Something BIGGER!

I am sorry that I haven't been blogging as regularly as I should, but since my promotion, I have been concentrating on how to pursue this job with excellence in the same fashion I pursue most of the rest of my life. Yesterday I got a glimpse of JUST how big of the "thing" I am a part of.

I look back at my blogs and my time unemployed and I reflect about how discouraged I was....How lost I was....How badly I was holding on to the beliefs I have had for the past ten years....And questioning those!

I remember in my struggles thinking that the old sayings like ...

"The greater the sacrifice, the greater the reward"

or

"GIVE, and you will be rewarded 10 fold"

or

"live you life to serve others and the life you live will serve you"

I was unemployed, 10 months, struggling to make bills, serving others, giving, caring, helping, never giving up...etc...

And then I was about to give up!!

I took my job with BCFS with reservations and with a very "right" idea that THIS was not what I wanted but I needed a job....So I took it....

Now don't get me wrong, I knew the job was going to have me back in service to people and making a difference, it just didn't "look" like what I THOUGHT was what I wanted...

So I took the job with the enthusiasm and drive to make the best of it and worked hard because I had 38 souls counting on me to show them a path to something different, but I still felt like this just wasn't the place.... However, I knew that if this was the job, if this was where I was going to move forward, it was going to be great...BUT, I "settled" for less than what I THOUGHT I wanted...BECAUSE I needed a job. 

For those of you following my blogs, you know that it opened up to be something bigger than I imagined and my heart was always going to the BEST of the situation. Then I got RIGHT again about my position....

I was offered this promotion THREE times before I took it, and then even this promotion I took with reservations and ONLY took it because I stayed in touch with my beliefs...

"If something comes back to you again and again, THAT is feedback, and I MUST pay attention to feedback and even against my reasoning, I took the job SOLELY because I realized it was a process, it was the Universe, God, distinctions...WHATEVER.... I just knew that this would not show up THIS many times and NOT be right.

So I took the job completely based on trusting the process and paying attention to what was showing up again, and again, and again...AGAINST my "better judgement."

I took the job with reservations and fears because I had "settled" with my position and realized that apparently, THIS is my calling and THIS is where I am supposed to be...It wasn't the money, it wasn't the job I wanted, BUT, it was something I was CONFIDENT in and KNEW was something I could do in COMPLETE excellence....And without patting myself on the back too much, I drove forward with confidence that THIS is where I am supposed to be. I settled in, accepted my destiny and then the promotion showed up.

I turned it down the first time because I didn't want to leave the kids and I was COMFORTABLE! I could do this job with my eyes closed and do it well...I KNEW THAT!!

The promotion came back to me again and again, I turned it down. I was still right about where I was, I was the "shining star" in my performance and actions (in my eyes anyway) and figured that there was no need to walk away from it...I could be comfortable here (not content, but comfortable) and still make an impact...serve others, impact lives, SERVE!!

The job came back to me a third time and this time it came at me like a bulldozer (and the bulldozers name is KIMBER!). I argued, I reasoned, I made excuses, and then realized IN THE MOMENT "This is the third time, the universe is talking to me....TAKE IT BRAD, but take it on YOUR terms" and I knew if it was on my terms, then I HAD to trust the process and go back to what I KNEW was THE way! So I accepted the job.

When I accepted the job, I did so with terms and telling my boss "I am NOT working 15 hour days, I am NOT going to spend the majority of my time in this position...I was going to have a life OUTSIDE of this job"....And My boss gave me the green light with those terms (and others) so I said "Yes, I will take it...Lets do it" and did so on trust, and ultimately on TRUST ALONE!

Once I got the job, my fears showed up in a HUGE way...I was pulling away from the kids, I was seeing kids struggle without me there, I had kids coming to me in tears for fear that I was leaving them, and I started to question my decision... I was really thinking "maybe this wasn't the right thing!"

I was in uncharted territory, I was working in an arena I didn't know, I was lost, confused, scared, feeling like I wasn't capable of the requirements this job would need to be successful....I was questioning myself AGAIN in all of this.

About a week after taking the position, I went to a large recognition ceremony from our community that focused on my organization...And then the SHIFT started to happen!

I got a GLIMPSE of what BCFS is all about

I tell people I work with...Parents, kids, friends, general people...I have an idea that I think is important and this is what I say...

"No matter what you do in your life, no matter what path you take....Make sure that at least ONE time in your life, you be active in SOMETHING bigger than yourself and when you do that, you find yourself and what really makes a difference in this world"

Now I tell people to at least do this once in their life....ME myself, I TRULY work hard to make my life ALL About that.... I WANT to ALWAYS be involved in my life with something bigger than me.... I got a small glimpse that I was still living that declaration in my life.... BCFS, at that moment, slapped me in the face and said...

 "Yes, you ARE BEING that!" I was ENERGIZED and that "maniac on a mission" part of me started to rise to the top of my BEING!

So I took the job and now am the Program Director for the case management portion of four programs.... As I stepped into the position, not only did I realize I was part of something bigger than myself, but I might have bit off more than I could chew....

I got scared, insecure, worried and I don't do well in "insecurity"...as a mater of fact, when I feel insecure in what I think are my abilities, I start to pull away and get scared...When I get scared, I get unsure...When I get unsure, I get frustrated, when I get frustrated I get mad....Its my defense mechanism!

So yesterday, since I am "management" now, I got to attend my first MEC meeting. This is a meeting for ONLY management of out organization and its quarterly.

Quickly what I realized was this meeting is designed to show the management of our organization that we are part of something AMAZING!

We, as humans, get caught up in the DRIFT so much and while in the drift, we lose sight of the bigger picture because all of our focus is on the task at hand. THIS meeting is designed to pull you out of the drift and REMIND you that your efforts IN the drift are making huge differences in the life's of thousands, if not literally MILLIONS of lives of others in need....

As the meeting started, they had all of the directors of each program our organization is involved in to show all of the rest of us what they are up to...In that, you get the opportunity to SEE that you are simply a piece of the puzzle, but without your piece, the puzzle just cant be complete....So as the directors of each program stood up, the veil covering my eyes started to lift, and I was moved not only to speechlessness, I was LITERALLY moved to tears....So let me explain what I by accident became a part of.

BCFS is WORLD WIDE (www.bcfs.net) and we are growing at a rate that the CEO described as "light speed"

So here is just a glimpse of what my eyes were opened to.... The information I am giving you, I had NO IDEA of, and I THOUGHT I had done my research....I realized I had a very limited idea of what we do and what we are up to

in 2005, or organization had a budget of 10 million dollars to run our services to serve others.... Just 6 years later, we have grown soooooo much that our operating budget for 2011 is 37 MILLION dollars.

our budget for 2112 is targeted to be 41.7 million and is projected to reach 45 million by the end of that year.

We now have hired the media management organization to serve our organization that managed the First President Bush's media relations for his campaign...And we did that because the exponential expansion of our organization has demanded a media relations company....This is something I really had a very limited understanding of, but once I heard it explained, I realized the necessity of this company...To grow this fast, and this large, we NEED to have a professional organization to manage this because of the reaches we have in different areas of the world.

I knew we were World Wide, but again, my limited ideas and views of where we are in the World was so limited....So let me explain... Remember, as you read this, we are a NON PROFIT ORGANIZATION.

In the United States, we have offices in

Texas
Abilene
Boerne
Corpus Christi
Dallas
Del Rio
Harligen
Kerrville
Laredo
Lubbock
McAllen
Tyler

California
Fairfield
Los Angeles
Sacramento

Illinois
Chicago

Arizona
Phoenix

Florida
Miami

Colorado
Nathrop

New York
Manhatten

Latin America

Eastern Europe

Africa

Southeast Asia

Our Services we provide
Emergency Shelters, CARE programs, Therapeutic Group Homes, CAPS, CARE, Transitional Services for fostered youth and troubled teens, Education services, employment services, TX.DFPS Contractors for child placement, foster care, adoptions, abuse and neglect, Head Start programs, Job Training, Adoption and regulation of those services and homes, a coffee shop with catering services, Healthy birth support (65 in Laredo Texas last year ALONE), Construction and Trade education, Emergence Services fro natural disasters, State Emergency Operations management on the Federal Level, NATION WIDE, First contracts for Govt Emergency Response teams, Data gathering in disaster situations that constitute Presidential Directives to recover monies for people and families affected by Natural Disasters.

Last year ALONE, BCFS Emergency Response team responded to disasters in...
Washington, California, Nevada, Colorado, New Mexico, Texas, Oklahoma, Arkansas Louisiana, Georgia Florida, Pennsylvania, Delaware, Lake Michigan, Maine, Puerto Rico, Virgin Islands.

We develop emergency plans for corporations...We are an intrical part of the United States Response plane....Meetings in regards to Natural Disasters don't take place without us present....If a (God Forbid) Dirty Bomb were to go off in Withcita Kansas tonight, WE would be the first organization contacted to response outside of Government entities.

We have THE largest Special Needs Residential facility for adults in the United States and are on the verge of being completely self sufficient (Breckenridge Village in Tyler Texas).

We are the fastest growing Baptist Organization in the USA...That is above Baylor and Buckner (sp?)

We have a child's ranch in Colorado... And this doesn't even touch on our impact and involvement in Moldova (Russia I think?) Shi Lanka, Mexico, Asia, and many other foreign and third world countries where we serve fostered youth and work to stop the sex trade industry in those countries.

I am sure I am missing some things because I was so overwhelmed with JUST this information that my head was such a buzz, I am sure I missed some things

We have over 90 budgets now and 5-10 years ago, we had less than a dozen. 18 years ago, our CEO started this organization that was teetering on the edge of failure with three employees. And now we have a target to reach 2020 with a 100 million dollar budget and double our staff that we have now of 800....

Man, I just cannot explain how touched, overwhelmed and stunned I am that I am a PART of something THIS much bigger than myself. I ma truly blessed to be a part of this organization and as of yesterday, I realized that the dreams I have had for a VERY large part of my life to be a part of an organization that is TRULY making an impact in the world has happened...I AM HERE!! I am seeing the visions of what my desires and dreams have been to serve others have now unfolded in front of me.

As I look back at my hesitation, my questioning about getting on board here, my fears that I would ever find the dreams that I had to strive for in my life have now, ALMOST overnight, have become a reality.

As this all unfolded in front of me, with tears running down my cheeks, I reflected back to my conversations with my boss about not wanting to work 15 hour days, realizing how selfish that was, I leaned in to speak with her at the meeting and said...

"Those 15 hour days I told ya about??? Well I am in for those now!"

I will happily work 15 hour days to make this vision more of a reality and really LIVE the dream I have had, and written down in my goals, a reality.....

Funny how the Universe talks to you....Ask, and you shall receive....Just don't get so locked into what you have made up as your "path" that you lose sight of the path next to you that is the "fast track" to making the life you want happen!

I am humbled, I am touched...I AM BLESSED!!! And without letting my ego get in the way of this....ITS BECAUSE I SAID SO!!

OWTFDWIT!!!

THIS has become something so much bigger than I ever imagined it could be, but it as JUST as big as I ever imagined I wanted it to be!!

And to think of where I came from, the adversities I faced, the struggles I had, the self destructive behaviours I have had throughout my life....And am now really seeing that my life is what I envision it to be, what I declare it to be, and what I am now living.....

I am at a moment, RIGHT NOW, where I am just stunned, flabbergasted and overwhelmed to see that all the philosophical truths that have been spoken over the ages really ARE truths.... Its just a matter of never giving up, always moving forward, making sure that to attain your dreams, you HAVE to declare them and trust that life will lead you JUST where you want to go....If you TRUST THE PROCESS!!

Whoever is up there listening to my dreams and desires....THANK YOU for this answer!!

I am truly HUMBLED by what has unfolded in these last few months and am laughing at how I lost my way and was on the edge of giving up and re-thinking the processes of what I BELIEVED was what would make MY life happen....

PAY ATTENTION, life WILL happen for you...Just don't ever stop the pursuit of your dreams....EVER!!