Asessment day

Today was the day that is the definition of a dichotomy....SOOOO Hard, but SOOOO important and impacting in my care for them and working with them....Today was the day that I really DIG into these youths lives and past....Man, I gotta say, the things that people do to children NEVER ceases to amaze me....The cruelty that human beings are capable of disgusts me....And the reality is that we ALL have the capability, but because of different reasons, we CHOOSE to NOT do these things (OR TO do these things) It also really defines "The cycle of Abuse."

So what took place today was a general assessment of these kids life, past life, living conditions, etc.... Let me tell you, this portion of the job is where people in this profession MUST take care of themselves and really focus on the blessings they have in their life.

When you have 16, 17, 18, 19, 20 year old KIDS who start to tell you how they have been sexually abused by their parents, physically abused by their parents, neglected....It really is emotionally draining.

To hear....

"My parents have never made me stick to any rules...Since I was five I have been doing my own thing"

Or...

"I have never sat down for a meal with my family"

Or....

"I started drinking beer with my parents at 9"

Or....

"My Dad never has anything good to say about me, he always calls me stupid or ignorant"

Or....

"I use to watch my dad almost every night beat my mom into unconsciousness and then he would turn on us"

Or....

I was pulled from my home when I was 8 because of the whelps across my back from my mom beating me with a belt in a drunken fit."

Man, it just really tears at my heart to hear these stories (and these examples are formatted to PG-13)....ESPECIALLY when I see the things they are capable of when asked to do something from people who generally care. In all reality, many troubled or at risk youth just want someone to listen to them because EVERYONE in their life could give a shit less about ANYTHING they have to say or have done....

I just don't GET how parents can be so cruel and hurtful....AND, it amazes me when people say...

"Oh, shake it off and get past it!"

WHAT??? Are you serious?? How is a kid supposed to have ANY idea how to get "past" something when they have NEVER had anyone in their life to show them how or even care if they do??? Just really upsets me to hear the simplistic remedies people seem to have for such complex situations.

However, in 5 days, I have been able to get these youth to trust me to a point where they know they can speak to me about these things. LUCKILY, I had no "outcries" today as many of these issues have already been addressed from the system.

Man, I have one GREAT kid who just has a messed up family and because he had to get pulled form the home and placed into the system, he is now house 5 hours from any of his family and none of them have any funds to be able to come see him....Again, just a heavy weight on a soul...Especially a caring soul like I have....

I actually had to stop what I was doing today, take a deep breath and consciously remind myself

"Brad, take a minute, breathe, reflect and take care of yourself"

because things like this can truly drag you down.

I can say that even through all of the tragedy I heard today, I was able to leave feeling good, knowing that I have broken through with these kids and I am on the path to showing them how to overcome these obstacles....Its not going to be an easy path but I know the rewards in store for me (as well as the heartaches) are going to be something that allows me to grow both spiritually, and professionally.

I was a troubled kid myself but i was blessed that my troubles were more about my spoiled ass and my desire for attention....I never had abuse, neglect or near the struggles these kids have ahead of them but I DO know that I can be a stand for them that they have never had before.

We chose these kids because of their drive and determination and after hearing the stories today, these kids are TRULY trying to find a way out of a situation that they have no idea how to get out of....I am blessed to have this opportunity to be a stand for these kids who have never really had anyone stand for them....They are engaged, WANT to know how to improve and are taking on things already to work to help others....Man, I am ONCE AGAIN moved beyond what words can describe.

I have another day of assessments to get done with all the kids and then i get to go back with each one of them and dig a little deeper, get more details on these stories, find where we can work on to get past it...I have my tasks ahead of me, that's for sure, but i am excited to get to the task at hand and start showing them how THEY can create a better life.

I had a few who broke down over the weekend but I cant expect these kids to just "rise above" any of this without knowing how to climb the stairs.... Again, a great part about this work.

I have to make sure I document again how dynamic and powerful my new boss is...She is so aligned with what my desires are to process these problems and she has faith that my heart and experience will bring these kids to a higher state of being (if they want it).

I think today I was able to see how much of the respect I have attained with these kids...They trust me, they WANT to talk to me, they are curious about what I have to offer and are glued to what I have to say when I am facilitating the group.

I did an exercise today called "What Do You Want"

Its a simple exercise....You get with a partner and one person asks over and over "WHAT DO YOU WANT" while the other one tells you what they want....Its a rapid process where the question is asked over and over and before you know it, people are starting to proclaim things they want in their life that they never have said out loud....It can be very emotional and is  VERY powerful....I have done this exercise myself in a training I did years ago and I remember clearly how many things I said out loud that I was amazed with....I saw this take place today!

I think that proclamations to the Universe is a good start in letting the Universe answer to those wants....Yeah, hokey stuff to some, but VERY real when in practice! I was able to hear some amazing things from these kids, and ya know what, I bet 90% of those kids have never had anyone that really gave a shit about what they want..Such a cool release of emotion and "weight!"

I do think that there are some kids that just cant be reached, but in this group, i have not identified any!

I heard more than one kid today talk about self harm, suicidal stories and again, to think that a kid has had it so bad in their life that they actually made the ATTEMPT, man, that is just heart wrenching! I think we have probably all at one time or another thought, "Man, is this really worth it??" but to take the step to really make it happen, and have a 16/17 year old kid tell you about it, because their home life sucks and they don't think anyone cares.....I take great pride in knowing that without a doubt, I CARE.....and the bonus to that is these kids are really starting to GET that I do!

As far as Case Management goes, THIS, to me, is one of the more difficult tasks required for this job and (in my opinion) you HAVE to really have that CARING for them and their struggles. I am also VERY clear that THEY have to want it, I cant want ti for them.

Mental Toughness is over...The games are pretty much done and now the PROGRAM has to start to get the wheels in motion....The next couple of weeks, my task at hand will be to get the paperwork down for them, meet with them and start working on their general needs (safe homes, food, shelter, medical care, counseling, etc....). The PAPERWORK part is going to occupy my next two weeks but I am already starting to get really attached to these kids.... I sooooo want to see them rise above their circumstances and sometimes, NOT having their circumstances overwhelm me is a task all in its own....

HENCE THIS BLOG!!

I really do appreciate all that take the time to read this and offer feedback...This blog is where I get to release all the ugliness I come into contact with and cleanse myself for the next round.

Today was the first day of getting a REAL glimpse of these kids lives and I look forward to being able to get more connected to them...I have a feeling when they graduate in 9 months, I am going to have a hard time letting them go!! I will want to keep them all with me, care for them, let them know I care and I WANT to hear what they have to say.

Such an emotional day for sure, but its one step closer to reaching the goal of supporting these kids into creating a life they want and works for them....The cycle of abuse, neglect and uncaring can end here! I am really happy to be THAT for these kids!

OWTFDIT!!!