After posting this, I was contacted by a young officer who said the story really reached him (http://bjgolden1.blogspot.com/2010/11/some-of-my-life-in-law-enforcement.html)
Below is his response to that blog and below that is my response to him...Hope you like it...
"I know how you felt. I'm just short of three years on the job. The average person doesn't know what we go through and I think all of my friends look at me different than they used to. I get into a lot of disagreements with friends/associates about simple things when they hear of me arresting someone in their driveway for DWI or getting into the specifics about the mandatory blood draws.
I don't have the "us against them" mentality but I've grown more cold especially since moving to my new dept. I want to be liked by the citizens and I like to help them when I can. But I don't trust ANYONE with anything. I won't even let a waitress walk off with my card. I won't go anywhere without a gun. I used to not be like that. And I'm always aware of my surroundings, especially when filling up at the gas station at night; Even though I don't necessarily look like a robbery victim. I won't become a victim.
I've always wondered why people always said, "That cop is such a jerk, etc. etc. etc." Now I know why. I'm always polite with people as hard as it is sometimes but I can see why officers turn into jerks with people. Some people only respond to a stern voice. It's just something that can't be explained until you've had to deal with some of these people from a police standpoint."
And reading this, understanding his frustration, I responded to his post....Below is my response....
I understand buddy... I have responded below to some of your quotes.
QUOTE:
I know how you felt. I'm just short of three years on the job.
At three years, I was loving the job...Wouldnt have done anything else in the world. You will see more of what I described in my blog and remember, because society is like it is, those "traits" are what keeps you alive. I know of a few guys in the field who have mastered the ability to "turn it off" but very few.
QUOTE:
The average person doesn't know what we go through and I think all of my friends look at me different than they used to.
Your right, people dont know because they dont want to know...Its why they dont do the job (IMO) and your friends look at you differently because you are different and they cant understand because they havent had the experience. Sadly, those "old friends" many of them will fade away... Just always remember, we become what we surround ourselves with...Its about choice as well and those guys that I know who can "turn it off" well, they dont go to "Choir Practice" and I never really saw them at Law Enforcement related functions unless it was "politically correct" for them to be there...
Choice friend!
QUOTE:
I get into a lot of disagreements with friends/associates about simple things when they hear of me arresting someone in their driveway for DWI or getting into the specifics about the mandatory blood draws.
I would too...Then I got to a point where the arguments were usleless...They simply dont understand, the argument was futile. But dont think that just because some guy has 20 years under his belt that his way of doing things is the "right way" find your own path and just remember to always be safe!
QUOTE:
I don't have the "us against them" mentality but I've grown more cold especially since moving to my new dept
Sadly, when you have that uniform on, it is YOU against them (in many of the cases you will deal with).
QUOTE:
I want to be liked by the citizens and I like to help them when I can. But I don't trust ANYONE with anything. I won't even let a waitress walk off with my card. I won't go anywhere without a gun
Like I said, the "good ones" get in the field for that very reason! It took me a looooong time before I stopped turning "gun side away" from people, and even catch myself to this day doing it sometimes. I conciously CHOOSE to sit with my back to the door now and I trust first now and let the actions of the people determine if I continue that trust. Granted, I also dont have to place myself in life or death situations. A tip.... If it isnt a life or death situation, you are off duty, not wearing that uniform, trust first!! You can really make that choice.
QUOTE:
I used to not be like that.
After about 2-3 years on patrol, I quit carrying my gun with me when I was off duty. Trust me brother, the gun in your posession will force you to act and I dont care what people tell you, if you act off duty, you might get cleareed and be ok, but the heat you will face until that time; and if its "questionable" dont think your Department is going to come to your aid! THEY WONT!!
Man, to me, its not worth it! and many of the times, when you are off duty, you are with someone you care about. If a situation ever arises when I am off duty, I want my focus to be to get me and those I love out of harms way, not to eliminate a threat. I am not Super Man, NOR John Wayne! I am a Husband, a Father, a Son and a Brother before all things!
QUOTE:
And I'm always aware of my surroundings, especially when filling up at the gas station at night; Even though I don't necessarily look like a robbery victim. I won't become a victim.
I am still like that..Always concious of "odd" things and scenarios...Its part of my "genetic make up" now I guess...But THIS is something I am glad I carry with me still. Being AWARE is not a bad thing...EVER!
QUOTE:
I've always wondered why people always said, "That cop is such a jerk, etc. etc. etc." Now I know why.
Again, always good to BE AWARE
QUOTE:
I'm always polite with people as hard as it is sometimes but I can see why officers turn into jerks with people.
When it becomes "bad" is when this is the "norm" and no longer the "exception to the rule"
I just saw some friends I havent seen in a while. They knew me before I was in Law Enforcement and we were pretty good friends. Shortly after I became a Deputy, they "faded away" and we only stayed in touch through e-mails...As a matter of fact, for about 13 years, we lost touch, and then Facebook came along and we got re-connected.
Well, I went to my friends 50th Birthday party just a few weeks ago and we sat and talked about old times, like old friends do, and they both said "Man Brad, I am so glad you got out of that cop gig..."You became a real A$k-hole." And by this time, I knew that... But I will tell you this...I made it home every night and I was able to get out of it while I was still alive. If your goal is anything other than that, re-assess man!
I have no regrets...I did what I had to do to stay safe...Never compromise that!! EVER!!
QUOTE:
Some people only respond to a stern voice. It's just something that can't be explained until you've had to deal with some of these people from a police standpoint.
I agree... But when you get out of that, and retire, or even if you choose its not for you anymore, always remember that the world "out here" is much different than the world "in there" and the transition can be a rough one.
Have you looked at the statistics of deaths of cops after they retire and the time frames?? Its kinda creepy and I dont know the answers, but I do have my suspicions... I am sure many here will disagree with me, but again, this is simply my opinion, based on my experience.
Be safe buddy and always watch your back....Make CYA your NUMBER ONE RULE and ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS Trust your instincts!
I hope this continues to impact old and new officers a like. Its a tough job and being mad because people dont understand doesnt make it any easier...If this is the life you choose, remember, it doesnt have to be like anyone else tells you it has to be....Embrace your training, learn the rules to the game, PLAY HARD, BE SAFE and have fun....But when it comes to WHO YOU BE in this profession, make sure it is YOU who determines that, not anyone else!
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