UNPLUGGED

Although it was a couple of weeks back, I want to update on a trip we went to on 10-7-11....

We have an extensive board that is very diverse for YouthBuild and one of the people on that board is the Executive Director for Eco-House here in Kerrville. This is a company that does pre-fab homes, build with screws and beams, in a warehouse, then taken to the home site and set up. They are "Green Friendly" and due to how they are designed, MUCH more Eco-friendly and efficient than standard framed houses.

The Director was able to get our youth a tour of one of these homes that is set out in the hills around our area, but is really remote. The idea of the owner of these houses was to be COMPLETELY self sufficient and NOT relying on any outside governing agency to rely on for the needs to operate these homes....ie... electricity, water, sewer, etc....

As a result, the owner bought a few hundred acres and set the houses and the very back of the property. Needless to say, the place is stunning...Breathtaking... peaceful and serene... A piece of property every Hill Country lover would LOVE to own!

The homes are COMPLETELY OFF the grid... They rely on nothing!!

These homes (reportedly by the director of eco-house) have the largest private, residential solar system in the United States. They have ceiling fans in the house that run off of 2amps and have magnets inside of them that create the reverse polarity and make them turn on little to no energy. The lighting is done with LED lights and each bulb is 4 watts but puts off enough light to mirror a standard 60 watt bulb.

The walls are reinforced and insulated to minimize the need for cooling or heating. The cooling/heating system installed uses water from the tanks/ponds on the property and is very intricate on how it works...Basically, it sucks the cool water from the bottom of the ponds in the summer to circulate, and then the water is warmer on the bottom in the winter so its used to heat the homes...Its pretty amazing!!

There is a rain catch system on the house that is designed to catch all the water possible and can catch 3500 gallons from one inch of rain. The water is used for drinking, cleaning, and all other purposes for the home and living. The VERY cool thing is that rain water is very "soft" and doesn't have all of the chemicals well water does so it takes less to clean and is much better for you personally as well as for the pipes and hard water problems associated with well water.

There are 192 solar panels that generate the electricity for the homes... Each panel runs independently through various types of wiring and as it was explained, if they were to "plug into" the system, they create enough energy to sell BACK to the electric company...However, as they explained, the companies don't make that easy because to stay plugged in, you must meet certain Federal regulations that change every year in regards to how it is plugged in, so they have chosen to just lose that extra energy.

The houses alone are 250k each....1800 sq feet. The solar panels are about 1k each without all of the wiring OR the racks to hold them.... The solar system ALONE with all of the wiring, etc... is comparable, or more than the amount of the houses.

The rain catch and filtration/cleansing system is another VERY costly expense...It was also stated that if EVERY resource was to just "dry up" all of a sudden, they could self sustain the homes for 7 months! Needless to say, this is NOT a cost effective way to live....

I find that odd, don't you??? That its more expensive to live off of the governing agencies than it is to live on them?? Things that make ya go..........HHHHHMMMMMMMM?????!!!

As I understand it, the owner of the homes is a very wealthy older woman who is very "anti-establishment" and has chosen to just UNPLUG from the MAN...

She isn't a glamorous woman, who sports huge cars or fine jewelry...As a matter of fact, if you saw her walking down the street, you would think she should be holding a sign and a change jar.... Amazing how people make up others based on simple appearances.

As it was explained to me, our group would be the last one permitted access to the houses or the property as they were almost complete. It was explained that once they are done, the gates will be locked, 7 dogs will be cut loose and NO ONE will be allowed on that property other than the owner and her guests....What an extreme honor it was to be able to see this....What a dedicated woman she must be to make a decision such as this...And man, what a dream it would be to be totally comfortable being completely self reliant!

I hope you enjoy the pics....It was a GREAT day!

OWTFDWIT!!!!! GO YOUTHBUILD!!!!!!

Recognized

Today, Baptist Child and Family Services was recognized by a large philanthropic organization called the Community Foundation of the Texas Hill Country (http://www.communityfoundation.net/). I was aware that BCFS was a progressive oorganization and has reaches World Wide, but today I was able to see it in more detail, and in communication with people working at different levels to attain the Mission of the organization.

I was able to meet a couple that are about my parents age and have been working for BCFS in Europe, in Moldova. They are working with the model of BCFS here and creating a system to help fostered youth in a 3rd world setting....SOOOOOO Very interesting to hear their stories of the orphans and "at risk" youth in this Country.

I was so intrigued!!!!!

I asked my boss later if they ever had employees go on these missions. He explained that it does happen and he would look into it for me. We have reaches from Mexico, Sri Lanka, Africa, Europe.... The POSSIBILITY of being able to see various parts of the world and do so "in service" just showed its head!

I am not sure it will happen or exactly how it happens, but I would love to have an opportunity to represent the Mission of this organization in another Country....

Man, such an amazing vision....dream....opportunity!!!!

I have taught these youth, and MANY other people.... I have even posted in past blogs about this distinction.....

"If you want your dreams to happen, WRITE THEM DOWN, and it makes them more and more of a reality"

I AM WRITING THIS DOWN!!!

As I look back a few months ago and think of where I "was" at that time, I really do see that the bigger the breakdown, the bigger the breakthrough.... I have struggles and difficulties adjusting to this start up, this position, this "new gig" but I have to say, the future just keeps getting brighter and brighter!

Feedback day

Today I had a meeting with my boss and a co-worker that I don’t see eye to eye with. I could go into the details, but if you read my past blogs, it’s the same story…..I have been here before, AND documented it! **UUUUGH**......................As my wife so eloquently put it to me tonight….

“You know Brad, I love you hun, but I wonder if you bring this to yourself?”

“Your right hun, I have thought about that…..BUUUUTTTT….I just don’t know!”

I remember when I went through the trainings in Dallas, there was a sign that showed up EVERY DAY!! It said….

“WHAT ARE YOU PRETENDING NOT TO KNOW?”

This sign got bigger and bigger everyday….And since then, it has stuck with me as a tool; I use it often, but today, it slapped me like a babyoiled seal on a cold day!

What am I pretending not to know???!!

Anyway, Donna went on and she said….

“Think about it, how many people do you, or I know that records conversations and documents them in letters as much as you do?

I thought about it?????????  VERY few (at least as many times as I have)

So I stood there for second with my deer in the headlights look and the light bulb above my head…..

If I am responsible for everything in my life, how am I responsible for this?

How it is THESE instances keep showing up in my life that causes me so much stress, struggle, conflict, anger, frustration......etc...???

So, tonight, I reflect…I think about my contribution….I think about what it is I “need” from this type of interaction??? BECAUSE IT KEEPS SHOWING UP!! And we dont do things over, and over, and over if we arent getting something!

And the definition of insanity is……

“Doing the same thing, over and over, the same way, expecting different results”

Today I paid attention and realized I am in a familiar surrounding; I like it about as much as the last time, time before that, and time before that! I am as stressed as I was the last time, and I am going at it the same way as the last time, EXPECTING a different result!!

I took another class in Dallas one time called Trusting You Are Loved where they explained how having an expectation leads this VERY instance...WOW!!

I don’t know what the answer is, but I had to get this epiphany down on paper so I can see it clearly, address it appropriately (hopefully), SHIFT, and move forward….

Damn wife…..She knows me better than anyone!! And I trust her more than anyone…..Yeah, but I still prefer a stern truth over a soft lie!

Thanks hun!!! Definitely an “AH-HA” moment!!

OWTFDWIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Forgiveness

Yesterday afternoon my boss called me in for a meeting so we could chat with a youth that “chose out” of our program about 2 weeks ago. We had discussed earlier about some of the students who had chosen out and decided, as a team, that those particular students, even if they wanted to come back, would not be accepted back into the program.

This decision was made because we felt it could be damaging to a team of individuals who had shown up, shown up, and shown up again and dedicated themselves to this process. To allow those folks back in would be detrimental to the team.

 It’s funny what you put out into the Universe and then what shows up!?

I arrived at the meeting and the student explained that he quit YouthBuild because he….

“Thought he had all the answers, but after getting out into the real world, I realized I don’t have a clue.”

He went on explained how he had realized that he made a mistake and “needed” YouthBuild to move forward in his life. Me, being the skeptic I am, and the read (I feel) I have on people, I didn’t believe him…I WASN’T enrolled!

I went on to speak with him and said….

Ok, let me explain it like this, you understand that YouthBuild is MY TEAM right?”

“Yes”

So, ENROLL me into why I should let you back on MY team!?”

This all with the idea in the back of my head that I would NOT be making the final decision, THIS would be a decision the TEAM itself makes….However, I wanted to hear what he was going to say to the team.

He went on and had some “pitiful” reasons to come back, which basically amounted to the reason he wanted to come back was he had no more couches to jump to and to be able to stay at mom and dad’s house, he would have to be in YouthBuild. In MY EXPERIENCE, if anyone takes on any task at hand for someone other than THEMSELVES it’s not nearly as powerful as when the task is taken on because the INDIVIDUAL wants it…. I wanted this youth to GET THAT!!

“Well man, I will tell you this…. I will BET YOU that up to this point in your life, you have made choices exactly like this….Gone out, made the choice, realized it didn’t work, came back, asked for forgiveness, got it, changed for a short time and then went back to your old ways…is this accurate??”

“Yeah, pretty much…”

“So tell me, what makes this time different?? How are you going to SHIFT from the past ways to create it differently because if this is how you have always done it, you are going to get the same results.”

“All I can say is I saw the world isn’t as easy as I thought it was going to be and now I have to make something of myself to move forward with my life…YouthBuild is the start of it.”

“You do understand that you have had a TON of people around you all your life that have said “you can’t” or “you won’t” or “you aren’t capable” and by walking away from YouthBuild, you proved them all RIGHT…. How does that make you feel?”

“Terrible, I want to prove them wrong…”

I asked him if he would be willing to stand before his class and ask for permission to be back on the team, and he said he would be HAPPY to do that.

The conversation went on and then we excused him from the room. My boss and I chatted about the meeting a bit and found we were both on the same page….THIS is a decision for the team to make….Then it REALLY hit me!!

In 2001, I was part of a team where I basically “chose out” and as a result, I saw that I had made a huge mistake and wanted back on the team to finish what I had started. I went to the facilitator and it was explained to me that I had to enroll EVERY SINGLE PERSON on my team as to WHY it was important for me to come back. I chose YES to that decision…..

I had a team of close to 40 people that surrounded me in a circle, me in the middle of that circle and I had to go to each and every team member and have them vote me YES to come back in. I had a handful that refused…they were NOT enrolled. I had to swallow my pride, take a look at my ego, allow myself to be vulnerable and then ENROLL THEM!!

I went to each individual and answered questions, made commitments, exposed myself with vulnerability and then TRUSTED THE PROCESS!!

It was in NO WAY an easy task…It was one of the more difficult things I had don’t in my life because it was about OWNING my downfalls instead of being a victim to them… Then I HAD to (“got” to) shift and live up to my commitment! My team voted me back in and I was accepted back into the group…

I realized the impact of that moment in my life and figured since this youth is so very much like I was at his age, THIS is an important task and lesson.

My boss and I were on the same page…THIS is a win/win situation, no matter what the vote is. This youth will either GET it, OR NOT but either path will offer him a lesson and a tool.

Another of the staff arrived and we all discussed this option to allow the team to vote if this youth comes back. Here we are, a bunch of youth who have been cast aside in their lives, VOTING to cast aside one of their own….OR NOT!! It was a scary and uncomfortable decision/process….BUT I have to TRUST THE PROCESS and realize, no matter what happens, it will be PERFECT!!

So it’s clear, this would not be the end of our assistance for this youth if he was voted out…We would help him to attain the things he needs to move forward, explained that to him, told him he could do it without YouthBuild and he chose to stay with YouthBuild.

Me, my boss and the other team member discussed what we were going to do and we decided that we would allow him to address the team, ENROLL them into what he has done and is willing to do, and then let THEM choose….

We also realized this would have to be done in stealth mode…We couldn’t let the team, OR the youth know we had a plan because if we did, the team could get opinionated and right and the youth, if he knew, would get with the other team members quickly to form alliances…. We had to create a plan…And here it is…

My boss went back to the youth and said….

“I am not sure if I am ready to make a decision yet on this and I am not sure if I am ready to accept you back. I want to be an adult in this situation and think about it overnight. You are to be back here at the transition office (separate from where YouthBuild takes place…our administrative offices) at 7:30 am, SHARP, with your best clothes and prepared to speak to me in the morning…Not even a minute late, Understand?!”

The youth agreed….

Then, what I was to do was to go back and tell the other staff about what had taken place and how this was going to be a team decision by the members of YouthBuild, structured to fit an outline we direct, but ultimately a decision based on the TEAM and their emotions/feelings.

So today, I took the team inside our big conference room before the Rah-Rah and started to discuss with them the importance of the responsibility they have taken on to SELF GOVERN themselves and how much of an impact they have on THEIR program now.

While I was doing this, my boss was meeting with the youth at the admin. office and bringing him to the YouthBuild facility. When my boss showed up, I had the kids gather in a circle around me and told them that Kimber (the boss) had something to talk to them about.

Kimber stepped into the center of the circle, explained what had taken place last night, told them that this is THEIR program and with that comes difficult decisions…Today would be the first of many!

She went on to explain about the youth wanting to come back and how this was going to be a vote from the team to make that happen. That the Youth would have 3 minutes to defend himself and enroll the team and then there would be a vote by the team….If even ONE member decided to vote NO, the Youth would have the opportunity to answer to the “no’s” and then we would vote again... If the vote was still no, then he would not be allowed back.

I stepped in and explained…

“I don’t want to see anyone trying to encourage anyone else’s vote, I want you to be serious and I want you to realize that this is a decision each of you must make independently…There will be no pressure from anyone too anyone….”

I stepped back to my spot and one of the girls on the team leaned over and asked me….

“Do I have to take part in this?”

I responded….

“ABSOLUTELY!”

The youth stepped into the center and made his plea to the team. He sounded much more sincere than he did with me the night before and he said what he needed to say…. He stepped out of the circle; Kimber stepped in and said…

“So, time to vote….Who wants to allow him back?”

Every hand went up, EXCEPT ONE….

“Opposed?”

The girl who asked me if she had to take part raised her hand…

We coached the youth back into the center of the circle and I said…

“So explain to him what’s holding you up…”

She went on….

“How do I know you won’t take advantage of this, how do I know you won’t just mess up again, how do I know……..”

And the youth responded…

“I know this is a concern and I apologize…All I can tell you is it won’t happen again…I promise!”

He stepped out, Kimber stepped in…

“Who votes for him to come back???”

All hands went up….

“Opposed?”

No hands!!! The team had voted YES 100%!

I stepped into the center of the circle, which was VERY difficult because I was overwhelmed with emotion form my person experience in this same situation… I remembered the overwhelming sense of acceptance that took place when they voted me YES…I also remember the overwhelming feeling of GUILT for letting my team down, and my buddy….It was a VERY impacting moment for me…. and I said….

All of you stand up, stand close and look around this room….THIS IS YOUR TEAM!! You had your chance to ask this youth and question him, you have shown him how you feel, and we start over from here… Stop, look around this circle, look at your team and realize, you JUST VOTED!! Now we SHIFT and move forward!

I pulled the youth back into the middle and I told him in front of everyone….

“You are here to teach a lesson (name removed), you have been teaching people lessons about you up to this point…Here is an opportunity to teach this team a lesson about you….Just think about it….WHAT LESSON ARE YOU GOING TO TEACH THEM!?

We all took a second to reflect, soak in this moment, and then we did the RAH-RAH with The youth that was voted back leading it…. MAGIC!!! TRUE and INSPIRATIONAL MAGIC!!

Life, on some level, big or small, infinite or momentary, just SHIFTED for these youth, AND our staff…And in the moment, no one really noticed that SHIFT HAPPENED and I was able to smile and reflect….Reflect on what my life was like then when I was in that circle, and where my life is now BECAUSE I was voted back in…. Man, one HELL of a way to start a day!!


OWTFDWIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GO YOUTHBUILD!!!!!!!

Accountability

Today was the day that we finally were able to initiate MORE ownership of this program to the students. We have to selected students from our team and two elected students from their peers to monitor, direct, and create their program within the guidelines that are established in the YouthBuild directives.

It’s amazing to me how this group because of their past or present conditions and circumstances are immediately labeled as unable or deficient, or lacking, when in reality, they are as gifted, talented and fabulous as any Valedictorian, it’s just their energy is focused in other directions.

Their skills are just as tuned and their brains are just as much a sponge as any other youth, but because they don’t conform to different social norms, they “don’t go” and are destined to fail… Where is it we lost our compassion for people based on actions that don’t align with what we say is right, wrong or appropriate?? Even if some peoples view of the world is not aligned with mine, OR EVEN this program, it in no way means that they don’t have something valuable to offer.

So today, we met with the assigned leaders, allowed them to format rules outside of our guidelines and one of the kids explained it like this….

“These are our State rules and what you guys have are the Federal rules….If they don’t comply with the state, they go to the feds”

PEEERRRFFFECT!!!!

After assigning the roles, the groups went to work. In that same moment, I received an e-mail from my boss that alerted me she had gotten permission to take part in a service project that the kids had come up with….To clean a cemetery that has been neglected and trashed. Immediately we as a staff wanted to jump on the wagon to get the group moving forward with the plan. I had a different idea….

I went back to the two students who originated the idea, told them that their request for service had been granted and now it was up to them to manage the event… From the timeline to be there, tasks at hand, tools needed to complete the job, assigning teams….EVERYTHING associated with putting together a team to complete a project…THANK GOD I have VAST experience through MUCH trial and error to make these types of things happen…. ;-)

I coached them into the particulars that need to be outlined to make this happen and then put them to work on creating it, explaining to them to come to the staff when faced with obstacles that seem to hinder their progress…

On top of this project, the elected officials met with their team and assigned the rules and decided that the team had a complaint with a rule that had been established in regards to smoking on their breaks (a privilege that had been taken because of their abuse of it) and they wanted to address the complaint with us since they “couldn’t find it in the rule book”

I explained to them what “policy and Procedure” is and how every policy can have amendments added to it based on the governing hand of the boss. I also explained that if there was a policy in place that they didn’t agre with to make sure they go to the SOURCE to address the problem.

I also explained to them that going to the boss with a problem ad no solution was FUTILE and would likely fall on deaf ears so I encouraged them to create a plan to implement for a short time to show their commitment to the project and the changing of the rules (No cigarette butts, smoking in the assigned areas, courtesy about being on time in relationship to breaks, etc…).

 I explained how a plan being brought to a boss was always the best course of action but to have a BETTER course of action was to implement the plan, document it for a short time and then bring the plan, with the action and the results to shift to the boss and this would solidify their intention even stronger….And ya know what, this place is a friggin BUZZ of activity now that these youth are seeing they are responsible for their actions, their results and their destiny….The seeds are being planted with our little program here and I am on the edge of my seat with excitement at the energy and the possibility!

It is lunch time right now and I actually had to go and beak up some of the groups to take their lunch…Trust me, this has NEVER happened before!! When its time for lunch, this place is a GHOST TOWN!! I walk outside and see the students chatting, discussing, planning….TAKING CHARGE!!

Man, it is an amazing thing to experience when the LIGHTS COME ON for people… EMBRACE those days!!

It can be a continuous struggle trying to manage each person’s drama, lives and circumstances that hinder their progression and then days like this where they realize what ACCOUNTABILITY is, it makes every one of those painful steps worth the journey!

So today, a SHIFT has taken place in our team and hopefully it will be a shift AWAY from circumstances, excuses and arguments to ACCOUNTABILITY, CREATION and DESTINY!!

I am agin reminded of my past when I was this age and how people counted me out, said I didn’t have what it takes, that I had to conform to make a difference, that I had to “fit in” and not “STAND OUT” and I refer back to Ishmael (Daniel Quinn) where I realize this is a Myth Story that we are told on top of so many other Myth Stories that we accept as truth….

Based on the evidence I see, and the results I have experienced, both with people, and in my own journey is this is such a false truth and so limiting to people and their possibility! These kids have been told over and over they CAN’T and I am BLESSED to show them the lie and support them with their actions to prove that to the world.

Oddly, people pay attention to things in the moment, what their eyes see and what they believe is truth, BASED on their perceptions and opinions and then force that truth on impressionable minds in an attempt to control the masses….When in reality, many times, when the masses are given some control, they manage themselves more directly and with intention than anyone on the outside trying to force that. Another thing that stands out to me is the damage done to people with this mentality….How much these impressionable minds take this as a truth and then regulate their life based on those false truths.

Today, at the end of our meeting, I had one of the two students who came up witht he service project idea explain and ENROLL their team into their idea and give them the basis of what we are going to create. One of the students stepped up in front of the crowd and started in with the idea...He went throught the particulars and when he got to the "heart felt" part of it, he said it something like this....

"I think this is important, and I hope you think its important too...I hope that you guys will support me in this and get excited about it....I will be really grateful if you could get on board witht his and do our part..................."

And then he ended the speech to the crowd....

I took him afterwards and brought him into my office and sat him down, and I said....

"look Man, I commend you for stepping up, creatiung this project, your idea and your passion.....BUUUUT, let m explain something to you about enrolling people into your ideas..... You dont ask politely, you dont try to convince, you dont beg and wallow.....YOU DEMAND!!! Like this....

I stood up and said.....

"THIS IS A GREAT THING TO DO, THIS SHOWS RESPECT FOR OUR COMMUNITY AND THOSE WHO HAVE PASSED IN OUR COMMUNITY....MY FRIENDS AND FAMILY, YOUR FRIENDS AND FAMILY ARE IN THAT CEMETARY. TOGETHER WE WILL MAKE THIS PLACE CLEAN, SPOTLESS, AND SHOWING THE RESPECT DESERVED OF THOSE PEOPLE LAYING AT REST THERE!"

I sat down and said....

Dont ever beg or meander your way through your visions or your dreams. You go after them with passion, intention and purpose....When you approach your dreams and visions like that, people cant do anything BUT be on board....Get it?"

He smiled, giggled and said...

"Man, I get it!"

I went to make a post last week in my blog but deleted it out of respect (an issue I won’t go into here) but I remember the end of the blog I sated something to the effect of …

“JUST when you get to a point that you think you can really appreciate people, someone has to show up and remind you why it’s a struggle!! GRRRRRR”

Today I want to add….

Just when you get to a point that you think it’s a struggle to work with people, someone shows up to remind you how it ISNT!

Yin and Yang…. We must have the opposing poles to appreciate the opposing poles….

OWTFDWIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GO YOUTHBUILD!!!

Marty

Today, I had to get a few of the kids and got set up a room for a meeting. In this room was a piano pushed up against the wall. One of the kids, Marty, came up to me and said....

"Brad, you should let me tear up that piano someday!"

I looked at Marty and said.....

"Today is THAT day!"

We all went over and pushed the piano away from the wall and Marty started to play.....I couldn't get my phone out fast enough as I started to hear him play.....

Marty had told me that he played music, but lots of people play music.... ;)

Marty played one song and I only got a short piece of it as I still haven't figured out my I-Phone.... He started to play a piece of second one and I got this little nid-bit.

Man, the gifts people have to offer are limitless sometimes, and sometimes so hidden!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sbu1P6ZuSro

Ghosts

I am not one that will readily believe in ghosts, but I am definitely one that is open to the possibility.....

I started with BCFS July 29th. The building they are in use to be the shelter for K'STAR, where I worked for 5 years. The house is a historical house in this town and along with that, there are stories about ghosts in this house. It is a wood frame house, with wood floors, Crown molding, 6 inch base boards, tall ceilings...etc...

When I started at K'STAR, I heard rumors of ghosts in our buildings and I never REALLY had an "experience" where I though that MAYBE there was a ghost in the building... But I had heard the stories... A couple of experinces I could "explain away"

When I started at BCFS, the employees that have been working there started to tell me about he ghosts in the house. I, politely (and as a skeptic) listened to the stories and agreed how cool the stories were/are, but until I experience it myself, I wont believe it.

Well, a few days ago, I had that experience, and I have documented it...

One of the stories, that has been reported by three different people that I HAVE SPOKEN TO DIRECTLY over a few years, seperately, about that building at different times, that are AMAZINGLY similar...It goes something like this...

"I came into work one day and I saw these footprints on the wooden floor. Not like footprints with shoes, but barefooot footprints."

The stories are a little different, but each one speaks about footpritns of a young chid, barefoot, in different areas of the office.....

My office is just that, AN OFFICE... so to even think that there would be a wet, barefooted kid running through our offices is just NOT a reality...ITS AN OFFICE!!!

So, a couple of days ago, I walk into the office and I see something on the floor.....

 Yep, its a footprint.... I couldn't believe it and I snapped a picture!

I then went and got two other people in the office and asked then if they saw what I did.....

They did!!!!!! (I snapped another picture) There are 6-8 people in our office, between three of us, we would know SOMETHING , and then I asked them if they knew of any reason a kids footprints, barefooted, would be on our floor...And then we all SNAPPED..... HOLY SHIT, It is real!!

I have NEVER experienced anything like this.... Thisis BY FAR the most profound thing I have experienced that I CANT explain..... WOW!!!

My ego

Man, I swear, in my life, my ego has been one of the most hindering things in pursuit of my personal greatness. I have time and time again allowed the opinions of others about my dreams, visions, ambitions, etc... get "under my skin" and today I had it happen again.

Today, I was belittled and attacked for my part in YouthBuild and who I am in this program. Not only that, but my role, my job and the tasks at hand. Not only did THAT take place, but was done so with "evidence" of their success in an attempt to deminish my success with no IDEA what I have done in my life or in my dealing with people. Just who the F*&CK does this person think she is!!??

The conversation continued and it went something like this....

I was at one of my offices doing paperwork and went to the printer to retrieve some paperwork. I noticed that a co-worker was in another co-workers office and they were talking with the door closed. A short time later, I went to retrieve my paperwork again from the printer and found the co-worker at her desk. I took a deep sigh and she asked

"Is it one of those days?"

And I responded,

"No just trying to recover from yesterday. When you have to write up 16-19 of a team, its a stressful event because you really get to be the jerk in the group and the last thing I want to do is be the jerk. I spoke to my wife who is a case manger of 35 women and she has a team of three case managers. I told her what took place yesterday and she laughed because she knew what kind of ripple this created. I really want to see these kids succeed and its painful when I have to hold them accountable...Especially like we did yesterday."

she started to go back to her general statements I have heard her say UMPTEEN times and said ...

"We have to train and nurture these kids, to make it black and white like you do is just like the schools they left from and we cant do that. The schools set them up for failure with that attitude, and I don't want to do the same. We have to bring them in close and love them."

I argued... (and could feel my face getting red)

"So do you think that what I have to offer is lacking love and compassion? Are you saying that I am setting these kids up for failure with holding them accountable for their actions? I assure you, I love and care for these kids and my whole mission is to see them succeed...But in that, there has to be accountability."

"Well Brad, you know when I ran the XXXX, I had 1800 graduates that made it through that program and it was from my love and compassion, not being harsh and black and white. You just don't understand how love can direct people to a different path. Its not like I don't know what I am talking about"

(Now remember, she was an ED of that org, NOT a case manager, a case worker or involved on a personal level with these graduates like what case managers are)

I took this as an attack on my education, my experience, my professionalism and the description of the task I was given by my Bosses in regards to what I am here to do in this program and I addressed this...

"I have to tell you XXX, I take great offense to you diminishing my education and experience. I have been working with this group of people for much longer than you might think and I am not going to get in a numbers game with you, but be assured, I have graduated as many people though my programs in this field over their years to attain success, dealing with them first hand, than you probably have any imagination of.... You can compare numbers and my approach as much as you want, but I would ask that you do not attack my professionalism, my care, my love and my drive to see these kids succeed. As much as you dislike it, I have a job to do that was designed and outlined by my bosses and there is a reason I have the job I have. So like it, or dislike it is fine with me, I don't answer to you or anyone else other than those two people. I have my job to do, you have your job to do...There is a reason we were hired in those capacities. If you have a problem with how I conduct myself with these kids, you can bring your complaints to them, but I take great offense at you minimizing my experience, my education or what my plan is to see this program and all its attendees succeed."

She went on and stated...

"Well Brad, I think you are trying to change how I see the kids and how I approach them and I am not going to change that."

I asked her for an example of this and she could not provide one.

I explained to her that my intention is not to change who she is with these kids or what her approach is with these kids but she could be assured that she was not going to dictate to me how I handled my position, my job or how I did my job. I also explained to her that we can agree to disagree and made an attempt to end the conversation at that point because I could feel myself getting frustrated.

I told her again (referring to a past conversation) that I have a strong personality, can sometimes come across as abrasive and that is because I am dedicated and driven to accomplish a goal with intention and drive to see the kids in our program succeed. I explained to her that I see the value in what she has to offer because I think it balances out our different approaches. I explained that I value her care and love but would appreciate if she would value my stern approach and accountability as this is where we will save some of the kids that have missed out in previous struggles.

She went on in her discussion about how I show up as "harsh, cut and dry, black and white, my way or the highway, there is no other view than my view, that I am the only one that knows what is best and others don't know"..... These are all DIRECT quotes from her mouth in regards to my job and my performance.

I smiled, politely disagreed and again said, "we can agree to disagree then"

She came back and said....

"Well Brad, I want you to know that with every kid in this program, I support you 100% and I would ask the same from you in regards to me"

I asked her if something in particular had come up where she felt that I had not done this as I wanted to make sure I wasn't missing something and she said...

"No, I just have a general feel that you don't support me in some of the things I do or say"

I responded...

"Look XXXX, I might not agree with your approach on things or how you handle things, but I ALWAYS back you up. I am a team player and am a professional. If I have a problem with you, I will handle it just like we are right now. I will always support you in your decisions to the kids and if I ever don't, it will not be done so through our students, it will be done with you and I, one on one."

(And I would NEVER go against my team with the students....EVER!!)

At that point, I realized this conversation needed to end and I told her....

"well, I have files to document in and I have to get to them...I will talk to you later"

Of course I documented this because its clear that she does not agree with my approach and I FEEL she is trying to enroll others into her idea....

I am so frustrated, aggrivated and upset right now that I am just at a loss. Some people have to be SOOOOOOOO right in what they see as effective that they want to deminish anyone elses approach to accomplish the same goal...Its like they have something to prove.... I DONT HAVE SHIT TO PROVE but it still makes my ego get the best of me and today, EGO is at my door again.

Sadly, I just dont get why people cant focus on their role in a team effort...Focus on THEIR tasks at hand and complete what THEY have in excellence.... They spend so much time worrying about how others approach an issue, they lose a grip on THEIR part of the issue/team....

And then to try and minimize someone else because of what you have accomplished?? Thats love? Thats compassion?? Thats understanding?? No you DUMBASS, thats being RIGHT!! Does it feel good??? GRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!

Do you really think that you are going to encourage others by reminding them what you have accomplished (exaggerated at that) in an attempt to show how much "better" you are than them??

In all reality, THIS activity tells me, shows me, explains to me the LACK of self confidence a person has.... And the worst part of it all, I LET IT GET TO ME!!

Even in my imperfections, life is perfect right??? Man, I just dont get people sometimes....Or maybe I really DO get them, but they sicken me....Sicken me to a point where I am self destructive!!

So, I shake this off, get clarity in my part, get affirmation from those I DO answer too and move forward in spite of all that bullshit....

And I wish it was just that easy!!! ;)


JUST when you get to a point that you think you can really appreciate people, someone has to show up and remind you why its a struggle!! GRRRRRR

Pushing

This week has been very interesting to, say the least. I think the kids are starting to feel out the boundraies and today they started to "push" us as a staff. I had to really take into considerationt hat this is not personal...This isnt about me and they arent trying to do anything personally, they are just trying to ease back into the roles they have lead in their life up to this point.....Basically, the Honeymoon is over!

So today, I pushed back with accountability and a desire for them to improve and overcome....There were multiple violations and it was like it literally happened overnight.

Now consider this whole project....WE ARE A COMMUNITY!!!! So when one is struggling in the community, it affects the WHOLE community....

Today I wrote up 19 violations to 16 of the students (No, that isnt a typo)... Not only is this difficult as a case manager because you have to be able to be stern and firm but still empowiring and showing how much you care and believe in them....PLUS take the portion of the problem that DOESNT relate to the programand put it aside....It really is very tedious!

Now as a result, MOST were pretty upset with the write ups and the facts around the write ups and ultimately with me as I issued ALL OF THEM personally....This was like a huge RIPPLE into this community and before long, I could see and feel the entire team start to get frustrated....As a result, people started to subconciously react to the ripple and this sparked a couple of more write ups to those acting out as a result of the ripple.... So today, I was THE asshole!!

Now I have a saying I firmy believe in and that is....

"Sometimes being a stand looks like being an asshole"

I made sure at every critical point of every write up that no matter what, my desire is to see them succeed and that this is simply a direction to help them continue on the path for that success and break old trends.

I even told one of the kids today....

"Look man, every choice you have made up to this point has gotten you to this EXACT point. If you are happy with this point in your life, go live large, BUT you WILL NOT live that way in this program...AND if you are happy with the result, why are you here? This program doesnt work that way. We are here to show you "different" and how to pursue your goals "differently" and with purpose. If you think you can create that doing what you have done to this point, then get your ass up out of that chair and go make it happen OUT THERE....This isnt the way this program works.... This is YOUR program but realize, WE RUN THIS SHOW and the reason we do is because we have gone your path, got your results and learned how to do it differently...We are here to coach you to that. So with that, you have to swallow your pride, listen to what we say and trust....OR NOT!! You make the choice but make it right now because you arent helping yourself or this team!"

He was uncomfortable with this direct approach but the reality is that he couldnt argue it.... so he took it in, pissed, upset, frustrated....And when we got to the end, I had him turn to me, I stuck out my hand and I said...

"Look man, if you have 6 people out there in the world that support you 100% to reach your goals, then go be with them....I am 45 years old and I dont know that I have 6 people fully committed to making MY dreams happen....This is a lifetime opportunity, and I want to see you succeed!"

He turned, hestantly shook my hand, was still irritated, but he shook my hand and left the room....THINKING!!

1 hour later, without my coaching, he went and made ammends to the person this whole situation started with.....FRIGGIN SCORE MAN!!! Maybe that was an "in the park homer" but it was still a homerun!!

He was HARD, he was proud, but he was thinking, seeing, becoming aware....Man, its those little seeds...he will remember this for some time, of that I am confident!

It was a really rough day...The kids were gathering and gossiping about all of the write ups, they were all saying how wrong this or that was...etc.... But all that big talk is great because tonight, and from this point forward, these kids are starting to understand that we are committed, NO SHIT, IN YOUR FACE, COMMITTED to them and their success in this program.....

So this has been an experiemnt.... I knew I had to go in and risk these kids not liking me for this (which is hard, because I dont like being disliked...I LOVE THESE KIDS!!) but I know that the aftermath will secure something I told them from the beginning....I am sticking to my word....I told them...

"I will shoot you straight, no smoke blown up your ass, and be direct..."

Thats what I did today....

It will be interesting to see how the next few days unfold....Will kids be standoffish to me? Will they come and try to make good with me??? With they avoid me, seek me...... I know that all I did today truly came form my heart and with a desire for them ALL to succeed....I AM CONFIDENT that if this is your intention above all else, you have to trust the process that what goes out, comes back to you.

So stay tuned, I am exhausted and confident I handled it the best I could, with the intention for them to learn and grow....Not discipline and hold down.....

OWTFDWIT!!!!

Classifieds

Over the last few days, the kids in the program have been looking in the classifieds for part time jobs to supplement their income. We, as a team, are going to sit with the students and show them how to apply for jobs, how to fill out an application, how to carry yourself, how to dress, speak, etc....

Today I was the Fireman.....I was running everywhere putting out fires. Its very clear we are still trying to really find our groove and learning each others unique personalities. Little drama scenes playing out everywhere....The good thing is that many of them are being handled WITHIN the team....They are REALLY starting to come together, self governing themselves and working out their difficulties within their group....EXACTLY what I want....For MANY reasons.

First of all, this makes my job easier and the most important thing is they are learning how to communicate and deal with breakdowns within the group themselves... Such an extremely valuable life tool!!! It really is quite a thing to experience....Especially when I am able to sit and reflect on the day and "unplug" from all of the hectic crisis management I am constantly in the middle of.

Today, after putting out one of the fires, I come back to my office and taped on the door is the classified section of the newspaper. There is an ad circled in big green ink and the the initials... "WTH"

I looked at the ad and it said.....

"Position as Case Manager for BCFS. To apply, go to BCFS.net"

We are a very large organization and we have an opening in another portion of the organization for a case manager dealing with Fostered Youth.

As I started to look at it, some of the kids came started to come up to me in a tizzy....

"Brad, what the hell is this?? Are you leaving us?"

and

"You tell us to stick it out, you better stick it out"

and

"You cant leave us"

All before I could get a word in....Before I knew it, I had 10-12 of my students around me wanting to know if I was leaving.

First of all, I was warmed and my heart swelled, then I went to explain...

"Guys, it isn't me...I am not going anywhere....I am here as long as you are here....Don't worry!!"

Remember, none of these kids know about the opportunity that came in front of me last week and today this happened and it was re-affirmed WHY I decided to not pursue that position....It was very cool!!

A couple of hours later, after I had the fires out and the day was ended, I remembered that one of my team was with one of our students at Municipal Court for a traffic offense. I drove by the courthouse, saw the staff members car there and decided to go in and show my support as well.

I made it into the courtroom and sat down with Kathleen and our student. We discussed formalities....how long they had been there, where they were on the list, when they wee going to be seen, etc....And then what EVERYBODY does in the courtroom..............................................................WAIT!!!

While we were waiting, the student said...

"Brad, I saw an ad in the newspaper about BCFS looking for a case manager; you aren't leaving us are you?"

"No man, NO WAY, I am here...Don't you worry about it man....I ain't going anywhere!!

He said....

"That's good Brad, you know if you left, we couldn't trust anyone else to come in here...."

DAMMIT MAN!!!! These kids just get me every damn time!! GOTTA LOVE IT THOUGH!!

So we sat and waited our turn and then my students name was called. He was wearing his YouthBuild uniform and we approached the stand. The judge went through his formalities and then brought up the traffic offenses.

As are most people, my student was very nervous and intimidated by the judge...You could see it in his posture and his mannerisms....He was speaking softly in response to the judge and even me standing next to him, I had a hard time hearing his words..... The Judge said....

"So, you are in YouthBuild huh?? I have heard a little about it, whats YouthBuild about??"

My student looked down at the floor, shifter side to side, rubbed his hands and started to talk....

"Uhhhhhm, YouthBuild is an uuuuhhm, program for uhhhmmm, dropouts who uhhhmmmm, they uhhhmmmm, want to, uhhhhhmmmm....."

I saw his discomfort and I thought of those videos I took at the service project, I spoke up and I leaned in to him and I said....

"Tommy, WHAT IS YOUTHBUILD?!"

I watched him as he stood up straight, took in a deep breath, raised his head up, looked the Judge in the face and he said....

"YouthBuild is a program for troubled youth who have dropped out of high school and are looking for a second chance. We go to class half the day and work construction the other half. We serve our community and its a way to get our life back on track!"

I leaned into him gain and I said....

"What are you here to do!?"

"I am here to get my education, learn a trade, start my own construction company and make a better life for me and my kids!"

The judge smiled, sat back in his chair and you could tell he was impressed....SHIT! I WAS IMPRESSED!!!!

After talking to my student for a few minutes, the Judge commended him on his desires to make his life better and the lives of his children better and after asking me and Kathleen a few questions, told Tommy....

"Well, it seems like you are doing a good thing here....Looks like you are trying to shed some old baggage so i wont give you any new baggage....I can see the stipend you are getting in this program is even less that what it will take for you to take care of your family, you are putting in 40 hours a week to better your life, so let me tell you what I am going to do.... I am going to give you 16 hours of community service for the one traffic offense and 13 hours for the other. I am going to let you do your community service through your program and you have until Nov 4th to get it done....If it isn't done by then, you will stand before me again....You got it?!"

"Yes sir, I will get it done!"

Now consider this for a minute.....there was a guy about Tommy's age in line ahead of him with similar penalties and he was instructed to pay 290.00 in fines.....Tommy, BECAUSE of YouthBuild was given a second chance and was issued no fines and only community service.

As we walked out of the courtroom I looked at Tommy and I told him...

"Look man, you just got one hell of a break and it was BECAUSE YOU took on YouthBuild.....YouthBuild did this for you so remember where your pride is in this....Don't let yourself down, dont let your team down...Keep showing up man!! GOOD JOB!!"

I left him to handle his paperwork and go have an "end day" meeting with my boss and he was so happy, so grateful and so driven to "DWIT" Gotta say, I was/am pretty damn proud!!

GO YOUTHBUILD!!!!!!!!! OWTFDWIT!!!!!