I have experienced a lot in this life. I have seen the harshness of the world, the kindness of the world, the ugliness, as well as the beauty. But this idea of "religion" has always been something that just never made sense to me.
I am sure this will spark a huge debate, arguments and feelings getting hurt, because it seems, people find the most offense when others don't have the same opinion or beliefs they do. I am not sure where it happened, but this Country and everyone being offended at everything is just another thing that allows me to see that I am glad our time on this planet is limited.
Now, I have been in the Baptist church, Methodist church, converted to Catholicism in my teens, spend some time in the radical Pentecostal religions (tongues, hand on healings, going out in the ghost, demons possessed people with disabilities... Yeah, that was a journey) then later in life, went to a private, liberal arts, Presbyterian University.
Through ALL of these journeys through different religions, things still, just never made sense.
So, there is a God, the creator of ALL things, controls EVERYTHING, is all Love, "the way and the light" but we must worship him?
Now, why would an all knowing, all loving, all controlling God NEED people to worship him? That tells me the God that western religion believes in is full of EGO.
Prayer.... Ok, I guess there is no issue in my heart or head for being thankful and showing gratitude for the life we have. But praying to end suffering, poverty, pain, etc.... Praying to "get something" (Please lord, let this loan go through so we can get this house....etc...) As long as I have been alive, I have seen people individually, and in HUGE numbers pray for the ends of these sufferings....And guess what, they are ALL still alive and well, some thriving.
We recently lost our oldest child, and although I embrace and am grateful for the sentiment, people say all the time "You are in my prayers for God to bring you peace" Or "I will pray that the mercy of Christ covers you and yours in these times"... I bet I have heard statements like this over 300 times over the last year... Yeah, not one prayer has been answered. My wife is in depths of despair that never could be imagined, my kids suffer the loss terribly, and I, well hell, I don't even know how to define myself around all of it.
So, does this God just choose NOT to hear all those prayers? And don't give me that shit of "Only God knows his timeline, it will be done in his time"
Yeah?? Fuck his time, we are suffering!
I find it funny that people argue "facts" and get in heated discussions to provide "sources" or "links" to support arguments; even shame and belittle those who cant....But God?? No evidence needed, this one little book says it, those guys on TV say it, so it must be true?
People who would make NO DECISION on anything in their life without evidence, follow this human created God without question? It really makes no sense to me.
Now let me be clear....I really have no judgment or ridicule of those who believe in God, go to church, pray every day....Hey man, whatever you need to get through this fucked up thing we call life, USE IT!! The "process" however in regard's to religion, is exhausting!
I have also found, some of the most critical people in this world, the most judging people, the most offended people, the people who have opinions and condemn others, are religious people. Church going, bible thumping people are the WORST about judging others, or expecting others to live a life they think is the "right way" And get offended because we don't bow to their beliefs.
So, in their sermons and speeches where they are driven to be more "Christ like" its only words....Because the judgement (that they claim is only for God) rolls over to affect families and friends. RIDICULOUS. God accepts me for me, right?? But you cant because of your jaded beliefs in how life should work?? Well, mostly on outside appearances, because behind closed doors or in stressful situations, people are people and even the church going, bible thumpers do atrocious things and lose integrity.
Every day, I listen to the news on NPR when driving in the mornings. I bet there isn't a week that goes by that some priest, or some deacon, or some minister has molested a child. These are the PILLARS of faiths and this is what they do? Where is God in all of that? I mean really, in basic terms, this is his leadership staff, and he takes no action to hold them accountable? And again, don't tell me the whole "Judgement day will come for him"
Really?? You think that helps the life of struggle those children live after that terrible incident? DO you think that brings peace to the parents that trusted these people with their children? Is THIS "Gods work?"
Human beings are NOT Devine. We, like every other living organism on this earth, are merely a piece of a puzzle, a process that allows life to happen on this planet. The world was NOT created for us, we were created for the world.
Through my "faith" journey, I was directed to read a book Conversations with God by Neale Donald Walsh. I was 35 years old, and was resistant to any books mentioning "God" because of my past experiences with people and their desire and drive completely be faith driven... I have too many questions to just "have faith"....No thanks...
When I started to read this book, I was immediately hooked. As I turned the pages, I would find such profound things, I would have to go back 3 pages and read it all again. This happened many times during this read, and I was still able to read the book in 2 days.
Now, do I believe that ole Neale had a written conversation with God himself?? I don't know... But I will say, the distinctions and principals in those books resonated with me far beyond any religious text, or speech, or sermon I ever heard.
In this book, one of the things that hit me the most was when God said that he is the ultimate observer. That he DID create EVERYTHING in 6 days, and he meant EVERY-THING. So, the way I took this was that everything we need in this life has already been created. Prayer, meditation, crystals, voodoo, none of that brings us anything...Its all already here. Now, it might bring a new level of awareness, but not any "thing" because all THINGS are already at our disposal.
Now, I don't want to limit my experience with this book, and life after reading it to these points, because the book offered me soooo much more than just those things, and ultimately, because of that period of my life, trainings, books and coaching, I redirected my life and have created everything I have set my goals around.
Of course, to you Bible thumpers that might be reading this, I understand you feel this is blasphemous… But there is a statement from my tattoo culture that I love...
"You know what the difference is between a tattooed person and a non tattooed person???
We don't care that you aren't tattooed."
I use that in regards to my feeling about "religious" people...
"Whats the difference between a religious person and a non religious person?
I don't care that you are religious"
But I DO care when you try to shove your beliefs down my throat, or make judgments about me because I live my life my way, or offend because I don't feel like you do about God.
I have said many times to "Christian" folks....
I have an amazing relationship with the God I understand, and I don't need anyone telling me how to make my relationship with him work effectively….As a matter of fact, based on my life, I do that pretty effectively. I also believe in a God that is far too big to be contained in just one book, or one belief system. If you believe that God created us all, then you must believe that our differences were also created by God to add color to this world. I find it amusing that human beings have a desire to be like every other human being....Me, I embrace my differences, my colorfulness, and my morals and values....And I didn't get those values from the Bible or a Church...
I help when I can, I support how I can, I love when I can, and I am a good person....without religion... Because to me, its the "right" thing to do.
There are many that will say this blog alone will get me to Hell... Then they will say that my tattoos will get me to hell, the way I live my life, the choices I make... I am HELL BOUND!!
Let me say this, if God would send a person like me to Hell, but allow some multi baby rapist piece of shit entrance simply because he confessed before his death, THAT is not a Heaven I want to be a part of.
I later was turned on to a movie called What the Bleep do we Know which did a lot of documentation on Quantum Physics and energy. And recently, watched a show called One Strange Rock that had scientists on it that had been to space....Some for over 2 years!
These shows, and shows like them, really keep me confused and living in the "question" (which is what I would think God would want us to do....I mean really, don't we teach our children to question what they don't understand??)
I have to admit, I have had experiences that would MAYBE tell me there is a God, but they definitely tell me there is something going on outside of my ability to understand. Alternate universes, time, space, good and bad, right and wrong... All of these things are specific to periods of our existance, and many times, even throughout history, we have made a "bad" thing a "right" thing....ie… Its bad to kill people, but its good to burn witches. Now of course, I elaborate, but the point is still made....All of those things are subjective.
I feel all warm and fuzzy when people say "I will pray for you" or "May God bring you peace" but not because of the act of those things, but the sentiment to show they care, and this is how they show that. For that, I am respectful, and embrace those things.
I believe that "prayer" works, but I think it does because of energy, not divinity. Like energy attracts like energy, so good thoughts in prayer CAN create good because of the energy around it. And I am not talking about hippy crystals or oras, or the like... Its physics. So keep praying and keep pursuing Grace, but I do not believe it is God intervening.
To think that God answers some prayers, and doesn't answer others, is again, such a blast against what Christians say God IS. Is he sitting up there with a scorecard and determining by your actions weather you are deserving of such relief? Again, that tells me the Christian based God is power hungry and full of EGO....The God I understand has no need for such human traits.
I want to believe there is a God, I want to believe there is life after this one, I want to believe I will see my loved ones again, my old pets, people that went before me....But I am starting to wonder if that is a truth?
Over this last year and a half, I have suffered loss that is unimaginable. I was on a team managing the death of a 4 month old, we lost our oldest daughter to, of all things, a horse riding accident. I mean shit, she was living in crack hotels and was addicted to meth, and its a spring day horse ride that takes her from us? I lost an 18 year old kid that I was working with for over a year, on the VERY FIRST day he was getting out on his own. His own apartment, car, job....Life was really turning UP for this kid, and on the DAY he was taken out of Foster Care, he was killed in a flash flood... God did that? it was "Gods will?" fucking PLEEEZE... Again, if this is who God is, I am not so excited about encountering him.
In this last year or so, I have come to question EVERYTHING...God, relationships, family, friends, loss, suffering, joy, beauty, excitement.... Its all a hodgepodge of SHIT dancing in my head. My core values are still intact, and I have no desire to change those; they work in my life pretty well. But the whole "spiritual" or "God" conversation is once again, shifting in my conception and understanding...And, I am OK with that. Ultimately, what does it matter...In the end, either it will all be revealed, or, its just the end... Either way, its completely out of my control.
I wonder now, its been proven that our brains are what stores memory, and determines what the world is to us individually...If its the brain that serves that function, where in the spirit does that reside? If I don't have a brain, how will I ever recognize my old loved one, my pets, or my friends in the "afterlife?"
I heard this statement once, and I still hold onto the distinction...
"Life is not a process of discovery, life is a process of creation"
I struggle with that as an overall statement, but in regards to creating ones life in the manner they want, I find huge truth in it. There is very little that is "discovered" in the creation of the life we build, it is CREATING a life we want that is important.
I do not believe that things just come to us, we have to set goals and make the efforts to create them as we want. If we waited on life to happen for us.....Well, I have worked professionally with many people who really think they are entitled, and that life SHOULD just unfold for them....Based on results, I don't believe it works that way.
Based on my results, the life I live now was not something given to me, it was work, sacrifice, struggle and effort that got me to this point....Had I just let life happen, I would probably be looking through walls and bars at the world.
I often post pictures of where we live, the amazing-ness of all of it, and so many people say
"Man, you are lucky"
Brother, let me tell you, aint no luck about it. Donna and I created this vision in a conversation, we wrote it down and agreed to pursuing the goal, and gave up all we knew of our life in Texas to create this....No luck; drive an ambition, determination and a hustle. I will say we are "blessed" to live here, because yes, magnificence surrounds us at every turn. But we worked for every inch of land and every beautiful thing surrounding us.
I find it funny how people choose ways to be a victim. Their circumstances create their life. They aren't creating anything, they aren't "pro active" in their life, they are reactive. Shit happens, they respond, then it becomes the shits fault that their life isn't what they want. Another term I learned and live my life by from that period of my 30's...
"You do NOT have to be a victim to your circumstances"
And I truly believe that!
So, with all of this, know, I don't care if you pray, I don't care if you go to church, I don't care if you carry a Bible everywhere you go and can quote every line of it word for word, I don't care that you find value, joy, peace and comfort in your faith, your God, or your whatever book that goes along with that faith....
I would ask, you offer me the same.
Its not your job to save me, or anyone else...In reality, you CANT... That is an individual process. What I like to do, is simply be supportive, respectful, and appreciative of the person, without expectation of anything from them. I struggle to understand why so many are unable to do the same.
There comes a point in our lives, in our adulthood, that we live the life we do because this is the life we want. You opinion about that, only creates distance between people. The old adage "live and let live" is so very true....Do what works for you, quit thinking it will work for me....At this stage in my life, I am pretty damn content with where I am and who I am...I am loud, abrasive, dark humored, innapropriate, blunt, fould mouthed, adrenaline junkie, live on the edge (all the time) and have been defined as an "asshole" many, many many times.
But I also have a deep caring of people (regardless of my feelings for them overall), I have taken on my professional life to serve others, and have done so for 25 years. I lift people up, I am honest, I feell I have great integrity, I am driven, passionate, love art, music, books and great conversation, I prefer peace over war (but am happy to go to war if need be....I have no distaste for violence), I love with all I have, I am loyal and committed, I feed strangers, I embrace freaks and others that many people walk on the other side of the street to avoid.... I truly believe I am a "good" person.... And I in no way expect that to align with you.
But I do ask, if you cannot accept it, then walk away from me, unfriend me, delete my number, erase my email, create great distance between us.... Because if I choose to change who I am or how I move through this world, it will NEVER be because of YOU, no matter who you are.
Dichotomies are a strange thing....I could give two shits about your opinion of me, but it wounds me to think I have done something to make you think less of me. People disgust me, but people also inspire and amaze me. I hate to see people suffer, but I love crisis and disaster....
I, like everyone else, am fucked up and beautiful.... But I will accept you for who you are, or respect you by walking away if I cant align with that.
I guess my point with this is, love or hate a person, but respect them for who they are and how they choose to make their way through this life. If they aren't hurting others, manipulating people or trying to control you and others, love them for who they are, accept them at who they are....That doesn't mean you have to have them over for Christmas dinner....Ultimately, respecting others and their path is so much more valuable than Christmas Dinner anyway.
So choose, love a person for who they are, even in their most fucked up places, or respect them enough to walk away from them....But quit being offended, quit bashing, quit judging, quit hating (even though I do have a few on my hate list still)… It serves absolutely NO positive impact in this world, or our relationships in it. It creates distance, separation, and unbelievable violence....And it really, really, doesn't have to be like that.
And I end this by wishing blessings on you all....Even the haters....Bless their little hearts....
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