Perception
..something to think about...
Washington, DC Metro Station on a cold January morning in 2007. The man with a violin played six Bach pieces for about 45 minutes. During that time approx. 2 thousand people went through the station, most of them on their way to work. After 3 minutes a middle aged man noticed there was a musician playing. He slowed his pace and stopped for a few seconds and then hurried to meet his schedule.
4 minutes later:
the violinist received his first dollar: a woman threw the money in the hat and, without stopping, continued to walk..
6 minutes:
A young man leaned against the wall to listen to him, then looked at his watch and started to walk again.
10 minutes:
A 3-year old boy stopped but his mother tugged him along hurriedly. The kid stopped to look at the violinist again, but the mother pushed hard and the child continued to walk, turning his head all the time. This action was repeated by several other children. Every parent, without exception, forced their children to move on quickly.
45 minutes:
The musician played continuously. Only 6 people stopped and listened for a short while. About 20 gave money but continued to walk at their normal pace. The man collected a total of $32.
1 hour:
He finished playing and silence took over.. No one noticed. No one applauded, nor was there any recognition.
No one knew this, but the violinist was Joshua Bell, one of the greatest musicians in the world. He played one of the most intricate pieces ever written, with a violin worth $3.5 million dollars. Two days before Joshua Bell sold out a theater in Boston where the seats averaged $100.
This is a true story. Joshua Bell playing incognito in the metro station was organized by the Washington Post as part of a social experiment about perception, taste and people's priorities. The questions raised: in a common place environment at an inappropriate hour, do we perceive beauty? Do we stop to appreciate it? Do we recognize talent in an unexpected context?
One possible conclusion reached from this experiment could be this: If we do not have a moment to stop and listen to one of the best musicians in the world, playing some of the finest music ever written, with one of the most beautiful instruments ever made.... How many other things are we missing?
Stop and smell the roses and appreciate what is around us...
Here is a time lapsed video of the event
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MX7mT60Fezk&feature=fvst
Friday, December 24, 2010
Christma Eve 2010
I have to say that I am not so much into the Holidays these last few years but even with my lack of "Christmas Spirit" I am still VERY Grateful for my family, the love I have for them and others and the love they have for me and others...
It seem that the Holidays are full of drama, stress, anger, resentment and everywhere I have gone in this past week, no matter if it was the local "stop and go" or comments in those multiple social networking sites...Everyone seems to be complaining, is stressed out and overwhelmed with Holiday "cheer" (which I am thinking Webster needs to redefine).
I have found it comical, and have taken on a satirical response. When someone is grumpy or just seemingly bitter near me, I have started to smile and sarcastically say 'HAAAAAPPPY HOLIDAYS" and then even break out in song of the variety of irritating Christmas music....
"OOOOOOOOOOOOO- HOOOOOOLLY NIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT, The STAAAAAAAAARS are brightly SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIII-NING....."
Only to be answered with waves of hands, many "pfffffts" and a general desire to want to pinch my head off as it is clear that my sarcastic response is enjoyed about as much as fingernails across a chalk board. I guess I find humor in people who say...
"GET IN THE HOLIDAY SPIRIT DAMMIT"
and then get angry when I am trying to make light or fun of the anger and stress in their voices...
Yup, Happy Holidays!!
But, today, as I woke up and went to check my e-mail and vast array of other social media, I found that my old partner, the one written about in many of my stories, he had to take on a heavy burden this morning.
He was apparently working and early this morning, on Christmas Eve, he was in the line of duty and was the messenger to carry news to a family that their son was no longer with us on this earth...That he was dead.
I myself have been the bearer of such news to families and loved ones and know the weight it carries. However, in those days, being so young and inexperienced to the world, I was not nearly as appreciative of life as I am today, was fairly jaded and hard, and took it on as my job. However, no matter how well a scar heals, there is always some remnant of it left with you throughout your life... These scars are no different at all! Funny how "cold" of any kind reminds you of old scars...
So today, as you stumble around in the misery of the Holidays and come across those who are aligned with your energy of the Holidays, remember, "It can ALWAYS be worse" and there are many who are having an experience RIGHT NOW that would make your concerns and drama of the Holidays look like spilled milk.
As I drove around yesterday and was with my kids, we were joking about all of the STRESS that is just in the air everywhere you go...Wal-Mart was like a ball of twisted energy...The roads were packed with people, traffic was terrible, no parking spots, people everywhere.... I was starting to get on board with all the stress!
BAAHHHHHH HUUUUMBUG!!!
Then I was hit with reality...
I drove by a local emergency crisis shelter for children who have been abused and neglected, taken from their homes and is generally pretty full around the Holidays, pointed to it and said to my daughters...
"See, it could be worse..."
Then by an "old folks home" where people are facing "the end", many have NO ONE in their lives, bed ridden and suffering... I pointed out the window and said...
"See, it could be worse...."
We pulled behind an ambulance and could see them in the back working on someone, I thought about that person and their family and the fear they must be having as a result of this hurried trip to the ER...Pointed out the window and said....
"See, it could be worse..."
I wake up today and see my old partners note about the task he took on last night and in my head said....
"See, it could be worse...."
So to those of you who do have it "worse" I have good thoughts going out to you and yours. But always remember, as bad as it is right now, somewhere, somehow, someone is really getting slammed....So remember....
"It could be worse..."
To My buddy, who this family, although they cannot see it now, was blessed to have come bring such terrible news, I am sorry you are weighted with such a heavy load but that's what happens when you have broad and loving shoulders...You are chosen for the job because you know how to carry the weight!
To that family who lost their son....I send many thoughts and prayers, although I don't know who you are or where you are... I CARE!
To my family and those I love, I am grateful that we are all well and although we are scattered across the country, LOVE has no limits and LOVE has no idea of what "space" is... There is no space between us when it comes to this!
To those who are my friends, I wish nothing but fantastic things for you and your family this Holiday Season... Everyone make sure to give an extra hug or two today...
And for those complaining, whining, finding things to be miserable about, pouting around and self loathing....remember....
"It can always be worse!!!"
It seem that the Holidays are full of drama, stress, anger, resentment and everywhere I have gone in this past week, no matter if it was the local "stop and go" or comments in those multiple social networking sites...Everyone seems to be complaining, is stressed out and overwhelmed with Holiday "cheer" (which I am thinking Webster needs to redefine).
I have found it comical, and have taken on a satirical response. When someone is grumpy or just seemingly bitter near me, I have started to smile and sarcastically say 'HAAAAAPPPY HOLIDAYS" and then even break out in song of the variety of irritating Christmas music....
"OOOOOOOOOOOOO- HOOOOOOLLY NIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT, The STAAAAAAAAARS are brightly SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIII-NING....."
Only to be answered with waves of hands, many "pfffffts" and a general desire to want to pinch my head off as it is clear that my sarcastic response is enjoyed about as much as fingernails across a chalk board. I guess I find humor in people who say...
"GET IN THE HOLIDAY SPIRIT DAMMIT"
and then get angry when I am trying to make light or fun of the anger and stress in their voices...
Yup, Happy Holidays!!
But, today, as I woke up and went to check my e-mail and vast array of other social media, I found that my old partner, the one written about in many of my stories, he had to take on a heavy burden this morning.
He was apparently working and early this morning, on Christmas Eve, he was in the line of duty and was the messenger to carry news to a family that their son was no longer with us on this earth...That he was dead.
I myself have been the bearer of such news to families and loved ones and know the weight it carries. However, in those days, being so young and inexperienced to the world, I was not nearly as appreciative of life as I am today, was fairly jaded and hard, and took it on as my job. However, no matter how well a scar heals, there is always some remnant of it left with you throughout your life... These scars are no different at all! Funny how "cold" of any kind reminds you of old scars...
So today, as you stumble around in the misery of the Holidays and come across those who are aligned with your energy of the Holidays, remember, "It can ALWAYS be worse" and there are many who are having an experience RIGHT NOW that would make your concerns and drama of the Holidays look like spilled milk.
As I drove around yesterday and was with my kids, we were joking about all of the STRESS that is just in the air everywhere you go...Wal-Mart was like a ball of twisted energy...The roads were packed with people, traffic was terrible, no parking spots, people everywhere.... I was starting to get on board with all the stress!
BAAHHHHHH HUUUUMBUG!!!
Then I was hit with reality...
I drove by a local emergency crisis shelter for children who have been abused and neglected, taken from their homes and is generally pretty full around the Holidays, pointed to it and said to my daughters...
"See, it could be worse..."
Then by an "old folks home" where people are facing "the end", many have NO ONE in their lives, bed ridden and suffering... I pointed out the window and said...
"See, it could be worse...."
We pulled behind an ambulance and could see them in the back working on someone, I thought about that person and their family and the fear they must be having as a result of this hurried trip to the ER...Pointed out the window and said....
"See, it could be worse..."
I wake up today and see my old partners note about the task he took on last night and in my head said....
"See, it could be worse...."
So to those of you who do have it "worse" I have good thoughts going out to you and yours. But always remember, as bad as it is right now, somewhere, somehow, someone is really getting slammed....So remember....
"It could be worse..."
To My buddy, who this family, although they cannot see it now, was blessed to have come bring such terrible news, I am sorry you are weighted with such a heavy load but that's what happens when you have broad and loving shoulders...You are chosen for the job because you know how to carry the weight!
To that family who lost their son....I send many thoughts and prayers, although I don't know who you are or where you are... I CARE!
To my family and those I love, I am grateful that we are all well and although we are scattered across the country, LOVE has no limits and LOVE has no idea of what "space" is... There is no space between us when it comes to this!
To those who are my friends, I wish nothing but fantastic things for you and your family this Holiday Season... Everyone make sure to give an extra hug or two today...
And for those complaining, whining, finding things to be miserable about, pouting around and self loathing....remember....
"It can always be worse!!!"
Peace, Love and Light.... Brad
Christmas Eve 2010
As i wake this morning and have my coffee, i am reflecting back on the days of my youth and what Christmas was like for me as a kid. I think its important to document these things as it seems Christmas is no longer "that" and is becoming more of a week or two week long event, rather than a one day experience of joy and happiness. As a result, people grow frustrated, tired, stressed and seemingly MISERABLE!
When I was a kid growing up, we all use to go together to the Christmas tree stand, WELL after Thanksgiving, bundled up in our snow suits or down jackets with our wool hats on that had the goofy ball on the top. Generally the guy at the stand was bundled up helping people load their trees on the tops of their cars, int heir trunks, or any assorment of ideas that might work to get the tree from that cold, wet, busy place to our warm living room.
As a matter of fact, generally we had to set the teee up and let it sit for a couple of hours to warm up and open up to dedcorate. Mom always had music on, a fire generally going and we would all, as a family decorate the tree. Generations of ornaments came out, years of grade school projects to be hung on a tree, tinsle, lights that frustrated dad to no end, glittery tiinsel that could be found under coaches and charis for months after the new year had arrived. And then, the smell of the treee that would fill our house for the next month or so.
When we shopped, we generally got one or two gifts for each person in the family and maybe a friend would get a gift here and there. The clerks were always joyful, the mal was always full of fun energy, the people were generally smiling and happy...
The wrapped gifts would continue to grow over the month under the tree, stockings hung by the fireplace, a small nativity scene that we had for as long as i can remember, Sitting together and watching Christmas cartoons and movies as a family with hot chocolate and various christmas snacks.
Christmas Eve would come along and generally my parents would have friends over to celebrate the Eve together...What I didnt realize until much later in my life, it was really a recruiting party so the parents could work to help put together big wheels, bicycles ot any other number of toys with many working parts that needed complex assemply.
We would set milk and cookies out for Santa dn then be rushed off to bed withthe warning that we had to stay in our bedrooms because if we didnt, and Santa were to see us up trying to catch him, he would not leave us any gifts and would immediately be put on Santas naughty list.
Anticipated nights of no sleep and clocks ticking slowly as minutes seemed like hours...Tossing, turning, unable to stand the excitement and then, just maybe, a slip off into slumber for an hour or two only to wake up at 5:00am excted and running to get mom and dad up... It was clear Santa had come and it was time to get to tearing paper and screams of joy as our christmas list was revealed in form.
After opening of gifts, every toy got attention, we played with every single thing we got. We shared and exchanged and even fought NOT TO TOUCH certain special gifts. The smell of coffee and before long, the sounds of mom in the Kitchn making the dinner for the afternoon.
We met neighborhood kids and shared all the gifts we had gotten with jealous envy and excited response... Snow was not as common as one would think in Colorado Springs on Christmas Day but it was always cold enough to have to bundle up to get out and show all your friends the stuff Santa had brought you.
By 3:00pm, Dinner was ready, we would sit as a family, and sometimes with friends, on Christmas day enjoying a meal together and eating until we couldnt stand it anymore, then generally it was off for a nap, then up for a Turkey Sandwich and some sides...Maybe a late night Christmas special and then off to sleep putting the Holiday Season behind us and reflecting on special moments of the day.
I am generally given grief now for my unwillingness to be excited on the Holidays now. But really, what is there to be excited about now days? Its not a clebration of the day anymore, it is a broken up, dysfunctional Holiday.
This year, the Christmas lights in my town were up before Thanksgiving. Lots with trees popping up two days before our day of thanks and now, we are reminded on a day of thanks that the season of giving is already upon us...Can I please have my day of thnaks first and spend my time focusing on that? Is it so hard to understand that Christmas is in December?
We have a society now with a divorce rate of OVER 50% and as a result, families are scattered all over the Country. This year you get the kids, next year the ex does. people are crazy at the stores, clerks are stressed, people dont make eye contact, everyone has a complaint. Everyione is broke and feels bad when they cant give that 500.00 game to their 4 year old or the new 300.00 phone to their 9 year old... Man, have times changes.
A box of leggos, a light brite, a big wheel, a bicycle... THESE things were so valuable to us as kids and we appreciated everything...We even made sure thatthe one tacky sweater we got on Christmas day was worn for at least a picture or two to show our appreciation....
Now kids open the gift and if it isnt whatthey wanted, they discard it on the floor, int he wrapping paper to get to the next thing and hope its that new Wii or the most updated drone phone or I-phone... The value of the gift is in the giving of it... Where did we lose that?
Family meals and days spent together are filled with drama and arguing. Kids, ebven the older ones, are now split and have to have three or four days of Christmas so everyone gets their chance to see the joy in the gift they gave... To me, I still feel that it should be ONE DAY...CHRISTMAS DAY...
If the kids have to be scattered all over the Country, then the gifts they are given go with them and they open them on Christmas Day and make calls of appreciation...Why do we have to be so selfish in our giving that we must see the reward personally and miss the significance of the day we are celebrating?
peaople complain thatt he holidays arent want they use to be but are hesitant to sacrifice their own self reward to celebrate whatthe Holiday is about...
When I was a kid growing up, we all use to go together to the Christmas tree stand, WELL after Thanksgiving, bundled up in our snow suits or down jackets with our wool hats on that had the goofy ball on the top. Generally the guy at the stand was bundled up helping people load their trees on the tops of their cars, int heir trunks, or any assorment of ideas that might work to get the tree from that cold, wet, busy place to our warm living room.
As a matter of fact, generally we had to set the teee up and let it sit for a couple of hours to warm up and open up to dedcorate. Mom always had music on, a fire generally going and we would all, as a family decorate the tree. Generations of ornaments came out, years of grade school projects to be hung on a tree, tinsle, lights that frustrated dad to no end, glittery tiinsel that could be found under coaches and charis for months after the new year had arrived. And then, the smell of the treee that would fill our house for the next month or so.
When we shopped, we generally got one or two gifts for each person in the family and maybe a friend would get a gift here and there. The clerks were always joyful, the mal was always full of fun energy, the people were generally smiling and happy...
The wrapped gifts would continue to grow over the month under the tree, stockings hung by the fireplace, a small nativity scene that we had for as long as i can remember, Sitting together and watching Christmas cartoons and movies as a family with hot chocolate and various christmas snacks.
Christmas Eve would come along and generally my parents would have friends over to celebrate the Eve together...What I didnt realize until much later in my life, it was really a recruiting party so the parents could work to help put together big wheels, bicycles ot any other number of toys with many working parts that needed complex assemply.
We would set milk and cookies out for Santa dn then be rushed off to bed withthe warning that we had to stay in our bedrooms because if we didnt, and Santa were to see us up trying to catch him, he would not leave us any gifts and would immediately be put on Santas naughty list.
Anticipated nights of no sleep and clocks ticking slowly as minutes seemed like hours...Tossing, turning, unable to stand the excitement and then, just maybe, a slip off into slumber for an hour or two only to wake up at 5:00am excted and running to get mom and dad up... It was clear Santa had come and it was time to get to tearing paper and screams of joy as our christmas list was revealed in form.
After opening of gifts, every toy got attention, we played with every single thing we got. We shared and exchanged and even fought NOT TO TOUCH certain special gifts. The smell of coffee and before long, the sounds of mom in the Kitchn making the dinner for the afternoon.
We met neighborhood kids and shared all the gifts we had gotten with jealous envy and excited response... Snow was not as common as one would think in Colorado Springs on Christmas Day but it was always cold enough to have to bundle up to get out and show all your friends the stuff Santa had brought you.
By 3:00pm, Dinner was ready, we would sit as a family, and sometimes with friends, on Christmas day enjoying a meal together and eating until we couldnt stand it anymore, then generally it was off for a nap, then up for a Turkey Sandwich and some sides...Maybe a late night Christmas special and then off to sleep putting the Holiday Season behind us and reflecting on special moments of the day.
I am generally given grief now for my unwillingness to be excited on the Holidays now. But really, what is there to be excited about now days? Its not a clebration of the day anymore, it is a broken up, dysfunctional Holiday.
This year, the Christmas lights in my town were up before Thanksgiving. Lots with trees popping up two days before our day of thanks and now, we are reminded on a day of thanks that the season of giving is already upon us...Can I please have my day of thnaks first and spend my time focusing on that? Is it so hard to understand that Christmas is in December?
We have a society now with a divorce rate of OVER 50% and as a result, families are scattered all over the Country. This year you get the kids, next year the ex does. people are crazy at the stores, clerks are stressed, people dont make eye contact, everyone has a complaint. Everyione is broke and feels bad when they cant give that 500.00 game to their 4 year old or the new 300.00 phone to their 9 year old... Man, have times changes.
A box of leggos, a light brite, a big wheel, a bicycle... THESE things were so valuable to us as kids and we appreciated everything...We even made sure thatthe one tacky sweater we got on Christmas day was worn for at least a picture or two to show our appreciation....
Now kids open the gift and if it isnt whatthey wanted, they discard it on the floor, int he wrapping paper to get to the next thing and hope its that new Wii or the most updated drone phone or I-phone... The value of the gift is in the giving of it... Where did we lose that?
Family meals and days spent together are filled with drama and arguing. Kids, ebven the older ones, are now split and have to have three or four days of Christmas so everyone gets their chance to see the joy in the gift they gave... To me, I still feel that it should be ONE DAY...CHRISTMAS DAY...
If the kids have to be scattered all over the Country, then the gifts they are given go with them and they open them on Christmas Day and make calls of appreciation...Why do we have to be so selfish in our giving that we must see the reward personally and miss the significance of the day we are celebrating?
peaople complain thatt he holidays arent want they use to be but are hesitant to sacrifice their own self reward to celebrate whatthe Holiday is about...
Thursday, December 23, 2010
12-21-2010 Eclipse...
So as of late, sleeping has been something that has been somewhat eluding me. I have always had problems with sleeping...Since the time I was in elementary school I can remember nights of going to bed at 9:00pm and tossing and turning until 2,3 and 4 in the morning, only to have to get up at 6-7 to get ready for school.
During stressful periods, it gets worse and many times the restlessness comes with joint aches and pains. I have talked to Doctors, done stretching exercises, meditation relaxing methods and plenty of differing sleep aides. Nothing seems to work and the medicine generally hangs on me the next day and I am like a walking zombie.
Now days, I find things to occupy myself if medication and other things aren't working. So it isn't uncommon for Donna to wake up at 4:00am and find me writing, or outside sitting on the deck looking at the stars or even in my garage cleaning my obsession...Lucy!
Since I quit drinking, the restlessness seems to have gotten worse as alcohol was good to get me to "pass out" but even that left me feeling terrible the next day and even that sometimes didn't work. It can be VERY frustrating.
Well lately, "stress" has been abounding. I generally don't care for the Holidays much anymore and get stressed during this time. Although I am sooooo very happy that Shanna is here and safe, I now have a 2 year old in the house and a new residents in our abode and that is "different" (and totally a blessing!), my book is at edit and I am not writing as much, I am not "working" and although I know its a ridiculous assessment...I seem to find self worth when I am "working" and suffer a loss of that when I am not.
Our fridge has been giving us problems and we have been living out of an ice chest for the last week trying to figure out what is wrong with it, I have a good friend that is having some life problems right now that makes me hurt for him and think of him often...Its just been kinda hectic... Ho, Ho, frickin HO!!
Anyway, on Monday night I had the issues with sleep and decided to take the time to clean up my bike so I could ride her Tuesday. I am generally very particular when I clean her up and can spend hours waxing, shining, polishing....Its soothing and gives me things to do while I listen to music and contemplate my life at that particular time. It might seem neurotic but it really is an aide to ease when I have soooo much on my mind.
So, Monday night turns into Tuesday Morning and apparently, I am not the only one awake. I text my Daughter Brandi a picture of the bike as I am getting it all spiffed up and trying out my new motorcycle lift
and she texts me back telling me she is awake and probably staying up for the eclipse.
I had forgotten about the eclipse!!
Donna just happened to be up and on the comp. at that time and I walked in and told her to check the time the eclipse was going to start... She did and said...
"Right now!"
It was about 1:00am....
We went outside, looked up at the moon and could see the shadow of the earth starting to move over the moons surface. We tried to get pictures but a recent vehicle theft has left us without our tripod and the new and exciting task of replacing the one stolen. HAPPY HOLIDAYS! ;)
I remember many nights with many old friends sitting under the stars, looking at the sky and talking about "possibilities." Seems that most of the people who have been in my life for a long time seem to have the same appreciation for the universe as I do. Meteor showers,
different seasons of Mars, the moon in all its phases, just the vastness of the universe and the idea of just how big IT is and how small WE ARE in the scope of it all is to me, really mind blowing.
So, as I watched the moon, my old neck started to get stiff and hurt so I went back to polishing and would come outside the garage every few minutes to check the progression. Each time I looked up, a little more shadow was taking over the surface of the BIG CHEESE and I was texting old friends trying to get them out of bed to see it happen.
At one point, because of all the bending and squatting that goes with cleaning my bike, my back was really starting to ache. The moon was about 3/4 covered now and I crawled on the hood of my truck and laid across it, hands intertwined on my chest, and just watched the moon.
Through the shadow, I could still see the craters of the moon and had a vision in my head of how majestic this scene must have been on the surface of that big cold rock... Watching the Blue planet as it moved in front of the sun...Man, again, I am just in awe of the vastness and size of "space."
As I laid on the hood, I reflected back to a time when Brett and I were much younger…probably 20 years old. Brett and I were at my apartment in Colorado Springs. He was struggling through a rough time and a break up from the girl he was with at that time and was staying with me as he got through it. We spent a lot of time on this hill behind my old apartment just gazing at the sky, talking about life and things, and on this night, we were laying on our backs, tops of our heads touching, and looking at the sky. I was explaining to Brett the circular motion of the Universe and how not too long ago, in this very spot, I actually could SEE IT!.
Brett was convinced that we could not see it from where we were and as we laid there, our conversation went from all that "crap" that goes with break ups, to me showing him different points in the sky and then having him follow my finger as it progressed in a circular motion to the center of the universe from where we were laying.
He GOT IT and when he did, it overwhelmed him and he had to sit up because it made him dizzy!
I remember my nights on patrol on the beach with Marty and watching the waves roll in and looking at the stars as we sat on our hoods smoking cigarettes and listing to the radio of the different agencies on the mainland who were darting from call to call and filling the radio with static and codes, looking for case numbers and checking "27's" through dispatch. Running license plates and drivers license numbers...And as we would sit and look at the stars listening to the waves roll in, Marty would always look at me with his cigarette in his hand and say...
"I wonder what the real police are doing right now Junior?!"
With a sarcastic tone and a reminder of how blessed we were to be sitting in that spot, at that time and doing ... NOTHING... A reflection of "good times" in those days! The beach was always a wonderful place to look at the stars. It was away from the lights of Galveston and was pretty dark on that beach... A great place to BE!
I remember times with me and Kenneth, sitting on a roadblock on some major accident directing traffic at 3:00am. Out in the middle of some desolate part of the county and the only job we had for an hour or so was to sit on that road, stop anyone from getting through, direct them to the detour and many times, the "work" was sporadic and maybe one car would come by for us to direct.
Again, sitting and looking at the stars, talking about the vastness of space and time, reflecting on what it must be like to be in the Space Shuttle as it moves at super sonic speeds across the atmosphere and TRYING to imagine what that experience must be like, and realizing it is something that probably cannot be explained with words.
I reflected back to 2001 on a night where I was in Oklahoma on Stephanie's Birthday. We made a pact to go outside at 10:00pm and look at the moon...EXACTLY 10:00pm so that she would know that I might not be with her on her birthday, but at that time, at that VERY moment, the distance between us was merely a perception as we stood and looked at the same moon, at the same time and knew that we were with each other in that moment.
It wasn't so long ago that Stephanie and I were talking on the phone, I was on my deck in Kerrville, She was on her back porch in Austin, the situations of our porches are similar in how they face East and I noticed a light going across the sky...
I asked Stephanie if she saw this light too and she did... It couldn't be a plane; it was far too big for a satellite, so since we were seeing it in the same area of the sky, at the same time, regardless of our locations, what else could it be??
The Space Station...THAT'S what it was!! We just happened to be chatting on the phone, outside as the space station flew over our heads...Maybe a time frame of 5 minutes, but how very cool to have that happen at that time.
I reflected on the MANY times Donna and I have been out and watching the stars... In Crystal beach, On the West end of Galveston fishing, on our front porch of the beach house, of our house in Medina when we changed our life, and even weekly now on our deck in Kerrville. In Colorado in the middle of the Rocky Mountains, in the middle of the Caribbean on a ship, HUNDREDS of miles from any shore line, In Monterey California with the Pacific Coast waves crashing on the shore. In Tennessee, On lake Catherine in Arkansas, Sitting on the deck of the beach house which is now nothing but a memory, in New Braunfels, Dallas, Concan, Vegas (which doesn’t show you many stars), Cozumel, and not too long ago in the Davis Mountains at the observatory in Fort Davis...
It is in this place that the sky looks like a canvas... The stars are so bold, so bright and so thick that it looks like someone took a paintbrush with sparkled paint on it and SWOOPED it across the sky...AMAZING!
We saw Saturn and her rings that night, (this is actually how it looked as we viewed it)
a nebula that looked like a blue cloud in the center of space, like a doorway opening to another universe...TRULY... We spent a long night just star gazing there!
I reflected on the many shooting stars we have wished on throughout the years and how those wishes don’t really get granted...I still haven’t hit the lotto!
The times at our Burning Man adventures where the sky was a "relief" to look at because all of the activity at the festival was just too much to try and take in at one time.
Time and space are something Donna and I have shared much of and I am blessed to have shared it with such an amazing person!
The moon was now almost completely covered and was taking on a different look. It was turning red! As the shadow of the earth consumed the cratered surface, the red turned to a dark brown...Almost like a dark shade of blood color... If you have ever seen blood at night, its black but when you flash your flashlight on the pools of blood, it has a very distinct dark brown hue on the edges of the pool...Blood is easily recognizable at night to the experienced eye... I even reflected on that a bit!
The moon was now completely covered and it was such a dark colored red, it took on a very creepy feel...
It made the dark spaces in my neighborhood cast a strange shadow and was eerie as I looked around and saw movement from the many deer we have that regulate our neighborhood... I was reminded of my Mythology classes in College and some of my British Literature stories of elves and trolls and "things that go bump in the night."
I went back in to work on Lucy a little more and I am not sure how much time had gone by, but something drew me out of the garage again... Something was "different." As I walked out, I noticed that the fog had rolled into our neighborhood. I, like space, think the fog is very cool. It makes a place of common a place of new and it always amazes me how the "haze" of the fog changes the world around you, AND your experience of it.
Now, as I was standing in this for bank, I was reminded of a time when I was about 23years old, I was at the beach, it was a full moon, and I was with my dog Sidney. Me and sid were good late night partners...he was always up with me on those struggling nights and many times me and sid would go out and walk the streets of Manitou Springs or Old Colorado City at three in the morning and just take in the silence and electric feel of the night time in those wee hours...Sidney was always such a great companion!
It was a Fall night, not long after my 23rd birthday, Crystal Beach Texas... I was at the beach house alone with Sidney...it was not very cold yet, it was late, maybe 2-3am, the fog had rolled in so thick that standing on the shoreline you could not hardly see the waves break. There was a bright full moon so the whole place was illuminated but you could not see more than about 15 feet around you... I decided to take sid and walk out into the surf...
As I walked out, sidney by my side swimming, I got out about chest deep and then looked around me and could no longer see the shore line, the waves breaking and was in all respects, in the middle of the ocean. Sid swam off to where I couldn’t see him and the creepiness of being alone in the middle of the ocean was suddenly very real to me. If the waves would not have been moving in, I could have easily not known which way was "in" and which way was "out" other than the depth of the water, which on the Texas gulf coast, doesn’t drop off quickly. A little panicked, I made my way back to the beach calling for Sidney. I can still see that night so clearly in my head. A VERY surreal experience.
As I stood in my driveway and looked at the fog, I noticed it had the hue of the moon all around me... The blood red/brown color was everywhere...I could still see the moon but the fog was growing thicker. The moon was fading out but the color was getting...uhhhmm...."heavier" is the best way to explain it.
I looked at my watch and it was about 3:30am...Where had the time gone!? I was still not tired but knew I had to make myself go to bed or I would be up until sun up... I hate when that happens!!
So I stood for a moment more, taking a few more drags off my cigar, embracing the experience, and reflecting on things that were brought to the front of my mind and smiled.... This was what I needed... Like a warm blanket on a cool night, I was soothed... I went into the house, slowly put on my PJ's and slid into bed. I was still reflecting as I went off to sleep and that night; I can honestly say that I was carried off to sleep with warm memories of good times with good people.... Sometimes, it seems that even in the darkest places, memories are what carries you into peacefulness.
A very cool night indeed!
During stressful periods, it gets worse and many times the restlessness comes with joint aches and pains. I have talked to Doctors, done stretching exercises, meditation relaxing methods and plenty of differing sleep aides. Nothing seems to work and the medicine generally hangs on me the next day and I am like a walking zombie.
Now days, I find things to occupy myself if medication and other things aren't working. So it isn't uncommon for Donna to wake up at 4:00am and find me writing, or outside sitting on the deck looking at the stars or even in my garage cleaning my obsession...Lucy!
Since I quit drinking, the restlessness seems to have gotten worse as alcohol was good to get me to "pass out" but even that left me feeling terrible the next day and even that sometimes didn't work. It can be VERY frustrating.
Well lately, "stress" has been abounding. I generally don't care for the Holidays much anymore and get stressed during this time. Although I am sooooo very happy that Shanna is here and safe, I now have a 2 year old in the house and a new residents in our abode and that is "different" (and totally a blessing!), my book is at edit and I am not writing as much, I am not "working" and although I know its a ridiculous assessment...I seem to find self worth when I am "working" and suffer a loss of that when I am not.
Our fridge has been giving us problems and we have been living out of an ice chest for the last week trying to figure out what is wrong with it, I have a good friend that is having some life problems right now that makes me hurt for him and think of him often...Its just been kinda hectic... Ho, Ho, frickin HO!!
Anyway, on Monday night I had the issues with sleep and decided to take the time to clean up my bike so I could ride her Tuesday. I am generally very particular when I clean her up and can spend hours waxing, shining, polishing....Its soothing and gives me things to do while I listen to music and contemplate my life at that particular time. It might seem neurotic but it really is an aide to ease when I have soooo much on my mind.
So, Monday night turns into Tuesday Morning and apparently, I am not the only one awake. I text my Daughter Brandi a picture of the bike as I am getting it all spiffed up and trying out my new motorcycle lift
I had forgotten about the eclipse!!
Donna just happened to be up and on the comp. at that time and I walked in and told her to check the time the eclipse was going to start... She did and said...
"Right now!"
It was about 1:00am....
We went outside, looked up at the moon and could see the shadow of the earth starting to move over the moons surface. We tried to get pictures but a recent vehicle theft has left us without our tripod and the new and exciting task of replacing the one stolen. HAPPY HOLIDAYS! ;)
I remember many nights with many old friends sitting under the stars, looking at the sky and talking about "possibilities." Seems that most of the people who have been in my life for a long time seem to have the same appreciation for the universe as I do. Meteor showers,
different seasons of Mars, the moon in all its phases, just the vastness of the universe and the idea of just how big IT is and how small WE ARE in the scope of it all is to me, really mind blowing.
So, as I watched the moon, my old neck started to get stiff and hurt so I went back to polishing and would come outside the garage every few minutes to check the progression. Each time I looked up, a little more shadow was taking over the surface of the BIG CHEESE and I was texting old friends trying to get them out of bed to see it happen.
At one point, because of all the bending and squatting that goes with cleaning my bike, my back was really starting to ache. The moon was about 3/4 covered now and I crawled on the hood of my truck and laid across it, hands intertwined on my chest, and just watched the moon.
Through the shadow, I could still see the craters of the moon and had a vision in my head of how majestic this scene must have been on the surface of that big cold rock... Watching the Blue planet as it moved in front of the sun...Man, again, I am just in awe of the vastness and size of "space."
As I laid on the hood, I reflected back to a time when Brett and I were much younger…probably 20 years old. Brett and I were at my apartment in Colorado Springs. He was struggling through a rough time and a break up from the girl he was with at that time and was staying with me as he got through it. We spent a lot of time on this hill behind my old apartment just gazing at the sky, talking about life and things, and on this night, we were laying on our backs, tops of our heads touching, and looking at the sky. I was explaining to Brett the circular motion of the Universe and how not too long ago, in this very spot, I actually could SEE IT!.
Brett was convinced that we could not see it from where we were and as we laid there, our conversation went from all that "crap" that goes with break ups, to me showing him different points in the sky and then having him follow my finger as it progressed in a circular motion to the center of the universe from where we were laying.
He GOT IT and when he did, it overwhelmed him and he had to sit up because it made him dizzy!
I remember my nights on patrol on the beach with Marty and watching the waves roll in and looking at the stars as we sat on our hoods smoking cigarettes and listing to the radio of the different agencies on the mainland who were darting from call to call and filling the radio with static and codes, looking for case numbers and checking "27's" through dispatch. Running license plates and drivers license numbers...And as we would sit and look at the stars listening to the waves roll in, Marty would always look at me with his cigarette in his hand and say...
"I wonder what the real police are doing right now Junior?!"
With a sarcastic tone and a reminder of how blessed we were to be sitting in that spot, at that time and doing ... NOTHING... A reflection of "good times" in those days! The beach was always a wonderful place to look at the stars. It was away from the lights of Galveston and was pretty dark on that beach... A great place to BE!
I remember times with me and Kenneth, sitting on a roadblock on some major accident directing traffic at 3:00am. Out in the middle of some desolate part of the county and the only job we had for an hour or so was to sit on that road, stop anyone from getting through, direct them to the detour and many times, the "work" was sporadic and maybe one car would come by for us to direct.
Again, sitting and looking at the stars, talking about the vastness of space and time, reflecting on what it must be like to be in the Space Shuttle as it moves at super sonic speeds across the atmosphere and TRYING to imagine what that experience must be like, and realizing it is something that probably cannot be explained with words.
I reflected back to 2001 on a night where I was in Oklahoma on Stephanie's Birthday. We made a pact to go outside at 10:00pm and look at the moon...EXACTLY 10:00pm so that she would know that I might not be with her on her birthday, but at that time, at that VERY moment, the distance between us was merely a perception as we stood and looked at the same moon, at the same time and knew that we were with each other in that moment.
It wasn't so long ago that Stephanie and I were talking on the phone, I was on my deck in Kerrville, She was on her back porch in Austin, the situations of our porches are similar in how they face East and I noticed a light going across the sky...
I asked Stephanie if she saw this light too and she did... It couldn't be a plane; it was far too big for a satellite, so since we were seeing it in the same area of the sky, at the same time, regardless of our locations, what else could it be??
The Space Station...THAT'S what it was!! We just happened to be chatting on the phone, outside as the space station flew over our heads...Maybe a time frame of 5 minutes, but how very cool to have that happen at that time.
I reflected on the MANY times Donna and I have been out and watching the stars... In Crystal beach, On the West end of Galveston fishing, on our front porch of the beach house, of our house in Medina when we changed our life, and even weekly now on our deck in Kerrville. In Colorado in the middle of the Rocky Mountains, in the middle of the Caribbean on a ship, HUNDREDS of miles from any shore line, In Monterey California with the Pacific Coast waves crashing on the shore. In Tennessee, On lake Catherine in Arkansas, Sitting on the deck of the beach house which is now nothing but a memory, in New Braunfels, Dallas, Concan, Vegas (which doesn’t show you many stars), Cozumel, and not too long ago in the Davis Mountains at the observatory in Fort Davis...
It is in this place that the sky looks like a canvas... The stars are so bold, so bright and so thick that it looks like someone took a paintbrush with sparkled paint on it and SWOOPED it across the sky...AMAZING!
We saw Saturn and her rings that night, (this is actually how it looked as we viewed it)
I reflected on the many shooting stars we have wished on throughout the years and how those wishes don’t really get granted...I still haven’t hit the lotto!
The times at our Burning Man adventures where the sky was a "relief" to look at because all of the activity at the festival was just too much to try and take in at one time.
Time and space are something Donna and I have shared much of and I am blessed to have shared it with such an amazing person!
The moon was now almost completely covered and was taking on a different look. It was turning red! As the shadow of the earth consumed the cratered surface, the red turned to a dark brown...Almost like a dark shade of blood color... If you have ever seen blood at night, its black but when you flash your flashlight on the pools of blood, it has a very distinct dark brown hue on the edges of the pool...Blood is easily recognizable at night to the experienced eye... I even reflected on that a bit!
The moon was now completely covered and it was such a dark colored red, it took on a very creepy feel...
I went back in to work on Lucy a little more and I am not sure how much time had gone by, but something drew me out of the garage again... Something was "different." As I walked out, I noticed that the fog had rolled into our neighborhood. I, like space, think the fog is very cool. It makes a place of common a place of new and it always amazes me how the "haze" of the fog changes the world around you, AND your experience of it.
Now, as I was standing in this for bank, I was reminded of a time when I was about 23years old, I was at the beach, it was a full moon, and I was with my dog Sidney. Me and sid were good late night partners...he was always up with me on those struggling nights and many times me and sid would go out and walk the streets of Manitou Springs or Old Colorado City at three in the morning and just take in the silence and electric feel of the night time in those wee hours...Sidney was always such a great companion!
It was a Fall night, not long after my 23rd birthday, Crystal Beach Texas... I was at the beach house alone with Sidney...it was not very cold yet, it was late, maybe 2-3am, the fog had rolled in so thick that standing on the shoreline you could not hardly see the waves break. There was a bright full moon so the whole place was illuminated but you could not see more than about 15 feet around you... I decided to take sid and walk out into the surf...
As I walked out, sidney by my side swimming, I got out about chest deep and then looked around me and could no longer see the shore line, the waves breaking and was in all respects, in the middle of the ocean. Sid swam off to where I couldn’t see him and the creepiness of being alone in the middle of the ocean was suddenly very real to me. If the waves would not have been moving in, I could have easily not known which way was "in" and which way was "out" other than the depth of the water, which on the Texas gulf coast, doesn’t drop off quickly. A little panicked, I made my way back to the beach calling for Sidney. I can still see that night so clearly in my head. A VERY surreal experience.
As I stood in my driveway and looked at the fog, I noticed it had the hue of the moon all around me... The blood red/brown color was everywhere...I could still see the moon but the fog was growing thicker. The moon was fading out but the color was getting...uhhhmm...."heavier" is the best way to explain it.
I looked at my watch and it was about 3:30am...Where had the time gone!? I was still not tired but knew I had to make myself go to bed or I would be up until sun up... I hate when that happens!!
So I stood for a moment more, taking a few more drags off my cigar, embracing the experience, and reflecting on things that were brought to the front of my mind and smiled.... This was what I needed... Like a warm blanket on a cool night, I was soothed... I went into the house, slowly put on my PJ's and slid into bed. I was still reflecting as I went off to sleep and that night; I can honestly say that I was carried off to sleep with warm memories of good times with good people.... Sometimes, it seems that even in the darkest places, memories are what carries you into peacefulness.
A very cool night indeed!
Monday, December 20, 2010
HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!
The days are short, the nights are cold and family is here and there… It is the season of Holidays with shopping and paper tear.
We spend our time embracing things both past and things to come. And in this season with this time, as family we are one.
Its sad we don’t have all of us gathered in one room, but in my heart I find myself reflecting on each of you.
I close my eyes and smile and think of hugs and loves that’s passed, and know that in my heart those gone from us are near us and the feelings always last.
I wish the very best for you, both family and our friends. Cuz I am blessed with you this holiday to reflect and see your grins.
This decade passes and we start a new with many great things to come, but in this moment, just right now, my heart is snug and warm.
So hug someone you haven’t yet and let someone you know, that your love for them is growing still as these years they come and go.
We are here but an instant in this place that we call life, but an instant is all there really is so embrace those you love and be nice.
Remember those less for-tu-nate than you and I might be, and give a little of yourself to those we see in need. Life is but a precious thing and we are slow to see, that life is bigger than ourselves and its now that you can BE.
So BE that love that we all need, and show it with your heart, cuz plenty of people in this world don’t even know to start.
Set an example for others to see that giving is the way, and serve someone you wouldn’t have, it truly makes their day.
Holidays are special times and Grinches are abound….But little WHO’s are everywhere and Grinches don’t get them down.
Open your heart and open your eyes and reach outside yourself, cuz what you give will come back to you its how this world is built.
I hope for all of you, the same I hope for mine… That living a life and chasing your dreams will reward you in quick time.
So start the year and have no fear, no dreams are too big to reach. No matter if it’s on a mountain, or the smallest grain upon a beach.
Set your goals and make your plans that greatness is ahead….And take the time so others see love is in your heart… Love isn’t in your head!
HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!
The dates a little off, but the picture is classic!!
HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!
The dates a little off, but the picture is classic!!
Sunday, December 19, 2010
Random thoughts...
I guess I am going to have to start posting these here as they pop up so I can keep track of them...As I write (and even when I sleep) thoughts come into my head and I have to write them down...This is one of them and I will add more as I have them....
"Leaders do not lead to answer to self fulfilling agendas but rather to address the needs of those they lead and move forward, headstrong, cutting the path for those who follow to be successful."
This one was one that came to me a few years back in a dream...I woke up, wrote it down and eventually made t-shirts for the organization I was working for working with troubled youth with the saying on them. I found out that it is now the quote on the homepage for "K'STAR Youth and Family Services" (www.kstar.org)... I am honored!
"The paths our children walk in life are determined by the hands that offer them guidance"
"Leaders do not lead to answer to self fulfilling agendas but rather to address the needs of those they lead and move forward, headstrong, cutting the path for those who follow to be successful."
This one was one that came to me a few years back in a dream...I woke up, wrote it down and eventually made t-shirts for the organization I was working for working with troubled youth with the saying on them. I found out that it is now the quote on the homepage for "K'STAR Youth and Family Services" (www.kstar.org)... I am honored!
"The paths our children walk in life are determined by the hands that offer them guidance"
Shanna, Day three
So here we are, 3 days into Shannas move to the Hill Country. She seems happy, content and is getting a lot of great support from people really pulling for her. I thank all of you for the warm wishes and encouraging words to Shanna. She still says she is driven and is even setting up all of her assistance here to start getting her life on the new path.
She seems to be comfortable and Shaylin is really a great little girl. She doesn’t scream and yell, she is inquisitive and talking and learning new words everyday. She understands that I am “Pappy” but she she cant say the “P” part and calls me “Happy” now….Oh how little she knows!! MUUUAAA-HAA-HAA-HAA-HAA!!! ;)
She is a typical two year old exploring a new world but she minds well and loves to sit in my lap and come talk to me. She is truly a little doll. I remember back when I was younger and having three young girls in my life, I had times where they wore me out and questioned sometimes “what the hell was I thinking” but all it took was one cool experience with any one of them to make me realize it was a wonderful thing in my life…And we have had MANY cool experiences together…Each of us together and as a family.
I remember when Shanna was such a little thing when she came into my life. So young, so well mannered, so ready to try things and help…Always such a sweet little thing…And even through the struggles she has had over the last few years in her life, that part of her has never changed or left. She is still that sweet little girl as a beautiful young woman… Truly our baby!
She seems to be clear on the task ahead and is so ready to take it on. I think she would make an amazing elementary school teacher and maybe this is the route she will take. It’s good she sees a light ahead and I am honored to be with her on her journey, and humbled to know she trusts me and feels safe with me. I am also overwhelmed that she wants me to walk this path with her. She seems as excited as I am.
She told a friend of hers the other day who said…
“What if Joseph comes up there and starts trouble?”
She responded….
“I know Brad will keep me safe….I am not worried or scared.”
Wow, again, I am moved to tears that she trusts me so much. I am so glad she sees my commitment to her greatness and I think she hasn’t had a lot of those people in her life in the past couple of years. Now she has them surrounding her every day. She has NOTHING to be worried or scared about!
I don't think ill of Joseph and realize he has some struggles of his own... I wish great things for him as well. I hope he figures it out and gets his life on track. As is with Shanna, the choice is up to him!
I don't think ill of Joseph and realize he has some struggles of his own... I wish great things for him as well. I hope he figures it out and gets his life on track. As is with Shanna, the choice is up to him!
Brandi is as committed as we are and we have all sat and talked about the importance of working together, trusting each other and realizing that us helping each other through the struggles ahead is going to create a powerful bond and a force to be reckoned with.
I am so honored to have these girls, who just ten years ago really didn’t want much to do with me. Now trust me enough to choose to make a sacrifice and a risk WITH me! Man, life really does twist and shift.
I was really concerned in the early years of my ability to be a “step-father” and even my desire to do so. As I look back, I wonder why I ever worried….I look ahead and see such amazing experiences in the future and the TRUE JOY of seeing people you care for, choose different and excel and drive through the hardships to find their greatness. SO, SO, SO rewarding.
Thank you girls, you have all made such a difference in my life.
Donna, an amazing and powerful woman, a person who is the epitome of unconditional love…
Janeen with her humor and wit, and power…
Brandi with her drive and passion and her independence…
Shanna with her huge heart, brave soul and powerful strength to SHIFT from a life of knowing into a life of the unknown…
All such powerful and wonderful traits to bring you all you want in this life!
Thanks for loving me, thanks for trusting me and accepting me into your lives.
The end of this decade will soon be behind us. I have found in my experience, life seems to take on a shift about every ten years. Seems we have different “lives” every ten years. Think back how different your life was at 0-10…then 10-20… then 20-30…or any number of ten years of age time frames.
I hope this next decade offers you a life of lessons, love, hardships, drama, amazing experiences and some struggle to teach you perseverance.
A good ending to start a good beginning….I am excited to look back on this blog in ten years and realize all the great things that have happened…because trust me; it will be quite a reflection…
I hope for greatness for us all and for all others in our scattered families. I love you all!
Peace… Big Daddy!
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