Testing our faith!

What a weekend!

Donna called me on Friday and I could hear in her voice that something was going on. She started to talk to me and explained that the place we had secured in Silt was no longer available....That we wouldn't be able to move into that place. The owners said their horse was sick, had pigeon fever and they would not be able to leave like they thought they would so they were "sorry" but there was nothing they could do!

I felt like someone kicked me in my stomach!

Donna and I were both overwhelmed with emotion and as usually goes when people get frustrated and angry, we kinda took it out on each other and used each other to scream our anger....Was not a good discussion and ended with us both very frustrated and hanging up with each other...

WTF are we going to do now?

I went to go see a friend play music at a bar down the street from my parents house and tried to find something to occupy my mind because my head was SPINNING! I had not had a drink in a while and the alcohol kinda kicked my butt...I went to bed that night and woke up feeling terrible and immediately, as soon as my eyes opened, I my head started spinning again... WTF are we going to do?

The stress of this, with the hangover and the reality that Donna was really freaking out and there was nothing I could do was so overwhelming that I actually felt nauseous all day....There were times I would be on the verge of tears as I was trying to find a place to accommodate us at a reasonable price in the area... I was finding NOTHING!

On top of all of this, I started to question our leap to move up there and FELT like I wanted to just pack my shit and go back to Texas... I just felt defeated, helpless, exhausted, worn out... I just couldn't believe that through all of this, here we were, Donna already IN MOTION to get here with three horses, 2 dogs and a cat, along with the rest of our stuff. Donna has her resignation in and I am due to start working on the 31st of December and we don't have a place to live!

Donna found a small one bedroom apartment, 700 sq ft in Silt, for a reasonable price but definitely NOT what we were looking for. I called the landlord and talked to her and she was hesitant about the two dogs and would not offer a lease shorter than 9 months...BUUUT it was a place to live!

The landlord sent us some pics and it seemed like a nice, clean little place and if we had to do it, this place will work...

Man, on Saturday 12-8-2012, my emotions were so up and down, I was panicky and really sad...Apparently Donna was feeling the same way and we were just feeding each others fears and I can say, that day was NOT a good day!

That night, Donna sent me an email and found a place in Silt that was a 3 bedroom house with one bath, on 10 acres, barn, corral, and would take our horses and our dogs...However, the ad was almost a month old and we didn't know if it was rented yet. Donna sent them an e-mail and we waited...

Today, Sunday rolls around and I woke up and went shopping with my sisters and my mom to get out of the house and try to get my mind off of the spinning freefall I felt like I was on. Well, I am not too much the "shopping type" and had them take me to the movie theater to see Lincoln.

As I waited on the movie to start, Donna called me and said...

"I heard from the owner of that house...."

"Well, tell me!"

"Apparently its a 3 bedroom, 100 year old house with a small bathroom. It sits on 10 acres and will completely accommodate the horses. She is a horse person and said the house is an old house, the carpet isn't the greatest, it has a fireplace but it has a crack in it, it has electric heat and she said the property is just beautiful. She said she would hold it for us until we get there and that she would be willing to do a month to month rental for us. It has a well and we would need to put up a hotwire for the horses but it sounds perfect..."

I said....

"If she will do month to month, call her and tell her we will take it and lets send her a check! Lets get this place secured!"

"Well, she said she would hold it for us until we could get there to look at it and as a matter of fact, its open now and we could really just bring our stuff up there and unload it."

"Shit, this is MUCH better than the other place, more property, bigger place, more accommodating, and only 100.00 more a month than the other place...Lets do it hun... DO IT!!"

So, we have come through yet ANOTHER storm to get to our dream and although we were just totally sick and "giving up" on the process, the process showed us again its PERFECT!! Man, I feel like a weight has been lifted and we are on an even better path than we were before in regards to a place to settle in for a bit and find our bearings....

Man, this has REALLY been one HELL of a ride and although we are still really in the middle of it, it sure has tried everything in us! We had a plan to make this happen and it has been much tougher and longer than we anticipated... I am trusting the old saying that "The harder the struggle, the greater the reward" is another truth....

Below are the first round of pictures we got of the place...There are some more coming and I will post those here when I get them, so come back and look for the updates...

Man, what a frickin rollercoaster....I am really an adventurous spirit but I am telling you, this experience is having me take a look at that part of who I am and I really don't think I want to do this again...I REALLY need to settle my ass down and just be happy with the life I have.... I am getting to old for this Gypsy blood... Its time to build me a nest and be comfy in it!

I will be able to say, we have lived one hell of an adventurous life! I sure love Donna and am so grateful she loves me...Even my wild side! I feel for her sometimes because a "nest" would be JUUUST fine with her!

I love ya babe...You did a GREAT job on this.... You are a pretty amazing woman Donna....You truly are!

Ok folks...Here are the pics!

 

 

 

 Donna was able to get some more pics of the house..... Here are the ones sent to us on 12-10-12.... Man, this place is SOOOOOO COOL!!  Also, Donna negotiated a 100.00 a month decreese in the rent per month....The girl, dont put ANYTHING between here and her horses....YOU WONT WIN!!

 

 

 

 

Donna kicking butt!

On Nov 5th, 2012, I started my official training with the Colorado Department of Revenue. I trained in Denver for a week and as I worked and started things rolling with the job, Donna kicked it in gear and started working on getting the house sold in Texas and finding a place that will be a fit for us in, or around Glenwood Springs. She is determined to have her three horses and all her animals so she was on the move.

Once I completed my procedure training, I was informed I would be training in Colorado Springs for 6 weeks and would relocate to Glenwood after that. This was a shift from what I thought was going to happen, as I was told I would be training in Grand Junction. This was a great thing for us because it would save a lot of travel time and money...Just another sign that everything is perfect and going JUST as it should. I figured my target date to be in Glenwood would be in or around Dec. 18th and started to plan as such.

We immediately dropped the price of the house again and Donna started her process to find a place to keep the horses. On Thanksgiving day Donna called me and said...

"I think I found a place. Its on 5 acres, we can have our dogs, our cat and all three horses. Its a one bedroom apartment above a barn and its short term. There is a house on the property that will be coming up for rent and after living in the apartment, we could move into the house. We can also just decide to board the horses there if we want, but it sounds PERFECT"

That is what tripped me up....If it sounds too good to be true, it usually is! I asked her...

"Where did you hear about this? Craiglist? This sure sounds too good to be true. Why don't you follow up on this, see if you can contact a real person and if you can get it set up, I will drive up there this weekend and look at it."

Donna got off the phone with me and she was able to contact the owners and speak to them. They sent her pictures of the place and verified all the details and I made plans to go up and see it on Saturday, Nov 24th. Mom wanted to go with me so we set out early and made it in about 3 hours.

The town this place is located is called Silt Colorado and it is West of Glenwood Springs, about a 20 minute drive. The layout of the land is more Grand Mesa type mountains and is pretty spectacular. Its a REALLY small town with a population of about 3k people but that is JUUUST our speed!

As we followed the directions into the place, we found the road the house was on and ran into a herd of about 30 mule deer. The surrounding area is beautiful....The place lays at the base of some mountains and looks out over a grand mesa looking toward Grand Junction. When we puled up to the property, we found a mechanical front gate with a cowboy hat on it and at this point, it just felt "good" to be here.

We drove onto the property and mom and I were both awestruck...the place was BEAUTIFUL and although it seemed a little small for the horses it was boarding, it was DEFINITELY doable. The owners met us in the front yard and they were all smiles and friendly. Angelo and Toni were a very nice couple, about the same age as Donna and I and they started to show mom and I around. I will explain more with the pictures below.


This is just inside the front gate...The barn and the apartment are the building on the right.

That is BLM land and National Forrest behind the place...You can see the little front porch to the apartment on the left of the building.

This is the view East from our bedroom window and our front yard...

This is the end of the run where our horses will be kept...If you look back the other way, you will see picture number 2 here.

This is the view out of the living room window.

Kitchen...

Living room....

Bedroom....Notice the view looking West!

After meeting with Angelo and Toni, taking some pictures, getting a feel of the apartment, we came to an understanding that they would rent the apartment until April 1st, that they would leave it furnished with everything but their couches and bed and if it all worked our positively, we would discuss renting the house when they returned.

Although we wouldn't have use of the barn, we would be able to have the horses literally right out our back door and had only 40 acres between us and BLM land and Whitewater National Forrest. About 20 minutes away is a national park and reservoir and we have almost immediate access to all of it.

Oddly enough, after going back an looking at it, Donna had found these folks a month or so before for boarding and re connected with them and they had decided to short term lease the property shortly before she contacted them....NO ACCIDENTS!!

As we pulled out of the property to head home, there was a heard of 30+ elk greeting us... Man, this IS perfect!

I tell ya man, there truly is something magical about this "Trusting the process" thing....So far, just following the direction of our dreams is unfolding a really bright future and adventure. Let me explain...

So, I was told I would be in Glenwood by the 18th of December, the Angelo and Toni told us we couldn't move in until the first of January so now I was going to have to find a place to live from the 18th until the 1st....With 2 dogs and a cat.....I started looking.

It looked like I was going to have to simply get a hotel room for a couple of weeks and pay out the ass for it. The more I looked at the dates, the more I realized I wasn't positive about my start date in Glenwood. I called my boss to verify. When I got ahold of her, she said....

"Oh no Brad, we are keeping you in the Springs through the Holidays, we will plan on having you start here on the 3rd of January."

Now tell me there is no truth in that theory...TRUST THE PROCESS because the process is perfect if you just let it happen...With intention mind you, but its perfect!

So, Donna decided that hell or high water, she was leaving Texas on the week of the 17th of December and planned to be here in Colo Spgs by the 20th. We worked out the payment for the rent, had things rolling, dropped the price of the house again and started getting lookers....We had 3 people in a weeks time come and look at the house...THIS SHIT IS HAPPENING!!! OWTFDWIT!!

The house isn't sold yet but Donna has gone from a skeptical woman to a maniac on a mission with her hair on fire! WOOOO-HOOOO!! I LOVE THIS!!

I remember when this all started and I was talking to Donna and she was sad, scared and unsure and she said...

"I don't like this, this isn't fun, it doesn't feel like an adventure"

After all this fell in place, I was on the phone with Donna and she was just tickled, excited, anxious, ready to get here, ready to settle in and on the phone I said...

"So let me ask you, does it feel like an adventure now?"

She laughed and had no other response but "Yes, THIS is an adventure"

Today is the 4th of December, I did catch a cold on my trip to Glenwood that grew into a severe case of tonsillitis that has had me laid up and off of work for the last four days, but I am getting over it, and believe it or not, Sunday, this bug hit me so hard I had fluctuating fever, cold sweats, could not swallow, the poops and was about out for the count....And my insurance went into effect on Saturday....Yep, the process is PERFECT!!

So as I heal, I daydream about Donna and I together again, snuggled in our little apartment in the mountains, with all of our animals with us and living the live we dreamed of in July of this year. This just reminds me that dreams do happen, what we want can be created and life truly is a process of creation...Go make it big!!

Testing my belief structure....FOR SURE!!

On June 22nd, 2012, I made a decision to pursue a new path. I had an idea of what that might look like, I had a dream and most importantly, I had a GOAL! Donna and I had decided that it was time to make the leap we had spoken of for years and leave Texas to a different, and even more beautiful place. We had done much research and had some desires to move to the NW Coast, we had looked on the East coast a little, we looked, and almost moved forward with a move to NW Arkansas... I even did some extensive job hunting there.

After thinking more about it, we chatted and threw around the idea to move to Colorado. We had limited funds and I have family in Colorado. We spoke about the possibility of me living with my family and working towards getting a job in Colorado. We made the decision that we wanted to live in the mountains and it had to be at least as beautiful as our home in Texas.

 

So I went to work and sold as much stuff as I could and started to get a base together that I could live on for a few months and pay the bills that I needed to pay. I sold my BBQ pit, my kayaks, my canoe....I parted with quite a few things that I never thought I would part with....I even considered selling my Harley (but just couldn't bring myself to do it). Once I had sold everything I could and completed some FEMA trainings that I wanted to get done, I contacted my family, we all designed a plan, and on July 27th, 2012, Donna and I pulled out of Texas with a large portion of our belongings, each driving a truck with a trailer, and we started to Colorado.

The plan (and the finances) were set that I would live with my parents and start to job hunt, I wanted to stay away from non-profit as I had become burned out in the industry, I had enough money to carry me for three months and my goal was to have a job in that three months.

We got to Colorado and Donna and I took a week and drove all over the different areas I had job prospects. We spent a week driving around all over Colorado and then after that week, one of the hardest days of my life happened.... I watched the woman I love more than anything in the world get in her truck and pull out of the driveway of my parents home and head back to Texas.... I literally felt like a part of me was ripped away.....I knew really quickly that my entire intention was to work hard so that WE could be back together as soon as possible. My life TRULY is incomplete without her....TRULY!!

I experienced my first birthday in 19 years without Donna and we were not together on our 17th Anniversary....Man, we were struggling!

I had (what I thought) was a GREAT opportunity in Boulder, working for the City as an animal control officer. I had the experience, the education and figured as long as I passed the testing process, I would be a SHOE IN for the position.

The position started with over 300 applicants and the interview process weeded it down to about 150 to test for the position, the written test cut that in half and I was still in the running....The physical agility test cut another 25 and that left about 50 people qualified to move forward.....I will say, I thought I was going to DIE in the running portion of the test, but I passed! I was told that I would be moving through to the interview process. I spoke with many of the people I was testing with and almost everyone I spoke with had absolutely no emergency management experience....I was feeling VERY confident!

I drove home, head high, feeling really good about the possibility....I was in Colorado 2 weeks and I had this sealed up....THIS JOB WAS MINE!! About a week later, I received an e-mail from the City of Boulder that stated....

"We are no longer pursuing you for the position"

I WAS STUNNED!! I called the hiring manager and asked if this was correct and she assured me,

"Yes, its correct, we have more qualified candidates we are looking at and pursuing"

I went on and told the manager again about my experience and education and how I was perfect for the job and she still said I was not the best qualified.....Man, my stomach just dropped....I couldn't believe it! BLOW #1!!

I found a job in Black Hawk Colorado which is a very small old mining down, nestled in a canyon outside of Denver....An absolutely BEAUTIFUL place. It was a job as a dispatcher for the city and I made the cut. I was told I was one of 12 that made it through to the interview after the testing and again, I was excited. I drove up for the interview and again, I left feeling pretty confident. I had experience in the field, knew I could do the job and figured again that I had to make the cut on this!

A week later, another letter and BLOW #2!!

As the weeks went on, I applied for jobs every day in every mountain area in Colorado...>State jobs, City jobs, Government jobs and the random director, program coordinator and even a case manager or two job. I had put in about 200 or more resumes and was hearing nothing. At month 2, I stared to get nervous... I had a few letters that had come in and said I was being considered for positions but there was no other info.

On July 30th I put in for a job with the Colorado Department of Revenue to be a "Drivers License Test Examiner III" in Glenwood Springs Colorado. The next day I was informed that to continue in the process I had to obtain a Colorado Drivers License and I had a week to comply....I went THAT DAY and got my license and felt like I was one step farther from Texas but no steps closer to my goal in Colorado. I contacted the hiring manager and sent them my drivers license information. I was moved on into the process and had to take a test. It was a written test with scenarios and questions and then finally a mock letter to an angry customer. I sent in my responses and waited...

A week or two went by and I kept putting in applications, went to the Colorado Workforce, pulled a couple of jobs with my Brother in Law at his landscaping business (which assured me that manual labor is not something I enjoy...WOW!! Kuddos to my brother in law....His work is definitely a tough way to make a living...Good thing he loves it!)

I finally received a letter from the Department of Revenue on or around August 30th (remember, I applied July 30th) that stated....

"Congratulations, you have passed the test for the Drivers License Test Examiner III in Glenwood Springs Colorado. Your score was an 89.9999 and you are currently ranked number one for the position, you will be moving along in the hiring process and will be contacted soon about the next step"

Man, after getting letters of denial almost daily, not hearing anything from anyone, I now had an opportunity...And a pretty damn good one. Working for the state, opportunity for growth, once I get in, I could live anywhere and could have a job with a good retirement and great benefits....LORD THANK YOU!!

My parents and I decided to take a day and go check out the Glenwood area as it seemed this might be a great opportunity. Glenwood Springs is an amazing city....there are about 8k people there, its in a valley t a little over 5k ft above sea level, there is a river basin that surrounds the city and it has hot springs in the city. There is a MAGNIFICENT 20 mile long canyon that you drive through to get to Glenwood and as you exit the canyon you pull into the city. Its about 30 minutes or so from Aspen Colorado and the small towns between Glenwood and Aspen are absolutely spectacular! We had lunch in Basalt Colorado and afterwards we decided to check out the area around this little town. About 1/4 of a mile out of Basalt, we saw a bear in the trees....We were TRULY in the mountains of Colorado!

Around September 14th I was instructed by email to contact a hiring manager with the state to get to the next step....An interview!!

I scheduled the interview and it was on Sept 21st in Glenwood Springs. September 21st, 2012 was an absolutely BEAUTIFUL day. The sun was shining, the Aspens were starting to change and my mom said she wanted to ride with me to the interview. We left Colorado Springs and it was in the 70's, we drove up Vail pass and we had snow flurries,

                       (Vail Pass)

we pulled into Glenwood Springs and it was 80 degrees....What a BEAUTIFUL trip! Here is a picture of what the view is outside the office there....

I went and had my interview and immediately I felt like this was going to be a great interview. Both of the managers were education majors and we had a common interest to talk about. They went through a series of questions and my interview was almost 2 hours long. At the end of the interview, I asked....

"Am I still number one for the position"

and the manager assure me that I was. She stated they wanted to have the position filled by October 15th and I should be hearing from the regional supervisor for a second interview in a week or so. I left Glenwood feeling AWESOME!! Mom and I stopped in Breckenridge for lunch and took a long way home to check out the Aspens and enjoyed our VERY long day on the road...About 9 hours!! UUUGH!!

A week went by and I hadn't heard anything so I called the Manager (Pam) and just touched base. She told me that things were really busy but I would be hearing in about another week. Now it is September 28th....UUUGH again!

Donna flew in for a long weekend visit on September 27th to September 30th. We drove up to Glenwood and over Independence Pass (which is a true testament that God exists and is an AMAZING artist!).

We had lunch in Basalt, it was in the 70's.....





and the Aspens were in FULL BLOOM.... I wish I could explain this majestic experience in words, but there are no words that can capture the experience of the aspens in full color....It is only understood in experience!

Another HUGE blow to my experience and my life happened on September 30th when I took Donna to the airport and watched her walk away through security and out of my immediate life again....

I was almost brought to my knees....I just could not stand doing this much more...SOMETHING has to shift!

Two minutes after Donna left my side, my old partner Jack Allen called me and said

"Hey brother, just wanted you to know, I just got off the phone with the State of Colorado for a reference check"

Man, THIS was good news!! This meant that the state is moving forward with my application. I was also notified that day that I would be having an interview with the City of Colorado Springs Fire Department for a position I had applied for and would have the interview on Oct 15th....Things were starting to look up!

Regardless of the good news, the next week, the first week of October, this was the hardest week I had experienced in some time. I was missing Donna so bad I couldn't stand it. I went to a job fair in Denver that had (what they claimed) was 100 employers.... I go there and there was NO opportunities for me and the direction I wanted....However, there were trucking companies there and I figured if something didn't break soon, maybe this would be an option....But this wasn't my plan!! This isn't what Donna and I had set as our goals and I was starting to go downhill emotionally....

 The pain was so severe that I would wake up at 8:00am, go back to bed at 11:00am, sleep until 3:00pm, start to drink at 7:00pm to numb the pain and hopefully pass out my 11:00pm and start all over....I was so severely depressed and was truly miserable. October 5th, I called Glenwood again...I couldn't reach the manager, so I left a message.... I dug deeper and found phone numbers and e-mails for the hiring managers for the state and tried to contact them....I couldn't reach them, so I left them messages. I never heard from any of them.

I had it made up that this probably wasn't a good sign but I wasn't going to back down.... on Oct 9th, 10th, and 11th I called all the numbers I had and left messages every day.... I figured that I just can wait on life to happen, I have to MAKE it happen! I had an interview set with the City of Colorado Springs on the 15th of October and was prepared for that interview completely.

I was concerned with this position as it wasn't a "sworn" position and as an "education" position, would be the very first position that would be cut if any funding cutbacks were to happen (which happen all the time).

On October 12th, I was called by the state and told they had scheduled an interview at the main office on Oct 17th in Lakewood Colorado with the regional director for the Drivers License Division.... Things are looking up, but my money is running low and I am getting close to my goal deadline...I don't have much time left!

I went to the interview with the City of Colorado Springs and felt REALLY good about the interview....However, I did ask about the possible cutbacks and elimination of the position and the interviewers advised me that this is a legitimate concern and they could offer me no guarantees. I was perfect for the position, I have EVERYTHING they are looking for, the money is good and I would really enjoy the job, but they even said there was a time they hired a person and 6 months later they had to lay him off due to cutbacks.... Man, I juts could not fathom being back out in the unemployment world after taking that job, moving Donna up here and then being stuck....I have to say, I was a little concerned with this feedback.

I was advised that I would be called in about a week if I was to be moved forward to have a second interview with the Fire Chief. I left feeling pretty confident but there was this voice in my head that kept telling me I need to be cautious about this job....It really doesn't sound like a stable job.

The State job pays less and I would have to live in a much more expensive place, but at least its secure and the opportunity for growth is limitless....Now I am at a decision but I decided after that interview I was going to pull myself out of this hole I was in, SHIFT my thinking, get back on the path of positive thoughts and energy and pull my bootstraps up....I just cant continue to live in this depressed state.... Its truly killing me! I cant get over missing Donna and the desire to have her near me, but i CAN get out of my own shit and get back on track to the goal!!

Wednesday, Oct 17th, 11:00am, I was in Lakewood Colorado, at the Department of Revenue for my second interview for the position in Glenwood. The interview went GREAT, we discussed start dates, money, negotiated salary and I felt pretty good when I left that interview. I was told that a decision was going to be made by Friday Oct 19th and I would be advised either way if I got the job or not....Before I left I asked again....

"Am I still number 1 for the position?"

They advised me that I was and I left to go back to Colorado Springs thinking, "This is going to be a loooong 2 days"

Thursday, October 18th, 11:10am, I was pulling out of the driveway with my mom to go have lunch and my cell phone went off with a notification I had a voicemail...Never rang though. I checked my voicemail and it was the regional supervisor I had interviewed with and she wanted me to call her back.

I told my mom frantically...

"TURN AROUND, TURN AROUND, TURN AROUND!!!!"

Mom was shocked and I think I even scared her....

"What, whats going on, whats up"

"Its the state, they want me to call them....go back, go back!!!"

I ran inside, took the number down and called her back....

"Hi Joi, its Brad Golden"

"Hi Brad, how are you? I just wanted you to know that I can get you the money close to what you asked for but I need to know you are serious about this position"

"Joi, I am COMPLETELY serious about this position"

"Ok, well the money is not quite what you want, but I want to groom you to promote within about 6 months....Now Brad, you could promote sooner than that, but that will be up to you and how quickly you learn....."

I stopped her and said....

"Joi, did I miss the part that I got the job??"

"Yes Brad, you got the job!"

the next 2 minutes of the conversation I cant tell you what was said because I was screaming inside and dancing around the front lobby of my parents house.....I felt like 125k lbs was lifted off my shoulder...

OMG, I DID IT!! I frickin did it!! HOLY CRAP!!!!!!

We went on to the details and I will start Nov 5th (do you remember when I applied?? WOW!!) and will train for a week in Denver on policy and procedure, after that, I will be going to Grand Junction for 4 weeks to shadow another Drivers License Office Manager and am scheduled to start in Glenwood on or about December 10th for my assignment and my office. I will be going up to meet my staff soon and am so excited....

I called Donna and I was in a bookstore when she called me back....I couldn't yell so I said....

"I am in a bookstore so I cant scream, but baby, I GOT A JOB!!!"

Donna started laughing and crying, I started laughing and crying and I gotta tell ya, the ENTIRE day i could not keep a single thought in my head....My head was racing with all of the things ahead, how we had done what we said we were going to do, how we did it under our goal time, how I was going to be back with my baby soon, how I needed to call my realtor and get aggressive with the house, looking for a place to live in Glenwood, when will Donna be here, when will Donna be here, when will Donna be here!!!!!

LIFE IS GETTING Ready to happen for us JUST AS WE PLANNED!!

So, on July 27th, 2012, Donna and I started with a goal to have me in Colorado and have a job IN THE MOUNTAINS in 3 months.....

We were able to get a job, in one of the most beautiful parts of the mountains in Colorado in 2 months and 2 1/2 weeks! WE DID IT!!!

I will tell you that in this time frame, I have questioned the distinctions I have so securely held on to for a large part of my life, really had one hell of an emotional roller coaster (still on it really) but I made sure that the PROCESS is perfect, and I HAD to TRUST THE PROCESS!! I questioned it, was scared, was unsure, was almost ready to give up (and was even making plans on how that would look) but once again, BASED ON RESULTS, the Universe listens.

Go at your life with an INTENTION, be CLEAR and PRECISE on what you want and when you want it. Say it out loud, write it down, declare your dreams and your goals and then, SHIFT....Move forward, make it happen...GO GET IT!!

We still have quite of things ahead for us to make the final picture come into view. We have a house to sell (WHICH WILL) we have to find a place in the Glenwood area and a place for our horses (WHICH WE WILL), we have to get Donna up here (WHICH WE WILL) and find her a job (WHICH WE WILL) and then live our life together and never part like this again (WHICH WE WILL).....

As I say in many of my posts, live by this mantra when it comes to your life and making it happen the way you want!!!


OWTFDWIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

so much has happened....

SO my last post was about my move here and because I have gotten down in the dumps, I havent posted, but based on friends feedback its time for an update....

We moved here July 27th....Or I DID and I left my life back in Texas, with Donna taking care of our life there while I work on making life happen here. I really had it made up in my head that the struggles I faced in Kerrville were going to be minimal in comparrison to this. Well, I have found that the old saying of "no matter where you are, there you are" and that has become a truth. In my time here, I have moved in with my parents and worked hard to find a job here to continue working on our dream. Well, I am realizing that dreams are dreams for a reason...They arent reality, tey are dreams. Now dont get me wrong, I still believe that life is what we make it and if I wantlife to work on my terms, then I HAVE to make it happen....Little did I knwo thatthe Universe has it made up that to make things happen on YOIUR terms, you better be ready to WORK for it.

With that reality, I have come to realize that the life you WANT is not some easy task...To get what you want takes A LOT of work, and boy, have I been working! I have found there are a ton of opportunities here to move forward, but when youhave a vision and dream, well, that comes with a cost.... A cost of sacrificing a life that was moving like you want to a life of simplicity. I dont have my dogs, my horses, my front porsh, MY WIFE, OUR LIFE, the cost is much more than I imagined....But I still know that with that cost comes a reward.....DAM<N am I looking for the reward!

I took for granted the simplicity of the life I lived. Yes, I was not happy with my job or my direction, but I was at least getting a check. In these last few months, I have been spending my money to pay my bills, taking jobs here and there (thank you Terry) and realizing that a life that "works" is a lot more "expensive" than a life that works the way I want it too.

I have about 200 resumes out now, I have had 3-4 interviews...I have had very little interest in pursuing the easy route....I want what I want and man, let me tell you,that REALLY limits the possibilities.

Everyonme WANTS the DREAM job, but no matter how much you train or prepare, yhr lifr you WANT is not so accessible. There are a ton of people out there looking for the life you want and if you arent connected or in the loop, get ready for some dissapointment.

Move back to Colorado.

June 22nd was my last day with BCFS. After resigning, I got busy selling off a bunch of stuff to get money together so I could move to Colorado and have some money to cover the bills while I search for a job. It was a sad process to see so many of the things I had attained leaving but I knew they were just things and it was for the greater good.

I contacted my family and discussed the options for my relocation to Colorado and the support I would need to get us restarted here. It was decided I would live with my parents while I looked for a job and a place to live.

Texas has been VERY good to me. I left Colorado as a really troubled young man with a pretty grim future and when I got to Texas, she was forgiving of my sins and offered me opportunities like I never thought possible. I got my life together, attained a career in Law Enforcement, met and married the most amazing woman in the world with three beautiful girls that taught me so much about myself. Texas offered me an opportunity to live in one of the most beautiful places in that State. An opportunity for professional advancement through an education all the way to my Masters. Struggles, hardships, magical times, breathtaking experiences, good friends, a training that helped me re find myself and grow even bigger.....All in all, Texas has been VERY good to me. There will always be a place in my heart in soul that IS Texas!

Donna and I loaded up all of the stuff that wasn't "essential" to our living there and on July 27th, 2012, we pulled out of Kerrville and made our way to Colorado. It was 103 degrees when we left Texas.

Donna and I have come to the conclusion that we just don't like the heat in Texas anymore, Kerrville was not offering us the professional opportunities we wanted and the home we have dreamed of was clearly starting to become less of a reality. Our vision is to get to Colorado and live IN the mountains.

As we pulled into Colorado Springs after a VERY long roadtrip to get here, it became clear that the front range of Colorado is NOT where we want to live and the thoughts of going out East of Colorado Springs was not going to be a suitable option for us either... Its the mountains that are calling us here, and it will be the mountains where we live.

When we got to the springs, I immediately started to put in for jobs and it wasn't long before I realized I had 70+ resumes out. I had a good bite on a job in Boulder as an Animal Control Officer, and after reading the description, it was clear this would be a job I could enjoy. 10 hour shifts, 4 days a week, and able to live in Boulder.

I remember Boulder from when I lived here and its where Colorado University is and its a really very laid back college town. I wanted Donna to go see it so once we got here, we hooked up mom and dads RV and headed to Boulder to look around.

We drove into Boulder and realized it is still a front range town and not really what our vision is of where we want to live. We decided to take a trip through the mountains and stay in Idaho Springs which is a small mountain time out of Denver. As we made our way out of Boulder, it was about 5 minutes and we realized that the beauty we are looking for in Colorado is a VERY easy commute from Boulder.

We drove up a pass that took us West, following Boulder creek and every turn was leaving us breathless...It was absolutely beautiful! 25 minutes out of boulder, we reached the top of this pass and it opened up to a good size lake and a little village town that surrounded it. You could see the peaks of Estes Park and we were surrounded by mountains....THIS was it!! We could do this!!

We kept driving and we quickly found a State Park and pulled in to drop the rig and go drive around a little. Just a few minutes from the park was a little restaurant and a drive through liquor store that is just out in the middle of nowhere. We went down to this place (called "The Last Shot Saloon" ) and went in to have dinner and a drink. We realized the place had a menu fro dogs and was pet friendly so we even got to bring our old hound dog Dosie in with us.

They had a porch where you could sit outside and it was a crystal clear day, sun shining and about 75 degrees outside. The porch overlooked an aspen groves valley and there were two Golden Eagles circling the aspen grove, swooping down to the treetops....This little place was a tiny piece of Heaven. We ate, Dosie ate and we just took in the thin Rocky Mountain air. It was GREAT!!

We stayed at the park and woke up the next day to head back to the Springs. We went through Blackhawk Colorado and were really taken with that town as well. So now we REALLY had it in our head that it HAD to be the mountains where we finally settle in. Man, it is just so beautiful here in the Mountains.

So we had it lined out that this was the plan, it was great that Donna came up with me to get a feel for it and see these areas so she knows this is the place for us. We even had 90 degree weather in Colorado while she was here, but it is truly a different heat than where we are in Texas. It was good for us both to take the time to drive around and see the different places.

Sadly, Donna stayed for a week and left the following Saturday morning to go back to our house in Kerrville and I got busy applying for jobs and calling people and needed to start focusing on getting things rolling here.

On August 9th, I went and tested for the City of Boulder for an animal control officer. It was a written and physical agility test. I was told there were 125 applicants for the position and after the tests, it was weeded down to about 50 people, I made the cut BARELY. I had to do a 1/3 mile run and have no acclimated to the altitude here and seriously about killed myself on that run...That hurt worse than any run I have ever done... Even during PT in the police academy.

I feel really good because I really don't think they are going to find someone as qualified and has the education I do to fill the position. I meet ALL of the requirements and HAVE actual animal control experience from my time with the Sheriffs Department. I move on this next week (15th or 16th) to the next step which is the oral board interviews and I am preparing myself to defend my experience now. I am sure I will continue to move on from that step....Then the background and this polygraph like test that is some new voice recognition system....In all reality, i am going to really like this job!

Its been tough being away from Donna but luckily we are both busy and although missing each other and hating the time apart, we KNOW we are on the right path to make this happen for us the way we want it to happen.

The good thing is we are two weeks in and although clouded by emotion from time to  time, we are still on track with our plan and moving forward in the way we declared. The plan is working and in any plan to make changes in your life, there is some suffering....But the suffering is what makes the reward so sweet....And sweet things are on our way...I JUST KNOW IT!!

I will tell you this, as in many of my other posts, I am totally in a "trust the process mode" with a definite OWTFDWIT attitude!! THIS WILL happen on our terms and exactly like we want it to....The waiting is always the hardest part!!

Is it full circle?

So, with the decision I spoke of in my last post, I have to make a plan for whats next for us....and here is the "plan" as of now.

Donna and I are both tired of Texas. We both love the Hill Country but the heat is starting to become unbearable and the opportunities for advancement of our lives just aren't here. We have really worked hard to make the things we want happen here and we just keep spinning our wheels. Its time for a change....

So, we have been looking at different places to move around the country for some time now and we just cant seem to find "the" place that would suit us. We definitely cant find a "secure" place to try and step off too, so my head started to turn....

What about going back to Colorado?

Now I have to say, I don't have much desire to live back in Colorado Springs. 350k people is quite the city and although we have lived in bigger, neither of us really like the idea of living in Colorado Springs and the country living we enjoy just isn't really accessible inside that city. But outside of the Springs? In the mountains?? Now THAT'S doo-able!

So I contacted my family, my realtor, sat down with Donna and here is the plan....

On June 22nd I will have my last day with BCFS. I am trying to get into a FEMA class that is happening the last week of June but it is full....The next one, which I AM signed up for, that one is the week of July 16th.

So, if I get in the class at the end of June, I will get my certification and then take a week or two to downsize some of our stuff.

If I don't get in that class, I will take the week or two before and downsize our stuff. I will make some contacts back in Colorado to get my resume flowing and get the feelers out there. We will start to decrease the amount of our house. I will cash in on the downsizing put my student loans BACK in deferment (TRY not to have to sell my Harley....UUUUGHHHH!!) and get a U-Haul trailer, load up all the stuff we aren't using or don't need, fill my little truck, and head North.

I have set it up with my family that I will be a "squatter" with them while I look for jobs and a new house. Donna will stay here and keep the home front working, tie up loose ends, get the house sold and join me once we get everything here taken care of. I should be in Colorado Springs The last weekend of July and beating the streets for work the first week of August.

Once the house sells here in Texas, I will fly back down to Texas, get a U-Haul, load up the rest of our stuff, get our horses and bring Donna up to Colorado with me. Hopefully we will have a place to put our horses and only have to be with family for a couple of weeks, take the money we make from the house, put it down on a new place and start over...Again!! WOOOO-HOOOOO!!!

The only thing I could see that would deter this plan is if I didnt find a job and was able to deploy to an disaster of some kind...Even then though, the end plan is to be back in Colorado

OWTFDWIT!!!!

Any of my Colorado friends that read this, I could SURE use a helping hand to get my resume out there and some possible directions for job opportunities... If you have any feedback or would like to get a copy of my resume to pass of for me, please contact me at bjgolden1@hotmail.com and I will get it to you.

If any of my Colorado peeps could help me out, I need two things....

1. Job leads or networking
2. a place to put 2 horses (cheap or free if possible...We will hopefully only have them at any one place for a month and Donna will take care of all of their needs)

Please keep your ears open for us.... We could sure use the help.

Ending it with BCFS

I have not posted since my deployment because much has been going on since my return. I realized I was pretty miserable when I left the office to go to the deployment and found that the misery i had left was waiting for my return. I am truly NOT happy in the role I have at my current position and it is really starting to make me ill.

After getting home from the shelter, I took some time to reflect on my life and where I was, where I was going, and what in the hell was I doing where I am now. I was hoping I would have a little more time, but the Universe has an idea of her own in regards to time.

When I got back, immediately I was confronted with my bosses who were throwing a new program at me to take on. It was a grant for 200k a year to add to the transitional living program that I currently manage. I have 4 programs I oversee and as a result of the management of those programs, i have absolutely become a "paper pusher" and a "budget cruncher" and a "desk jockey" and I have no interaction with people. I am micro-managed to the point where LITERALLY i cannot even speak to other people in relationship to my work or people that I SHOULD be communicating with for my work unless it is cleared through the proper channels. Then when it is cleared through the proper channels, i am TOLD what to say, how to say it and am reminded that if I make a mistake, it wont be looked on favorably AT ALL.

I CANT BREATHE!!!

So when I get back and they throw this at me, we get on a conference call and we start to discuss the ins and outs of this grant we are pursuing. Now keep in mind, I have been coached NUMEROUS times from my superiors that I am not to ask questions on conference calls so as i was listening to these people talk about "RFP's" and "Partner Matrix's" and proposals, and blah, blah, blah....I was totally lost and had no idea what any of these terms meant. I was instructed to format a matrix that involved all of the partners we work with and when I got off the phone, i went the direction I THOUGH that this meant.... of course, i was wrong.

So my boss calls me and starts in about how inaccurately I have done this and starts in on me about the conference call....I started back at her about how I had no idea what any of this meant and am not allowed to ask questions on conference calls....and then it hit me....

I am going down this same road with my boss (who I do have respect for) that I have done in the past that only results in more frustration, anger and resentment....And I stopped the conversation and said...

"Look, this is the deal.... I don't get this stuff like you do, AND I don't want to. I know I am DAMN good at what i do. I just left San Antonio where I managed 120 kids, 50 staff and ran an emergency shelter for 16 days. The staff threw 2 parties for me when I left and people actually cried as i walked out the doors. My talents, skills and abilities are not best served in this position. I know I am a vital part of the team but if we were a football team and you put me in as quarterback and I am at my best as a lineman, I am REALLY cool with being a lineman so our team can win! I think I need to go back to a lineman!

I don't understand how you and your boss can read a grant one time and then come back on a conference call and say "on page 23, 3rd paragraph, second line, it says......." I just don't get it...And I cant make myself get it.... You are trying to take someone who oil paints well and put them in a physics class and expect an "A"....You are trying to put a square peg in a round hole.... We are both getting frustrated with each other and the most important part, we aren't serving our clients to our full potential like this. I am asking to step down from my position in management with BCFS. I don't want to leave the organization, I know there aren't any openings here but if we can figure something out, I don't want to do this job anymore."

She understood and agreed and went on about how she admired my determination to not try to conform to something I am not, my desire to move forward with my passions....At the time, it felt like 20lbs was lifted off my stomach.

We ended the call and I went back to work. We had alot going on in the next couple of weeks. We moved Brandi and the boys to Ft Worth, we went to Galveston for Shanna getting married and the whole time, I am wondering what the hell I am going to do.

What made it worse was my boss, at the time of the call, was on deployment and would be out for two weeks. Any decision that was going to be made was going to have to be made then. On May 22nd, i sent my formal letter asking for re-assignment to my boss. She still had a week to be out but i just could not let this sit anymore...I HAD to make something move.

I went online and found the classes I was going to need to have me fully prepared for an incident Management Team with FEMA and got signed up. I saw there was one going on the last week of June, but it was full and there was a waiting list. I signed up for stand by and then signed up for another one in July that I KNEW I could get in just in case.

My boss came back from deployment and tried to put me off with the reassignment. I explained to her that I needed to know where I stood so i could start taking action to take care of myself. I was aware that there was no place to re-assign me to and there was no one at the office that had the ability to perform the tasks that the position demanded...It hit me pretty quick that I might be out of a job soon.

So upon her return, we met with her boss, we all three sat in a room and started to discuss this. As I feared, the only option available to me was to take a position in San Antonio for 10k less a year. That would mean 10k less on my paycheck and an hour commute every day, ONE WAY....Not reasonable!

I declined that offer and was told the only other option was for me to resign. So........ I did.......

Now I know people are thinking this is insane and stupid and not the best choice, but I am confident, even through my fear, THIS is the right choice.... I chose it, and there is no other excuse!

I was LITERALLY to the point where I was waking up on Sunday and more entire day was shot because all i could do was focus on the dread of going to work on Monday. I have NEVER had a position like that and it was just killing me....Life shouldn't be like that and I would rather worry about a next step than worry about taking one into the bear trap.

So, June 22nd will be my last day with BCFS. I have 2 possibilities out there in the world right now for jobs in this area....A position with BCFS Emergency Management Services and a position with Disaster response with the Red Cross.... I HAVE GOT to get away from this direct care, non profit, case management life....Its just not getting me where I want to go. I have another option that is on the plate that even scarier and if things don't go the way I need them to with these other opportunities, I/We are going to have to take a HUGE next step...

So, BCFS HHS, Teen and Youth Division.... It has been grand and it has been fun....I have had some great times but I think my time with you is complete. I met some great people, touched some lives and had mine touched in so many ways. This will definitely be another experience that guides me to whats next.... I hope the best for the organization, the center and the dedicated people there who are impacting the lives of others. Blessings to you all!