So, Shanna went back to Houston for a visit about a month ago. Her intention was to go back for a week and due to "circumstances beyond her control" she ended up staying for a month. I am not clear exactly what unfolded but I do know that she was back spending time with Joseph and some of the other people living "that" life down in Houston.
After Donna and I talking, Donna was able to talk to Shanna and explain that she was not living up to her end of the bargain in regards to what we agreed to with her coming to live with us... This was all the nudge she needed and she decided that she was going to go back to Houston, and back to the life she was living...Sadly, really WORSE than she was living... Today Shanna makes her way back to Houston...No real plans, no real security, and NOTHING secure....WOW!
She has no idea where she will live for sure, Joseph is going to jail, Her father told her he didn't want her living with him so she is apparently going to hop around friends houses until she finds a place she can settle in.
Its sad man, she was really starting to move forward here...Had plans for school, was getting things lined out for an apartment here, was set up for the baby coming...She was making headway! Once again man, CRABS can really be pulling!!
When she got back from her Houston visit, he had already discarded many of the things we had worked on together to help Shaylin progress....She was not holding her accountable, had stopped with the potty training, Shaylins tantrums had gotten worse, there was no discipline or consequences for her actions.... Everything we had started to create and put into place to establish some structure with her was pretty much gone.... 6 months of work was gone in 3-4 weeks and she was back in the "Houston Mode" and ready to drive forward in that mode... Nothing left for us to do!
We were in this place once with Brandi and Brandi did the same thing....She went back to Houston, back to the shit she was in before and luckily she saw that what she went back to was not changing and that the only way to a better life was to get away from all of that crap there... All we can hope for is Shanna will do the same, but I am pessimistic about that.
Her father....HER FATHER NOW!!! He told Shanna... "Why don't you just lie to Brad and your Mom and tell them you are going to stay there and go to school.....Get to have the baby there and THEN come back to Houston.... Just a little taste of the influence she has to support her where she is going...Liers, cheaters, enablers, abusers, addicts, no drive, no ambition....VICTIMS!! Just really tears us apart!
The old saying of you "can bring a horse to water, but you cant make him drink" is so true.... She saw the value, saw the benefit, saw the destructiveness of where she was and STILL chose to go back to all of it....What can you do man??? What can you do???
I am not mad, I am not angry, I am not really even disappointed.... We did our part, we risked our safety and opened our home so SHE could come create if differently... It really seemed like we were "dragging her along" the whole time and if she doesn't want it, then that's really OK with me.... I would rather she went and lived the life that makes her happy (as dysfunctional as it appears to me) than live here miserable and fighting the whole time.... She is a grown woman and GETS to make her own choices....
Sadly, those choices don't and wont affect just her... But I have said it before....No one knows what the path or life of another is supposed to be or will be...
I have also learned a lesson in all of this....Now I get to keep my word.... I WILL NOT go rescue her again...I WILL NOT risk my safety and my life for her again.... I WILL NOT sacrifice my time and my life to go and "save her" again.... She has made her choice, she has decided that life is better for her and her children, she has chosen all that crap and dysfunction OVER a life of possibility and I am no one to judge the path of another
Good luck Shanna.... I hope it works out the way you have it made up in your head.... Not just for you, but for the children you are going to be raising in that life... Good luck and remember, we love you and only want the best for you and your children's lives....No matter how that looks!
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