1st Service project

OK, Let me do pictures first, THEN story....Enjoy!!

So today, YouthBuild Kerrville took on their first service project as a team and went to assist the Texas Heritage Music Foundation manage their event. 

We started the day as we usually do and had our gathering at the school. We did something a little different today and that was a DECLARATION!! 

I DECLARED that I was going to bring CONNECTION to the event and then asked each of the students what they were going to bring, in one word.... I heard...

"Leadership.....Caring.... Love.....Joy....etc.... 

There was so many gifts that this group was bringing.... Attached is a video of that exercise and each team members DECLERATION!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EgWzH9ZfL0c

We got to the event and everyone was assigned their individual tasks, and I stated to go around and take pictures, monitor the team, make sure everyone was doing their job, contributing, SERVING the others at the event... 

I have to say that ONCE AGAIN, YouthBuild SHOWED UP!!

I have continuously been amazed at the ability of these young people and am brought to tears again and again by the power they  possess...It is truly a magical, God, Spiritual, Zen....WHATEVER you want to call it, THING!!

We had the youth wear their shirts and told them to be prepared to talk to people about what YouthBuild is....I explained they would probably be asked what it was all about and told them to be ready with their answers.  

I was able to speak to Keith and he told me that he walked up to one of the students and asked them....

"What is YouthBuild?"

And they kind of stumbled but had great answers so I decided to put it to the test, video a few of them and this is what SHOWED UP!!  

Man, what an amazing day, and what a GREAT group of young people we have the pleasure to be involved with....I have to say it, I am TRULY blessed!!!

And as I reflect back to my time when I was unemployed for ten months, questioning the distinctions of the world that I hold so true to my should, wondering if I was lying to myself, NOT trusting the process....And guess what, the Universe ONCE AGIAN has shown me that she is in control.... 

I remember a mentor telling me once....

"Rocks are hard...Water is wet, the universe is the ultimate Guru...."

How true that is...... Hope you enjoy the videos...they are short, and DEFINATELY sweet!! 

REMEMBER, these kids were NOT expecting me to walk up and ask them this...They thought I was going to take their picture....They had no clue it was an interview!!

Michael Earl…..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CAYGxRUcf7U

Christina…..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8AkG5mAlbl0

Evin….

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2gLIeD4YOKk

Crystal and Britt….

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BaSCnIgfeUg

Laban….

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LpHd4u4jOCA

Jessica….

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a8n8bMyljL4

Tommy…..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pgdEm3DqniE

Johnathan…..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t7PE9U7BP9E

Brandon…..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PcTehjF6Cc8

An opportunity

So today was a pretty slow day up until about 3:00 today. Was able to hang out with the kids, catch up on some paperwork, just a good flowing day.

I went for a meeting with my boss today at 3:00 and of course, showed up early. When I did, I walked in on a meeting about re-structure of the organization.

I was curious as to where this re-structure would have me so I was invited in to see what was taking place.

So as I was sitting there with my boss, OUR boss explained that MY boss was "moving up" in the ranks, the structure was going to shift a little and with this shift, there would be a position I would qualify for to promote into an administrative role with more pay. It was said that basically, I could have first swing at this position if I was interested.....

HOLY CRAP!!!!!

THIS is the EXACT kind of position I was searching for for the last ten months that I was unemployed. I was turning away from case manager jobs to look for THIS VERY kind of position....And here it is, I get first swing at it!!!

Of course I was overwhelmed but almost immediately said I was good where I was and would politely pass on the position.

I met a little longer with my bosses on some other business and then left and went back to the school. As I drove back I thought....

"Well, I would still be working for my boss Kimber, I would answer to her, could still be a part of YouthBuild, make more money, move up in the organization.....Why not?"

So I texted her this and said I wanted to talk to her about it, when she got a chance.

She called me tonight and we went over the job, what it would look like, the pay increase, the "step up" the ladder and as I talked to her about it and it just tasted more and more sour.

If I took the job, I would NOT have the contact I would have with these youth now and I am so totally committed to their success, there is no way I can step away from them....

So, I told her again, I politely decline.... I am where I am supposed to be!

OWTFDWIT!!!

NO WAY IN HELL I can walk away from that.....What am I modeling for these kids??? The same that many of them live in......

"When a better deal comes along, people walk away"

NO WAY man, this is the best deal!!

For those of you that have chatted with me over the last few months.....WHOODA THUNK IT!!

BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU ASK FOR!! You just never know when it might show up!

And then tonight, I get this in the mail...

Some of you know about the training I took in 2001....It was a Leadership Program and was HUGELY impacting in my life.... Here is a video from another LP group that experienced that training.....WOW!!!! Just......WOW!!!!!

What a day!! And to think tomorrow is even a bigger one!!! ;)

http://www.livethepillars.com/

YouthBuild OWNING!

So last night, after much reflection on my day and my past blog, I had an urge in my heart and my head to step up and create things differently. As I suspected, as I laid in bed last night, my head was swirling with ideas, problems, owning them, my part in all of it, how to create this to be a LESSON for us ALL and an opportunity for growth...Then it hit me!! LIKE A FRIGGIN TRUCK!!

Every morning, we meet with our team and cover announcements, do our pledge and then do our RAH-RAH.... Generally another staff member take a portion of this time to discuss a "distinction" and this weeks distinction is RESPECT!

So as I got ready for work today, I had that twinge in my stomach, that little sick feeling I get when I am about to take a thought and make it a reality....Especially in front of a big crowd and having them enrolled in the idea and take part in it....There are only two ways it can go....Success or TOTAL FRIGGIN BOMB....And I have had the bombs!!

Not that I avoid the bombs, I really embrace them because I learn from them, but let me tell you RIGHT NOW, when you DO bomb, in the moment, it SUUUUUUCKS big time!!

So I sat Donna down and explained to her my idea and how I wanted it to take place and asked her for her feedback....She agreed with me, it was going to be an opportunity for greatness, or disaster!! WHICH didn't make my stomach any more stable!!

So I got in my truck to head to work and called my boss to tell her about what I was going to do....She was on board and in that moment, I OWNED the breakdown that took place yesterday with myself and my team.

I committed to being vulnerable and open and I knew that MY ownership of yesterday would spark ownership from others.

I know some people don't agree with this, but we are TOTALLY responsible for EVERYTHING that takes place in our life....At the VERY LEAST we are totally responsible for how we react to any incident in our life and with that ownership, we CAN create it to be different AND exactly how we want it.

So when I arrived at the school, we had a new employee start today and I asked him to video this process. I knew if it was a success it was going to be amazing and if it bombed, I would have documentation to see what didn't work and then grow so I can MAKE IT WORK next time.

I think one thing educators, case managers, people that work with people miss is that people don't really connect to "Do as I say, not as I do" What people connect to (especially those in groups like this one) are MODELS!!

People are generally the types that say "Sure, i will do it, but you do it first" and I am just crazy enough to DO IT FIRST!! Always have been that way!!

Once we got the team together, I had them gather in a circle around me, and then I went into my idea....I started ENROLLING this team into THEIR greatness.... But I had to own mine first I guess....

"If it is to be, its up to me!"

And THIS day was NOT going to be like yesterday!!

One of the things I have learned in groups/teams is that when one of us breaks down, WE ALL break down...We CANNOT have one of us suffering without ALL of us suffering in some manner...So the best way to address this is to own your part in it, recognize clearly your role in the breakdown, apologize, commit to working on it to make it better, and then move on....Something MANY people just cannot grasp....

Well, today, this team DID grasp it and ONCE AGAIN, this group of "troubled youth" showed up larger and stronger than any "normal" or "exceptional" person would do any day!! I am so very impressed with this group of youth...So moved to see that they have an understanding of accountability and are willing to TRULY step up to the plate....

Here is the video of how it unfolded, the sound isn't so great so turn your speakers up and listen to these brave young souls OWNING their breakdown, and CREATING their breakthrough!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=juY-wGnt1-U

And so you know, I went around at the end of the day and asked people how their day was....I didn't have ONE SINGLE person who said they had a BAD day...EVERY SINGLE PERSON said they were having a great day, a better day, a good day, etc....

THIS is what SOURCING things is all about ....DECLARE IT, OWN IT, and CREATE IT!!!

We are soooooooooo much more powerful than we give ourselves credit for!

And tomorrow is an even BIGGER DAY!!


OWTFDWIT!!!!!!! GO YOUTHBUILD!!

Discipline

Well, I knew it couldn't be a ride of ALL fun forever....Today and yesterday I started the discipline measures on some of the students. I had one who has a cell phone addiction, one that doesn't seem to understand the importance of "calling" in and one that steals things....All in one day!!

I don't mind being the disciplinarian because generally I a pretty "matter of fact' and the people i mange in my caseload generally know when they have messed up....SO I don't beat the m up about it....I ask them what happened, ask them why it happened and even ask them what they think appropriate punishment should be. The funny thing is that generally, when asked to discipline themselves, they are MUCH harsher on themselves than I would be. I guess this allows them to see that I still have faith in them even through their hardships. There is a level of accountability and I don't deter from that, but at least they know I am not in this to see them fail.

It was a wonderful day yesterday and then today it was a major BREAKDOWN!!

Just remember, when you are in your moment of triumph, get ready because tragedy isn't too far behind....It is the nature of this life I guess....Must have the ups and downs, the Yin and the Yang, etc....

So from the very beginning today, starting from my time I walked in the door, it was ALL breakdown!!

I have been in my office most of the day either writing people up, counseling about attitude, listing to gripes, complaints and concerns.... It can really start to wear on you when you are working to be upbeat, empowering, and still attain a level of accountability and care.

Its weird how teams work man, when there is one small ripple in the pond all the fish feel it and respond. I think it is subconscious because it ALWAYS seems to happen this way....Get one crisis and it seems other crisis start to evolve and grow, and up to the end of the day today, it was continuing CRISIS!!

Generally, the case managers I know manage caseloads up to about 25....They generally deal with them in one on one instances... But to have a group, manage 38 of them and work to keep them all from breaking down once this ball starts to roll is quite a task....You put out one fire but the sparks from that fire start another one and before you know it, ALL DAY long you are putting out fires.... So many case managers I know of speak about this analogy, and when those fires start, hang on because its going to be a long day!

Another hurdle is trying to catch those stirring the flames (unknowingly) and shutting them down because people with all the best intentions, who aren't aware of what "crisis" looks like, react to the crisis and just add fuel to the flame....SO not only are there those who are defiant, but those who want to help but just don't have the right tools (or maybe a term to keep with the analogy, "the right hose") to handle the job at hand.

Now I don't know it all and I am guilty myself of stirring flames...Shit, I even caught myself today stirring them!! But in this type of work, its really hard not to get caught up in the madness of it....WHEW!!!!

So as I sit here and type this, I reflect back on the day and really look at my part in all of it, because I have to remember, nothing in my life happens outside of me, it happens as a result of me!

Where did I contribute to this today?
What was my role?
What part of this do I own?
How did I show up?
What is the lesson?
How can I grow from this?

So let me start at the first one....

I contributed today because I allowed the venting of another person make me angry and react. I felt attacked (my perception) and immediately went on the defensive and in pursuit to rectify this, only to find that I was reacting to a VENT, not a FACT....What the hell was I thinking??

My role was I enrolled others into my reaction and generated more drama from that...What the hell was I thinking??

I own ALL OF IT!! If I would have JUST focused on my job, what it was I was supposed to do as a case manager and serve my clients, much of my distress would have been so much more minimal!! What the hell was I thinking??

How did I show up?? Angry, irritable, frustrated, upset..... WHICH as i type this, I suddenly realize, ALL of the drama that took place today was EXACTLY these things!! Everyone was angry, irritable, frustrated and upset....HOLY SHIT!!! I do own ALL OF IT!!

The lesson is that I am here to serve these kids....My ego, self want, desire to be right, my CONTROLLING personality CREATED much of what I experienced today!!

I grow from this because I am now (because of this blog) AWARE of why this was such a rough day!! I grow from this because tomorrow I can create it differently!! I grow from this because if I really pay attention, I wont have this issue again (at least not at this magnitude!)

I have said it so many times before...There are no victims in this world...As much as I wanted to blame others for my trying day today, as I reflect back on the day, I realize that it was of MY CREATION!! It want those youth, it wasn't my fellow workers, it wasn't the heat, it wasn't the long day...IT WAS ME!!

"BE THE CHANGE YOU WISH TO SEE IN THE WORLD!!!"
~Gandhi~

Now I get to see what I was BEING today, DOING and then HAVING as a result.... I wanted to be pissed, I wanted to be right, I wanted to be angry and as a result, I created that with every step I took today....Every time I turned around, i was seeing a mirror image of how I was showing up but was juts to ready to point fingers for me to notice it...WOW!!

WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING!!??

So tomorrow is an new and even bigger day. I get to sit and think on this tonight, probably toss in my bed and really pay attention to how I show up in the morning. I was given the task tonight to lead the group tomorrow because of issues outside of my control so I will make sure to BE light, kind, vulnerable, open, caring, compassionate.... IF IT IS TO BE, ITS UP TO ME!!

I think I will close this here, as I have been typing this, its like a light switch has turned on in a room I wasn't aware I was in... I guess my old professors were right....Writing is a release for me, its where I can really take a clear look at what is going on in my life....

OWTFDWIT!!!! And OWNING a breakdown in your life COMPLETELY is almost as tiring as the day itself!

Networking

I had a great opportunity to network with an old friend/professor/coligue last night, today it expanded....Remember, take advantage of EVERY opportunity!!

When you are passionate about something you are working with, tell it to EVERYBODY because you just never know where an opportunity might arise. If they want to listen, TALK THEIR DAMN EAR OFF!!

Tody I had plans to go to a MC rally here locally; because I had a sick grandkid, I was unable to make it to the rally....I was really aggitated, irritated, and every other word you could think of... I was sympathetic to my grandson, but dammit, I had plans.

Well, the rally didnt work out so I called some friends at Shovlels ( some friend I have been close to over the years and been a part of making their dream a reality and now they have opened their own shop, (SHOVELS).

I went to Shovels tonight to take a quick stop and hang out, have a drink, eat some food, and socialize.

As I was taliking to the people around, me and Alonzo started to talk...

I have known Alonzo for a year or so and he created HIS dream and has his own mechanic shop now and it is one of the most popular in Kerrville...he is a man of integrity, helps his people, helps other people and offers a fair rate for the work he does...a PILLAR in the community!

He is an old biker, beer drinker, blues music listener.....Juats an avearge "good guy"

So we started to talk today and I started to talk about my program. I told him that some of my kids have a desire to be "Wrench Monkeys" and asked him if he would be interested in taking on "apprentaces" interns, put them to work, train them, let them "shadow" and if they do "good" MAYBE give them a job when the graduate.

As we spoke, I could seee his eyes light up and he was TOTALLY ENROLLED and said, "Yeah, I am totally down for that!"

I am so excited that in these last two days, without me even trying, (PROCESS) two people have SHOWED UP that want to be a part of this vision.

I think its TOTALLY necissary to always network and I FEEL (not that its a truth) that if you re passionate about what your BEING, DOING and HAVING, networking is ALL ABOUT  ENROLLING!

Alonzo is on board and even in my times of relaxation, I am searching ways to help these youth branch out to get education, first hand, IN THE BUSINESS, to get a feel!!

Thanks Alonzo, Iam looking forward to what we create together....

Man, when you have a GREAT vision, just PAY ATTENION and those who want what you want, they will seek you out (Remember that Shannon??!!)

Just had to get this down on paper....This is a great "block" in our "puzzle" that just found where it fits!! DAMN, THIS IS SOOOO COOL!!

Buzz Blog

So today, in between classes, I was able to see the results of the "Shift" I took a day or so ago....

Our youth got a lunch today and they all took off and did their thing but about 30 minutes into their 1 hour lunch break, they started to show up in my office.

I was updating charts, organizing folders, assessing some need that needed "assessing" and listening to my I-Pod.

12:30 comes around and two kids stick their heads in my door...

"whats up Brad, can we come in?"

I am leaning back in my chair, feet up on my desk, listening to music and reading a book about how to facilitate a "fun" training. I looked over the top of the book and said....

"Come on in..."

I kept my music going, browsed the booke and started causal conversation...

"Hows it going??

"I like it, I am really glad I am here..."

I sat the file down and said ...

"what do you like?"

"I haven't heard anything on your I-Pod I don't like!"

And to me, that is a HUGE connection...MUSIC.... Make them like yours, and make yourself like theirs!! THIS is a HUGE connection point with youth....Music, if really listened to, and taken in account the life they live, can be a HUGE bridge to connect you with youth...And I REALLY DIG  a lot of different music.... So I LOVE IT!!

In the last week, I have downloaded 3-4 of the songs they have turned me on to BECAUSE I LIKE THEM, and when I meet with the kids, I play music....I will add their stuff to my "montage" and I thin it will really make a cool bond....I REALLY like almost any music, but I don't like ONE in particular....I do however have a slight addiction to good Blues.

So the kids started to ask me about different music and artist, and surprisingly I had A LOT of familiar stuff....They also turned me on to some cool music and then used their phones to let me hear their Kid Rock song they have or Ozzy song....SOOOOOO COOL!

I am really enjoying getting to know the "worlds" these youth live in....Its really so hard to attach "16 years old" to define these kids....Man, the shit they have seen and experienced.... (Just cant wash some things from your brain man...like a scar.... MAN do I know that experience!) What makes these kids great is they are the "Exception to the rule" but sometimes "The exception to the rule" is painful....HENCE... "TROUBLED"

Its so funny though...if you REALLY listen to their stories and you get REAL honest with your past, there really isnt much difference in the experiences....The pressure is the same, the pride is the same, the fears are the same, ego, acceptance.... the REALITY is still the same, it just a different time with a different perspective....

.........Before I know it, I have 6 kids in my office, all just chillin and talking about music, listening to T-Pac and Stevie Ray, discussing lives, differences.....THIS is what I do this for 2 weeks and these kids are starting to really open up and trust me(there are other things, BUT THIS is one of the COOL parts!)....I was just soaking it in....Laughing, joking, busting balls....FUN!!

We are so connected (us as a people) and the differences of us are so minute in the genetic makeup but we fight to the death for those differences....Acceptance, just accept we are all experiencing life in our own way but we are just doing it "differently" (and don't get me wrong, NOW WITHOUT ACCOUNTABILITY) but man, how far we could progress if we just surrendered and accepted... WOW!!

I just let go of what I was trying to control, and when I quit trying to control it, it went perfectly....Man, THAT is cool!!

If you choose to live a lifestyle different than mine, NO MATTER WHAT THAT LOOKS LIKE, and you aren't hurting anyone else, AND IT WORKS??? KEEP DOING IT!!

Damned BUZZ BLOGGING!! ;-)

No Coincidences

So the week has ended and we really left on a "bruised leg"....The team is still together but we are all ready to get "TO IT". W had a staff meeting today and I was reminded that I am responsible for 3 hours of training these youth, twice a month, FOR 9 MONTHS!!! Why did I agree to that??? What the F*^K was I thinking!!?? LOL!!

So after our meeting today, I went to get Devin (my grandson) and this was continuously on my mind....I hate surprises!! LOL!!

As I thought about what we might do, I came up with a few ideas with Momma Max... She had a few ideas... but nothing seemed to really "Click"...Then I got a DAMN Face Book post....

"Next Friday is the annual Texas Heritage Music Day! Come and Bring all your friends. Also, if you would like to volunteer we would love for you to join us. It will not be let down."

(Thanks Mikey!!!! Oh, by the way folks, Mikey is a youth that I was a case manager for a few years ago and has helped me before with other youth...He is a GREAT kid...Gunna do MUCH in this world!!)

I remembered that this program ( http://www.texasheritagemusic.org/LHD_current/LHD_main.htm) is one that was created by one of my past professors and someone I have worked with professionally before. We have done some really great things collaborating together and I thought this might be another one. 

(Check out this video....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Mj5hekh_lk

This is one of our collaborations...What a GREAT day!!)

At first, all I wanted was the timeframe of the event so I could take the youth to it for the experience, then I thought this might be a GREAT opportunity for my youth to do a service project, have a great day, represent YouthBuild and SHOW UP!!

Kathleen was IMMEDIATELY connected to my thoughts on this and we started texting each other back for about an hour. This event gets alot of Press, and we working as a team to support this community only builds this community.

SOOOOOOOOOO....This event; one that is huge in the community; works with youth, and now YouthBuild GETS to go to the event and help make it happen..... and probably have a day like they have NEVER experienced.... I am sooooooo pumped!!

As Kathleen and I texted, we started to realize we should have started this earlier.... I told Kathleen...

"Lesson learned, there is nothing possible for this program BUT growth!"

I can see this really helping both our organizations out as well as servicing our youth and the community....

Funny how so much of our passion abut our work comes from a similar training we both attended at about the same time.... NO ACCIDENTS/COINCIDENCES!!!

THIS is what is known as a WIN/WIN situation!!! DONT ever pass one up!!

WOOOOOO-HOOOOOO!!!!

OWTFDWIT!!!!!!

Adjusting

My new friend Robin, I have to thank you for the "cue up" here....I was going to wait, but maybe documenting this as it goes will be as important.

I have often found that when working as a team, part of the process is the learning each other. I tell ya, its always a difficult process to watch people who could be valuable players in the process and choose out....Choose to self serve or self promote....Even to the point of undermining their fellow teammates.

I heard a new statement today I hadnt heard before.... "SW" I asked what that meant and was told "Some Will, Some Wont, So What!" I know that sounds harsh, but sometimes you just get to that point...

Once again, I am reminded of crabs....And ya know, crabs, they don't know they are crabs man...they just do what they do because that's what they are. How many GREAT leaders have said "Love them anyway" or "God forgive them for they just don't know" or whatever great quote from any faith/belief/philosophy in regards to this.

It a difficult process to watch and because you are a part of that team, EXPERIENCING the struggles! There are just some people who wont ever "get it," and are just too connected to misery; choosing to continue to create it because they are to afraid of change. Letting go, even of what creates our struggles can be such an attachment.... I just don't get that about the human nature....And we all do it on some level...Its a stunner for me!

The sad thing is that generally, those creating that drama, don't realize how much it affects the WHOLE, they are so focused on their desire and passions, they try to run over others passions to get to their dreams....And I am of the opinion that you can never make your dreams a reality by minimizing someone elses....It just cant work! It is a defeater in the whole definition of dreams!

So as a result, you do damage to the team because they want to "support," but they continue to choose out, but don't want to say "I choose out."

I remember in LP when this would happen....It was such a wound to the team, we all suffered from it.

I am reminded all the time of LP right now....The breakdowns, the breakthroughs....This "getting to know" each other was also the aligning with the roles of what it took to make a good team, personality conflicts, dislikes, etc....

In Dallas, 2001, we were an LP class of like 35, and was one of the largest...Man, was there some drama!! We had like 8 seniors, all the seniors coached 5-6 people.... Here I am senioring an "LP" and I have 38 as my team, not like 5-6....If I focus on it too much, it can almost become consuming.

I really have to just focus on other things and get VERY clear about what my ROLE is in all of this and find my focus. I am getting too distracted trying to think about how to manage drama that isn't "mine" to try and eliminate a further problem............. only to create another problem. *UUUGH* and *SIGH*

I took a clear moment last night to really run through HOW I WAS SHOWING UP in what was going on and realized, it is time for me to SHIFT and get connected to my role and not try to control the process.... I am once again reminded of LP and realize that I MUST "Trust the process" and also remember the process is "perfect"....Man, for a controller like me, that is a hard thing to SURRENDER to (another HUGE distinction I learned in LP and has continued to get more and more truthful.)

I consciously "stepped back" today and let go of my attachment of what it takes to make it work, focus on what I KNOW can work and WHY I AM HERE and move forward like my life and sanity depends on it and my hairs on fire (another LP statement).

So here I am tonight, relaxing from the surrender, feel lighter but still have an edge of neurosis.... But I am clear, if I wasn't neurotic, I wouldn't drive hard for what I feel is excellence....I don't believe perfection is something we strive for, perfection IS, EVERYWHERE, but to make it excellent, THAT is a good motivator for me! Tomorrow is and EVEN BIGGER DAY and I can actually FEEL the shift starting to take place. There is change on the horizon and I know it going to be PERFECT!!

Those of you reading this, remind me to reflect back to this blog.... Sometimes moments of clarity can get clouded in emotion, ego and pride....So I think its necessary to get those moments of clarity down to reflect back on....And again, Thanks Robin for lighting this fire for me..... I hope the picture I painted gives you a very broad range of the dynamics that are working....It really is a GROWTH PROCESS, all around!

And in the vision you have, THIS will be a reality for you....I promise you! Have a great night!!

Peace....Brad

Assessments completed

So today I was finally able to get the assessments completed for my caseload....What an emotional experience.

I am already starting to learn so much!!

You know, its funny how people THINK that parents should just "Understand" abuse and neglect....But today I had a really profound moment. In my conference I asked a student....

"Have you ever been a victim of abuse or neglect as a child?"

"No!"

"So have you ever beem pulled from your home by CPS as a child?"

"Yes, I was taken from my parents at birth because I was addicted to methadone at birth....My mom was a heroin addict. I was tossed from family member to family mamber for many years"

"You do understand that this IS abuse right?"

"No, I never looked at it that way, it was just my life."

So how does a child who has a child who does not see a life like she has had as abusive ever understand what abuse is or can be.... Man, such a tough road to try and explain to these kids that what they have experienced is/was abuse???

Breaking the chain can be tough when the links are so solid and engrained... Once again, I am jujst emotioanllay drained after this round of what I heard today and saw today....

Luckily, the paperwork is over and I FINALLY get to "get to work" with these youth.... I THINK the "tough" part of my role (business style part) is over and now I can get to the empowerment, support and accountability part....THANK GOD!!

To end this on a more positive note, our program and our kids made the FRONT PAGE of the local newspaper today....

I am pretty sure most of these kids have NEVER made the paper for a positive thing! This was a GREAT day for our program and QUITE the HUGE boost for these kids....VERY COOL!! I am so excited for them....I know tonight they are all at home and showing family and loved ones THEIR newspaper coverage....FRONT FRIGGIN PAGE newspaper coverage!! WOOOOO-HOOOOOO!!

OWFDWIT!!!

Program welcomes 1st class, working toward graduation and job training

By Peter McCrady Staff Writer peter.mccrady@dailytimes.com

Tom Holden

YouthBuild

Brittanie Hyatt, left, and Christina Garcia receive a hard hat and packet of information from Nathan Cyr on Friday at the kickoff of the first year of YouthBuild, a program that helps young people finish their high school degrees.

Aaron Hill, a 17-year-old Kerrville resident, was excited when he received his certificate of acceptance into the YouthBuild program.

"Basically, everything hasn't been going well for me in high school," he said. "I needed a better layout and a faster way to get me started with my life. I didn't ever want to attend. I basically blew every class off and passed nothing."

Hill was 7 when he moved to Kerrville and moved from California and ttended both Tivy High School and Hill Country High School. Because of his struggles in the public school system, Hill turned to the Baptist Child and Family Services Health and Human Services' YouthBuild program to jump-start his life.

YouthBuild is a nine-month program that is open to people from ages 16 to 24, and gives the trainees construction skills as well as allows them to continue their education by earning a GED or high school diploma.

Hill is part of YouthBuild's first class of 38 students. The new class began Friday with a kick-off ceremony at the Doyle School Community Center pavilion.

Brad Golden, a case manager for YouthBuild, said he was proud of the students that were standing next to him. "The people here today did the work necessary to show us that they wanted to be a part of this program," he said during the ceremony. "They're driven to make their life different and make their life bigger and better for themselves and everyone around them."

Kimber Falkinburg, YouthBuild program director, said the program started with 67 applications, and program officials pruned those 38 through an orientation of four days of "mental toughness," which was described as a miniature YouthBuild program.

Asessment day

Today was the day that is the definition of a dichotomy....SOOOO Hard, but SOOOO important and impacting in my care for them and working with them....Today was the day that I really DIG into these youths lives and past....Man, I gotta say, the things that people do to children NEVER ceases to amaze me....The cruelty that human beings are capable of disgusts me....And the reality is that we ALL have the capability, but because of different reasons, we CHOOSE to NOT do these things (OR TO do these things) It also really defines "The cycle of Abuse."

So what took place today was a general assessment of these kids life, past life, living conditions, etc.... Let me tell you, this portion of the job is where people in this profession MUST take care of themselves and really focus on the blessings they have in their life.

When you have 16, 17, 18, 19, 20 year old KIDS who start to tell you how they have been sexually abused by their parents, physically abused by their parents, neglected....It really is emotionally draining.

To hear....

"My parents have never made me stick to any rules...Since I was five I have been doing my own thing"

Or...

"I have never sat down for a meal with my family"

Or....

"I started drinking beer with my parents at 9"

Or....

"My Dad never has anything good to say about me, he always calls me stupid or ignorant"

Or....

"I use to watch my dad almost every night beat my mom into unconsciousness and then he would turn on us"

Or....

I was pulled from my home when I was 8 because of the whelps across my back from my mom beating me with a belt in a drunken fit."

Man, it just really tears at my heart to hear these stories (and these examples are formatted to PG-13)....ESPECIALLY when I see the things they are capable of when asked to do something from people who generally care. In all reality, many troubled or at risk youth just want someone to listen to them because EVERYONE in their life could give a shit less about ANYTHING they have to say or have done....

I just don't GET how parents can be so cruel and hurtful....AND, it amazes me when people say...

"Oh, shake it off and get past it!"

WHAT??? Are you serious?? How is a kid supposed to have ANY idea how to get "past" something when they have NEVER had anyone in their life to show them how or even care if they do??? Just really upsets me to hear the simplistic remedies people seem to have for such complex situations.

However, in 5 days, I have been able to get these youth to trust me to a point where they know they can speak to me about these things. LUCKILY, I had no "outcries" today as many of these issues have already been addressed from the system.

Man, I have one GREAT kid who just has a messed up family and because he had to get pulled form the home and placed into the system, he is now house 5 hours from any of his family and none of them have any funds to be able to come see him....Again, just a heavy weight on a soul...Especially a caring soul like I have....

I actually had to stop what I was doing today, take a deep breath and consciously remind myself

"Brad, take a minute, breathe, reflect and take care of yourself"

because things like this can truly drag you down.

I can say that even through all of the tragedy I heard today, I was able to leave feeling good, knowing that I have broken through with these kids and I am on the path to showing them how to overcome these obstacles....Its not going to be an easy path but I know the rewards in store for me (as well as the heartaches) are going to be something that allows me to grow both spiritually, and professionally.

I was a troubled kid myself but i was blessed that my troubles were more about my spoiled ass and my desire for attention....I never had abuse, neglect or near the struggles these kids have ahead of them but I DO know that I can be a stand for them that they have never had before.

We chose these kids because of their drive and determination and after hearing the stories today, these kids are TRULY trying to find a way out of a situation that they have no idea how to get out of....I am blessed to have this opportunity to be a stand for these kids who have never really had anyone stand for them....They are engaged, WANT to know how to improve and are taking on things already to work to help others....Man, I am ONCE AGAIN moved beyond what words can describe.

I have another day of assessments to get done with all the kids and then i get to go back with each one of them and dig a little deeper, get more details on these stories, find where we can work on to get past it...I have my tasks ahead of me, that's for sure, but i am excited to get to the task at hand and start showing them how THEY can create a better life.

I had a few who broke down over the weekend but I cant expect these kids to just "rise above" any of this without knowing how to climb the stairs.... Again, a great part about this work.

I have to make sure I document again how dynamic and powerful my new boss is...She is so aligned with what my desires are to process these problems and she has faith that my heart and experience will bring these kids to a higher state of being (if they want it).

I think today I was able to see how much of the respect I have attained with these kids...They trust me, they WANT to talk to me, they are curious about what I have to offer and are glued to what I have to say when I am facilitating the group.

I did an exercise today called "What Do You Want"

Its a simple exercise....You get with a partner and one person asks over and over "WHAT DO YOU WANT" while the other one tells you what they want....Its a rapid process where the question is asked over and over and before you know it, people are starting to proclaim things they want in their life that they never have said out loud....It can be very emotional and is  VERY powerful....I have done this exercise myself in a training I did years ago and I remember clearly how many things I said out loud that I was amazed with....I saw this take place today!

I think that proclamations to the Universe is a good start in letting the Universe answer to those wants....Yeah, hokey stuff to some, but VERY real when in practice! I was able to hear some amazing things from these kids, and ya know what, I bet 90% of those kids have never had anyone that really gave a shit about what they want..Such a cool release of emotion and "weight!"

I do think that there are some kids that just cant be reached, but in this group, i have not identified any!

I heard more than one kid today talk about self harm, suicidal stories and again, to think that a kid has had it so bad in their life that they actually made the ATTEMPT, man, that is just heart wrenching! I think we have probably all at one time or another thought, "Man, is this really worth it??" but to take the step to really make it happen, and have a 16/17 year old kid tell you about it, because their home life sucks and they don't think anyone cares.....I take great pride in knowing that without a doubt, I CARE.....and the bonus to that is these kids are really starting to GET that I do!

As far as Case Management goes, THIS, to me, is one of the more difficult tasks required for this job and (in my opinion) you HAVE to really have that CARING for them and their struggles. I am also VERY clear that THEY have to want it, I cant want ti for them.

Mental Toughness is over...The games are pretty much done and now the PROGRAM has to start to get the wheels in motion....The next couple of weeks, my task at hand will be to get the paperwork down for them, meet with them and start working on their general needs (safe homes, food, shelter, medical care, counseling, etc....). The PAPERWORK part is going to occupy my next two weeks but I am already starting to get really attached to these kids.... I sooooo want to see them rise above their circumstances and sometimes, NOT having their circumstances overwhelm me is a task all in its own....

HENCE THIS BLOG!!

I really do appreciate all that take the time to read this and offer feedback...This blog is where I get to release all the ugliness I come into contact with and cleanse myself for the next round.

Today was the first day of getting a REAL glimpse of these kids lives and I look forward to being able to get more connected to them...I have a feeling when they graduate in 9 months, I am going to have a hard time letting them go!! I will want to keep them all with me, care for them, let them know I care and I WANT to hear what they have to say.

Such an emotional day for sure, but its one step closer to reaching the goal of supporting these kids into creating a life they want and works for them....The cycle of abuse, neglect and uncaring can end here! I am really happy to be THAT for these kids!

OWTFDIT!!!

YouthBuild#1 documents

BLOG stuff

MT Day 1
http://bjgolden1.blogspot.com/2011/09/mt-day-1.html

MT day 2
http://bjgolden1.blogspot.com/2011/09/mt-day-2.html

3
http://bjgolden1.blogspot.com/2011/09/mt-day-3.html

4
http://bjgolden1.blogspot.com/2011/09/mt-day-4.html

Acceptance ceremony
http://bjgolden1.blogspot.com/2011/09/youthbuild-acceptance.html


YOUTUBE Stuff

Day of opener, before the crowds arrived
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=se35uA1BeIg

Open House night
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ana-JugkRwg

YouithBuild BUILDING!! (LITTERALLY AND SPRITIUALLY!)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=raIeCt8ls14

More teamwork
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OaQNX6_EznA

Rah Rah on Thursday when THEY took it over!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fsQiS67iQuI

First RAH-RAH after telling them they were accepted intot he program
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lTwrtDmvhck

Pledge and RAH-RAH for community , family and freinds
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tAHT7OZX5fE

This is a website (Shutterfly) to view all the pics Donna took for the acceptance ceremony....There are some good ones... There are a few REALLY bad ass ones too, promotional type stuff or website stuff

http://share.shutterfly.com/share/received/welcome.sfly?fid=e96a07921e8a76522a944dfefaeb216b&sid=8AYsWbdszbuGV1


You dont have to join the site, just keep clicking the "View pics" buttons.... I THINK you can right click on any pics you like and save them to your comp. If not, I think prints can be ordered right there....Not real sure....

Sure hope you like em as much as I do....I am getting a ton of people spreading the news and getting the word out social networking stuff... Thanks to all who are helping spread the word!

YouthBuild Acceptance

Sorry to be updating you a day late, but I have to say, I am TOTALLY exhausted!! This week has been so physically and emotionally draining for me and my team. Last night I was just too tired to sit and write so i took a short break.

Friday was the acceptance ceremony for YouthBuild #1, Kerrville Texas!

The team of youth continued to SHOW UP and stuck to their commitment to have no further cuts from the class. We made no cuts and 38 young souls are now YOUTHBUILD #1!! We now have a group of young people who we feel are committed to the program, committed to the demands of the program and TOTALLY COMMITTED to making their life different and taking it on in a HUGE way....I am moved ALMOST beyond words!

My director decided that she wanted me to continue on with MC-ing the ceremony so I was chosen to speak to the family and the crowd that would show up for the event.

The team I work with has really done an amazing job in making this happen, but if it weren't for our Program Director Kimber, this would have never made it to the point we made it to on this night....She is an inspiration and has done soooo much to make this vision a reality.

We decided to have the youth come in early to set up the stage and seating for the crowd. We took the flower pots they build and filled them with flowers and set them around the stage for the community to see. Its really amazing how this group has come together and worked as a team to make not just these flower pots, but the family that IS YouthBuild #1.

We decided at first to have the youth sit in the chairs in front of the crowd but as the crowd started to show up, we realized we would not have enough seats to accommodate all of the attendees. We SHIFTED and decided to have the team stand before the crowd for their acknowledgement.... Once again, the turnout FAR exceeded my expectations.

Not only did we have friends and family show up, we had Judges, The Mayor of Kerrville various elected officials, the press, religious leaders in the community, probation departments as well as just interested people from the community that had heard about YouthBuild....We had a full house!!!

Now take a minute and think about this....Here is a group of young people that didn't fit in with the typical model of school, many have been in trouble continuously, some have NO family and these young adults are the "toss outs" in many aspects.....And today, the community SHOWED UP for THEM!!

Man, once again, I am such a SAP, I was, and am, overwhelmed with emotion!

So we went on with the formalities of the ceremony, did the introductions of the students, gave them their gear...

By the way is a pair of gloves, a hard hat, safety glasses and steel toed boots as well as 4 YouthBuild T-Shirts....And MAN could you see the pride  of them all as they held all of these in their hand.

Now I have spoken in front of many crowds, but for some reason, I was a biiiit nervous speaking to this one....I guess i wanted to be sitting in the seats and watching every single smile, every single tear.....I still am not quite sure what that was about!

At the end of the ceremony, we had the students recite their pledge for the team and then we had them do the RAH-RAH for the crowd....I coached them on the mic. but THEY took on the task!! It was AMAZING!! Here it is for you to see...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tAHT7OZX5fE

I have also attached some pictures of this ceremony for you to see. We have a long road ahead, but if this week is any kind of indicator of what we have to look forward to, I am PUMPED!!

This is new for us as a staff and new for these youth....We will have BREAKDOWNS and BREAKTHROUGHS but we will persevere and rise above any of our circumstances....We will learn and grow from each other and I am absolutely certain we will make connections that will last a lifetime....

Ladies and Gentlemen.....HERE is YouthBuild #1 Kerrviile Texas, 2011! OWTFDWIT!!!!!!

                                 YOUTHBUILD BUILDS YOUTH!!

Crystal Beach

Wanted to share an e-mail I shared with my cousin....I sure miss Crystal Beach sometimes!! What a great period of our lives! Such a "one of a kind" place that I really enjoyed being a part of....

"say cuz, I thought you might like to check this out. If you know this guy, that's cool....If you don't, I hope you like his stuff...he has a GREAT story.

Not sure if you remember, but in Crystal Beach, there was a drive through beer place that the turned into a Red Barn and had live music on Friday nights. This guy started in this bar in Crystal Beach called "Bobs Place" it was the red barn across from the Sheriffs Department sub station.... Do you remember it???

Anyway, here is one of his songs ABOUT Crystal Beach and the other link is of a song that made it to the radio stations and got him a cool fan base....

Bull was a friend of our family, came to our house regularly for breakfast and coffee...Such a neat guy! Barefoot use to come to the old beachouse and play poker at the old beachouse with Dad, HE was a UNIQUE individual.... I got kicked out of Genies 1 one night after being drunk as hell...for....no lie..... FOUL LANGUAGE!....So cool!!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xyXWNMsTyj0

Anyway, check it out, let me know your thoughts...

Here is his song that is making the radio and his fan base is growing..... Too cool!"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s0O4OVwLkIQ

(My cousin is currently enrolled in his Graduate program for Guitar....He is called to play music!)

Pay attention

So today, while taking breaks in between doing things around the house, I happened to stop by Facebook to check on how the world is doing. Earlier today, I repiled to a friends post who was taking his bike out for a ride. When I checked my e-mail, I saw that a pesron who was at one point in my life, probably the most profound figure IN my life (outside of my family) had responded to me on my friends page, in that post.

Without going into details, about 6 years ago this person said some things to me and accused me of some things that were not true. As a result, I was really wounded by this and responded to this person with a letter expressing my pain and hurt. In that letter, I voiced how hurt I was, explained the extent of the hurt and said my goodbyes to this person. Again, without details, this is hard for anyone to comprehend and I dont feel the need to re-open those wounds here....BUT, after all this took place today something AMAZING happened.

After I saw the reply to me, I sat at stared at my comp screen for at least 20 minutes and then responded with a short response.... This was how it went...

Him: "Brads still alive."
Me: "Got a few bruises, suffered a few scars, still livin large"

I did this with the intention of him knowing I was still suffering from our last interaction.... I guess I didnt want him to forget....

A few minutes later, my father sent me an e-mail to comment on this interaction on facebook with this person..... Here was how that e-mail went....

My dad: "Saw XXX is on fb and has inquired of XXX about you.  I sent him a message just saying HI and happy to see him on fb.  Was glad to see you responded to his inquiry as well."

Me: "Yeah....To tell you the truth, I sat and looked at my screen for about 20 minutes (no shit) before I typed that.... Funny how much pain I still associate with all that shit man....Really is!

The thing about his response to XXX is he knows where I am and what I am doing....He and XXX talk all the time.... I am curious as to why he is reaching out like that.... But I am sure time will reveal the answer, and I think he probably gets the "edge" in my response to him."

Once I sent that e-mail, NATURE called, and I went to answer.... In my bathroom, I have reading material (Gifts From a Course in Miracles, Marianne Williamson) and I grabbed the book and opened it to a random page.... Just opened the book..... On page 128 this was what was waiting on me...

"You attack in the present in retaliation for a past that is no more; and this decision is one of future pain. Unless you learn that past pain is an illusion, you are choosing a future of illusions and losing the many opportunities you could find for release in the present."

I am not of the common belief as many in regards to God and how he works in our lives and in our wolrd, but I do believe he/she talks to us and reaches out to us and that most times we miss it simply because we arent paying attention.... Well, nature called, and I am paying attention....WOW!!!

More hatchlings

So I found some little eggs a few weeks ago and we hatched one of them thinking maybe we weren't going to see the others hatch....Well, tonight, after going out to the movies for our anniversary, I went to check the eggs and look what I found!!

HOW COOL IS THIS!!??