The eternal argument....Is there, or isnt there?

I have experienced a lot in this life. I have seen the harshness of the world, the kindness of the world, the ugliness, as well as the beauty. But this idea of "religion" has always been something that just never made sense to me.

I am sure this will spark a huge debate, arguments and feelings getting hurt, because it seems, people find the most offense when others don't have the same opinion or beliefs they do. I am not sure where it happened, but this Country and everyone being offended at everything is just another thing that allows me to see that I am glad our time on this planet is limited.

Now, I have been in the Baptist church, Methodist church, converted to Catholicism in my teens, spend some time in the radical Pentecostal religions (tongues, hand on healings, going out in the ghost, demons possessed people with disabilities... Yeah, that was a journey) then later in life, went to a private, liberal arts, Presbyterian University.

Through ALL of these journeys through different religions, things still, just never made sense.

So, there is a God, the creator of ALL things, controls EVERYTHING, is all Love, "the way and the light" but we must worship him?

Now, why would an all knowing, all loving, all controlling God NEED people to worship him? That tells me the God that western religion believes in is full of EGO.

Prayer.... Ok, I guess there is no issue in my heart or head for being thankful and showing gratitude for the life we have. But praying to end suffering, poverty, pain, etc.... Praying to "get something" (Please lord, let this loan go through so we can get this house....etc...) As long as I have been alive, I have seen people individually, and in HUGE numbers pray for the ends of these sufferings....And guess what, they are ALL still alive and well, some thriving.

We recently lost our oldest child, and although I embrace and am grateful for the sentiment, people say all the time "You are in my prayers for God to bring you peace" Or "I will pray that the mercy of Christ covers you and yours in these times"... I bet I have heard statements like this over 300 times over the last year... Yeah, not one prayer has been answered. My wife is in depths of despair that never could be imagined, my kids suffer the loss terribly, and I, well hell, I don't even know how to define myself around all of it.

So, does this God just choose NOT to hear all those prayers? And don't give me that shit of "Only God knows his timeline, it will be done in his time"

Yeah?? Fuck his time, we are suffering!

I find it funny that people argue "facts" and get in heated discussions to provide "sources" or "links" to support arguments; even shame and belittle those who cant....But God?? No evidence needed, this one little book says it, those guys on TV say it, so it must be true?

People who would make NO DECISION on anything in their life without evidence, follow this human created God without question? It really makes no sense to me.

Now let me be clear....I really have no judgment or ridicule of those who believe in God, go to church, pray every day....Hey man, whatever you need to get through this fucked up thing we call life, USE IT!! The "process" however in regard's to religion, is exhausting!

I have also found, some of the most critical people in this world, the most judging people, the most offended people, the people who have opinions and condemn others, are religious people. Church going, bible thumping people are the WORST about judging others, or expecting others to live a life they think is the "right way" And get offended because we don't bow to their beliefs.

So, in their sermons and speeches where they are driven to be more "Christ like" its only words....Because the judgement (that they claim is only for God) rolls over to affect families and friends. RIDICULOUS. God accepts me for me, right?? But you cant because of your jaded beliefs in how life should work?? Well, mostly on outside appearances, because behind closed doors or in stressful situations, people are people and even the church going, bible thumpers do atrocious things and lose integrity.

Every day, I listen to the news on NPR when driving in the mornings. I bet there isn't a week that goes by that some priest, or some deacon, or some minister has molested a child. These are the PILLARS of faiths and this is what they do? Where is God in all of that? I mean really, in basic terms, this is his leadership staff, and he takes no action to hold them accountable? And again, don't tell me the whole "Judgement day will come for him"

Really?? You think that helps the life of struggle those children live after that terrible incident? DO you think that brings peace to the parents that trusted these people with their children? Is THIS "Gods work?"

Human beings are NOT Devine. We, like every other living organism on this earth, are merely a piece of a puzzle, a process that allows life to happen on this planet. The world was NOT created for us, we were created for the world.

Through my "faith" journey, I was directed to read a book Conversations with God by Neale Donald Walsh. I was 35 years old, and was resistant to any books mentioning "God" because of my past experiences with people and their desire and drive completely be faith driven...  I have too many questions to just "have faith"....No thanks...

When I started to read this book, I was immediately hooked. As I turned the pages, I would find such profound things, I would have to go back 3 pages and read it all again. This happened many times during this read, and I was still able to read the book in 2 days.

Now, do I believe that ole Neale had a written conversation with God himself?? I don't know... But I will say, the distinctions and principals in those books resonated with me far beyond any religious text, or speech, or sermon I ever heard.

In this book, one of the things that hit me the most was when God said that he is the ultimate observer. That he DID create EVERYTHING in 6 days, and he meant EVERY-THING. So, the way I took this was that everything we need in this life has already been created. Prayer, meditation, crystals, voodoo, none of that brings us anything...Its all already here. Now, it might bring a new level of awareness, but not any "thing" because all THINGS are already at our disposal.

Now, I don't want to limit my experience with this book, and life after reading it to these points, because the book offered me soooo much more than just those things, and ultimately, because of that period of my life, trainings, books and coaching, I redirected my life and have created everything I have set my goals around.

Of course, to you Bible thumpers that might be reading this, I understand you feel this is blasphemous… But there is a statement from my tattoo culture that I love...

"You know what the difference is between a tattooed person and a non tattooed person???

We don't care that you aren't tattooed."

I use that in regards to my feeling about "religious" people...

"Whats the difference between a religious person and a non religious person?

I don't care that you are religious"

But I DO care when you try to shove your beliefs down my throat, or make judgments about me because I live my life my way, or offend because I don't feel like you do about God.

I have said many times to "Christian" folks....

I have an amazing relationship with the God I understand, and I don't need anyone telling me how to make my relationship with him work effectively….As a matter of fact, based on my life, I do that pretty effectively. I also believe in a God that is far too big to be contained in just one book, or one belief system. If you believe that God created us all, then you must believe that our differences were also created by God to add color to this world. I find it amusing that human beings have a desire to be like every other human being....Me, I embrace my differences, my colorfulness, and my morals and values....And I didn't get those values from the Bible or a Church...

I help when I can, I support how I can, I love when I can, and I am a good person....without religion... Because to me, its the "right" thing to do.

There are many that will say this blog alone will get me to Hell... Then they will say that my tattoos will get me to hell, the way I live my life, the choices I make... I am HELL BOUND!!

Let me say this, if God would send a person like me to Hell, but allow some multi baby rapist piece of shit entrance simply because he confessed before his death, THAT is not a Heaven I want to be a part of.

I later was turned on to a movie called What the Bleep do we Know which did a lot of documentation on Quantum Physics and energy. And recently, watched a show called One Strange Rock that had scientists on it that had been to space....Some for over 2 years!

These shows, and shows like them, really keep me confused and living in the "question" (which is what I would think God would want us to do....I mean really, don't we teach our children to question what they don't understand??)

I have to admit, I have had experiences that would MAYBE tell me there is a God, but they definitely tell me there is something going on outside of my ability to understand. Alternate universes, time, space, good and bad, right and wrong... All of these things are specific to periods of our existance, and many times, even throughout history, we have made a "bad" thing a "right" thing....ie… Its bad to kill people, but its good to burn witches. Now of course, I elaborate, but the point is still made....All of those things are subjective.

I feel all warm and fuzzy when people say "I will pray for you" or "May God bring you peace" but not because of the act of those things, but the sentiment to show they care, and this is how they show that. For that, I am respectful, and embrace those things.

I believe that "prayer" works, but I think it does because of energy, not divinity. Like energy attracts like energy, so good thoughts in prayer CAN create good because of the energy around it. And I am not talking about hippy crystals or oras, or the like... Its physics. So keep praying and keep pursuing Grace, but I do not believe it is God intervening.

To think that God answers some prayers, and doesn't answer others, is again, such a blast against what Christians say God IS. Is he sitting up there with a scorecard and determining by your actions weather you are deserving of such relief? Again, that tells me the Christian based God is power hungry and full of EGO....The God I understand has no need for such human traits.

I want to believe there is a God, I want to believe there is life after this one, I want to believe I will see my loved ones again, my old pets, people that went before me....But I am starting to wonder if that is a truth?

Over this last year and a half, I have suffered loss that is unimaginable. I was on a team managing the death of a 4 month old, we lost our oldest daughter to, of all things, a horse riding accident. I mean shit, she was living in crack hotels and was addicted to meth, and its a spring day horse ride that takes her from us? I lost an 18 year old kid that I was working with for over a year, on the VERY FIRST day he was getting out on his own. His own apartment, car, job....Life was really turning UP for this kid, and on the DAY he was taken out of Foster Care, he was killed in a flash flood... God did that? it was "Gods will?" fucking PLEEEZE... Again, if this is who God is, I am not so excited about encountering him.

In this last year or so, I have come to question EVERYTHING...God, relationships, family, friends, loss, suffering, joy, beauty, excitement.... Its all a hodgepodge of SHIT dancing in my head. My core values are still intact, and I have no desire to change those; they work in my life pretty well. But the whole "spiritual" or "God" conversation is once again, shifting in my conception and understanding...And, I am OK with that. Ultimately, what does it matter...In the end, either it will all be revealed, or, its just the end... Either way, its completely out of my control.

I wonder now, its been proven that our brains are what stores memory, and determines what the world is to us individually...If its the brain that serves that function, where in the spirit does that reside? If I don't have a brain, how will I ever recognize my old loved one, my pets, or my friends in the "afterlife?"

I heard this statement once, and I still hold onto the distinction...

"Life is not a process of discovery, life is a process of creation"

I struggle with that as an overall statement, but in regards to creating ones life in the manner they want, I find huge truth in it. There is very little that is "discovered" in the creation of the life we build, it is CREATING a life we want that is important.

I do not believe that things just come to us, we have to set goals and make the efforts to create them as we want. If we waited on life to happen for us.....Well, I have worked professionally with many people who really think they are entitled, and that life SHOULD just unfold for them....Based on results, I don't believe it works that way.

Based on my results, the life I live now was not something given to me, it was work, sacrifice, struggle and effort that got me to this point....Had I just let life happen, I would probably be looking through walls and bars at the world.

I often post pictures of where we live, the amazing-ness of all of it, and so many people say

 "Man, you are lucky"

Brother, let me tell you, aint no luck about it. Donna and I created this vision in a conversation, we wrote it down and agreed to pursuing the goal, and gave up all we knew of our life in Texas to create this....No luck; drive an ambition, determination and a hustle. I will say we are "blessed" to live here, because yes, magnificence surrounds us at every turn. But we worked for every inch of land and every beautiful thing surrounding us.

I find it funny how people choose ways to be a victim. Their circumstances create their life. They aren't creating anything, they aren't "pro active" in their life, they are reactive. Shit happens, they respond, then it becomes the shits fault that their life isn't what they want. Another term I learned and live my life by from that period of my 30's...

"You do NOT have to be a victim to your circumstances"

And I truly believe that!

So, with all of this, know, I don't care if you pray, I don't care if you go to church, I don't care if you carry a Bible everywhere you go and can quote every line of it word for word, I don't care that you find value, joy, peace and comfort in your faith, your God, or your whatever book that goes along with that faith....

I would ask, you offer me the same.

Its not your job to save me, or anyone else...In reality, you CANT... That is an individual process. What I like to do, is simply be supportive, respectful, and appreciative of the person, without expectation of anything from them. I struggle to understand why so many are unable to do the same.

There comes a point in our lives, in our adulthood, that we live the life we do because this is the life we want. You opinion about that, only creates distance between people. The old adage "live and let live" is so very true....Do what works for you, quit thinking it will work for me....At this stage in my life, I am pretty damn content with where I am and who I am...I am loud, abrasive, dark humored, innapropriate, blunt, fould mouthed, adrenaline junkie, live on the edge (all the time) and have been defined as an "asshole" many, many many times.

But I also have a deep caring of people (regardless of my feelings for them overall), I have taken on my professional life to serve others, and have done so for 25 years. I lift people up, I am honest, I feell I have great integrity, I am driven, passionate, love art, music, books and great conversation, I prefer peace over war (but am happy to go to war if need be....I have no distaste for violence), I love with all I have, I am loyal and committed, I feed strangers, I embrace freaks and others that many people walk on the other side of the street to avoid.... I truly believe I am a "good" person.... And I in no way expect that to align with you.

But I do ask, if you cannot accept it, then walk away from me, unfriend me, delete my number, erase my email, create great distance between us.... Because if I choose to change who I am or how I move through this world, it will NEVER be because of YOU, no matter who you are.

Dichotomies are a strange thing....I could give two shits about your opinion of me, but it wounds me to think I have done something to make you think less of me. People disgust me, but people also inspire and amaze me. I hate to see people suffer, but I love crisis and disaster....

I, like everyone else, am fucked up and beautiful.... But I will accept you for who you are, or respect you by walking away if I cant align with that.

I guess my point with this is, love or hate a person, but respect them for who they are and how they choose to make their way through this life. If they aren't hurting others, manipulating people or trying to control you and others, love them for who they are, accept them at who they are....That doesn't mean you have to have them over for Christmas dinner....Ultimately, respecting others and their path is so much more valuable than Christmas Dinner anyway.

So choose, love a person for who they are, even in their most fucked up places, or respect them enough to walk away from them....But quit being offended, quit bashing, quit judging, quit hating (even though I do have a few on my hate list still)… It serves absolutely NO positive impact in this world, or our relationships in it. It creates distance, separation, and unbelievable violence....And it really, really, doesn't have to be like that.

And I end this by wishing blessings on you all....Even the haters....Bless their little hearts....

Final respects, and the end of a ERA, Sheriff Joe Max Taylor

I want to make sure I start this with this statement.

I am not judging anyone, this is my opinion, and simply speak for myself and my feelings around it. Its very clear that I see the world, and move through it, much differently than most... That has both been a blessing, and a burden in my life. I would not have it any other way!

I just got back from Galveston and attending Joe Max Taylors funeral. My intention for this trip was of course, to see friends and family, but ultimately, I was there and made the arrangements to pay my respects to a man that was, in large part, responsible for where I am in my life today. And many of those that know, and follow me, know it has been quite an adventure.

The era of Law Enforcement that I came up in, at the time, seemed like a real struggle on the side of "making a living" but man, the experience sure did create a LIFE that I could have never imagined.

I have seen amazing, spectacular things. Acts of kindness, devotion to loved ones, efforts to save others. I have experiences cultures and events that MOST of the people in this world will never see.

I have also, seen, tasted, smelled and experienced ugliness and destruction that again, MOST of the people in our world (1st world) will never see, nor even believe as a truth.

I have hugged and loved many, and I have fought for my life and the lives of others. I have been blessed with the kindness of others, and I have seen the true selfishness of this world.

I have gone 140mph chasing badguys with the rush of adrenaline and excitement that is unexplainable, and I have held the hands of people and been the last face they saw in this life.

I have cried tears of sadness that took me to my knees, and I have cried tears of joy that created the same effect.

I have lifted people up, and Brother, I have beaten some fools down.

I have experienced a Brotherhood that also cannot be explained in words, and experienced betrayal on levels that still, even to this day, still make me shake my head in amazement and wonder.

I have seen children come from circumstances that are unfathomable and overcome to attain greatness, and I have watched children suffer unimaginable terribleness.

I have experienced the suffering of divorce, and the amazement of true, everlasting love.

I have had guns to peoples heads, and ready to end a life, and I have been overcome with amazement of the magic of a first breath. 

I have been on adventures of excitement and blood pumping energy as I kicked in a door, and I have felt the weight and sadness of kicking one to find devastation. 

I have experienced those who see me as a hero with a cape, and those who see me as an enemy with crosshairs.
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I have birthed brotherhoods that can never die, and placed my hands on a Brothers coffin to say goodbye. 

I have heard church bells ring in celebration, and Firefighter Bells rung in remembrance.

I have felt the horns of ferry boats with the smells of sea air, and I have heard the horns of bagpipes and smelled fresh dug soil. 

I learned how to defend myself to any threat, and how to surrender myself to the struggles of life. 

I know what good whisky smells like, and jailhouse, toiletbowl wine as well. 

I have eaten amazing food in amazing places, and also eaten about everything else in this world, unknowingly at other places (to include the Galveston County Jail).

All of these things I have experienced in my life are so much different than so many others, BECAUSE of Joe Max Taylor. I could not imagine not paying my respects to that man.

Now, Joe Max didn't walk me through any of those things, not a single one....But because of him, his leadership, and "Old School" police work, I experienced it with his representation, his leadership, and his directives. 

I look back and try to imagine, had I not worked for Joe Max, I would have never met Donna....And that is something I cant begin to even try and imagine. If not for Joe Max Taylor, the life as I know it now, the adventures I have had up to this point after 1992, would not be the same, and I am so blessed for what I have. How could I NOT have some Loyalty and Honor to pay to Joe Max Taylor?

When I got to Galveston, it was much like other GCSO reunions. Lots of old faces, old stories, memories, and connection. There was a time, due to betrayal, I did not enjoy, nor did I want those connections. As I age, looking back on my life, I realize those connections are a large part of who I am...And I honor those....Even the shitty ones. 

Our lives are a continuing growing process, we move, we struggle, we succeed, and we fail....Back and forth, "For the days of our lives" (Roll shitty soap opera music). But, there are moments, periods, and timeframes. Its almost like we live several lives in this lifetime, or it has been that for me... But, there are pivotal people that are instrumental in all of that. Joe Max Taylor, and the Galveston County Sheriffs Office are a HUGE part of this for me. 

The service was held at the Convention Center in Galveston. It was a large room, probably could seat 1000 people. The front was lined with elaborate displays of flowers, a crowd gathered, and our Leader, laying at rest, for those of us to pay respects to he, and his family, as well as the new Sheriff, Henry Trochessette. 

 Me, Sheriff Henry Trochessette, Captain Jack Allen, Chris Edgar 

I was really amazed to see the crowd so small. I figured this would be an "elbow to elbow" event, of proportions I had not seen before....At this point, I was NOT seeing this.

I stayed for the entire visitation, and it swells my heart even as I type this, some of the people I was able to see that I have not in 20 years. Freddy Poor (he was the last Sheriffs Office person I saw when I resigned, and I gave him my badge....I still see that day clearly in my head), Richard Gonzales who was Henrys Boss in my day...Wild, loud, shiny and colorful....Just a great guy. Lonnie Cox, a now District Judge who I worked MANY cases with when he was a new D.A.. Tommy Hansen, the Drag Car Man!! Ron Carter, one of the baddest mother fuckers I have ever met. Big, black, beautiful, mean, and what was scary, was even when he was choking someone out, or slamming their head into the pavement, he was laughing....Hearing that laugh as we hugged again was almost overwhelming.

I was able to meet Joe Max Brother. Henry turned me around and introduced me as we were talking. I shook his hand and said.

"Joe Max gave me my start in this field. I am now the Deputy Director of Emergency Management in Park County Colorado, and that would not have been possible without Joe Max. I owe him a huge debt of respect and honor. The life I live, professionally, and in large part, personally, are because of him"

As he shook my hand, his eyes filled with tears and he said.

"Oh my goodness, you came all the way from Colorado?"

And man, those tears in his eyes were about to just make me start sobbing. So I swallowed the frog in my throat, stepped back a bit, spread my arms out to include Henry, Jack Allen, Chris Edgar, and Izreal Garza (all still friends) and said.

"We ARE because of Joe Max. What we have now, and have had over the last 25 years, is all because of Joe Max"

Then I walked up, shook his hand, and said,

"I am HONORED to be here"

There was a camera man darting around, and he broke up all of this to get a picture. I really hope I get to see that picture someday. There is a LOT of emotion going on in that capture.

After paying respects, I went back and made some more connections and said hellos.

Rachel Lease walked up to me, and I was overwhelmed with emotion to see her all grown up like that. Off in the distance were Ray and Melanie Lease. Ray, to me, is a legend. He was my commander for 8 years, and I thoroughly believed in Ray Lease in my days serving under him. I would STILL lay down for that bastard. He taught me so much about patience, calm in adversity, rolling shit you cant control of your back, WINNING on the streets...He is/was a HUGE mentor for me. I know many don't have the same respect for Ray-Bud, but my experience was, and will always be, very special with him.

Melanie and I have always had a special relationship because she knew who I was, how I operated, the dangers I chased, and she STILL trusted me with her son, and his life. After Shane, we did much to carry each other through that suffering. Every time I see Melanie Lease, there is a glow around her. She is an angel to me. I DO love this family!!

I was amazed to see that the crowd rarely got bigger than just a couple hundred people, and most of those were hanging out throughout the service. I was AMAZED I was not seeing more people come pay these respects. I personally know of MANY people who are living the life they do today because of Joe Max Taylor, and there were more NOT there, than there were there. I couldn't understand.

I left that night, and went the next day to see the Sheriff  Lie in State at the Law Enforcement Center in Galveston. Man, Henry did such a great job. All of the units were Joe Max Taylor colored again, and the honor guard was in long sleeve, old school, Joe Max Taylor khaki's (My uniform). I just had to compliment Henry on how special that was to me and how great it looked. Man, it was so very cool.

In this confined space, there was a decent crowd, lots of Old School folks present....Politicians, judges, old island names....A good representation of people and names that are truly significant to Galveston Island.

Captain Ron Carter (This is one bad MO-FO right here!!) and Me. The only man that I ever heard say, "One of these days, I am going to arrest a nun", and I was there when he did!! lol!!

 Captain Ron Carter, Chris Edgar, Me

Cory Dotson, Alvin PD, we worked the jail, 2-10pm shift together for 2 years. 

 Reggie Jackson, GCSO, Warrants Division, we worked the jail, 2-10pm, for 2 years together. Been 20 years for us....Man, I can hear his laugh now...  

 Jose Lozano, GCSO, Warrants, we worked the jail, 2-10pm, for 2 years and a little warrant service stuff together.

Me, and Kenny "frickin" Parker. Harris County Pct 8 Constable, working Honor Gard Duty for Joe Max. When I FIRST started to ride on the streets, I rode with this guy right here. Carzy little sumbitch! We had some good times while I was getting my feet wet. 

There was a large Sheriffs Department presence, and a large presence of other agencies and officers that started under Joe Max. But still, so MANY that were NOT there. 

I watched Henry pin a GCSO Badge on the Sheriff, and then witnessed them close and seal the casket. That I was able to capture these moments is pretty amazing. I was FULL of PRIDE

.They roll Ole Joe Max out to the car, completely silent, 150 men and women in uniform, standing at attention, with family and SO leaders following. He was carried by some great representation of the Sheriffs Office, HIS people. 

Back to the Convention center for the funeral.

Now the disappointment settled in....

I am BY FAR a religious man. I have a belief in God, but it is mine, and I need no one to tell me how that experience is "suppose" to be, so I generally stay away from church and religion.

This was going to be a Catholic Mass, and I will say, I don't feel a need to ever attend another Mass, so I walked out as the service started and had a cigarette. I walked back in, and I was just stunned!

There was hardly anyone here!! There had to have been close to 50% of the seats empty!? How was this possible??

I sat down next to Chris Edgar and just took this in for a few. I listened to the speakers that eulogized Joe Max, and they did a GREAT job. I still don't know who the first guy that spoke was, but man, he defined Joe Max and his life as a Peace Officer and then to become Sheriff, and it just HIT me....He was on target, his words just resonated with me....I might have even said an AMEN or two!! GREAT job!

I am thinking the second was his Son in Law, and this was much more personal and family oriented, but it just showed that in his personal, as well as professional life, he did things HIS WAY, screw the haters, screw opinions, he lived his life, and served his community HIS way, and it was a GREAT way to pursue ones life....It IS a great way to pursue ones life!

When the speakers were done, I went back to the crowd, and found myself to be emotional at the disappointing turn out. I got up, and went back out to smoke again, wait for the service to end.


After the service, I said my goodbyes to everyone, wished well on them all, and made my way back to Kemah to get ready to fly the next day. 

I was with Chris Edgar, and we were both, just so amazed at how many people did not attend this service, or funeral. There are chiefs and leaders in cities and communities that are doing so because Joe Max gave them a start. There are people who have avoided prison and retired with great careers because of Joe Max Taylor.... It just amazes me....I just don't get it.

Mid service of Joe Max funeral. 

 Me and Chris Edgar having dinner at TopWater Grill, in of all places, San Leon Texas. Chris and I worked the jail together, and a little street stuff. He was a BEAST in the jail, and if you ever needed help, this guy was always SUPERMAN!! Love this cat!!

 Me and Chris Edgar. 




Now, I know, there are people with health, or family issues, or whatever, again, I am not judging, but I am stunned at how few people, many not far, did not attend.

Its funny, every generation looks at the ones behind them and says "The world is going to hell" or "These kids have no idea", etc.... But to see MY era, and those I was led by before me, not make a presence at this event; it made me very sad.

Brotherhood, Loyalty, Honor, Respect.... I have been watching those traits die with these generations coming up behind me, but to see it in my era?? Man....

But overall, what it did do is make me very happy I went, even more honored for being there. It was GREAT to see some of the old guys, and it really always is for me. I really had some special bonds and friendships with so many in those times. I was TRULY Honored to be there!

I spent the day with Jack Allen, and we went through old stomping grounds, and told stories....Man, so many stories that could NOT take place in todays era of Law Enforcement. We reminisced of good and bad times, experiences and hardships, successes, adrenaline rushed, how we NEVER quit jacking with each other and poking at each other....Man, I don't know that I have had such a great day in a VERY long time. That time with Jack on Monday will forever be a great memory...Thank you Brother!

 Captain Jack Allen, Lee County Sheriffs Office. We were partners ont he streets for about 2 years (I think) and Jack and I have stood off, and IN WARS together.

 This guy right here? I would still lay down for, and he would for me, and any of mine too. Most SOLID Mutha Fukkah I know!! NUTHIN but love!!


So, as Chris and I parted ways, we hugged, and I looked at him and said "Well, if honor has to die with us, I guess we will carry it Proudly"

I will say, one thing I did get from this experience is, live your live on YOUR terms. Do it the way you want to. Live large, play hard, enjoy every minute, because ultimately, when that last breath comes, that is all that matters!!

Remembering the beginning.

In 1988, I was living in Colorado Springs on the West side, in Old Colorado City. I had started my own business, and was painting apartments. I had 5 properties, and was doing pretty well for that time. I averaged 4 hours a day, 4 days a week, and generally made about 3k a month. In 1988, THAT was good money!

I was married to my first wife, Polly, and I really have nothing negative to say about our relationship, or her. We were young, stupid, and both just wild as hell. We were both pretty big party people, and really embraced the bar life and all of the "extras" that come with it. We were old high school potheads, and ran with that crowd.

That year, during a drunken argument, Polly and I were involved in a car crash due to the argument. It truly scared me, because I can still vividly see Polly laying in the floorboard of my car, unconscious, shaking, and gurgling as she gasped for air. I was convinced that she was dying.

When the police showed up, I was so distraught and out of my head, they took me into custody and charged me with DUI. Now many of you know from either knowing me, or from my blogs, my life from the time I could walk, until this day, was full of wild, crazy, uninhibited adventure and chaos. I had been to jail a couple of times, had my share of tickets, probation, community service, court appearances... I was on a "path" that I dont think I need to line out much here.

I swore on that night, I would manage what I was charged with, but my life was going to change...I was 22 years old and knew I had to do life differently if I wanted to be a productive citizen, live a life of freedom, and stay out of jail.

Now remember, this was a completely different time. There was no internet, no cell phones, shit, pagers weren't even invented yet, and if you were going to talk on the phone and walk through your house, you better have a 30ft cord to reach where you were walking. It truly was a different era than what we know today, and really, thinking about it, its a little overwhelming to think how different it was.

As a result of this arrest, I was going to have to do a little jail time to answer for it. Luckily, because I had my own business, the judge ordered me to do 2 months at COMCOR on North Nevada. This is a work release program that allows one to leave the facility during work hours, but must return for the night to do your time.

Let me describe this a little...

COMCOR was a small, hotel/motel, one level, rooms lined up in a "U" shape and in the room there were 4 bunks and one bathroom. So, I was living in a hotel room with 7 other guys that were also criminals...Some doing little bits like me, some coming back from doing REAL time, and this was their halfway house. Now I wont say this was "horrible" but I do remember several nights, waking up with my roommates doing meth on a table and smoking joints at the door and thinking

"Jesus, is this where I am going?"

And I decided that I was going to make a huge shift in my life. I had no idea what that would look like, but I was completely aware that if I didn't change shit in my life, I would be in prison soon and stuck in that rut for my life. I was fully aware of where this path was leading me.

So, after COMCOR, I focused on my business, but I was still struggling with the "crowd" that I had come to know and love (so many of them no longer here), and none of them had any desire to shift their lives. I knew I was going to have to do something drastic.

I had family in Texas, was born in Texas, and had some resources in Texas to fall back on should I need, and then Polly and I decided we would pull up roots, and leave Colorado to go start over in Texas.. Let me tell you, this was much better in thought and theory than it was in reality.

I had high expectations that leaving a town of about 100k to go to a place with 4million people in it, my business would blossom, and I would do well in Texas. How naive I was.

When I got there, I tried to get my paining business going, but found the Hispanic community of that area had the market sealed up, AND were doing the work for pennies compared to what I was charging (and I was very reasonable). I could NOT launch this business.

So, I went back to what I knew. I started working at a carwash again, quickly moved into management, and was bouncing at night clubs in Clear Lake. I had given up alcohol and was not drinking, but the life that Polly and I had lived was pulling...Pulling hard...

I was so lost....I was doing everything I could to make money and survive in Houston, but I knew I needed some kind of a profession. I considered shrimping, working on freight-liners, off shore oil fields, trucking....But NOTHING seemed to pull at me to pursue. There was nothing I could find that seemed to offer me value, reward, or excitement.

While bouncing clubs, I was able to meet some Harris County Deputies and we became friends. We had some throw downs in the clubs together, some good bar brawls, we always won, and the Deputies grew to like me and we became friends.

One of the Deputies, David Martin, he was one hell of a beast man. His past was in VietNam and I dont think I even want to go into the stories here that he would tell me. But let me just say this....He was an "ear collector" for a time while serving... He was a warrior man, and his stories of recon missions, his hand to hand encounters with the enemy, man, I was always just amazed at what he had seen and experienced.

David and I grew to really like each other. We were like brothers. We always picked at each other, and God Forbid, either of us caught the other one in a dark place, out of view of others....We were brutal and would just beat the shit out of each other, hide and ambush one another, tackle and slam each other, every chance we got.

I am not sure if there is still a Dennys on Nasa Rd 1, but one night, after a night of drinks, we found ourselves alone in the bathroom of that place. Man, we absolutely destroyed that bathroom. We threw each other into stalls and sinks and before we were done, we had loosened the sink, broken two stall walls, ripped the paper dispenser off the wall, then walked out of the restaurant, laughing and getting away as soon as we could. We had a great time beating the shit out of each other.

One day, David said

"Brad, you should come ride with me, you should go to the academy and be a cop"

"Fuck you David, I hate cops"

"Look Brad, just come ride with me and see, if you dont like it, no loss, if you do, I will help you get started"

So I did....I went and rode with him.

The first time I was ever in the FRONT SEAT of a patrol car, I was with David, and we were covering back up as a marked unit for undercover narcotics in Barrett Station. At that time, this place was primarily a black community, RIDDLED with crime and drugs. It was a HOT SPOT for wild shit.

After that first day of rushing buildings, backing up the "jump out boys" and seeing the pace and energy of that field, I KNEW this was for me....I knew this was where I belonged, I KNEW that this was my calling...So, I rode with him a lot, learned as much as I could, soaked in the experience.

Now again, this was a different era than what we see now in Law Enforcement. This was an era where cops could actually BE cops and GO GET the bad guy...and of course, it was TEXAS!

These were times where the common firearm was a wheel gun and automatics were seen as unreliable and dangerous (Of course, David carried a 1911), cops wore sap gloves (Gloves with knuckles filled with powdered lead) Slappers (a piece of leather that is basically a 10"long leather strap, sewn together with another one, and at the end was a heavy lead ball that you would "slap" smart ass dickheads with). Really, the ONLY people that didn't respect police, or had a fear of police, were criminals...And they should be scared...Because in those days, we were ENCOURAGED to GO GET the bad guy, and do so with extreme prejudice.

There were no tools of the job like cops have now. We had a radio (That rarely worked), our pistol, a couple of extra magazines or speed loaders for wheel guns, a couple sets of handcuffs, and an SL-20 flashlight (Just typing that makes me all warm and fuzzy). Cops were trained with batons, but we rarely carried them. We, in that era, were trained to hit first, hit hardest, hit last, and go home safe by ANY means necessary...

Our command staff generally supported us and defended us to the teeth... Of course, there are dicks in every profession, but overall, the "Brotherhood" of Law Enforcement was something EVERY person in uniform valued with the highest regard.

We made ourselves available to families of LE that had struggles, we were present for fellow officers children's births, birthdays, weddings, funerals, hard times, good times.... We were a "TEAM" and it didn't matter what agency it was, ANY ONE of us would have given our life for any other one of us.

So, after getting this taste, I decided to go to the Academy.

I had a pretty shady past, I had been in my share of trouble, but in those days, it was pretty easy to change your latitude with your attitude and start fresh, new beginnings, new paths....It wasn't so easy to find stuff from peoples past. So, that is what I did...

I never spoke about my hardships in Colorado, my partying, my crazy-ness....Colorado was just a place I came from....It had no weight on me to move forward.... I left it in Colorado!

I started the academy in 1991 at the College of the Mainland. I struggled a little at first with the PT and the "learning" because before then, I was not a good student at all.

I thrived in this environment. I pushed myself, I soaked in all my instructors (many still friends) knowledge, and made it my passion and desire to be a top notch cop!

I graduated in high ranks of my class, I was in the 100% club of my firearms training, In my practical applications, I always came out learning a lesson and I was just ENGAGED with the whole process of this profession.

Sadly, Polly was not as excited about this adventure, and we weren't really great to each other prior to the Academy, but during and after, it just got worse. Polly wasn't ready for the shift of lifestyle it would take to live this life, and really, we had done so much damage to each other emotionally, it was going to end eventually anyway.

After the academy, I started looking for jobs, but had a hell of a time. In those days, applications were 30+ pages long, they asked very personal questions, some agencies would talk to your exes, your high school teachers and your neighbors in the recruiting process. There were so many applicants for jobs, ONE mistake, misspelled word, or wrong date of anything on an application sent it to the trash... The picking were pretty good for most agencies, so they picked exactly what they wanted.

I was putting in applications, getting interviews and had started working as an EMT for the Crystal Beach Volunteer Fire Department to get on scenes and get to know people in the field, PLUS, chaos, tragedy, blood, guts and destruction were things I just loved....I wish I could put into words what it feels like to be the first command person to walk on a scene that many would think was the end of life as they know it...And for many, IS.

I started to get to know some of the Galveston County Deputies and in January of 1992, I put in to go to work for the Galveston County Sheriffs Office. This department was always a "bottom of the list" department, because you had to work in the jail before you could go out on the streets...You had to earn, and prove you could handle yourself. But we ALL wanted to get out on the streets!!

I was called, not long after that, by Betty Fry who was the person to hire deputies at that time, and offered an interview. I went, sat with her as well as a couple of legends, Captain Mike Henson and Lt Steve Bock to interview. Lt Bock was always so gruff, harsh, outspoken, gave ZERO fucks about anyone's opinions of him. Cpt Henson was a bulldog. He was stern, strong, unwavering, but you could feel the warmth of this mans heart from a mile away... I still, to this day, have HUGE respect for all three of those people, and still chat with Betty from time to time, and keep up with Mike as he is aging....Lt Bock and I became pretty good friends, and we chatted fairly regularly up to the day he passed.

Man, I could just go on and on about the people I worked with at that department and my admiration for them, and the agency, but this week, the focus is on our leader. A LEGEND in Galveston County, the man who offered me the very first steps of a life away from the vortex, spinning me towards terrible things, the man who ran the GCSO for most of my career there....

Sheriff Joe Max Taylor.

Now, I never really "Met" Joe Max early on....I was never sure he even knew who I was.

In my day, at the back of the Department was a door that led into a coffee room and then out to the Admin offices of the SO. This room was always pretty active. Galveston County LEGENDS would sit in there, drink coffee, eat donuts and just BS about current affairs or past times of individual experiences.

Man, I would sit in that room like a kid in a barber shop sucking on his lollipop, just listening to these men talk. As I reflect, I am overwhelmed with the honor of being in those men's presence and being able to hear about Galveston County and "cop" stuff.

Joe Max was never far from that room, and the present Sheriff, Henry Trochessette was just a Sgt then over fleet and uniforms. He was always a smiling, uplifting guy and was always so friendly and kind. I would eventually grow to really appreciate this man, as well as his family, and can say, I have stood toe to toe in times of very scary, and possible great harm with he, as well as his Brothers. His Brother Chris and I were close and even partners in the jail and on the streets... Great men!!

One day, I was in the coffee room, a little later in the day, and was waiting on Henry to come get me to go get uniforms. I was pretty new at this time, maybe just a month or two into my time with  the department.

As I sat there, the back door opened, and in walked the Sheriff. He walked up to the coffee pot, got a cup, turned and said "How ya doing Brad?"

I was amazed that the Sheriff even knew my name!

He sat down with me, and we started to chat about things, my desires with the department, what I hoped to accomplish, talked about my dad, my time with EMS, my mom, just "chatted".. From that moment on, there wasn't a soul that could say a bad word about Joe Max and not hear words from me to shut their pie hole... My loyalty and commitment to the Department and to him was sealed, with just that few minutes he gave me that day.

So, I started in the jail, earned my "stripes" in regards to my ability to handle myself, made a reputation for myself (some didn't appreciate that reputation...lol), met Donna there, fell in love with her, and learned SOOOOO MUCH about life that I was SOOOOOO naive about.

The jail, seen as a burden and a hindrance to most of us, was better than any University in the world. I learned what "danger" and "violence" REALLY looked like, I witnessed serial killers, cop killers, murderers, rapists....I was "in the mud" with the underbelly of the world, every day, with all of the BS that comes with living in that arena, everyday. I learned what "fighting" really meant, and those bar fights, and keg party fights I had experienced prior to my time being a cop, were childsplay when fighting in this world. I was injured early on in my career, fighting an inmate in a room with no ability to call for help and as a result, broke 3 ribs. JD Sprague was the one that came to my rescue that day, and from that day on, my mentality and understanding of what it takes to survive, SHIFTED.

Im sure people will read this and state their experience was different, but for me, this department and Joe Max taught me that our job is to WIN and to get home safe, no matter what. Joe Max had no sympathy for criminals that were out to do us harm, so we were blessed to have "freedoms" to make sure we did get home, AND that we caught the bad guy. Joe Max always stood by me, even when there were times I had to face consequences or investigations questioning my efforts to meet that goal to get home. He surrounded himself with a command staff that was birthed, and supported an "old school" mentality of police work.

I could do an entire blog on those amazing men and women that showed me how to be a "good cop"...The list is long, and many, may they Rest in Peace, are no longer here...But in my mind, heart and soul, they still are alive and well. I am forever blessed to have had these men surrounding me and guiding me.

I quickly earned a reputation of a pretty forward, and aggressive cop. I had very few fears of the job, and looked at every "close call" as a blessing, and exciting thing. Not one incident turned me from LE, but every incident pushed me even more towards BEING an "old school" cop. We didn't snitch on each other, we had each others backs (even if we really didn't like each other), we chased the bad guys, we earned respect on the streets, and we showed our communities that the Green and White colors were the ONLY colors that didn't run in Galveston County. The turds feared us, the communities loved us (for the most part) and our leader, Joe Max Taylor was respected by so many, to include many of the dirtbags. Criminals KNEW that we would get them, they KNEW that if we were hunting you, we WOULD catch you...And we did!

Now, I wont say it was all puppy-dogs and dandelions... We as deputies struggled to live on our salaries, we worked extra jobs all the time, overtime, and barely made enough money to survive....But for me, and much of the crew I ran with, we LOVED the job and we LOVED being Deputies for Joe Max and his Department. Our agency was unique in our County. We had freedoms and opportunities to advance, move around and do different jobs much more than other agencies in the County. Even our command staff in Patrol was, for the most part, "good cops" and were a "working" command force.

It was not uncommon for me to be on a traffic stop at 3am, and have Major Ray Lease (patrol commander) step out with me....It wasn't uncommon for a Sgt to take a call, do reports, write tickets. It wasn't uncommon to have Lt Lamb be out in the field at any given time, night or day, supporting us on scenes (and us supporting him...lol)

I did 2 years in the jail before finally getting out on the streets and becoming a patrolman. I started in Crystal Beach and was a rookie cop, in my mid 20's, patrolling a beach community every day. My first partner, Doug Considine was a great teacher and then to have the likes of Marty Ermis, Rick Mitchell, Bubba Tauch, and many others to guide me into how to be a street cop. I did 2 years on that beach, and then started to patrol the Mainland...I wanted to be IN THE THICK OF IT.... The beach was just so slow paced, but I saw some of the most crazy things I have ever seen working that beach. Looking back, that beach was the best place to start my journey on Patrol.

While in the jail, I met Donna. We had our ups and downs, but eventually married and have now been together for 25 years. Again, another thing that had it not been for Joe Max Taylor, I would not be who, or where I am today.

After 10 years, I started to see a change in the field. Joe Max retired, many of the men I looked at as mentors were either dead, or retiring. The field was changing... I could see this new era of LE being born, and I knew I didn't want to be a part of that...One, I saw NO VALUE in being "reactive" in this profession, and I was too ingrained in how I did the job and kept myself safe, to shift to what we see now in regards to the field. I KNEW that if I continued in the field, I would eventually be indicted, or killed, and not that I was afraid of dying, but I refused to be a victim to some dirtbag because my powers were becoming limited.

It took me probably a year before I was finally secured in my decision to leave the field and go try and make a new life...Two very close calls, the closest I had ever been to either losing my life, or taking one, had me wondering if I was hanging on too much...That and the fear of knowing NOTHING other than being a cop.

After much consideration and debate and hard choices, I resigned from the SO. I was fortunate to resign at the top of my game. I was still in the top 3 of performers and was still very much attached to chasing the bad guy, and catching him. I had a reputation as a solid Deputy that would go to war with any of my Brethren without question, I had no fear of turds or chasing and catching them, and I feel I had respect from my Brethren in regards to how I did the life of being a Cop. The "Cat and Mouse" game of this job was so addicting to me.

I left the job late 2001 and this separation was one of the hardest periods of my life. People have a hard time understanding that the world cops live in is MUCH different than the "real world" most do. We are dark humored, inappropriate, outspoken, forward, speak our minds, and generally, give zero fucks about what people think, say or do... That, with all of the tragedy, destruction and ugliness of the world we have experienced, transitioning to the PTA meetings, community events and church socials just dont seem to be enough... Me, trying to adjust back to the real world, even to this day, was, and can often be, a struggle.

Joe Max passed away and as I type this, I am preparing to travel down to Galveston to pay my respects to the man who offered me the opportunity to shift my life away from where I was going. To honor the man that provided me the opportunity to see life at its ugly core, the man who offered me the experiences that largely define who I am today.

It has only been in the last few years that I really have grown to embrace, and appreciate ALL of that. For many years, I felt the only way to separate myself from that world was to keep myself from that world...It was like I was trying to change who I was, who I am.

Now, I have come to a point in my life where I DO embrace it. I value the brotherhood, the camaraderie, the appreciation....Because let me assure you, life outside of the emergency fields is NOT the same, not in looks, tastes, feels, or experience. Regardless of keyboard warriors opinions of these fields and how we work them, it is a very profound truth that if you have not lived this life, there is NO WAY you can understand it, or appreciate it....Your BS opinions hold NO WEIGHT in what we face every day when we put that uniform and gun on.

There are very few old tradition left in Law Enforcement. The brotherhood is fading, the camaraderie is not the same, cops cant go GET the bad guys anymore, and now, the public grows more and more to be against us....And even with that, we will still gear up and go out and give our lives so you can be safe. I recently was in a conversation with someone, and a point was made...

"Are you the kind that runs to gunfire, or are you the kind that seeks refuge and safety, hiding from it? Because I will bet, most that stand on the sidelines and criticize us, they are going to be hiding when the shit drops, and we will cover you until you get there, and once you are there, we will charge towards it to stop the threat, PROUDLY"

So, all you haters, keep hating....In spite of your efforts to make us look like the villains, we will STILL make sure that we will do all we can to make sure you get to hug your kids tonight, even though it means we may not.

I hear that Joe Max passed peacefully, surrounded by those that loved him. I dont think we can ask for much more than that. I am sure his send off will be an event to behold....I am sure there will be people from all over the world that are going to be there, or at least wishing Gods Speed to this man as he transitions to whatever is next.

To me, Joe Max Taylor was the epitome of what it means to lead a force of Peace Officers effectively. He was a legend in my time, and now a legend for all time. His passing marks the end of an ERA in Galveston County Law Enforcement. His leadership paved the way for so many of us to have the lives we do. His command staff is what created the opportunities that Deputies now have in Galveston County. Because of Joe Max, there is now a leader filling that chair that was guided by his leadership and mentality to serve.

Sheriff Joe Max Taylor may be gone now, his era of Police Work is a fading memory, but his name, and legend will carry on in name and in the loyalty of those he offered careers and livelihoods for.

I can, with all honesty and confidence state, I am in the position I am now professionally, because of him. I am married to the most beautiful and amazing woman I have ever seen, because of him. I have bonds with people that go so deep, it hurts to be so far from them, because of him. I understand and appreciate loyalty, and brotherhood as I do, because of him. I am able to protect myself, my family, and those I love in a way that most cant comprehend, because of him. I am the man I am, and move through the world the way I do, in large part, especially professionally, because of him.

So, with those lessons and all of that experience, I am getting ready to pack my bags, get on a plane, fly down to Texas, celebrate the times I had, with those from that time, because of him.

In this field of Emergency Services, Cops, Firefighters and EMS, traditions, honor and respect is fading. I want to assure as long as I can, and am able, to embrace those values and traditions, make efforts to keep them alive. Part of that will be paying my respects, and honoring his life by being there with my Law Enforcement family and Brethren.

Rest in Peace Joe Max Taylor, and thank you for the opportunity to change my life, serve my communities, and have the experiences I have been so blessed to have....Good and bad....All because of YOU!

Gods Speed...