flood. As a result, I took a leave of absence, and later resigned my position in Child Welfare in Chaffee County (9-28-2018). I guess I have just seen enough of the ugliness of the human condition.

So, here comes the cool part...

After resigning, I decided I would invest my time to step back to the "dream job" search and tried to reach out and get deployed to GA for an event, or MA for an event that had taken place and sent out about 35 resumes to the effected areas. I got little to no response, and on the week of 10-31-18, I sent out, cold calling, my resume, credentials, references, and transcripts to all of the Emergency Management Directors in my surrounding counties.

On 11-5-18, I got a call from Gene, the Emergency Management Director for Park County. (This is the area represented in the cartoon series of South Park). He stated that he received my resume and was interested in talking to me about a position that was coming available in Park County. I told him I was very interested in speaking to him more about the job and asked if he would like to meet.

He asked if I could meet with him the following day, I asked the time, and we scheduled it. I was able to chit-chat with Gene a little before we got off the phone, so I knew he had 37 years of EMS and Firefighting experience and had responded to a few disaster's. Other than this, I knew very little, so I went home and got back online to do my homework about Gene and the County.

I met with him the following day, after a lengthy drive (65 miles one way), and when we first met, I was immediately impressed.

He took me in to the command center. I have to say, I was pretty impressed to see so much amazing equipment for such a remote county... All top of the line stuff...

All stations are hardwired for computers, each station has an independent phone line. This is the west side of the room. 

East side of the room. There are 2 drop screens that are not dropped down in this pic.

Event specific dispatch station with all of the radios to speak to all emergency organizations. 

VHF and HAM radio stations to communicate with those who live off grid and remote. 



We sat down in his office and started to chat. This was very informal, was on "the fly" and was not in his, or my plans. With this, it offered us an opportunity to get to know each other, and not simply focus on the position.

Let me tell you a little about Gene (or what I learned in 2 hours)...

- 37 years of EMS and FF
- Retired Fire Battalion Chief
- 16 years as a disaster support responder (living out of a duffle bag)
- Worked 9-11(may we never forget)
- Responded to Katrina, at ground zero, 2 days after the event, and was there until April the next year.
- Has climbed mountains all over the world (with a pic of him at a summit of one at 20k ft in Alaska)
- Is a "Special Deputy" with Park County Sheriffs Office as a medic for the SWAT team (first 3 or first 5 in) and was on scene as well as made entry with SWAT in 2006 for the Baily High School hostage situation detailed in the link

 (www.summitdaily.com/news/gunman-and-girl-dead-after-bailey-hostage-situation/)


- Toured a year as a musician with Conway Twitty
- Went to school for engineering, and built this...(its currently in a museum somewhere and is a WWI fighter plane with wood and cloth wings)

- Took the position almost 6 years ago
- He is a Mason and was raised in the 60's (that's a 50 year +Mason...LEGIT!!)

Now get this....

HE IS 81 YEARS OLD!!

So, with that story in the link, do the math on the shooting incident....How old does that make him when he made entry with SWAT on that response??

Needless to say, Gene is a BADASS!! And I will confidently say, based on his history, and responses to National events in this Country's times of crisis, a HERO!

We met for about 2 hours and I have to say, even if it wasn't for a job, those 2 hours of time with him were amazing! What a life this guy has lived!! What an amazing journey!! I could listen to people like this for days!

After the meeting, we agreed that this would be a good fit for both me, as well as Park County BUT (always a but) there was some "red-tape" crap that had to managed as this position has not even been created at that point. It was set to be agreed on in 2 weeks, but my cold call, resume/email spurred his interest and he wanted to talk to me before I decided on other offers. He told me, basically, if I could hold out until the "necessities" were done for the posting, the position would be mine. I explained to him that I had only one other position I was pursuing that was more intriguing than this one, but that I was completely interested in the position, and as soon as he could make me a solid offer, I would take it.

On 11-19-2018, I went back to the County to meet the County Manager, the Hiring Manager and to get familiarized a little with the systems they are using. The hiring manager was the "typical" personality of an HR person. Very direct, to the point but was clearly impressed with my resume and background. It was a good meeting and we ended with her stating that the position was going to be pulled down from the post online, but there were some other applicants that had to be contacted and addressed, but my background and skills are exactly what they want, and after following up with the other applicants, she would be contacting me with final steps (Background, reference check).

I met with the County Manager, and it was clear, quickly, we have a similar approach and feel about living in rural Colorado and how things operate here. He was cordial, friendly and seemed impressed with me. After talking for a bit, he said "Brad, we look for people like you, we WANT people like you." I asked him if he had questions, and he stated that he was comfortable with what I had offered to that point, so he didn't...Just wanted to chat. We left with a handshake, and stating we both looked forward to working with each other. 


I went to lunch with Gene that day, and we discussed the job some more. I asked him what his thoughts were on allowing me to respond to disasters on our off season to supplement my income a bit more, and keep me "in the shit." He stated that he could see no issue with allowing me to respond for a tour or two in the off season. Now keep in mind, a FEMA disaster response tour is about 14 days (give or take), 16 hour days, every day you are deployed. This will generate anywhere from 25-50k an EVENT for compensation. With 2 responses a year, and my salary from this position, I will be in the 6 figures range for the first time in my professional life... I will add, any professional advancement I have taken to "chase the money" has always resulted in a LOSE for me at the end. This position and desire to do this work has never really been about the money....But ALWAYS about having the experience and serving this Country's people in times of crisis. For me, both personally and professionally....I find much value in offering security to those in crisis... It drives me to keep people safe, and support them. 

It always stuns me when I talk to people about responding to or working disasters and they look at me like I am crazy, ask me why I want to do that kind of thing, what would make me want to see such tragedy and destruction. So, let me explain this to you... 

Not only is the power of Mother Nature something that ALWAYS amazes me, it is something that if you have not experienced this type of destruction, there is just no way I can explain it to you. It is overwhelmingly, both intimidating, and spectacular. 

Now, let me tell you what the most impacting thing is in these incidents, the thing that really reaches into my soul, touches my heart, and allows me to see what is possible for human beings. The THING that gives me hope... 

Bear with me here... 

I have been working with the ugliness of the world for most of my professional life. I have seen, tasted, felt and smelled, the dark side of humanity, up close and personal (even have had to go home and wash it off a few times on shift). I have seen children abused, neglected and thrown away. I have seen people hurt other people to such extremes, it still makes me lose sleep some nights. I can honestly say there is NOTHING a person could do to another person that would surprise me anymore....Might shock me at the onset, but never surprise me. People can be so horrifically ugly to each other, so terribly cruel and hurtful... uncaring, attacking, and there are many who enjoy bringing suffering to others, they actually take pleasure in it... SOCIOPATHS!! I have met them, seen them, arrested them, even have had the pleasure, after fighting arrest, to beat a few of these worthless POS to submission for arrest... Pedophiles, women and men abusers, thieves, liars, murderers, sexual assaulters, dope fiends, drug dealers... I know them ALL, I have seen IT ALL in that respect...


Or all I need to!!

















EVERY disaster I have worked, every tragedy I have been a part of, every missing person that I have been active in searching for, every event that I have ever been a part of that took communal effort to get through has offered me an amazing glimpse, up close and personal, of the caring nature of humanity. I have seen first hand the love, and genuine drive to help others in times of crisis, I have seen communities where neighbors didn't even know each others names, come to each others aid and give everything they can of themselves to help their neighbor. This is another thing that cannot be explained in words... It is best understood in experience! 

THIS is where my hope in humanity stays alive and fresh. THIS is where one experiences the greatness of people, THIS is where you get to see people actually caring, and giving more of themselves than they ever have; to just do what they can to help. THIS is where human beings SHINE, and I think its high time I surround myself with that side of humanity.... Because much more of the dark side, and my cynical approach to the world will only be secured, and in turn, take me AWAY from being a stand in this world and for others. 























On 11-20-18, I was called by BCFS to see if I was still interested in responding to incidents and if I could still deploy. I explained that I was in process for this position, but have gotten the OK to respond in our off season... They added me to the reserve list to call me when incidents happen....BCFS goes all over the world for responses to disasters.

About an hour later, Gene called me back and stated he was even more sure the position was mine because the applicants they had were not as qualified, and he felt I am still the best fit BUT (always a but), I would have to wait until 11-26-18 for the final interview to be given. After that, if selected to be the best candidate, the background and reference check would take place and then a formal offer given.

I remember when I spoke to my dad about this waiting period, and he said "Man, that's going to be a pins and needles wait time" and he was right....I have been just biting at the bit to SCREAM this news to everyone, but have been sitting on this as best I can so I don't JINX it!!

11-26-18 came and I was notified I was the chosen candidate for the position. I would be called after references and background was done for the formal offer with the expectation to start on 1-1-19

We started this dream as a puzzle with pieces scattered all over Colorado. Each day, and each step has allowed that puzzle to come together more and more to create the image we had when we started creating this dream to reality... With this job, in regards to our intention about moving and working here, THIS is the final piece of THAT puzzle to make this dream we had 7 years ago, finally be just what we wanted it to look like.

So, as of 12-4-18, I have been offered, and have accepted the position of...


   Deputy Director of Emergency Management for Park County Colorado.

After 4.5 years as the Deputy Director, Gene retired, and as of 10-1-2023, I was promoted, and now, I am the

   Director of Emergency Management for Park County Colorado. 

I am the Emergency Manager for Southpark!! How fitting is THAT!!?? 




LOL!!!!




Lets hope I don't get spoofed on the show?? Or wait, that might be kind of cool!!! lol


Here are a few pics of the area, its beauty and its notoriety!                                
                                    


















Many of you have followed us, and supported us through all of this process and have seen, first hand, dreams pursued with passion and devotion WILL become reality... Its the "time" to make goals happen that can be so discouraging. We have been discouraged in this pursuit a lot...

So, with a few bumps, some tragic events, a couple shitty people and some suffering, sprinkled with magic, beauty and mountain air, and a smidge of ambition, drive and desire, our dreams are continuing to unfold to reality for us. It has been work, and effort, but its true....

NOTHING great comes without some SACRIFICE...


Our fears limit us!

I recently saw a quote that I love...

"Don't die with dreams, die with memories!!"

Dream big, play hard, pay attention, TRUST THE PROCESS!!














Sunday, April 15, 2018

New Tattoo...New experience... NEW LIFE!!

This last month has been very tough for me and my family. We lost our oldest Daughter, Janeen, to a horse riding accident. It is terribly tragic, and I don't feel a need to revisit that experience here. I will however share a very intense and very unique experience I had yesterday. Let me give a little back story first.





About three months ago, I was able to connect with an artist that I felt was skilled enough to meet what I wanted to do so I could finish my right arm sleeve. We have been chatting and going over ideas and we set a date for 4-14-18, one month from the day we got the terrible news of Janeen.

I almost canceled the appointment after this event, but after talking to Donna, decided to keep it, and move forward.

I walked into this shop a little early, and it was not your "typical" tattoo shop Doctor Odds Tattoo in Pueblo Colorado, Dexter was the artist.

In the shop, it was very unique, with 30's big band music playing on the speakers, and various artifacts hanging on the wall of early man spearheads, the first metal spearheads and various art designs. A video game machine from the 80's and a nice cozy couch with various antique cameras and wheel chairs sitting around the lobby... I was not expecting this at all.

Oddly, I started to get nervous and was hoping I had made the right choice. I met Dexter and he started to get the area set up to do the tattoo. He showed me the designs he decided to use from the array of pieces I sent him for consideration.

Dexter is a kool kat....Comicon/Star Trek geek. Has all the comics and comicon stars pics all over the shop...Super nerdy cool!!

He chose the sun conure I had chosen as well as some of the foliage, flowers, a beetle I thought was cool. 






Now I was getting excited... I was ready to get going and see how this was going to unfold. I wanted to know where I was going to really hurt, and he showed me the bend of my arm, my wrist and my inner forearm. He stated

 "You will want to be other places when we are in those spots"

I understood completely and was ready to get going. 

He put the stencils on my arm and drew some other lines he wanted to follow, let me look at them and I said "LETS GO"





As we started on the outline, I went to a familiar place of the enjoyment of the process. The sound of the gun, the smell of the medicinal cleaner, the grinding feeling in my skin... It was a place I find enjoyable. I put my music in "Glass Animals Radio" on Pandora and settled in for the experience. 

As we moved along, I was watching the ink start to form on my arm and was really pleased with how it was going. I was not experiencing much pain, and then he started on the berries in the bend of my forearm. The pain was coming now...







 I was simply grinding through this part. It was intense, but not nearly as bad as I have had before in my armpit and on my chest. I was managing it pretty well. He got done with this area, I asked him for a quick break to stretch and relax my arm a bit. I took maybe 5 minutes, and sat down to continue. 

He started off on the conure. Not too bad, definitely not "cringe" worthy, but still enough to let one know where they are!

Then he started on the beetle... 

The pain was immediate and extremely intense. This is where things took a turn for me...

I closed my eyes, let myself go into the music, and allowed the pain to overcome me. I surrendered to it...

In this space, I found myself focused on the last month, memories of Janeen, the intensity of our suffering as individuals as well as a family. The pain grew with intensity, sometimes so much that it would jar my reality and cause me to lean in towards the gun and watch the ink inject into my skin. Then I would close my eyes and go back to that "place"

I found myself relating this pain to the pain of our loss, the suffering of those I love and my personal pain of the loss. This is very hard to explain, but if a person meditates (I have never been able to do this), this started to become an experience much like I have been told of people who loose themselves in meditation. 

I was totally engulfed in the experience of this pain, and I found actual relief in this place. I am not sure if it was simply a painful distraction, or a meditative state that I was embracing to relieve my inner suffering...But I will tell you this, I have never been in a place like this before. It was new, it was extremely painful, and at the same time, comforting.... I have never had this experience. 

If you are tattooed, you know that those moments of intense pain in tattooing, are simply that, MOMENTS and they will fade as the tattooist moves his brush from that space to the next. Then the pain comes again... 

Its waves....

pain....Intense pain...pain, release...  

Maybe that is the experience I am in now in this grief but have yet to find the release. 

pain.... intense pain....pain...then pain again.... and it starts over...

No relief... 


Maybe I was embracing the intensity of the pain in the tattoo because I knew the release was coming, I don't know... But it was a very intense experience...And I was fully aware of the entirety of it.. 

The artist would move from that spot, and then started on the flower next to the conure, my inner forearm.

I found great relief in this. The pain was intense, but it was more minimal than the beetle, I could handle this, but it was still very intense. Then he darkened the colors and started to dig into the piece to get the color in it... 

I went back to that place with the beetle. But this was a bit different. 

This was a bigger area to cover, so the intensity and the "pain" parts were longer in process... 

I would turn up my music, bow my head, close my eyes and could not do anything but just EXPERIENCE the pain. This was so incredibly powerful for me! I could do NOTHING but be PRESENT in it!!

I caught myself starting to weep... And I resisted... I held it, but I could actually feel the tears coming from my eyes... I surrendered to it!!

This continued with each petal. And on occasion he would go back and hit the beetle, I was lost at moment in all of it...

This whole process/experience lasted close to 30 minutes, give or take... 


At one point, towards the end of the flower, he stopped...

pain....intense pain, intense pain, intense pain......pain....release...

And then he wiped my arm with a cloth covered in rubbing alcohol....

This JARRED me out of the place I was in... I actually opened my eyes and looked at my arm, and just like in Pulp Fiction, I said...

"I said GODDAMN!"

And was overcome with the cooling of the cloth and the RELEASE... I almost started to cry... If I would have been standing, I would have buckled to that experience, it was an incredible sensation....... I even told Dexter...

"Holy shit man, that was an amazing experience!!"

I told him I had to take a second to gather myself and I re situated myself in the chair and swallowed my crying... The worst was over....a few more painful moments, but the INTENSITY was over. The experience was not gone, but the extreme suffering had passed. 

We had about 30 minutes left on the tattoo and he started on some other areas, and all I could do was BE with this experience I just had. I reviewed it closely as the noise of the gun faded in and out over the music in my ears...  It was truly unique, and so very powerful...It really took me places I had not gone before and really allowed me to SEE this grief. I could really get a GRIP on it...It was like I was standing beside it and looking at it while I was in the tattoo experience. My endorphins were at FULL TILT!!

After the tattoo was done, I stood up and had to pace the room for a couple of minutes. I was shaking, on the edge of a breakdown in tears and my endorphins were creating all of this as a pleasurable experience. It was so crazy intense... I have not ever had such a profound experience of an emotion and what the impact is of our emotions...

Then I saw the tattoo and it hit me one more time...







Pain and suffering are a process... I TRUST THE PROCESS!! There is no way something so beautiful can leave this world, and something beautiful NOT replace it. It will never be as beautiful as it once was, but it is beautiful all the same.

There is perfection in the process and although we cant see that perfection in the middle of the experience, it doesn't mean it isn't being created. 


I texted all my girls towards the end and they were jacking with me about the pain and that Nene is watching and laughing...And I KNOW she is somewhere, that's for sure....But I also think she would be JUST as pleased with this result as I am....Its BEAUTIFUL!!

So what was it?? Endorphin rushes clouding my reasonable thinking?? Or my reasonable thinking embracing my endorphins?

No matter what created that experience, I PAID ATTENTION to the process and I am paying attention to the result. It was truly a profound experience that took me to places I have never experienced.

I often wish that I could take the suffering from my girls, and although it kills me to see them experiencing it, I know that this pain is creating something beautiful in all of our lives. Might not be as beautiful, but it will be beautiful just the same...

I love you Janeen, and I love all you girls. You bring beauty to my life and even though you might be gone from here, it is because of you that I continue to experience beauty in the way I do. You did, and all you girls do, make my life a more beautiful place.

I wish I could love you more....I would CHASE IT!!