2019 Christmas Prank War

     Around Thanksgiving, I was at work one day, and the Coroner, who I office with, was walking down the hall singing Christmas music.

     I really do hate the holidays. I enjoy getting together with family for a meal, and opening gifts, but all of the bullshit around the Holidays is just that, BULLSHIT! The stress of getting the "right" gift, the money, the expectation, the lines at the stores, the shitty attitude people; its all so ridiculous. I mean really, there is a reason suicide deaths increase in the Holiday Season.

     I yelled at him to stop with the Christmas Music as it wasn't even Thanksgiving yet. He walked into my office with a smirk on his face and said...

"OH, you are one of THOSE people"

"Yes, I am one of THOSE people, so quit with the cheery bullshit. I am the Grinch, and Christmas SUCKS!"

     For probably close to 10 years now, I have slowly morphed more into the Grinch over the Christmas Holidays to the point now, I have shirts and other props I wear all month in protest (and a little fun).

The Coroner smiled and said

"Oh, you are going to get it now then"

"Bring it youngster, I aint skeered!"

"Don't you touch my tree!"

Rookies... just tell me where to start, huh?

And he walked out of my office, down the hall, singing Christmas carols.

I went to lunch, and when I came back, the Coroner had pasted Santa pics all over my office, and turned all of my TV's in my Operations Center to Christmas Music..

So???

ITS ON!!!

Once first blood was drawn, I went into prank mode.

I went to the dollar store and got a few 1.00 elves, some food coloring, a couple of ornaments, and some other goodies.

I had a plan, and I wanted to start with the fun on 12-1.

I took a plastic knife, stuck it through the elves chest, covered the elf and the knife in red food coloring, wrapped in in news paper, with a note...



"HO HO HO, EAT SHIT!

You had better stop with all the Christmas music and cheer, or the other elves get the same! Keep your cheery celebrations to yourself.

Sincerely,
The Grinch, Ph.D.
Xmas spoiler and overall bad guy

PS... Call the cops, and the jolly fat bastard in the red suit gets the same"




And I sent it out in the mail. I had gotten a tracking number, so I could be sure he got the package, and continue the prank.

I also got a couple of ornaments, one was a Santa, and one was a Santa with a little window in it so you could add a picture. I found a picture of The Grinch hitting Santa in the head, and I put it on the ornament. The other one, just a Santa, I put 2 bullet holes in his chest, one in his head, covered it in red food dye and then put both in his tree, hidden...kinda...

The week went on, and I never heard anything from Dave (the coroner) about the package, so I went to check the tracking number, and the one I had was to another package I had sent my daughter. There was no way to know when, or if, the package got there. 

The next week, Dave found the ornaments and the little pranks continued. He did little things, I would have a picture of santa somewhere in my work area, hidden, music down the hallway...Nothing major. I was waiting for the package to arrive so I could carry out my idea. 

The Dispatchers heard of the fun, decided they wanted in on it, so they made about 100 copies of The Grinch face and plastered them all over the building. I found a kids coloring stocking and took advantage. I killed and hung frosty, then hung the stocking with his kids drawings on his wall in his office. 

Dave then went and decided to get the Dispatchers, as well as me, back....He and his team wrapped and decorated our vehicles.

I went to lunch and found the inside of my vehicle wrapped.

Then, when I returned, I found my desk was decorated, and on my work computer screen, there was SANTA PORN as my wallpaper!! There were also two, uncapped syringes on my keyboard with some brown liquid in them.

I immediately protested and told him anything that could get us reprimanded for was too far! (Actually, I was upset because I allowed Donna to convince me to go easy, keep it clean, don't hurt the baby Jesus, or the wise men... I generally am the one to push limits!)

He laughed and carried on about it, making light of the situation. I found out that he had gotten the package from a slip-up he made when talking about all the edgy-ness, so now, I could continue on with my prank.

I dismembered an elf, and hid the body parts around his office.

  That day, he came in, found the elf parts, but couldn't find the elf head. He came into my office several times looking for it, asking for it... Then he had his 4 year old daughter come into my office with an elf torso and asked

"Whewre is da head" (in her best Cindy Lou voice)

While she caressed the dismembered body of the elf.

Of course, I denied any knowledge of this terrible slaughter, but they still could not find the head....

It wasn't far.....

   This is his County work vehicle....


A few days had passed, I was in my office, I heard the door close to my Command Center Room and when I entered, it was the Assistant County Manager walking in.

Im still new here and I think she is still trying to feel me out. She is generally all business with me. We have not joked with each other, and the first meeting I had with her, she misheard something I said, and thought it was something inappropriate... I know, shocker...But I actually hadn't said what she thought I had. The point is, she has always been pretty serious and direct with me.

When she walked in, she said

"I need to talk to you"

And since we just had a major storm that affected the County, Grant stuff going on, timecard stuff going on, security stuff going on...It could have been anything. So I invited her in, and she said...

"I just came from IT, and I need to discuss some inappropriate internet searches on your work computer."

My stomach turned, my butt puckered and my shoulders slumped over while I was trying to figure out how I was going to explain this without burning anyone.

As soon as she saw my shoulders drop, she busted out laughing..

"I tried, I just couldn't keep a straight face....I tried though"

So, Dave had gone and explained to her what happened, just in case, then enrolled her to take part in the prank... I have to admit, THIS impressed me...

But now, its NO HOLDS BARRED!!

I had found a Santa and a Rudolph at the goodwill store, as well as a Barbie and Little Orphan Annie doll. I gathered them all up and put together this little scene for his desk...

                   Can you read the post it note? See the syringe? Rudolph with the plant medicine!?

                                               

                                                Santa and Rudolph know how to party!!

The day went on, and later in the afternoon, I was out for a walk, and when I returned, Gene told me there was a Deputy looking for me. I went to dispatch and found the Deputy and she said

"I have some civil papers to serve you"

I knew immediately and said...

"F%$k you, and your civil papers....I aint falling for this bullshit again!!"

She started to laugh and gave me an envelope. This was inside...Read it closely...Its funny!!

I went to jack with Dave about it, he was gone, but his staff showed me this...

They made a proper coffin for the elf... LOL!!!

On our days off, I would make sure I would send some dark images to Dave... I sent these with a text...

"This is on your conscience, not mine!"

These texts went on throughout the prank... 

I came in on Monday, before Christmas, and this is what I found... Christmas music on all my TV's, My door was wrapped, my desk, and every item on my desk was wrapped (every ITEM) with little notes planted throughout. 

In one of the boxes was gifts.... 

He wrapped EVERYTHING!! 

And also left some little pictures and saying in the things wrapped!

So, to keep with my original mailing portion of the prank, another elf must die!!

I took another elf, cut open his chest, pinned him open, covered him in red food coloring, stuck a knife through his head, removed his heart (a mini marshmallow covered in red food coloring...Couldn't get a pic of the heart, but it was PERFECT!! 

Put the heart in the box, and pinned the elf to his door and the heart in the box on his desk with a note...

"The Grinch doesn't have a heart...Now neither does this punk elf!"

One of the things that seemed to follow me from my Law Enforcement days were pranks. Those pranks, over the years, outside of the Emergency Fields, have never been as accepted by "regular" people as they did from emergency folks. I have gotten in hot water a few times over my pranks, one time, it was even physical. 

After having these issues with vanilla, crybaby, little bitches who cant take a joke and offend when the wind blows an opposite direction I cut WAY back on playing pranks. I was able to get away with a couple of good ones when I worked for Child Welfare, but this type of pranking is LEGIT and would never fly in the "vanilla default world"!!!

I am coming up on 1 year working here, back in the realm of emergency services, and although I feel a little detached from the "changes" that have taken place over my absence, I really do feel like I am back where I belong.

I guess people who have never truly faced the darkness of the world cant find humor in dark jokes and pranks. 

I find it silly, comical, and really sad that people would, and DO, get offended by things like this...And not a "little" offended, like "Im going to complain to every person who will listen" offended....Try to get you in trouble "offended" and even what disciplinary action taken against you because they were soooooo offended. 

THIS is fun...Good, clean, DARK and hilarious FUN... I really am happy to be back with people like this, and have a bit more distance from those who aren't. 

I am THE GRINCH!! Get over it sensi-tards, and if you cant take a joke??? Well, you know the rest!!!

8-2019 Body Recovery Support.

I have been on many calls that are unbelievable. I have seen some of the craziest things imaginable in my professional life. I often tell people of some of these events, and if they are outside of the emergency fields, often, they just cant believe some of the things I tell them. Some, I have articles and reports, even video... Some, they just have to take my word. On 8-22-19, I experienced something I never have seen before. I have to admit, I was blown away, super impressed, and was completely intrigued by what I witnessed.

In my duties, I am a support person for our County Coroner, since they are a very small department, and are constantly running calls. I have no issues with bodies and dead people, so I am always willing to help where, and how I can. 

On 8-22-19, I was helping the Deputy Coroner in transferring a deceased person from his vehicle to the Morgue and he was discussing a scene that the Coroner was on up in the forest where they had found remains of a body, and were trying to figure out what happened. While he was explaining the scene to me, I just became more and more intrigued. 

He explained that there was a cave this person had built, and was apparently living in it. He stated they thought the person had committed suicide and had been in the woods for 3 years before being discovered. Apparently the person was skilled at survival and had been living out there for some time. He stated he was going out to the scene to help, and I asked if I could come along. I had no idea what I was about to see... 

For those of you that know the area, this was in a forest service area, near Terryall, in Park County (Lost Creek Wilderness Area to be more precise). This was just shy of 10k feet in elevation and about 12 miles in on a service road. At the time I was there, this is what was thought to have taken place based on the reporting party and the discovery.

We think this guy moved out to the woods in 2013-2014. His shelter was only about 300 yards off the road.

Some people out gathering wild mushrooms stumbled across the shelter, saw bones, and called it in. We know very little about this event at this point but think he has been deceased for about 3 years. The animals had the bones scattered everywhere.

The shelter is amazing. About 4.5 feet deep with a 2" high ceiling, 12x12 probably, double reinforced walls and ceiling with cut trees mud, and tarps. From a short distance, you would never see this shelter.

He put heavy blankets on the walls, and then emergency blankets (that's the foil looking stuff) lining the walls. He had solar run batteries that were placed in a hole in the ground to keep them out of sight. Power cords run into the shelter and he had rechargeable batteries and a small lightbulb inside on a powerstrip.

He had improvised explosives (box with green wire in it) he had made from hobby rocket engines. Stockpiles of ammo, traps, guns, knives, flashlights. He had a bed inside the shelter and plenty of room to be very comfy and cozy.

He had trees marked with arrows (still not sure why) and it was clear this guy knew his stuff.

If the ID we found is this guy, he was born in 1960. The ID has never been run from any police agency in the US ever.

There were at least 6 campsites within 100-400 yards from the shelter...

Wanna get creeped out??? Just think how many people this guy watched from the woods and campers never knew. It would have been very easy for him to stay concealed with campers just a few hundred yards from him; with all of this, he could have easily watched people from the shadows of their campfire.

Once you were about 5-10 yards from the shelter, you would never be able to see it.... so, he was living a stone's throw from visitors and no one ever detected he was there.

It is an intriguing investigation with a lot of questions that still need to be answered, but I have never seen anything like this, and have to admit, I was VERY impressed!! The entrance and the Coroner gathering evidence All of this was inside of that shelter Entrance and steps down into the shelter Shelter floor and gathering evidence. About 3"of rat and other rodent excrement to sift through She is a go-getter Battery Pack with wires from solar panels and wires to shelter. Buried to hide, or to keep cool, or both?

Gathering evidence

The roof of the shelter

Various flags marking evidence

You can see the road from here, but cannot see the shelter from the road

More of the roof of the shelter and evidence gathered

Roof of the shelter

Evidence was scattered throughout the area and had to be marked for documentation

More of the battery pack set up

Improvised explosives from craft/hobby rockets

More of the contents of the shelter. .22 rounds and .410 rounds...Lots of them

The shelter would easily disappear just yards from it. It was camouflaged very well

Me going into the rat den

As I step down into it

Air mattress with built frame. Emergency blankets lining the walls

His power source. Rechargeable batteries and a light bulb on a power strip

More of the bed and frame

Blankets and emergency blankets lined the walls

I am 5'11" and you can see the clearance of the roof. Notice the trees in the support of the roof

The trees were cris-crossed, two rows thick and mud packed

Solar panels

Those people are standing at the entrance of the shelter. Notice how its very hard to see now

Its becomes harder to see as you get away from it. Notice no trees are cut down near here

Search and recovery team taking a much needed break

Man, that altitude is a beast!! No, those are not the coordinates of the shelter... lol

Dedicated!!! LOVE our volunteers! SOOO many people that are never even known about.

Drone shots

Crazy the clarity

Drone

Its amazing how thick the woods are around the shelter

Bathroom... Downhill from the shelter

Can you see it??

Pretty incredible

All the batteries and battery operated items were still charged

This is the hole the batteries were buried in

Getting the bed out

Dewalt Power Tool, still working!

 Now, here is what has been found through investigation. (this is NOT fact, this is speculation from what has been determined through the investigation)
In 2011, this gentleman was involved in a dispute with family over an estate of his parents. As a result, he decided he was going to detach from them, and fled from Michigan to Colorado. He moved to Woodland Park and although he was detached from his people in Michigan, he would still speak to them from time to time, but it was not a regular type of interaction. He had a son who he was also estranged from that lived in Michigan. We knew he had a truck that was a leased vehicle but we couldn't find it. What we did discover is that he had leased the vehicle, it was scheduled for repo, and we think he knew that, so in Dec 2016, he took the plates off the vehicle and parked it at Terryall Reservoir and abandoned it. It was towed from there as abandoned, recovered for the repo, and resold. We think he abandoned it, and rode his bike back to the campground. We discovered that the equipment we found at the scene was his fathers and he got it all in the estate settlement. We THINK he started to escape to the woods in 2013 as we were able to locate a place he rented in Woodland Park up until Nov 2015, and found a message in 2016 on his phone that said "Im going off grid" and nothing further. We are pretty sure he committed suicide, and the body parts recovered were wrapped in ski bibs, so we think he did it in the winter of 2016 since this was the finality of his truck, his phone, contact, etc.. The rodents and animals destroyed the shelter he made, so if there was any note, our journal, the packrats made a nest out of it. We think he was checking messages up until 2016. There was no signal where he was, but we think he would check messages from time to time and get to a spot to return calls. When we reached the various people we could that were connected to him, they stated "I figured he was done with dealing with society and was just living in the woods" His son said he called every year for holidays and birthdays but once his phone was shut off, he just figured he didn't want any contact anymore; he never suspected he was deceased, so he never made a missing person report. We have no knowledge of why he committed suicide, but from the reports, it sounds like he was a pretty unhappy person and didn't have many people in his life, so he just ended it...But who knows? He could have gotten cabin fever, maybe he was injured, or poisoned and didn't want to suffer... Not sure we will ever know those answers. We think he started to build this shelter and prepare to escape in 2013, maybe visiting the shelter, building it, and staying out there for short periods? He clearly thought out his space and how to keep it undetectable. He used a LOT of trees to build the shelter, but took no trees near the shelter to preserve its camouflage. So, he cut trees in different areas to drag back and build the shelter. Remember, this was a 12x12 shelter, with double log enforced walls and ceiling. That has to be over 50-100 trees he cut down and used to build it?! He had his bathroom set up down hill from his shelter. He had his solar panels camouflaged, his batteries in a hole in the ground, covered by a camouflaged trap door. He had the inside well insulated and was probably very comfortable in all seasons in the shelter. There would be no way to see this was a shelter when you got a few yards from it, it blended in very well. For me, its very intriguing. Why would this guy go through such efforts to escape society, prepare for as long as he did, then off himself shortly into the escape? Not sure we will ever know the whole truth, but I can honestly say, this is the most impressive scene I have ever been on in regards to escaping and self preservation. I have no doubts there are hundreds of people in the backwoods of Colorado who are doing the same thing...And honestly, as I get older and more experience with people and society, I cant blame them one bit. May this Mountain Man rest in peace, and I truly hope he found the peace he was looking for in this escape. I will surely remember this scene and story!!