Perception
..something to think about...
Washington, DC Metro Station on a cold January morning in 2007. The man with a violin played six Bach pieces for about 45 minutes. During that time approx. 2 thousand people went through the station, most of them on their way to work. After 3 minutes a middle aged man noticed there was a musician playing. He slowed his pace and stopped for a few seconds and then hurried to meet his schedule.
4 minutes later:
the violinist received his first dollar: a woman threw the money in the hat and, without stopping, continued to walk..
6 minutes:
A young man leaned against the wall to listen to him, then looked at his watch and started to walk again.
10 minutes:
A 3-year old boy stopped but his mother tugged him along hurriedly. The kid stopped to look at the violinist again, but the mother pushed hard and the child continued to walk, turning his head all the time. This action was repeated by several other children. Every parent, without exception, forced their children to move on quickly.
45 minutes:
The musician played continuously. Only 6 people stopped and listened for a short while. About 20 gave money but continued to walk at their normal pace. The man collected a total of $32.
1 hour:
He finished playing and silence took over.. No one noticed. No one applauded, nor was there any recognition.
No one knew this, but the violinist was Joshua Bell, one of the greatest musicians in the world. He played one of the most intricate pieces ever written, with a violin worth $3.5 million dollars. Two days before Joshua Bell sold out a theater in Boston where the seats averaged $100.
This is a true story. Joshua Bell playing incognito in the metro station was organized by the Washington Post as part of a social experiment about perception, taste and people's priorities. The questions raised: in a common place environment at an inappropriate hour, do we perceive beauty? Do we stop to appreciate it? Do we recognize talent in an unexpected context?
One possible conclusion reached from this experiment could be this: If we do not have a moment to stop and listen to one of the best musicians in the world, playing some of the finest music ever written, with one of the most beautiful instruments ever made.... How many other things are we missing?
Stop and smell the roses and appreciate what is around us...
Here is a time lapsed video of the event
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MX7mT60Fezk&feature=fvst
Friday, December 24, 2010
Christma Eve 2010
I have to say that I am not so much into the Holidays these last few years but even with my lack of "Christmas Spirit" I am still VERY Grateful for my family, the love I have for them and others and the love they have for me and others...
It seem that the Holidays are full of drama, stress, anger, resentment and everywhere I have gone in this past week, no matter if it was the local "stop and go" or comments in those multiple social networking sites...Everyone seems to be complaining, is stressed out and overwhelmed with Holiday "cheer" (which I am thinking Webster needs to redefine).
I have found it comical, and have taken on a satirical response. When someone is grumpy or just seemingly bitter near me, I have started to smile and sarcastically say 'HAAAAAPPPY HOLIDAYS" and then even break out in song of the variety of irritating Christmas music....
"OOOOOOOOOOOOO- HOOOOOOLLY NIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT, The STAAAAAAAAARS are brightly SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIII-NING....."
Only to be answered with waves of hands, many "pfffffts" and a general desire to want to pinch my head off as it is clear that my sarcastic response is enjoyed about as much as fingernails across a chalk board. I guess I find humor in people who say...
"GET IN THE HOLIDAY SPIRIT DAMMIT"
and then get angry when I am trying to make light or fun of the anger and stress in their voices...
Yup, Happy Holidays!!
But, today, as I woke up and went to check my e-mail and vast array of other social media, I found that my old partner, the one written about in many of my stories, he had to take on a heavy burden this morning.
He was apparently working and early this morning, on Christmas Eve, he was in the line of duty and was the messenger to carry news to a family that their son was no longer with us on this earth...That he was dead.
I myself have been the bearer of such news to families and loved ones and know the weight it carries. However, in those days, being so young and inexperienced to the world, I was not nearly as appreciative of life as I am today, was fairly jaded and hard, and took it on as my job. However, no matter how well a scar heals, there is always some remnant of it left with you throughout your life... These scars are no different at all! Funny how "cold" of any kind reminds you of old scars...
So today, as you stumble around in the misery of the Holidays and come across those who are aligned with your energy of the Holidays, remember, "It can ALWAYS be worse" and there are many who are having an experience RIGHT NOW that would make your concerns and drama of the Holidays look like spilled milk.
As I drove around yesterday and was with my kids, we were joking about all of the STRESS that is just in the air everywhere you go...Wal-Mart was like a ball of twisted energy...The roads were packed with people, traffic was terrible, no parking spots, people everywhere.... I was starting to get on board with all the stress!
BAAHHHHHH HUUUUMBUG!!!
Then I was hit with reality...
I drove by a local emergency crisis shelter for children who have been abused and neglected, taken from their homes and is generally pretty full around the Holidays, pointed to it and said to my daughters...
"See, it could be worse..."
Then by an "old folks home" where people are facing "the end", many have NO ONE in their lives, bed ridden and suffering... I pointed out the window and said...
"See, it could be worse...."
We pulled behind an ambulance and could see them in the back working on someone, I thought about that person and their family and the fear they must be having as a result of this hurried trip to the ER...Pointed out the window and said....
"See, it could be worse..."
I wake up today and see my old partners note about the task he took on last night and in my head said....
"See, it could be worse...."
So to those of you who do have it "worse" I have good thoughts going out to you and yours. But always remember, as bad as it is right now, somewhere, somehow, someone is really getting slammed....So remember....
"It could be worse..."
To My buddy, who this family, although they cannot see it now, was blessed to have come bring such terrible news, I am sorry you are weighted with such a heavy load but that's what happens when you have broad and loving shoulders...You are chosen for the job because you know how to carry the weight!
To that family who lost their son....I send many thoughts and prayers, although I don't know who you are or where you are... I CARE!
To my family and those I love, I am grateful that we are all well and although we are scattered across the country, LOVE has no limits and LOVE has no idea of what "space" is... There is no space between us when it comes to this!
To those who are my friends, I wish nothing but fantastic things for you and your family this Holiday Season... Everyone make sure to give an extra hug or two today...
And for those complaining, whining, finding things to be miserable about, pouting around and self loathing....remember....
"It can always be worse!!!"
It seem that the Holidays are full of drama, stress, anger, resentment and everywhere I have gone in this past week, no matter if it was the local "stop and go" or comments in those multiple social networking sites...Everyone seems to be complaining, is stressed out and overwhelmed with Holiday "cheer" (which I am thinking Webster needs to redefine).
I have found it comical, and have taken on a satirical response. When someone is grumpy or just seemingly bitter near me, I have started to smile and sarcastically say 'HAAAAAPPPY HOLIDAYS" and then even break out in song of the variety of irritating Christmas music....
"OOOOOOOOOOOOO- HOOOOOOLLY NIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT, The STAAAAAAAAARS are brightly SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIII-NING....."
Only to be answered with waves of hands, many "pfffffts" and a general desire to want to pinch my head off as it is clear that my sarcastic response is enjoyed about as much as fingernails across a chalk board. I guess I find humor in people who say...
"GET IN THE HOLIDAY SPIRIT DAMMIT"
and then get angry when I am trying to make light or fun of the anger and stress in their voices...
Yup, Happy Holidays!!
But, today, as I woke up and went to check my e-mail and vast array of other social media, I found that my old partner, the one written about in many of my stories, he had to take on a heavy burden this morning.
He was apparently working and early this morning, on Christmas Eve, he was in the line of duty and was the messenger to carry news to a family that their son was no longer with us on this earth...That he was dead.
I myself have been the bearer of such news to families and loved ones and know the weight it carries. However, in those days, being so young and inexperienced to the world, I was not nearly as appreciative of life as I am today, was fairly jaded and hard, and took it on as my job. However, no matter how well a scar heals, there is always some remnant of it left with you throughout your life... These scars are no different at all! Funny how "cold" of any kind reminds you of old scars...
So today, as you stumble around in the misery of the Holidays and come across those who are aligned with your energy of the Holidays, remember, "It can ALWAYS be worse" and there are many who are having an experience RIGHT NOW that would make your concerns and drama of the Holidays look like spilled milk.
As I drove around yesterday and was with my kids, we were joking about all of the STRESS that is just in the air everywhere you go...Wal-Mart was like a ball of twisted energy...The roads were packed with people, traffic was terrible, no parking spots, people everywhere.... I was starting to get on board with all the stress!
BAAHHHHHH HUUUUMBUG!!!
Then I was hit with reality...
I drove by a local emergency crisis shelter for children who have been abused and neglected, taken from their homes and is generally pretty full around the Holidays, pointed to it and said to my daughters...
"See, it could be worse..."
Then by an "old folks home" where people are facing "the end", many have NO ONE in their lives, bed ridden and suffering... I pointed out the window and said...
"See, it could be worse...."
We pulled behind an ambulance and could see them in the back working on someone, I thought about that person and their family and the fear they must be having as a result of this hurried trip to the ER...Pointed out the window and said....
"See, it could be worse..."
I wake up today and see my old partners note about the task he took on last night and in my head said....
"See, it could be worse...."
So to those of you who do have it "worse" I have good thoughts going out to you and yours. But always remember, as bad as it is right now, somewhere, somehow, someone is really getting slammed....So remember....
"It could be worse..."
To My buddy, who this family, although they cannot see it now, was blessed to have come bring such terrible news, I am sorry you are weighted with such a heavy load but that's what happens when you have broad and loving shoulders...You are chosen for the job because you know how to carry the weight!
To that family who lost their son....I send many thoughts and prayers, although I don't know who you are or where you are... I CARE!
To my family and those I love, I am grateful that we are all well and although we are scattered across the country, LOVE has no limits and LOVE has no idea of what "space" is... There is no space between us when it comes to this!
To those who are my friends, I wish nothing but fantastic things for you and your family this Holiday Season... Everyone make sure to give an extra hug or two today...
And for those complaining, whining, finding things to be miserable about, pouting around and self loathing....remember....
"It can always be worse!!!"
Peace, Love and Light.... Brad
Christmas Eve 2010
As i wake this morning and have my coffee, i am reflecting back on the days of my youth and what Christmas was like for me as a kid. I think its important to document these things as it seems Christmas is no longer "that" and is becoming more of a week or two week long event, rather than a one day experience of joy and happiness. As a result, people grow frustrated, tired, stressed and seemingly MISERABLE!
When I was a kid growing up, we all use to go together to the Christmas tree stand, WELL after Thanksgiving, bundled up in our snow suits or down jackets with our wool hats on that had the goofy ball on the top. Generally the guy at the stand was bundled up helping people load their trees on the tops of their cars, int heir trunks, or any assorment of ideas that might work to get the tree from that cold, wet, busy place to our warm living room.
As a matter of fact, generally we had to set the teee up and let it sit for a couple of hours to warm up and open up to dedcorate. Mom always had music on, a fire generally going and we would all, as a family decorate the tree. Generations of ornaments came out, years of grade school projects to be hung on a tree, tinsle, lights that frustrated dad to no end, glittery tiinsel that could be found under coaches and charis for months after the new year had arrived. And then, the smell of the treee that would fill our house for the next month or so.
When we shopped, we generally got one or two gifts for each person in the family and maybe a friend would get a gift here and there. The clerks were always joyful, the mal was always full of fun energy, the people were generally smiling and happy...
The wrapped gifts would continue to grow over the month under the tree, stockings hung by the fireplace, a small nativity scene that we had for as long as i can remember, Sitting together and watching Christmas cartoons and movies as a family with hot chocolate and various christmas snacks.
Christmas Eve would come along and generally my parents would have friends over to celebrate the Eve together...What I didnt realize until much later in my life, it was really a recruiting party so the parents could work to help put together big wheels, bicycles ot any other number of toys with many working parts that needed complex assemply.
We would set milk and cookies out for Santa dn then be rushed off to bed withthe warning that we had to stay in our bedrooms because if we didnt, and Santa were to see us up trying to catch him, he would not leave us any gifts and would immediately be put on Santas naughty list.
Anticipated nights of no sleep and clocks ticking slowly as minutes seemed like hours...Tossing, turning, unable to stand the excitement and then, just maybe, a slip off into slumber for an hour or two only to wake up at 5:00am excted and running to get mom and dad up... It was clear Santa had come and it was time to get to tearing paper and screams of joy as our christmas list was revealed in form.
After opening of gifts, every toy got attention, we played with every single thing we got. We shared and exchanged and even fought NOT TO TOUCH certain special gifts. The smell of coffee and before long, the sounds of mom in the Kitchn making the dinner for the afternoon.
We met neighborhood kids and shared all the gifts we had gotten with jealous envy and excited response... Snow was not as common as one would think in Colorado Springs on Christmas Day but it was always cold enough to have to bundle up to get out and show all your friends the stuff Santa had brought you.
By 3:00pm, Dinner was ready, we would sit as a family, and sometimes with friends, on Christmas day enjoying a meal together and eating until we couldnt stand it anymore, then generally it was off for a nap, then up for a Turkey Sandwich and some sides...Maybe a late night Christmas special and then off to sleep putting the Holiday Season behind us and reflecting on special moments of the day.
I am generally given grief now for my unwillingness to be excited on the Holidays now. But really, what is there to be excited about now days? Its not a clebration of the day anymore, it is a broken up, dysfunctional Holiday.
This year, the Christmas lights in my town were up before Thanksgiving. Lots with trees popping up two days before our day of thanks and now, we are reminded on a day of thanks that the season of giving is already upon us...Can I please have my day of thnaks first and spend my time focusing on that? Is it so hard to understand that Christmas is in December?
We have a society now with a divorce rate of OVER 50% and as a result, families are scattered all over the Country. This year you get the kids, next year the ex does. people are crazy at the stores, clerks are stressed, people dont make eye contact, everyone has a complaint. Everyione is broke and feels bad when they cant give that 500.00 game to their 4 year old or the new 300.00 phone to their 9 year old... Man, have times changes.
A box of leggos, a light brite, a big wheel, a bicycle... THESE things were so valuable to us as kids and we appreciated everything...We even made sure thatthe one tacky sweater we got on Christmas day was worn for at least a picture or two to show our appreciation....
Now kids open the gift and if it isnt whatthey wanted, they discard it on the floor, int he wrapping paper to get to the next thing and hope its that new Wii or the most updated drone phone or I-phone... The value of the gift is in the giving of it... Where did we lose that?
Family meals and days spent together are filled with drama and arguing. Kids, ebven the older ones, are now split and have to have three or four days of Christmas so everyone gets their chance to see the joy in the gift they gave... To me, I still feel that it should be ONE DAY...CHRISTMAS DAY...
If the kids have to be scattered all over the Country, then the gifts they are given go with them and they open them on Christmas Day and make calls of appreciation...Why do we have to be so selfish in our giving that we must see the reward personally and miss the significance of the day we are celebrating?
peaople complain thatt he holidays arent want they use to be but are hesitant to sacrifice their own self reward to celebrate whatthe Holiday is about...
When I was a kid growing up, we all use to go together to the Christmas tree stand, WELL after Thanksgiving, bundled up in our snow suits or down jackets with our wool hats on that had the goofy ball on the top. Generally the guy at the stand was bundled up helping people load their trees on the tops of their cars, int heir trunks, or any assorment of ideas that might work to get the tree from that cold, wet, busy place to our warm living room.
As a matter of fact, generally we had to set the teee up and let it sit for a couple of hours to warm up and open up to dedcorate. Mom always had music on, a fire generally going and we would all, as a family decorate the tree. Generations of ornaments came out, years of grade school projects to be hung on a tree, tinsle, lights that frustrated dad to no end, glittery tiinsel that could be found under coaches and charis for months after the new year had arrived. And then, the smell of the treee that would fill our house for the next month or so.
When we shopped, we generally got one or two gifts for each person in the family and maybe a friend would get a gift here and there. The clerks were always joyful, the mal was always full of fun energy, the people were generally smiling and happy...
The wrapped gifts would continue to grow over the month under the tree, stockings hung by the fireplace, a small nativity scene that we had for as long as i can remember, Sitting together and watching Christmas cartoons and movies as a family with hot chocolate and various christmas snacks.
Christmas Eve would come along and generally my parents would have friends over to celebrate the Eve together...What I didnt realize until much later in my life, it was really a recruiting party so the parents could work to help put together big wheels, bicycles ot any other number of toys with many working parts that needed complex assemply.
We would set milk and cookies out for Santa dn then be rushed off to bed withthe warning that we had to stay in our bedrooms because if we didnt, and Santa were to see us up trying to catch him, he would not leave us any gifts and would immediately be put on Santas naughty list.
Anticipated nights of no sleep and clocks ticking slowly as minutes seemed like hours...Tossing, turning, unable to stand the excitement and then, just maybe, a slip off into slumber for an hour or two only to wake up at 5:00am excted and running to get mom and dad up... It was clear Santa had come and it was time to get to tearing paper and screams of joy as our christmas list was revealed in form.
After opening of gifts, every toy got attention, we played with every single thing we got. We shared and exchanged and even fought NOT TO TOUCH certain special gifts. The smell of coffee and before long, the sounds of mom in the Kitchn making the dinner for the afternoon.
We met neighborhood kids and shared all the gifts we had gotten with jealous envy and excited response... Snow was not as common as one would think in Colorado Springs on Christmas Day but it was always cold enough to have to bundle up to get out and show all your friends the stuff Santa had brought you.
By 3:00pm, Dinner was ready, we would sit as a family, and sometimes with friends, on Christmas day enjoying a meal together and eating until we couldnt stand it anymore, then generally it was off for a nap, then up for a Turkey Sandwich and some sides...Maybe a late night Christmas special and then off to sleep putting the Holiday Season behind us and reflecting on special moments of the day.
I am generally given grief now for my unwillingness to be excited on the Holidays now. But really, what is there to be excited about now days? Its not a clebration of the day anymore, it is a broken up, dysfunctional Holiday.
This year, the Christmas lights in my town were up before Thanksgiving. Lots with trees popping up two days before our day of thanks and now, we are reminded on a day of thanks that the season of giving is already upon us...Can I please have my day of thnaks first and spend my time focusing on that? Is it so hard to understand that Christmas is in December?
We have a society now with a divorce rate of OVER 50% and as a result, families are scattered all over the Country. This year you get the kids, next year the ex does. people are crazy at the stores, clerks are stressed, people dont make eye contact, everyone has a complaint. Everyione is broke and feels bad when they cant give that 500.00 game to their 4 year old or the new 300.00 phone to their 9 year old... Man, have times changes.
A box of leggos, a light brite, a big wheel, a bicycle... THESE things were so valuable to us as kids and we appreciated everything...We even made sure thatthe one tacky sweater we got on Christmas day was worn for at least a picture or two to show our appreciation....
Now kids open the gift and if it isnt whatthey wanted, they discard it on the floor, int he wrapping paper to get to the next thing and hope its that new Wii or the most updated drone phone or I-phone... The value of the gift is in the giving of it... Where did we lose that?
Family meals and days spent together are filled with drama and arguing. Kids, ebven the older ones, are now split and have to have three or four days of Christmas so everyone gets their chance to see the joy in the gift they gave... To me, I still feel that it should be ONE DAY...CHRISTMAS DAY...
If the kids have to be scattered all over the Country, then the gifts they are given go with them and they open them on Christmas Day and make calls of appreciation...Why do we have to be so selfish in our giving that we must see the reward personally and miss the significance of the day we are celebrating?
peaople complain thatt he holidays arent want they use to be but are hesitant to sacrifice their own self reward to celebrate whatthe Holiday is about...
Thursday, December 23, 2010
12-21-2010 Eclipse...
So as of late, sleeping has been something that has been somewhat eluding me. I have always had problems with sleeping...Since the time I was in elementary school I can remember nights of going to bed at 9:00pm and tossing and turning until 2,3 and 4 in the morning, only to have to get up at 6-7 to get ready for school.
During stressful periods, it gets worse and many times the restlessness comes with joint aches and pains. I have talked to Doctors, done stretching exercises, meditation relaxing methods and plenty of differing sleep aides. Nothing seems to work and the medicine generally hangs on me the next day and I am like a walking zombie.
Now days, I find things to occupy myself if medication and other things aren't working. So it isn't uncommon for Donna to wake up at 4:00am and find me writing, or outside sitting on the deck looking at the stars or even in my garage cleaning my obsession...Lucy!
Since I quit drinking, the restlessness seems to have gotten worse as alcohol was good to get me to "pass out" but even that left me feeling terrible the next day and even that sometimes didn't work. It can be VERY frustrating.
Well lately, "stress" has been abounding. I generally don't care for the Holidays much anymore and get stressed during this time. Although I am sooooo very happy that Shanna is here and safe, I now have a 2 year old in the house and a new residents in our abode and that is "different" (and totally a blessing!), my book is at edit and I am not writing as much, I am not "working" and although I know its a ridiculous assessment...I seem to find self worth when I am "working" and suffer a loss of that when I am not.
Our fridge has been giving us problems and we have been living out of an ice chest for the last week trying to figure out what is wrong with it, I have a good friend that is having some life problems right now that makes me hurt for him and think of him often...Its just been kinda hectic... Ho, Ho, frickin HO!!
Anyway, on Monday night I had the issues with sleep and decided to take the time to clean up my bike so I could ride her Tuesday. I am generally very particular when I clean her up and can spend hours waxing, shining, polishing....Its soothing and gives me things to do while I listen to music and contemplate my life at that particular time. It might seem neurotic but it really is an aide to ease when I have soooo much on my mind.
So, Monday night turns into Tuesday Morning and apparently, I am not the only one awake. I text my Daughter Brandi a picture of the bike as I am getting it all spiffed up and trying out my new motorcycle lift
and she texts me back telling me she is awake and probably staying up for the eclipse.
I had forgotten about the eclipse!!
Donna just happened to be up and on the comp. at that time and I walked in and told her to check the time the eclipse was going to start... She did and said...
"Right now!"
It was about 1:00am....
We went outside, looked up at the moon and could see the shadow of the earth starting to move over the moons surface. We tried to get pictures but a recent vehicle theft has left us without our tripod and the new and exciting task of replacing the one stolen. HAPPY HOLIDAYS! ;)
I remember many nights with many old friends sitting under the stars, looking at the sky and talking about "possibilities." Seems that most of the people who have been in my life for a long time seem to have the same appreciation for the universe as I do. Meteor showers,
different seasons of Mars, the moon in all its phases, just the vastness of the universe and the idea of just how big IT is and how small WE ARE in the scope of it all is to me, really mind blowing.
So, as I watched the moon, my old neck started to get stiff and hurt so I went back to polishing and would come outside the garage every few minutes to check the progression. Each time I looked up, a little more shadow was taking over the surface of the BIG CHEESE and I was texting old friends trying to get them out of bed to see it happen.
At one point, because of all the bending and squatting that goes with cleaning my bike, my back was really starting to ache. The moon was about 3/4 covered now and I crawled on the hood of my truck and laid across it, hands intertwined on my chest, and just watched the moon.
Through the shadow, I could still see the craters of the moon and had a vision in my head of how majestic this scene must have been on the surface of that big cold rock... Watching the Blue planet as it moved in front of the sun...Man, again, I am just in awe of the vastness and size of "space."
As I laid on the hood, I reflected back to a time when Brett and I were much younger…probably 20 years old. Brett and I were at my apartment in Colorado Springs. He was struggling through a rough time and a break up from the girl he was with at that time and was staying with me as he got through it. We spent a lot of time on this hill behind my old apartment just gazing at the sky, talking about life and things, and on this night, we were laying on our backs, tops of our heads touching, and looking at the sky. I was explaining to Brett the circular motion of the Universe and how not too long ago, in this very spot, I actually could SEE IT!.
Brett was convinced that we could not see it from where we were and as we laid there, our conversation went from all that "crap" that goes with break ups, to me showing him different points in the sky and then having him follow my finger as it progressed in a circular motion to the center of the universe from where we were laying.
He GOT IT and when he did, it overwhelmed him and he had to sit up because it made him dizzy!
I remember my nights on patrol on the beach with Marty and watching the waves roll in and looking at the stars as we sat on our hoods smoking cigarettes and listing to the radio of the different agencies on the mainland who were darting from call to call and filling the radio with static and codes, looking for case numbers and checking "27's" through dispatch. Running license plates and drivers license numbers...And as we would sit and look at the stars listening to the waves roll in, Marty would always look at me with his cigarette in his hand and say...
"I wonder what the real police are doing right now Junior?!"
With a sarcastic tone and a reminder of how blessed we were to be sitting in that spot, at that time and doing ... NOTHING... A reflection of "good times" in those days! The beach was always a wonderful place to look at the stars. It was away from the lights of Galveston and was pretty dark on that beach... A great place to BE!
I remember times with me and Kenneth, sitting on a roadblock on some major accident directing traffic at 3:00am. Out in the middle of some desolate part of the county and the only job we had for an hour or so was to sit on that road, stop anyone from getting through, direct them to the detour and many times, the "work" was sporadic and maybe one car would come by for us to direct.
Again, sitting and looking at the stars, talking about the vastness of space and time, reflecting on what it must be like to be in the Space Shuttle as it moves at super sonic speeds across the atmosphere and TRYING to imagine what that experience must be like, and realizing it is something that probably cannot be explained with words.
I reflected back to 2001 on a night where I was in Oklahoma on Stephanie's Birthday. We made a pact to go outside at 10:00pm and look at the moon...EXACTLY 10:00pm so that she would know that I might not be with her on her birthday, but at that time, at that VERY moment, the distance between us was merely a perception as we stood and looked at the same moon, at the same time and knew that we were with each other in that moment.
It wasn't so long ago that Stephanie and I were talking on the phone, I was on my deck in Kerrville, She was on her back porch in Austin, the situations of our porches are similar in how they face East and I noticed a light going across the sky...
I asked Stephanie if she saw this light too and she did... It couldn't be a plane; it was far too big for a satellite, so since we were seeing it in the same area of the sky, at the same time, regardless of our locations, what else could it be??
The Space Station...THAT'S what it was!! We just happened to be chatting on the phone, outside as the space station flew over our heads...Maybe a time frame of 5 minutes, but how very cool to have that happen at that time.
I reflected on the MANY times Donna and I have been out and watching the stars... In Crystal beach, On the West end of Galveston fishing, on our front porch of the beach house, of our house in Medina when we changed our life, and even weekly now on our deck in Kerrville. In Colorado in the middle of the Rocky Mountains, in the middle of the Caribbean on a ship, HUNDREDS of miles from any shore line, In Monterey California with the Pacific Coast waves crashing on the shore. In Tennessee, On lake Catherine in Arkansas, Sitting on the deck of the beach house which is now nothing but a memory, in New Braunfels, Dallas, Concan, Vegas (which doesn’t show you many stars), Cozumel, and not too long ago in the Davis Mountains at the observatory in Fort Davis...
It is in this place that the sky looks like a canvas... The stars are so bold, so bright and so thick that it looks like someone took a paintbrush with sparkled paint on it and SWOOPED it across the sky...AMAZING!
We saw Saturn and her rings that night, (this is actually how it looked as we viewed it)
a nebula that looked like a blue cloud in the center of space, like a doorway opening to another universe...TRULY... We spent a long night just star gazing there!
I reflected on the many shooting stars we have wished on throughout the years and how those wishes don’t really get granted...I still haven’t hit the lotto!
The times at our Burning Man adventures where the sky was a "relief" to look at because all of the activity at the festival was just too much to try and take in at one time.
Time and space are something Donna and I have shared much of and I am blessed to have shared it with such an amazing person!
The moon was now almost completely covered and was taking on a different look. It was turning red! As the shadow of the earth consumed the cratered surface, the red turned to a dark brown...Almost like a dark shade of blood color... If you have ever seen blood at night, its black but when you flash your flashlight on the pools of blood, it has a very distinct dark brown hue on the edges of the pool...Blood is easily recognizable at night to the experienced eye... I even reflected on that a bit!
The moon was now completely covered and it was such a dark colored red, it took on a very creepy feel...
It made the dark spaces in my neighborhood cast a strange shadow and was eerie as I looked around and saw movement from the many deer we have that regulate our neighborhood... I was reminded of my Mythology classes in College and some of my British Literature stories of elves and trolls and "things that go bump in the night."
I went back in to work on Lucy a little more and I am not sure how much time had gone by, but something drew me out of the garage again... Something was "different." As I walked out, I noticed that the fog had rolled into our neighborhood. I, like space, think the fog is very cool. It makes a place of common a place of new and it always amazes me how the "haze" of the fog changes the world around you, AND your experience of it.
Now, as I was standing in this for bank, I was reminded of a time when I was about 23years old, I was at the beach, it was a full moon, and I was with my dog Sidney. Me and sid were good late night partners...he was always up with me on those struggling nights and many times me and sid would go out and walk the streets of Manitou Springs or Old Colorado City at three in the morning and just take in the silence and electric feel of the night time in those wee hours...Sidney was always such a great companion!
It was a Fall night, not long after my 23rd birthday, Crystal Beach Texas... I was at the beach house alone with Sidney...it was not very cold yet, it was late, maybe 2-3am, the fog had rolled in so thick that standing on the shoreline you could not hardly see the waves break. There was a bright full moon so the whole place was illuminated but you could not see more than about 15 feet around you... I decided to take sid and walk out into the surf...
As I walked out, sidney by my side swimming, I got out about chest deep and then looked around me and could no longer see the shore line, the waves breaking and was in all respects, in the middle of the ocean. Sid swam off to where I couldn’t see him and the creepiness of being alone in the middle of the ocean was suddenly very real to me. If the waves would not have been moving in, I could have easily not known which way was "in" and which way was "out" other than the depth of the water, which on the Texas gulf coast, doesn’t drop off quickly. A little panicked, I made my way back to the beach calling for Sidney. I can still see that night so clearly in my head. A VERY surreal experience.
As I stood in my driveway and looked at the fog, I noticed it had the hue of the moon all around me... The blood red/brown color was everywhere...I could still see the moon but the fog was growing thicker. The moon was fading out but the color was getting...uhhhmm...."heavier" is the best way to explain it.
I looked at my watch and it was about 3:30am...Where had the time gone!? I was still not tired but knew I had to make myself go to bed or I would be up until sun up... I hate when that happens!!
So I stood for a moment more, taking a few more drags off my cigar, embracing the experience, and reflecting on things that were brought to the front of my mind and smiled.... This was what I needed... Like a warm blanket on a cool night, I was soothed... I went into the house, slowly put on my PJ's and slid into bed. I was still reflecting as I went off to sleep and that night; I can honestly say that I was carried off to sleep with warm memories of good times with good people.... Sometimes, it seems that even in the darkest places, memories are what carries you into peacefulness.
A very cool night indeed!
During stressful periods, it gets worse and many times the restlessness comes with joint aches and pains. I have talked to Doctors, done stretching exercises, meditation relaxing methods and plenty of differing sleep aides. Nothing seems to work and the medicine generally hangs on me the next day and I am like a walking zombie.
Now days, I find things to occupy myself if medication and other things aren't working. So it isn't uncommon for Donna to wake up at 4:00am and find me writing, or outside sitting on the deck looking at the stars or even in my garage cleaning my obsession...Lucy!
Since I quit drinking, the restlessness seems to have gotten worse as alcohol was good to get me to "pass out" but even that left me feeling terrible the next day and even that sometimes didn't work. It can be VERY frustrating.
Well lately, "stress" has been abounding. I generally don't care for the Holidays much anymore and get stressed during this time. Although I am sooooo very happy that Shanna is here and safe, I now have a 2 year old in the house and a new residents in our abode and that is "different" (and totally a blessing!), my book is at edit and I am not writing as much, I am not "working" and although I know its a ridiculous assessment...I seem to find self worth when I am "working" and suffer a loss of that when I am not.
Our fridge has been giving us problems and we have been living out of an ice chest for the last week trying to figure out what is wrong with it, I have a good friend that is having some life problems right now that makes me hurt for him and think of him often...Its just been kinda hectic... Ho, Ho, frickin HO!!
Anyway, on Monday night I had the issues with sleep and decided to take the time to clean up my bike so I could ride her Tuesday. I am generally very particular when I clean her up and can spend hours waxing, shining, polishing....Its soothing and gives me things to do while I listen to music and contemplate my life at that particular time. It might seem neurotic but it really is an aide to ease when I have soooo much on my mind.
So, Monday night turns into Tuesday Morning and apparently, I am not the only one awake. I text my Daughter Brandi a picture of the bike as I am getting it all spiffed up and trying out my new motorcycle lift
I had forgotten about the eclipse!!
Donna just happened to be up and on the comp. at that time and I walked in and told her to check the time the eclipse was going to start... She did and said...
"Right now!"
It was about 1:00am....
We went outside, looked up at the moon and could see the shadow of the earth starting to move over the moons surface. We tried to get pictures but a recent vehicle theft has left us without our tripod and the new and exciting task of replacing the one stolen. HAPPY HOLIDAYS! ;)
I remember many nights with many old friends sitting under the stars, looking at the sky and talking about "possibilities." Seems that most of the people who have been in my life for a long time seem to have the same appreciation for the universe as I do. Meteor showers,
different seasons of Mars, the moon in all its phases, just the vastness of the universe and the idea of just how big IT is and how small WE ARE in the scope of it all is to me, really mind blowing.
So, as I watched the moon, my old neck started to get stiff and hurt so I went back to polishing and would come outside the garage every few minutes to check the progression. Each time I looked up, a little more shadow was taking over the surface of the BIG CHEESE and I was texting old friends trying to get them out of bed to see it happen.
At one point, because of all the bending and squatting that goes with cleaning my bike, my back was really starting to ache. The moon was about 3/4 covered now and I crawled on the hood of my truck and laid across it, hands intertwined on my chest, and just watched the moon.
Through the shadow, I could still see the craters of the moon and had a vision in my head of how majestic this scene must have been on the surface of that big cold rock... Watching the Blue planet as it moved in front of the sun...Man, again, I am just in awe of the vastness and size of "space."
As I laid on the hood, I reflected back to a time when Brett and I were much younger…probably 20 years old. Brett and I were at my apartment in Colorado Springs. He was struggling through a rough time and a break up from the girl he was with at that time and was staying with me as he got through it. We spent a lot of time on this hill behind my old apartment just gazing at the sky, talking about life and things, and on this night, we were laying on our backs, tops of our heads touching, and looking at the sky. I was explaining to Brett the circular motion of the Universe and how not too long ago, in this very spot, I actually could SEE IT!.
Brett was convinced that we could not see it from where we were and as we laid there, our conversation went from all that "crap" that goes with break ups, to me showing him different points in the sky and then having him follow my finger as it progressed in a circular motion to the center of the universe from where we were laying.
He GOT IT and when he did, it overwhelmed him and he had to sit up because it made him dizzy!
I remember my nights on patrol on the beach with Marty and watching the waves roll in and looking at the stars as we sat on our hoods smoking cigarettes and listing to the radio of the different agencies on the mainland who were darting from call to call and filling the radio with static and codes, looking for case numbers and checking "27's" through dispatch. Running license plates and drivers license numbers...And as we would sit and look at the stars listening to the waves roll in, Marty would always look at me with his cigarette in his hand and say...
"I wonder what the real police are doing right now Junior?!"
With a sarcastic tone and a reminder of how blessed we were to be sitting in that spot, at that time and doing ... NOTHING... A reflection of "good times" in those days! The beach was always a wonderful place to look at the stars. It was away from the lights of Galveston and was pretty dark on that beach... A great place to BE!
I remember times with me and Kenneth, sitting on a roadblock on some major accident directing traffic at 3:00am. Out in the middle of some desolate part of the county and the only job we had for an hour or so was to sit on that road, stop anyone from getting through, direct them to the detour and many times, the "work" was sporadic and maybe one car would come by for us to direct.
Again, sitting and looking at the stars, talking about the vastness of space and time, reflecting on what it must be like to be in the Space Shuttle as it moves at super sonic speeds across the atmosphere and TRYING to imagine what that experience must be like, and realizing it is something that probably cannot be explained with words.
I reflected back to 2001 on a night where I was in Oklahoma on Stephanie's Birthday. We made a pact to go outside at 10:00pm and look at the moon...EXACTLY 10:00pm so that she would know that I might not be with her on her birthday, but at that time, at that VERY moment, the distance between us was merely a perception as we stood and looked at the same moon, at the same time and knew that we were with each other in that moment.
It wasn't so long ago that Stephanie and I were talking on the phone, I was on my deck in Kerrville, She was on her back porch in Austin, the situations of our porches are similar in how they face East and I noticed a light going across the sky...
I asked Stephanie if she saw this light too and she did... It couldn't be a plane; it was far too big for a satellite, so since we were seeing it in the same area of the sky, at the same time, regardless of our locations, what else could it be??
The Space Station...THAT'S what it was!! We just happened to be chatting on the phone, outside as the space station flew over our heads...Maybe a time frame of 5 minutes, but how very cool to have that happen at that time.
I reflected on the MANY times Donna and I have been out and watching the stars... In Crystal beach, On the West end of Galveston fishing, on our front porch of the beach house, of our house in Medina when we changed our life, and even weekly now on our deck in Kerrville. In Colorado in the middle of the Rocky Mountains, in the middle of the Caribbean on a ship, HUNDREDS of miles from any shore line, In Monterey California with the Pacific Coast waves crashing on the shore. In Tennessee, On lake Catherine in Arkansas, Sitting on the deck of the beach house which is now nothing but a memory, in New Braunfels, Dallas, Concan, Vegas (which doesn’t show you many stars), Cozumel, and not too long ago in the Davis Mountains at the observatory in Fort Davis...
It is in this place that the sky looks like a canvas... The stars are so bold, so bright and so thick that it looks like someone took a paintbrush with sparkled paint on it and SWOOPED it across the sky...AMAZING!
We saw Saturn and her rings that night, (this is actually how it looked as we viewed it)
I reflected on the many shooting stars we have wished on throughout the years and how those wishes don’t really get granted...I still haven’t hit the lotto!
The times at our Burning Man adventures where the sky was a "relief" to look at because all of the activity at the festival was just too much to try and take in at one time.
Time and space are something Donna and I have shared much of and I am blessed to have shared it with such an amazing person!
The moon was now almost completely covered and was taking on a different look. It was turning red! As the shadow of the earth consumed the cratered surface, the red turned to a dark brown...Almost like a dark shade of blood color... If you have ever seen blood at night, its black but when you flash your flashlight on the pools of blood, it has a very distinct dark brown hue on the edges of the pool...Blood is easily recognizable at night to the experienced eye... I even reflected on that a bit!
The moon was now completely covered and it was such a dark colored red, it took on a very creepy feel...
I went back in to work on Lucy a little more and I am not sure how much time had gone by, but something drew me out of the garage again... Something was "different." As I walked out, I noticed that the fog had rolled into our neighborhood. I, like space, think the fog is very cool. It makes a place of common a place of new and it always amazes me how the "haze" of the fog changes the world around you, AND your experience of it.
Now, as I was standing in this for bank, I was reminded of a time when I was about 23years old, I was at the beach, it was a full moon, and I was with my dog Sidney. Me and sid were good late night partners...he was always up with me on those struggling nights and many times me and sid would go out and walk the streets of Manitou Springs or Old Colorado City at three in the morning and just take in the silence and electric feel of the night time in those wee hours...Sidney was always such a great companion!
It was a Fall night, not long after my 23rd birthday, Crystal Beach Texas... I was at the beach house alone with Sidney...it was not very cold yet, it was late, maybe 2-3am, the fog had rolled in so thick that standing on the shoreline you could not hardly see the waves break. There was a bright full moon so the whole place was illuminated but you could not see more than about 15 feet around you... I decided to take sid and walk out into the surf...
As I walked out, sidney by my side swimming, I got out about chest deep and then looked around me and could no longer see the shore line, the waves breaking and was in all respects, in the middle of the ocean. Sid swam off to where I couldn’t see him and the creepiness of being alone in the middle of the ocean was suddenly very real to me. If the waves would not have been moving in, I could have easily not known which way was "in" and which way was "out" other than the depth of the water, which on the Texas gulf coast, doesn’t drop off quickly. A little panicked, I made my way back to the beach calling for Sidney. I can still see that night so clearly in my head. A VERY surreal experience.
As I stood in my driveway and looked at the fog, I noticed it had the hue of the moon all around me... The blood red/brown color was everywhere...I could still see the moon but the fog was growing thicker. The moon was fading out but the color was getting...uhhhmm...."heavier" is the best way to explain it.
I looked at my watch and it was about 3:30am...Where had the time gone!? I was still not tired but knew I had to make myself go to bed or I would be up until sun up... I hate when that happens!!
So I stood for a moment more, taking a few more drags off my cigar, embracing the experience, and reflecting on things that were brought to the front of my mind and smiled.... This was what I needed... Like a warm blanket on a cool night, I was soothed... I went into the house, slowly put on my PJ's and slid into bed. I was still reflecting as I went off to sleep and that night; I can honestly say that I was carried off to sleep with warm memories of good times with good people.... Sometimes, it seems that even in the darkest places, memories are what carries you into peacefulness.
A very cool night indeed!
Monday, December 20, 2010
HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!
The days are short, the nights are cold and family is here and there… It is the season of Holidays with shopping and paper tear.
We spend our time embracing things both past and things to come. And in this season with this time, as family we are one.
Its sad we don’t have all of us gathered in one room, but in my heart I find myself reflecting on each of you.
I close my eyes and smile and think of hugs and loves that’s passed, and know that in my heart those gone from us are near us and the feelings always last.
I wish the very best for you, both family and our friends. Cuz I am blessed with you this holiday to reflect and see your grins.
This decade passes and we start a new with many great things to come, but in this moment, just right now, my heart is snug and warm.
So hug someone you haven’t yet and let someone you know, that your love for them is growing still as these years they come and go.
We are here but an instant in this place that we call life, but an instant is all there really is so embrace those you love and be nice.
Remember those less for-tu-nate than you and I might be, and give a little of yourself to those we see in need. Life is but a precious thing and we are slow to see, that life is bigger than ourselves and its now that you can BE.
So BE that love that we all need, and show it with your heart, cuz plenty of people in this world don’t even know to start.
Set an example for others to see that giving is the way, and serve someone you wouldn’t have, it truly makes their day.
Holidays are special times and Grinches are abound….But little WHO’s are everywhere and Grinches don’t get them down.
Open your heart and open your eyes and reach outside yourself, cuz what you give will come back to you its how this world is built.
I hope for all of you, the same I hope for mine… That living a life and chasing your dreams will reward you in quick time.
So start the year and have no fear, no dreams are too big to reach. No matter if it’s on a mountain, or the smallest grain upon a beach.
Set your goals and make your plans that greatness is ahead….And take the time so others see love is in your heart… Love isn’t in your head!
HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!
The dates a little off, but the picture is classic!!
HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!
The dates a little off, but the picture is classic!!
Sunday, December 19, 2010
Random thoughts...
I guess I am going to have to start posting these here as they pop up so I can keep track of them...As I write (and even when I sleep) thoughts come into my head and I have to write them down...This is one of them and I will add more as I have them....
"Leaders do not lead to answer to self fulfilling agendas but rather to address the needs of those they lead and move forward, headstrong, cutting the path for those who follow to be successful."
This one was one that came to me a few years back in a dream...I woke up, wrote it down and eventually made t-shirts for the organization I was working for working with troubled youth with the saying on them. I found out that it is now the quote on the homepage for "K'STAR Youth and Family Services" (www.kstar.org)... I am honored!
"The paths our children walk in life are determined by the hands that offer them guidance"
"Leaders do not lead to answer to self fulfilling agendas but rather to address the needs of those they lead and move forward, headstrong, cutting the path for those who follow to be successful."
This one was one that came to me a few years back in a dream...I woke up, wrote it down and eventually made t-shirts for the organization I was working for working with troubled youth with the saying on them. I found out that it is now the quote on the homepage for "K'STAR Youth and Family Services" (www.kstar.org)... I am honored!
"The paths our children walk in life are determined by the hands that offer them guidance"
Shanna, Day three
So here we are, 3 days into Shannas move to the Hill Country. She seems happy, content and is getting a lot of great support from people really pulling for her. I thank all of you for the warm wishes and encouraging words to Shanna. She still says she is driven and is even setting up all of her assistance here to start getting her life on the new path.
She seems to be comfortable and Shaylin is really a great little girl. She doesn’t scream and yell, she is inquisitive and talking and learning new words everyday. She understands that I am “Pappy” but she she cant say the “P” part and calls me “Happy” now….Oh how little she knows!! MUUUAAA-HAA-HAA-HAA-HAA!!! ;)
She is a typical two year old exploring a new world but she minds well and loves to sit in my lap and come talk to me. She is truly a little doll. I remember back when I was younger and having three young girls in my life, I had times where they wore me out and questioned sometimes “what the hell was I thinking” but all it took was one cool experience with any one of them to make me realize it was a wonderful thing in my life…And we have had MANY cool experiences together…Each of us together and as a family.
I remember when Shanna was such a little thing when she came into my life. So young, so well mannered, so ready to try things and help…Always such a sweet little thing…And even through the struggles she has had over the last few years in her life, that part of her has never changed or left. She is still that sweet little girl as a beautiful young woman… Truly our baby!
She seems to be clear on the task ahead and is so ready to take it on. I think she would make an amazing elementary school teacher and maybe this is the route she will take. It’s good she sees a light ahead and I am honored to be with her on her journey, and humbled to know she trusts me and feels safe with me. I am also overwhelmed that she wants me to walk this path with her. She seems as excited as I am.
She told a friend of hers the other day who said…
“What if Joseph comes up there and starts trouble?”
She responded….
“I know Brad will keep me safe….I am not worried or scared.”
Wow, again, I am moved to tears that she trusts me so much. I am so glad she sees my commitment to her greatness and I think she hasn’t had a lot of those people in her life in the past couple of years. Now she has them surrounding her every day. She has NOTHING to be worried or scared about!
I don't think ill of Joseph and realize he has some struggles of his own... I wish great things for him as well. I hope he figures it out and gets his life on track. As is with Shanna, the choice is up to him!
I don't think ill of Joseph and realize he has some struggles of his own... I wish great things for him as well. I hope he figures it out and gets his life on track. As is with Shanna, the choice is up to him!
Brandi is as committed as we are and we have all sat and talked about the importance of working together, trusting each other and realizing that us helping each other through the struggles ahead is going to create a powerful bond and a force to be reckoned with.
I am so honored to have these girls, who just ten years ago really didn’t want much to do with me. Now trust me enough to choose to make a sacrifice and a risk WITH me! Man, life really does twist and shift.
I was really concerned in the early years of my ability to be a “step-father” and even my desire to do so. As I look back, I wonder why I ever worried….I look ahead and see such amazing experiences in the future and the TRUE JOY of seeing people you care for, choose different and excel and drive through the hardships to find their greatness. SO, SO, SO rewarding.
Thank you girls, you have all made such a difference in my life.
Donna, an amazing and powerful woman, a person who is the epitome of unconditional love…
Janeen with her humor and wit, and power…
Brandi with her drive and passion and her independence…
Shanna with her huge heart, brave soul and powerful strength to SHIFT from a life of knowing into a life of the unknown…
All such powerful and wonderful traits to bring you all you want in this life!
Thanks for loving me, thanks for trusting me and accepting me into your lives.
The end of this decade will soon be behind us. I have found in my experience, life seems to take on a shift about every ten years. Seems we have different “lives” every ten years. Think back how different your life was at 0-10…then 10-20… then 20-30…or any number of ten years of age time frames.
I hope this next decade offers you a life of lessons, love, hardships, drama, amazing experiences and some struggle to teach you perseverance.
A good ending to start a good beginning….I am excited to look back on this blog in ten years and realize all the great things that have happened…because trust me; it will be quite a reflection…
I hope for greatness for us all and for all others in our scattered families. I love you all!
Peace… Big Daddy!
A special night with my Grandson
I am generally the GRINCH around the Holidays. Donna this year even bought me a GRINCH shirt...Like the "Happy Holiday" Pic??.
So the GRINCH got WHO’d tonight….
Tonight we celebrated Christmas with the boys as they are going to their Dads for Christmas this year. They leave in the morning….
It was a late dinner that started at about with Shanna, Shalyin, Brandi, the boys, Braden, (Brandis boyfriend) Donna and I …
Side note…. Braden is a really great young man if I do say so myself…Honors student, active in his Fraternity, driven, motivated….An inspiration of a young man considering where he came from just a few years ago. He is as much of a success story as Brandi. Maybe someday he will allow me to share with you some of his journey… Like energy attracts like energy and Brandi and Braden seem to be a pretty good fit.
Anyway, we had a nice Christmas dinner with us all at the table laughing and talking…It was genuinely a very nice evening… And we are still so overly excited that Shanna and Shaylin are here, all of us are just tickled to have her here and excited about a fresh start.
Shanna seems to be adjusting well so far, Shalyin is such a sweet little girl and is a great little kid. She seems to be happy and also adjusting very well with this new move. She doesn’t cry or wine a lot; she is intuitive, loving and funny. Such a cool thing to have them here and I guess I am a sucker for little girls after having the three girls in my life for so long.
Anyway, last year was a crazy year…The boys had about 4 different Christmases and Brandin’s Birthday is Christmas day so he had about three or four birthdays as well. He made some statements last year that I thought should require him to “give” this year in some fashion to see the value in giving and maybe even serving a family that has nothing. However, we weren’t able to make this happen this year.
So tonight, during dinner, Brandin knew that gifts would follow the dinner and could not sit still during his meal with the anxiety of opening gifts. My vote was they take the gifts with them to wherever they were going to have Christmas, open them on Christmas day and call the people to thank them for the gifts on that day….My idea was to create a Christmas that was just one Christmas. I got this weird thing I guess that it should be on one day…CHRISTMAS DAY!
After the meal, Brandin said…
“Pappy, you ready??”
“Ready for what?”
“To open gifts…”
“To open gifts…”
“I think we should go somewhere and have you GIVE some this year…Don’t you think?”
He kinda bowed his head but the anxiety was overwhelming…
“Ok man, relax, we will get to it, they will be there in a minute; promise.’
And was being kinda sarcastic to him and his anxiousness, making him wait for a few more minutes… I figured as soon as we said “GO” they would run and tear open the gifts and get crazy with them… I also was still being the GRINCH and saying …
“I think you should wait till Christmas to open em, but I was outvoted.”
So I sit down on the couch and get my camera ready, taking my time…
As soon as I sat down and said…
“OK....GO…”
Brandin took off to the tree, reached under it, grabbed a gift real fast… I looked down to turn my camera on and figure it out (its new) and when I looked up to start taking pictures, Brandin was standing in front of me holding a gift up to me with both his hands and saying….
“I got this for you Pappy… "I" got if for you!!”
And he handed it to me all excited and eager, pointing to his chest to signify again it was him who got it…HE picked it out..
He said...
He said...
“I told you a while back I was going to get it for you….”
I was stunned… I had this sinking feeling in my gut… I was just “WHO’d!!"
I asked him…
“Should I guess what it is??”
“No Pappy…Open it…Open it...COME ON...COME ON!!!”
And he smiled, jumped up and down and giggled almost unable to contain himself as I sat down on the love seat a little overwhelmed.
I opened it and it was a little night light of a motorcycle with flames on it…
“See Pappy, it’s just like your motorcycle…See the flames”
And he was all excited and fidgety, giggling, pointing to the flames in case I couldn’t see them, and so happy to just GIVE to me.
Man, this was SOOOOOO unexpected and just knocked me off my feet.
“Ahhhhh, Brandin, this is soooo cool. I cant thank you enough for thinking of me. That was very sweet man…”
And he came and gave me a big hug.
He was so overly excited not to open his gifts, but to give me mine… That, to me, was very special…But I am just a big ole sap!
"Suffering snorkel blatz! They're relentless!."
"Suffering snorkel blatz! They're relentless!."
After that, he went back to the gifts and all the kiddos opened up some stuff to celebrate with us before they leave tomorrow. I was having a hard time concentrating on taking pictures as I was mulling this over in my head…. I was JUST telling my sister today after she was giving me crap about being the GRINCH and I jokingly said…
“You can give me crap, just remember how the movie ended…”
No accidents RIGHT??
Later, after the house calmed down and everyone went to sleep, I was on the couch with Donna and I said…
Later, after the house calmed down and everyone went to sleep, I was on the couch with Donna and I said…
“Man, I feel bad for giving Brandin a hard time about “giving” and the person he chose to give to was me… WOW!!"
Donna jokingly, jacking with me said…
“You should!!”
Shen explained that Brandin has been waiting on pins and needles for two weeks to give me this present… I am SOOOO humbled…
The GRINCH got SERVED!! And I am just so tickled with his desire to do this with no coaching and simply to show that he loved me and cared for me…As gruff as I can be!!
I will tell ya….I think the boys know I would go to the end of the earth for them, but generally I am stern with them and hold them accountable. I know it’s a good thing to have that trait but know that sometimes being a stand looks like being an asshole.
I am so happy they see that I am not just a gruff old fart and love me in spite of it.
Someday, Brandin, I hope you read this and understand how appreciative I am for this night and the fine young man you showed up to be this evening. You are on the path very young to be a great man and your heart is something that everyone around you sees in you.
You already BE a big hearted guy!! It’s a trait that will carry you far in this world and offer you many amazing experiences. Good job buddy and thank you for loving me! I am grateful to have you, your brother and your Momma in my life… You guys are special people to me and I love you dearly.
You already BE a big hearted guy!! It’s a trait that will carry you far in this world and offer you many amazing experiences. Good job buddy and thank you for loving me! I am grateful to have you, your brother and your Momma in my life… You guys are special people to me and I love you dearly.
Thanks for thinking enough of me to be excited to give me something and keep your word to me. You told me you were going to do it, and you did it…THAT is a very good trait to have as well. I will remember this night buddy and really do think the light is cool and the heart you gave with it is immeasurable… Love ya buddy…Mean it!!
So, as the Story of the GRINCH goes, all the little people in WHO-VILLE believed in the magic of the season, loved the GRINCH anyway and let him see through their actions that love is by far THE greatest gift you can give of all.
Gifts will come and gifts will go, but the experience will be what stays with you and yours forever. BE love this Holiday and know that YOU are loved.
Blessings to you all!
Peace…. Brad
Friday, December 17, 2010
Donnas customized graphic
Donna customized a graphic for me so I can use it for my business... What do you guys think? She friggin rocks man!!
Thursday, December 16, 2010
Law Enforcement humor..
I was fortunate enough to be invited to an old friends wedding about a week ago and re-connect with some old friends from my days at the Sheriffs Office. There were only a few of us, and as conversation goes with old cops, we generally talk about old stories and remind each other just how crazy we were in those days... Invincible, cocky, crazy as hell... Just reminisce about the "good ole days" and laugh, cut up, make fun, poke and prod...
One of the things I miss the most from Law Enforcement is the relationships we had as friends. Life was sooooooo crazy then, that nothing we said or did to each other was ever very serious. We were always inappropriate, always edgy, always pushing boundaries....But your biggest mistake is to EVER let one of em see ya sweat... if they know they got a tight wire on you, they will play you like a fiddle!
However, the fun as a result of this is always trying to "one up" the other one is immeasurable. If you don't have quick wit, you better back down because you would get eaten alive.
Sadly, in the "real world" people don't appreciate this type of humor and one of my struggles leaving law enforcement has often times been a direct result of not knowing when to turn it off...
Luckily, after seeing my old friends from those days, it was clear that this part of the relationship has not changed. I am going to share an experience that was revisited at the wedding at Jacks expense... I think he will admit it was CLASSIC but I am hopeing it doesn't encourage him to "one up" me! I am going to try and recall this the best I can...Jack and Kenneth can add to it if the would like!
Love ya man!! ;)
When I was a cop, I had a partner named Jack. he was always a stand up guy and I trusted him with my back completely...BUT, he was always pretty anal and HATED for anyone to tell him what to do. I just saw Jack at a wedding about a week ago and we talked about this prank.
After leaving the profession and the area, I was still keeping in touch now and then with a couple of the guys I worked with...however, I had lost touch with Jack in those few years.
As I heard it, he (Jack) was having hell with his home owners association and was getting the ridiculous infractions issued from those places, and if you think its irritating to you, trust me, to Jack, it was enough to wind that rubber band in his head to snapping. Jack wouldn't hesitate to tell you JUST how he fees if pushed too far...Regardless of the circumstances!
Well, it had been three years since I left, I hear about the HOA thing and called another very loyal friend from that time and asked him if he wanted to play a joke on Jack... In those days when I was on patrol, it was me, Jack and Kenneth...Kenneth is who I called and of course, he was all for this...A good prank with the right folks pulling it off can be a masterpiece!
THIS WAS A PICASSO!!
So I asked my friend if he knew anyone that lived in Jacks neighborhood. He did, so I asked him to call them to see if they had a letterhead from the HOA for anything... He called, and another friend had gotten a letter just recently from the HOA.
I asked if we could have it, and he scanned it and sent it to me.
When I got the letterhead, I deleted the wording on it and typed in my own words...
It went something very similar to this...
Dear Mr.____,
We have found that you are once again in violation of the HOA rules in regards to the upkeep of your property. Below is a list of infractions that we would like you to take care of before we are forced to cite you for the violations...
1. We have found that the grass in your yard is two inches higher than what the regulations in your HOA rules state is allowable.
2. On the NW side of your house, under the easement, there are some paint chips that need repaired and the paint redone.
3. You fence has three faded pickets and those need to be replaced as soon as possible.
Mr. ______, as you are aware, this is not your first infraction of the rules with our association. We have tried to work with you in regards to adhering to the proper rules and are becoming discouraged with your inability to manage these problems. There will be a representative by in the next week or so to check on the progress and repairs. Please don't force us to cite you for these violations.
And I didn't sign it...Left that part blank because I knew by the time he got to the end, he wouldn't even be able to see that through his fury!
After getting the document completed, I made an official looking label and return stamp and sent it to Kenneth to make sure it was mailed from the Houston (the home of the HOA) area. Jack is pretty sharp... We had to be meticulous!
Kenneth (my accomplice) took the letter and sent it so it would be stamped from Houston and then we had to manage the time of day for him to stop by and visit with Jack to make sure he was there when he got the letter... If Jack got this and he wasn't around, it could get UUUUUGLY!!
one day....two days...three days...No letter....
Fourth day Kenneth calls and says ...
"Man, Jack has the letter... I talked Jack into checking his mail while I was there, but he wouldn't look at the letter... I saw it in his hands. I tried to get him to open it and he said he would get to it later..."
I responded...
"Man, you better keep checking on him....If he gets that, reads it and flips, he will be down at that office screaming at those people...And brother, if that happens, I am gunna DENY, DENY, DENY!!"
"Ok man, let me try and call him"
he calls me back...
"No answer man, what are we gunna do?"
"Try again!"
He tried again...No answer...
Now I am getting worried and my accomplice is on his way back to his house... Its been 30-45 minutes since he left him...
On the way to his house, Jack calls him... FURIOUS!!!
"MAN, you wont believe this...I was JUST talking about these coc%^&*cers can you believe what these FU**ING jerk, no good, PR*(%$, arrogant blood sucking bas&&^% are telling me...Listen to this... paint chips, grass too long... I pulled out my ladder and looked all over my house, I didn't see and F**)^ paint chips... Fence pickets??? Are you kidding me.. My fence is fine!! And did they ACTUALLY have someone come out and measure my lawn?? Man, I am on my way to have a little chat with these people!"
My accomplice says...
"Jack, Jack...Calm down man...."
"Calm down my A*&...I have had enough!!"
"Jack, Jack....Me and Brad did it..."
"You and Brad did what???"
"We sent the letter bro..."
"What, no way, no way you sent this..."
Kenneth went on and explained the content of the letter and the process of how it all took place.... Jack was floored!!
Jack called me shortly after finding out and as soon as I answer the phone he says...
"Three years and this is how you say hello?"
Man, I rolled as the story was told and was so upset I wasn't sitting down the street with binoculars as he pulled out his ladder and started to check for paint chips...
Jack keeps his head shaved...Has for as long as I have known him... I bet he looked like a little radish as he was going up and down that ladder.
Seeing him at the wedding and revisiting this experience, I was able to get his wife Rebecca's side of the story...
She said she was doing all she could to calm him down but was convinced he was going to jail. Said he would come down off the ladder, go inside with the letter...
"I don't see anything wrong with my paint.... I cant believe this"
Go back out, move the ladder, look again, come back in the house and would put the letter on the table, point to the words and say ...
"Can you believe this...CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS!!?? I don't see SH&T"
Man, that was 7 years ago and I was still about to bust a gut as I heard it again...
Perfect...Priceless...and now, VERY aware of any strange thing that might take place that could be payback!!
Although it was funny, I know, someday, it will be returned in kind!!
Sure was good to see you again Jack...Lets make the next gap between visits not so long ok?
One of the things I miss the most from Law Enforcement is the relationships we had as friends. Life was sooooooo crazy then, that nothing we said or did to each other was ever very serious. We were always inappropriate, always edgy, always pushing boundaries....But your biggest mistake is to EVER let one of em see ya sweat... if they know they got a tight wire on you, they will play you like a fiddle!
However, the fun as a result of this is always trying to "one up" the other one is immeasurable. If you don't have quick wit, you better back down because you would get eaten alive.
Sadly, in the "real world" people don't appreciate this type of humor and one of my struggles leaving law enforcement has often times been a direct result of not knowing when to turn it off...
Luckily, after seeing my old friends from those days, it was clear that this part of the relationship has not changed. I am going to share an experience that was revisited at the wedding at Jacks expense... I think he will admit it was CLASSIC but I am hopeing it doesn't encourage him to "one up" me! I am going to try and recall this the best I can...Jack and Kenneth can add to it if the would like!
Love ya man!! ;)
When I was a cop, I had a partner named Jack. he was always a stand up guy and I trusted him with my back completely...BUT, he was always pretty anal and HATED for anyone to tell him what to do. I just saw Jack at a wedding about a week ago and we talked about this prank.
After leaving the profession and the area, I was still keeping in touch now and then with a couple of the guys I worked with...however, I had lost touch with Jack in those few years.
As I heard it, he (Jack) was having hell with his home owners association and was getting the ridiculous infractions issued from those places, and if you think its irritating to you, trust me, to Jack, it was enough to wind that rubber band in his head to snapping. Jack wouldn't hesitate to tell you JUST how he fees if pushed too far...Regardless of the circumstances!
Well, it had been three years since I left, I hear about the HOA thing and called another very loyal friend from that time and asked him if he wanted to play a joke on Jack... In those days when I was on patrol, it was me, Jack and Kenneth...Kenneth is who I called and of course, he was all for this...A good prank with the right folks pulling it off can be a masterpiece!
THIS WAS A PICASSO!!
So I asked my friend if he knew anyone that lived in Jacks neighborhood. He did, so I asked him to call them to see if they had a letterhead from the HOA for anything... He called, and another friend had gotten a letter just recently from the HOA.
I asked if we could have it, and he scanned it and sent it to me.
When I got the letterhead, I deleted the wording on it and typed in my own words...
It went something very similar to this...
Dear Mr.____,
We have found that you are once again in violation of the HOA rules in regards to the upkeep of your property. Below is a list of infractions that we would like you to take care of before we are forced to cite you for the violations...
1. We have found that the grass in your yard is two inches higher than what the regulations in your HOA rules state is allowable.
2. On the NW side of your house, under the easement, there are some paint chips that need repaired and the paint redone.
3. You fence has three faded pickets and those need to be replaced as soon as possible.
Mr. ______, as you are aware, this is not your first infraction of the rules with our association. We have tried to work with you in regards to adhering to the proper rules and are becoming discouraged with your inability to manage these problems. There will be a representative by in the next week or so to check on the progress and repairs. Please don't force us to cite you for these violations.
And I didn't sign it...Left that part blank because I knew by the time he got to the end, he wouldn't even be able to see that through his fury!
After getting the document completed, I made an official looking label and return stamp and sent it to Kenneth to make sure it was mailed from the Houston (the home of the HOA) area. Jack is pretty sharp... We had to be meticulous!
Kenneth (my accomplice) took the letter and sent it so it would be stamped from Houston and then we had to manage the time of day for him to stop by and visit with Jack to make sure he was there when he got the letter... If Jack got this and he wasn't around, it could get UUUUUGLY!!
one day....two days...three days...No letter....
Fourth day Kenneth calls and says ...
"Man, Jack has the letter... I talked Jack into checking his mail while I was there, but he wouldn't look at the letter... I saw it in his hands. I tried to get him to open it and he said he would get to it later..."
I responded...
"Man, you better keep checking on him....If he gets that, reads it and flips, he will be down at that office screaming at those people...And brother, if that happens, I am gunna DENY, DENY, DENY!!"
"Ok man, let me try and call him"
he calls me back...
"No answer man, what are we gunna do?"
"Try again!"
He tried again...No answer...
Now I am getting worried and my accomplice is on his way back to his house... Its been 30-45 minutes since he left him...
On the way to his house, Jack calls him... FURIOUS!!!
"MAN, you wont believe this...I was JUST talking about these coc%^&*cers can you believe what these FU**ING jerk, no good, PR*(%$, arrogant blood sucking bas&&^% are telling me...Listen to this... paint chips, grass too long... I pulled out my ladder and looked all over my house, I didn't see and F**)^ paint chips... Fence pickets??? Are you kidding me.. My fence is fine!! And did they ACTUALLY have someone come out and measure my lawn?? Man, I am on my way to have a little chat with these people!"
My accomplice says...
"Jack, Jack...Calm down man...."
"Calm down my A*&...I have had enough!!"
"Jack, Jack....Me and Brad did it..."
"You and Brad did what???"
"We sent the letter bro..."
"What, no way, no way you sent this..."
Kenneth went on and explained the content of the letter and the process of how it all took place.... Jack was floored!!
Jack called me shortly after finding out and as soon as I answer the phone he says...
"Three years and this is how you say hello?"
Man, I rolled as the story was told and was so upset I wasn't sitting down the street with binoculars as he pulled out his ladder and started to check for paint chips...
Jack keeps his head shaved...Has for as long as I have known him... I bet he looked like a little radish as he was going up and down that ladder.
Seeing him at the wedding and revisiting this experience, I was able to get his wife Rebecca's side of the story...
She said she was doing all she could to calm him down but was convinced he was going to jail. Said he would come down off the ladder, go inside with the letter...
"I don't see anything wrong with my paint.... I cant believe this"
Go back out, move the ladder, look again, come back in the house and would put the letter on the table, point to the words and say ...
"Can you believe this...CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS!!?? I don't see SH&T"
Man, that was 7 years ago and I was still about to bust a gut as I heard it again...
Perfect...Priceless...and now, VERY aware of any strange thing that might take place that could be payback!!
Although it was funny, I know, someday, it will be returned in kind!!
Sure was good to see you again Jack...Lets make the next gap between visits not so long ok?
Man, what a day THIS was!
Not sure if I am documenting this experience to vent, or just to have it documented for later use in some fashion…Maybe both…Here we go!!!
On 12-14-10, Incidents took place with Shanna (My youngest step daughter) and Joseph (her high school boyfriend of 12+years) that resulted in Shanna calling us to come get her in a hole in the wall, called Kenefick Texas. It’s a city in the East Texas piney woods, outside of another “interesting” place called Dayton which is outside of a “colorful” place called Cleveland Texas. All of this is just NE of Houston.
Donna and I, after much discussion, decided that we felt Shanna was crying out to change her life, we offered her a safe place to take that on, she said she was ready to make a new life happen, agreed to the ground rules, sounded committed and we eagerly went to go get her on12-15-10 (5 hour drive one way). It was a last minute “grab and dash” for Shanna, Shaylin (her 2 year old) and to hopefully create a new life for them. It was also a very volatile and potentially dangerous situation for all of us.
Joseph, until the last few years, has always been a pretty good kid but as of late, has acquired a pill problem and while in those drunken stoopers, has wrecked four cars in the last couple of months and spent some time in jail over it and made some really self defeating choices. I have personally witnesses his “bullet proof” mentality while on these pills and was fully aware of some incidents he has been in involving guns… REALLY, REALLY STUPID stuff man….he is lucky to be alive!
Joseph has had a rough go of it in his life…A childhood with alcoholism, abuse, struggle, entitlement, drugs, generations of poverty and living a life that thankfully, most of you reading this will never experience or understand. He has no education, been in and out of jail, hustles, steals…been a real “downhill slide” for him in the past 5-6 years…Very sad as he has the potential to be a great man. He also clearly has no desire to change that situation. CHOICE!! However, with my time working with these classes of people, I am fully aware of their potential, and the risk involved.
Basically, Joseph and those around him have nothing, will acquire nothing in their lives, have no “drive” for anything different; therefore they have nothing to lose. Not a judgement, its a choice they make and I dont care either way, but people who have nothing to lose are by far the MOST dangerous people in the world. When you have nothing to lose, you are willing to do anything and THAT is a scary deal to face…ESPECIALLY when guns are involved!
It has been a long time since I have had to face people with this mentality in this fashion, but was willing to take the risk so that we could offer Shanna and her child a life DIFFERENT from all of this.
Hard for me to preach to people to be the change you wish to see in the world and NOT model that behavior. It is truly what I believe and in turn, the way I direct my life (or work very hard to).
Hard for me to preach to people to be the change you wish to see in the world and NOT model that behavior. It is truly what I believe and in turn, the way I direct my life (or work very hard to).
So, we get in the truck; take the 5 hour drive to go get Shanna and her stuff. While on the trip, I called Liberty County Sheriffs Department to advise them the location, the circumstances involved and asked for them to come and do what is called a “Civil Standby” which is simply having a police presence there to stop and violent behavior or potential up rise. Most times, all that it takes is a uniformed presence to stop any escalating behavior. This is all I wanted…No trouble, easy transition, in and out…nice and calm!
After calling the Liberty County Sheriffs Department and advising them of the risks involved and the concern I had, they refused to offer any assistance and advised
“Just call 911 if anything goes wrong.”
I explained to them that I was armed, I was a former police officer, and if a gun were to show up in this situation, 911 would NOT be my first line of action. I again asked them to please just give us 10 minutes of that presence and we would be out of there.
Shanna has about 8 garbage bags of things to pick up that contained all her belongings, and again, they refused to offer any assistance. I really tried to talk her into leaving it, but she refused and said she would go get it herself if she had to. I was aware that Joseph had made threats to her a number of times in the last few days and I was not going to let her get hurt. I figured it was better to stop any arguing, deal with it quickly and quietly and move on… Maybe not the best choice, but what I decided…
When talking to dispatch, a girl named “Bonnie,” I made sure I was on a recorded line by asking her directly if it was recorded and again pleaded with her to send an officer to the location. Also explaining to her I was trying to make this as civil as possible and asking for help. She again refused and I then started to call some of the people I have from my past who are in Law Enforcement to see if they had any contacts in the area that carried a badge…No luck!
I also wanted to make sure I documented what was going on so in case of the “worst case scenario” I would be covered in my attempts to handle this in the most civil way possible.
I knew my texts and phone messages would be easily attainable in case the "worst" showed up to document I went above and beyond to get help and was continuosly refused that help.
In my opinion, "deadly force" should be a very LAST option and if you feel you might be forced to take that step, do everything you can to document you did everything first to try and handle the situation civily.
GUNG HO with a gun is a "John Wayne" mentality, and in the movies, the blood is fake and the consequences are never fully explained....Real life is different and taking a life, as a last option or not, IS life changing... Take my advice and use every resource you can, document your attempts and cover your butt...ALWAYS!
I also wanted to make sure I documented what was going on so in case of the “worst case scenario” I would be covered in my attempts to handle this in the most civil way possible.
I knew my texts and phone messages would be easily attainable in case the "worst" showed up to document I went above and beyond to get help and was continuosly refused that help.
In my opinion, "deadly force" should be a very LAST option and if you feel you might be forced to take that step, do everything you can to document you did everything first to try and handle the situation civily.
GUNG HO with a gun is a "John Wayne" mentality, and in the movies, the blood is fake and the consequences are never fully explained....Real life is different and taking a life, as a last option or not, IS life changing... Take my advice and use every resource you can, document your attempts and cover your butt...ALWAYS!
This wasn’t gong to be my first rodeo, but was definitely a bull I had not been on in some time. I also am no longer a cop so “back up” wasn’t a radio click away… I guess training never goes away because as I made the long trip, I started to visualize my plan and make sure that I was going to make this a quick grab and dash to get this done.
As I got to where Shanna was hiding, I called the Sheriffs Department again, asked them to please send someone, and again, they refused and referred me to the Constables Department. After calling PCT 3 in Liberty County and speaking with a Sgt there, he advised me…
“Civil standbys?? Nope, we don’t do ‘em!”
“I am armed, going to this location and will do what I have to do to keep myself safe and my daughter safe.”
“OK, that’s fine, you do that. Call 911 if you have any problems.”
“Sgt, if a gun shows up in this situation, I am advising you now that my first course of action will NOT be calling 911”
“Well, if it goes south, make sure it’s your second call then…Good luck”
And he hung up the phone… I was on my own! BUT, I had made it perfectly clear to everyone I could my intentions and my position. If they refused to help, and the worst case scenerio were to happen, I showed the effort to ask those who "Protect and Serve" to help me avoid this confrontation. THINK, prepare, document, cover yourself, then act!
I left the baby with Donna in a safe place, and Shanna and I went to go get her stuff…
As we drove to Kenefick, we got further and further out in the “sticks” and I was getting anxious. As we pulled up to where Shanna lived, I noticed it was a small house, off the road, surrounded by trees, secluded, hidden, a LOOONG way from help, only one escape route and not visible to the road. This was not an ideal situation and if it goes bad, its going to go REAL bad! Now this really started to get dangerous.
I pulled into the driveway and Joseph’s car was parked, crashed from a drunken stupor the night before, next to the house. I pulled in, positioned my truck for cover and an easy escape but realized that if someone were to block the driveway, due to the way the property was situated, I was going to be trapped….NOT a good situation!
I had secured my trusty “pursuit” shotgun before going to the place, had it loaded with as many shells as it would hold, and took a handful of shells and placed them in my back pocket for easy access. As I pulled into the driveway, I told Shanna that this had to be FAST, in and out, get the stuff for the baby and then we needed to get out. If Joseph was there and it was to go bad, she needed to have her phone ready to call 911 and explained to her about how to take cover and STAY OUT OF THE WAY!
Once we got into the driveway, I assessed the scene and the situation and eased our way towards the house. Calm, calculated, thinking about the next three steps...PREPARE! We quickly realized that Joseph was not home, so I placed the 3” Mossberg with 00' buck in an easily accessible place and starting grabbing things to throw into he truck, telling Shanna continuously…
”Lets go…lets go…”
And never taking my eye off the driveway… ALWAYS keep your eye on where the potential threat can come from and be ready to ACT FIRST to keep yourself safe. Remember, re-action is ALWAYS slower than action!
As I was walking out of the house loading things, I noticed hanging on the wall, next to the door, a small, compact Glock right next to the front door. I immediately grabbed the gun to unload it and hide it and realized it was a plastic toy pistol…Not even a real gun, but it looked real! It was clearly placed in that spot for easy access to use if there was a threat. What a friggin IDIOT!
After I realized it was a toy, the situation became more real…
If Joseph would have been home, walked out of the door with that toy, pointed it at me, there would have been no way I would have been able to tell the difference and would have quickly shot and killed him had he made any advancing threat towards me or Shanna. Man, a toy gun to use as protection...WOW!!
I am not one that plays with guns and uses them to instill fear...THAT is stupid! If you have to use a weapon, be prepared to USE it, dont think flashing it will get a response of compliance (hope, but dont think it will). If you ever pull a weapon, be fully prepared to USE it...If you arent, its merely a rock to throw at someone!
I am not one that plays with guns and uses them to instill fear...THAT is stupid! If you have to use a weapon, be prepared to USE it, dont think flashing it will get a response of compliance (hope, but dont think it will). If you ever pull a weapon, be fully prepared to USE it...If you arent, its merely a rock to throw at someone!
I took the toy, pissed as hell, and chunked it into the woods cussing the stupidity of this mentality. As I was rushing to get all of this done with urgency, Shanna was seemingly unfazed by the circumstances at hand… It’s funny what people get used to…
The possibility of a gun fight, someone getting killed and the entire possible tragedy with that was something that was seemingly “every day life” for her…How fooled I was to miss this reality of the situation. People, who live a life such as this, deal with the harshness of life in this fashion all the time, so the “threat” isn’t really a “threat” anymore and becomes everyday activities… KIDS PLAY...STUPIDITY gets people killed!
It was somewhat shocking to me back when I was a cop, but my time away from that life made me realize how completely dysfunctional that lifestyle is… To me, this was VERY real and I was completely on alert…Calm, ready and prepared, but the energy, anticipation and adrenaline of this type of thing was something I had not experienced in some time… How quickly we forget, and how quickly reality can come back into focus.
Luckily, Joseph was not there and we were able to get in and out in under 10 minutes…Once the truck was loaded and we were out of the driveway, I remember taking a breath…As I look back, I wonder if I took any breaths while in that house!
Anyone remember what “WA-HOO-ING” is? Well, I just WA-HOOED my step daughter and almost screamed it out the widow as I pulled onto the highway. (see pic at bottom to capture what this looks like! ;) )
Now the kicker… As I drove just a mile or so down the road, I saw a Deputy Constable pulling into a convenience store… Funny the mentality (which I had myself at that time)… Ten minutes of prevention could have prevented hours, days and literally years of cure and there was no interest in helping… Sad how the police dont grasp the hardships that follow shootings until they are forced into that situation themselves.
“Protect and Serve” my ass… “Clean up messes”…THAT’S what police work is really all about. Sad how that motto is not really the mission anymore… Even sadder is that I was enrolled into that when I was in the field… SOOOOOO Glad I got out…another reminder that my choice was the “right” choice.
Well, it cost us 60.00 in gas to get there, 60.00 in gas to get home, 100.00 for a meal and some snacks, I am pretty sure I blew a yellow light a little late and got caught on a red light camera in Cleveland so that is an expense on the way and 8-10 new gray hairs. But Shanna is here, she is safe and the opportunity awaits her to have a new life…I hope she sees the value in it and pursues it because I know plenty of people who have been offered similar opportunities and chose different and went back to the life they were living before.
We humans are creatures of habit and breaking from what you have known for a large portion of your life is not an easy task…Its scary (the “unknown” always is), its work and although I think change is a wonderful thing for us to experience, I am not in the majority with that mindset.
Sadly, many of the people in Shanna’s family don’t see this as an opportunity…they see it as something “taken” from them and immediately start to sabotage any possibility of life being different.
Brandi (middle step daughter), trying to be a good daughter, told her father that we were on our way to Houston to get Shanna, TOLD HIM not to say anything, in turn, because he cant keep chit to himself, he told his mom, SHE cant keep chit to herself, so she told our oldest daughters husband and I don’t know if he told Joseph, but it was clear that Joseph “thought” Shanna was with us through his texts and even phone calls to Donna… Even when that was happening, I knew somehow someone leaked the information…Just didn’t know how at that time…. Another thing that raised my concern in the middle of it all.
I am amazed….Like I said…people who live “that” life every day, they don’t see this as serious, they see it as a game and are willing to sacrifice others so they can get their game piece two squares ahead of the other player… The risk involved with playing this type of game isn’t a loss of fake money or losing your turn on the next dice roll, it life and death and clearly, LIFE is not that important to them and DEFINITELY not important if it isn’t theirs… Selfish, self serving people man… I am glad I am surrounded with good people in my life, because if the world was occupied with this mentality as the major population, I don’t think I would want to be here! LUCKILY, in SPITE of those people, I still am!
In reflection, I am still very angry and just want to yell at every one of those people who tried to sabotage Shanna’s greatness and put us in more risk (really, this information couldn’t have waited until AFTER we got her free of that scenario?? WOW!!??) But because of my experience with those people (that family), I am confident that it won’t make ANY difference… Nothing at all…They won’t get it, they never have, and they never will!
So I GET TO go out on my deck, in the Hill Country, away from all of “that” and yell at the deer in my front yard and scream at the fox that regulates my deck to get my cats food… Yelling at those critters creates about the same amount of change but at least it’s some form of relief from THAT madness.
Shanna is here now, me, Donna, Brandi, the boys…We are all as committed to Shanna’s greatness as she is. She is safe, has a bed to sleep in, a clean house, loving and committed people around her and an opportunity to have her life and the lives of her children DIFFERENT!! Please keep her in your thoughts and prayers and let’s hope she sees the opportunity and really grasps it and makes her life amazing… As I told Shanna…
“It’s up to you now!”
I am sure we have a full plate of drama, struggle, arguments and stress ahead, but if Shanna is willing to take it on, I am as committed as she is to her greatness….and the other people around her now, I know they feel the same way…
“BE the change you wish to see in the world!”
That doesn’t have to come with “sacrifice” but it can be a struggle! In all reality, sacrifice is merely a perception… It’s not a sacrifice to see those you care for have an amazing life… It truly is a blessing!
I will update you as this continues…Thanks for taking the time to read it!
As I was downloading pics from our trip, I came across this picture... This is a picture of me and Shanna not long after I came into her life... I dont think the precious-ness of those you love ever fades...
As I was downloading pics from our trip, I came across this picture... This is a picture of me and Shanna not long after I came into her life... I dont think the precious-ness of those you love ever fades...
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