SHIFTING gears

So, January hits (which was my target date to launch Golden Intentions) and the first week the news informs me that the State of Texas is cutting legislation to schools for at risk programs, youth programs, etc... by 80%... This was the money I was going to go chasing for with my company so needless to say, the year didn't start off so great. As I continue to try and move forward, I keep meeting resistance and then a week or so later, hear that Texas is cutting 1100 teacher jobs statewide....THIS is not good!

I had secured a gig with K'STAR for an all day event and was going to make about 8k on the gig... Didn't take long after these cuts to lose this gig. Not only did the state cut funding to schools, many of the grants and funding sources to social working organizations is getting cut as well. It was starting to look like my wave of momentum with Golden Intentions and just slammed on the beach....It was time to get back into the job hunt.

So, in February, I started to dig around for jobs. I didn't really want to go back into direct care or case management and was hoping to break out of that 30/35k a year pay bracket... I have the education and the experience to search out upper echelon positions and started to look for program director, administrative positions, executive director positions, etc...

Well, I found out very quickly that humans are a part of nature and mirror nature in many aspects... Just like an ant pile....there are 1000 worker ants and 1 queen... When I went to look for jobs, they were scarce to say the least, but I went at them with a vengeance.

I customized my resume to each position, created my cover letter to suit the job cleaned up my suit and went balls to the wall..... WHAM!!! Walls were gong to be getting hit a BUNCH!!!

After 30 resumes, I got one interview with an organization called ChildSafe in San Antonio as one of the directors....The interview was great, it was scheduled for an hour and we spend 2 1/2 hours together...I was SURE I got the job! 2 weeks later, IN AN E-MAIL after chasing the ED around, I was notified I wasn't chosen...WHAM!! Another wall!!

I found another job (Operation Homefront)...Same deal.....great interview, great job, things went well, I felt good... WHAM!!! Yup!!! CONCRETE!!

Then the letters started to come in for other jobs....

"Dear Mr. Golden, after reviewing your resume and qualifications we must state we are quite impressed with your experience and skills....BUUUUUUT!!!!!

Why don't they just send a letter that says "Thanks for caring, screw you for sharing...?"

I even got one letter that said I was "overqualified"....You think that sounds cool, but it isn't...Its very aggravating!! If I thought I was overqualified, I wouldn't have put in for the damn thing!
Then I found a job locally that was NOT what I wanted to make money wise but now its March and I still have no job...This was local, I would be working for an amazing woman and the job itself was really pretty cool.

I put in my resume, went for the interview and I thought it went well. Buuuuuuut, a week later... WHAM!!! (funny thing is it was starting to not hurt now) Another denial.... I was really glad at least this time I was offered feedback on the interview. I was told I did well but got the....

"Brad, I just don't think you would be happy with this job and the pay and in all reality, jobs like this you are really overqualified for"

Now don't get me wrong...I LOVE this lady but as I sat there I was thinking.... "How in the hell am I overqualified to pay my stinking bills??? I wonder if the people holding my student loans and other loans would take this as an excuse for me not making payment??

"I am sorry I cant make this payment, I am overqualified to make the money to send you!"

Frustrated, down in the dumps, totally beaten down, I walked out of that office and went home. I sat down in my garage and cried in my soup for a bit, woe-esd me for a time, wanted to break shit, had a nice pity party and then just decided that this was a message....

Now I have not gone into details about other aspects of my life that have been going on at this time but rest assured, the DRAMA has been 20x worse outside of the job hunt... It has been a REALLY crappy year so far to say the LEAST!

House flooding, insurance companies, installers, tires on my truck, fillings in teeth, oil burning on the truck, Friends in my life losing their ever loving mind.... I really considered becoming a country song writer for a bit... I sure had the bullshit in my life for the lyrics....NOTHING was going right....EVERY fricking turn I made I was running into walls.... I even started to just laugh about it, make jokes....Shit, if I didn't, I was gunna snap!! I SIMPLY could NOT get a break!!

I even told my sister... "Shit, I gotta laugh...What are my other choices??? Polishing my assault rifle??? Stabbing assholes in the face with pencils??? Pulling the wings off of flies and laughing as I watch them hop around my table??"

As of about a week ago, I think I was probably in one of the lowest places of my life... I was really starting to feel the depression settling in... Sleeping sucks, taking two naps a day, stomach a mess, just cant seem to find an "up beat" and even getting concerned about my health... So, I went back to what I know as a truth (but trust me, I was/am questioning this truth)

"Whats the definition of insanity??? Doing the same thing over and over expecting different results"

I was doing the same thing....online, jobs, resumes, interviews, etc....same result...NO J-O-B!!

"The Universe speaks to us all the time... Are you listening?"

What is the universe telling me?? That what I am doing isn't working....Time to SHIFT!!

"Quit doing what isn't working"

Clearly, what I am doing ISN'T working so STOP IT!!

"It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us"

In the pit I am in, I cant see any light and as I look up, I am getting dirt thrown in my face...

"Truth is perception"

I have my Masters degree.... I can get a job JUST because of that (not a truth anymore)
I have work experience that makes me stand out above the crowd (based on results, not a truth anymore)
Finding a job with a Masters degree is easy (DEFINITELY not a truth...Can I get my 23k back please?)

So now, it was time to really start shifting into something unknown....

I started to review overseas contracts so I could go work for a security company in Iraq or Aghanastan...Although it sounded very exciting, I didn't want to leave Donna for that long, so this was a LAST option.

Went to check on re-instating my Peace Officer license and just go a different direction with it (TABC, Tex Parks and Wildlife, etc....) But as I even talked about it, it made me sick to think of going back and putting a rig back on....I felt like I was just running to what I knew because I was scared and THAT NEVER serves a person!

I started to look nationally, for govt jobs and working in other states.... Although I was finding things, I wasn't getting any feedback from anyone and was getting no calls....Then I remembered....the Govt HAS to post those jobs but most of the time, they are already cherry picked....I might as well play the lotto if I don't have an "IN" with these places.

Then I kept hearing this voice in my head from my past.... Rudy.... My old bestest bud Rudy!!

Rudy and I were the BEST of friends for about 10 years while we were cops together. We did EVERYTHING together....From fights in the jail and on the streets to hopping bars and parties at night....We used to call ourselves the two amigos and that we were "down like two flat tires."

Well, when Rudy left Law Enforcement, we lost touch for about 5 years... About 5 years ago, through a mutual friend, we re-connected through telephone conversations. Rudy was doing amazing and was in East Texas selling timeshares. He immediately started in on me about going to work where he was, how much money I would make, how much fun it was, how suited I was for the job, etc....

However, at that time, I as pretty content and had NO DESIRE to leave the Hill Country. I told him I appreciated the offer, but was going to have to pass.

We stayed in touch via online and through social networking types of places but never really re-connected. Rudy then got a job in management in a resort in Galveston and again started to scout me to come to work for him....I was still not interested and DEFINITELY not interested in going back to Galveston....

Well, like I said....Life twists and turns and can make truths out of untruths with time and untruths out of truths.... I was sitting in my garage, crying in my SOBE water and decided to call Rudy.... He responded with a text...

"Whats up trick"

"Dude, in all honesty, are you really happy where you are and what you are doing?"

"Man, I will tell you, I was hesitant at first to come back down here, but now, its all good...I am really happy"

Although the Sheriffs Department has left a VERY bad taste in my mouth, it wasn't this that was keeping me from going back to that area....I have had enough of the Texas coast.

We went on and on and Rudy started in again about coming to work for him.... I explained my dis- taste for the area and told him that if I had to leave the Hill Country, I was going to leave Texas...

He said...

"Look man, I hate to send you here because I know you are going to do great and we compete, but go see XXX at our resort in Canyon Lake....Man, I am telling you dude, this job is ALL ABOUT you man... You will fly here bro...I PROMISE YOU!!

There was a point in my life where Rudy knew me better than anyone...We have been to hell and back together a few times... Although it has been 10 years, I still trust Rudy wouldn't lead me wrong... I also know he wouldnt do something for 10 years if he didnt like it...NO WAY!! So I sat back and said....

"SHIFT HAPPENS"

I talked to Donna about all of this, explained the money and the possibility and Rudy made one hell of a good point.... "You ain't doing nothing else! Would you rather look back and know you gave it a shot or look back and ask "what if" and THAT sold me!!

The next day called XXX and told her of my situation...She told me to come in on Tuesday the 15th of March for an interview... I accepted.

CONTINUED...........