Towards the end of Grad School, realizing I had something that was working, I decided to take it to a bigger audience. I had created the curriculum Family Matters to target lower socio-economic classes of parents and it was time to get it out to the world.
If I (or anyone else) want to create change in the world, it happens on many different levels…Training others in my field to do what I was doing was a way to create change in a much bigger way! Family Matters was given an “A” for my Graduate Thesis and I was getting unbelievable results presenting this class to my community. I was seeing people actually SHIFT their thinking as a result of what I was offering. As a result of that shift, they started “being” “doing” and “having” amazing results with their families and their cases in court…It was truly impacting people and their lives!
It was time for me to start presenting and lecturing!!
I received a notice about 6 months prior to graduating Grad School from an organization called “Prevent Child Abuse Texas.” They were holding a conference in San Antonio and I was told by Kim that I would be attending this conference.
BBBIIING!!! An idea!!
If I was going to go to this conference (I had been to their conference once before), why not go and present? I could get the registration fee waved, save some money from my budget, help my organization and get the good word out to the masses! WIN/WIN!!
I contacted the organization, let them know I wanted to present, sent them an outline of what I had to offer, and was accepted as a presenter for this conference.
Oh man, what had I done now!!?? Have you ever heard the saying “Don’t let your mouth override you butt”? Well, I thought I just had!
I was looking at one HUGE fence to climb but my excitement was more overpowering than my fear, and I started to get to work on my presentation. What I called it was “Tips to Improve Your Parenting Classes” and described it as “A course that would assist facilitators with any current program they are using with experiential exercises that left a powerful message. If you want to have fun, be engaged and learn some great tools, take this session and come spend the day with Brad”
I went to the conference on Friday, but was scheduled to present on Saturday. I had to get my bearings and wanted to see the room I was presenting in…I wanted to be prepared as fully as I could. I had three hours (2 “blocks” of training sessions) to DAZZLE my audience!
I went to my classes that day, and afterwards went to go find the person I had been dealing with to get all the details for my presentation. She took me to a little room, off of the main section of the hotel and said “this is your room.”
I was not impressed…It was small, secluded, hard to find and NOT what I wanted! Don’t ever settle for less than you want. And always remember there is more ways to attain those things that what you are looking at!
I asked her if there were any other options for a room and she took me back to her work area and we looked. She said…
“Well, we do have one of the Grand Ballrooms, but isn’t this your first time to present at a conference?”
I told her it was, but that I would much rather have the ballroom than the closet I was offered and she put her hands up, shrugged her shoulders and said…
“Hey, its all yours!”
As I opened the doors to the ballroom, I was almost floored at the size of it…IT WAS HUUUGE!!
There was enough seating room for 500 people; it was an impressive room…. Multi colored, designed carpet, Crystal Chandeliers, 3 of them! Sliding petition walls and it seemed as every step I took into the room, I could hear an echo…Man, all of a sudden, this just got scary!
I walked into the room, got my bearings, looked around and immediately knew this set up was not going to work. One of the housekeepers was in the room and he looked at me and asked…
“Are you teaching in here?” and all I could do was look around the room and nod…I didn’t even speak the acknowledgment…
“Is this going to be OK for you?” and again, I just didn’t have any words…
“Sir, is this going to work ok for you?”
I looked around the room one more time and said “No, this set up has to be changed around… I need it to look like my classroom I teach in.”
“OK, tell me what you want, I will make it happen for you!”
The chairs were all in theater style settings, all just single rows, one open walkway between the rows for people to come in and sit down…BOOOOR-ING!!
I explained… “OK man, I need 150 chairs (I was planning big) set up in a “U” shape…I need there to be about three isles to walk down between the rows and I need the screen at the open end of the “U”
He said…
“No problem” and we went to work.
We got the room set up, had the rows to walk down, the “U” just like I wanted it, the table for my teaching materials, the screen at the front of the “U” and it was PERRRFECT!!
I thanked the guy for helping me and sat down…I was sweating and worn out from the overwhelming emotions I was having as well as moving and arranging 150 chairs!
The housekeeper walked out of the room, and I was all alone in MY Grand Ballroom!!
WOW…Just WOW…And I mean WOOOOWWWW!!
I stood up in front of the room like I was teaching…Looked out over the chairs and visualized the audience filling the seats..Actually VISUALIZED it!!
If you want to make things happen in your life, VISUALIZE it as SO and it will happen!
I scanned the room, acted as if it was full, walked around, paid attention to my hands (Donna always told me that when I get nervous, I wring my hands) and just “pretended” I was lecturing… Then it hit me!!
Goose bumps rose up on my arms, I could actually feel a lump coming up in my throat, tears started to well up in my eyes…OH MY GOD!! This was really going to happen!!
OH MY GOD!!
I was again overwhelmed and sat down in one of the chairs…Sat there for a minute and picked another one to sit in…Sat here a minute and picked another one…Now I was visualizing ME as the audience would…It was perfect…absolutely PERFECT!! I was ready!!
I got in the car, called Donna immediately to tell her about the room and when she answered the phone, “Hello Bradley” in her sweet, calming voice… I couldn’t speak…That lump was back and I was overwhelmed with joy…to the point it was making me all “sappy!”
Donna heard it in my voice, and said “Brad, are you ok?’ and I responded…
”I am great babe…Just a little overwhelmed! The room is amazing, its going to be magical...I am so thrilled I can’t hardly stand it!”
I called Kim who said she would happily be there to help and support me and explained to her how perfect everything was…She was so tickled, I could hear it in her voice…”That’s great Brad, I cant wait to see it!
On a side note here… Kim Vogel was my boss but we found very quickly that we were kindred spirits…Born just a week or so apart, married for the same amount of time and only a week or so apart, see the world the same way, see people the same way, had a lot of the same life experiences and wild times when we were younger…Kim and I just CLICKED and we became pretty good friends pretty quickly. She was BY FAR, the BEST boss I ever worked for. She was always supportive, always made time for me and always wants me to be at my very best! She is a GREAT support system for me and Kim, if you ever read this, I am eternally grateful for all you have been in my life! Thank you!
I also had a friend I met in my time going through some personal/professional development trainings in Dallas named Stephanie Erwin who had really bonded with me as well. Stephanie and I still talk almost weekly and at least monthly in some fashion or another. She was a witness to my transformation from Law Enforcement back into the real world. She was witness to ALL my struggle.
She was not only witness, but a huge support for my overcoming a lot of the adversities that happened when I left that job. She was actually the second person I called after almost shooting Bob that day. Stephanie is another person in my life that I can attribute much of the great things in my life to.
Always there for me, always calling me on my crap, always supportive…Honest, open, loving and the best part, she loves me unconditionally!!
Steph, when you read this, I don’t even have to tell you thanks because you know my gratitude…but I will anyway…Thank you girl…You are a great Bud; words cant describe my appreciation for you!!
Donna was in school at the time and couldn’t help me so Stephanie and Kim said they would. If I wasn’t going to have Donna there, I couldn’t think of anybody else that would be a better support for me and help me than these two! And they came, on their time, with no expectations other than to support me, and I had no doubts that this was going to be a HUGE success! (OK, maybe a few doubts!)
So, Saturday morning, I go get Kim and we drive to San Antonio. We get there and Stephanie is waiting on us. I am walking on air…almost skipping!! Stomach in knots, giggling, cheery…Man, and nervous, sweating bullets nervous…Litterally…Oh my God was I nervous! Kim even joked, “You’re a “sweater!!” and giggled at me!
We walked into the Ballroom and all those emotions waved back over me. Steph and Kim gasped and oooohed and awwwwed as we walked into the room… “Isn’t it fricking amazing!!?? Isn’t it perfect!!??”
And they both just looked around and “wowed” at the room! Then I got even more nervous!
We were about an hour or so early. I have a motto… I would rather be 30 minutes early than 30 seconds late…I hate it when I am late or when others are late…one of my pet peeves I guess.
We stared to get things in order, got all the little tools and gadgets out for my presentation and the time was growing nearer. Kim and Steph went and got us coffee, and now I was in the room that was FULLY prepared for the presentation.
I tried to sit down, that didn’t work…I tried to pace…that didn’t work…I was jumpy and edgy…So I did the routine I did the night before…Stood up in front of the room, acted as if I was presenting, visualized a huge crowd and then I went from chair to chair again… I was soooo excited…I bet my eyes were like little slits on my head I was smiling so big!
Kim and Steph got back with the coffee and we had about 10 minutes…
The doors opened…here came four ladies… I always have music playing before I present…I feel it is a SETS mood setter for presenting..Music has power stronger than you can imagine! You can literally set the feel for your class with music as they wait.
As the ladies walked down the isles, they looked for a seat and two of them even started a little dance as they walked. I knew this was going to be a fun day!
Well, I am neurotic and if I am not lecturing or speaking but am in front of the room, I play with a yo-yo to calm my nerves. I play with the yo-yo and move around the room dancing as people come in.
If you want a crowd to do a specific thing, model that behavior that you want from them and they will follow suit…Almost all of the time! My dancing will encourage others to dance!
So as I danced and played with my yo-yo, other people came in and danced a little, snapping their fingers, bobbing their heads, looking around the room. I kept hearing comments like…
“Oh wow, this is different” and “Ohhhh, I like this”
From the participants…I just kept getting lighter and lighter…I was flying around the room, greeting people as they walked in… I was “in the zone” for sure!
So as the people came in, I had about 80 people that showed for the first portion of the training. They were seated and ready for me. The announcer from the organization came into the room, asked me for a bio and I didn’t have one…A bio? What the hell is that for!?
Then I remembered…INTRODUCTIONS…First lesson learned!
The lady introduced me, the crowd applauded, and it was like a light switch…I WAS ON BABY!! I always start with a joke to break the tension, told my joke, got a great laugh and again, proof this was going to be a good day.
Remember, ALWAYS pay attention to your results…Your results are the evidence of your choices. This joke was a good choice!
I had explained to both Kim and Stephanie that I wanted this to be a very “light” type of day, dancing, humor, interaction, praise, and encouragement…JUST LIKE Family Matters! Kim and Steph moved around the room, interacted with people, when questions were asked and answered, they threw them Frisbees and stress balls through the crowd, people were laughing, interacting and I was ROLLIN!!
I moved up and down the isles, advanced my power point presentation with the remote, interacted directly with these people and then it hit me…Oh my god, these are “professionals” and not “anything like” the folks I was used to working with and they were having a ball!
What I later realized is that if you want people to learn…ANY group of people…Make it fun and they will remember it!
I moved around the room, interacted with people, got close to them, gave them my full attention…There were times when I was talking with people, I didn’t even realize others were in the room!
I am of the belief that we possess, as humans, no greater power than the power of touch. When someone would interact with me, I would make sure to make my way to them and at the very least, pat them on the back, or arm…shake their hand, and of course…HUGS!!
Kim and Steph made fun of me, I made fun of them, we joked and laughed, and at the breaks, I never had time to sit down...Everyone wanted my attention. I actually had a line of people that wanted to talk to me. On the breaks, people were dancing, mingling…This was more like a social gathering or a party than it was a training…PEERRRRFECT!!
After the session break, apparently the word got out that this class was awesome, and the attendees went to get their friends. I also had people who came in just because they could hear the laughing and music from the adjoining rooms… Everyone wanted to come ad see what I was up to!
After the session break, we went back to “work” and now I had almost filled every chair…125 people at least! The rest of the day went like the first part of the day and I was engaged, Kim was engaged, Steph was engaged and best of all, the entire audience was engaged!
Oh my god!! My thoughts really did create my reality!
I was ready because I had visualized this, actually saw it in my minds eye… For any of you that don’t think “thoughts are things” you really need to take another look at that..It is a truth!
The second session went on and now I had a room full of people and the buzz in the room was electric…It was thick with energy…This was even more powerful than I imagined and it was amazing…I hope that the words I am using can capture the feel and even if you think they do, I bet they cant!
The session ended, and again, I had a line waiting to talk to me. I encouraged everyone to please fill out their comments cards as this was what I would use to make my presentation even more impacting.
I encourage feedback…Even critical feedback…It does nothing but make you better…in any aspect of your life. You just have to be open to it!
One of the last people in line came up to me and they had a stern look on their face. I was scared that I had offended someone with my jokes or my wit, or whatever…I greeted the person with a warm smile and said…
“Hi, can I help you.”
And she said …
“I was in the room next to yours and I was unable to hear the person lecturing over your music and the people laughing in here”
I smiled even bigger and in my head again I said “PEERRRRFECT!” but spoke to her saying…
“Oh, I am sorry, I don’t assign the rooms. If you have a complaint about that, you might want to speak to the people running the conference. If you see me here again, come in my room and have fun with us.”
She was a little gruff but smiled (halfway anyway) and left the room.
Kim and Steph started the process of gathering up all the paperwork and equipment, and I went and sat down with the comment cards…I took a deep breath and started reading…
“Amazing” “so much fun” “You are a wonderful man” “You are a GREAT speaker” “You sure know how to grab a room” “There need to be more people like you in this world” “ I am going to tell all my friends about you” “I sure hope you can come and speak at our organization”
I was almost wiggling out of my seat!
And then …
“You offended me when you used the cuss word in your jokes” (I used the word bullshit) and then another one “Not all people cuss”
I was starting to sink a bit…
Then…
“What a dynamic speaker you are” “I had a blast” and those went on and on…
95 people responded with comment cards to my presentation…The two I listed and about two others were the only negative feedback I got for the session…This was my first time presenting and THIS was my feedback! WOW!!
Once we got all the stuff loaded, I thanked Steph and gave her a big ole hug, She looked at me and smiled and said…
“Good job Brad, you were amazing!”
Kim said she would drive and I sat down in the passenger seat of the car… and it hit me!
I was EXHAUSTED!! I felt like I weighed 3 tons…I was drained, worn out, and felt like I couldn’t move! I had spent all my energy and was completely worn out…But it was GOOOD!
As we drove home, I started to read the comment cards to Kim and then I got all sappy again…I didn’t feel worthy of such great feedback…tears welled up, I choked back the emotion, and Kim, being as great as she always was/is, drove with one hand and then reached over and rubbed my neck with the other, and patted me on the back…
“Brad, you were great! THIS is what you should be doing. I can see you now as some big named speaker…You were on fire buddy…On fire!”
I smiled; wiped away the tears again, thanked her and kept on reading. We laughed at the comments, joked about some of the people and how funny they were, how much fun we had….The hour and a half drive home seemed like 15 minutes!
I don’t know how one can feel like an anchor and a feather all at the same time, but I did… I was giddy with excitement and weighed down with exhaustion… What a day!
When I got home, I told Donna all about it, went allover the emotions and experience again and she was as happy as I was…
SUCCESS!!! ACCOMPLISHMENT!! Oh man, what a feeling!
About a week later, I got a call at work from a lady with the Kronkosky Foundation in San Antonio. They are a charitable organization that funds many businesses like K’STAR. The lady on the phone explained that she had heard about my training, heard about how dynamic it was and wanted to have me come present for their organization and was inquiring about my “fees.”
Fees?? What fees?? I had not even contemplated getting paid for this… Well, maybe I had, but not “for real” and I was not sure what to say.
I told her…
“Oh, thank you…I am not at liberty to discuss this right now as I am tied up with work, but if you give me a call back number and a good time to call you, I will call you back with a proposal”
She agreed, I got off the phone, jumped up out of my chair and darted upstairs to tell Kim. She smiled, didn’t seem surprised and said…
“Brad, that’s wonderful!”
Wonderful?? What the hell do I do now!?”
“Calm down, this is the easy part…Just go look at some contracts and see what you want, then tell them!”
“Oh yeah, that simple huh!!??”
“Yup” and she turned back to her work.
I went and researched and found that 1500.00 seemed fair so I called the lad back, told her 1000.00 because I was afraid to ask for more and she said “Great, 6 hours then?”
“sure, see you then!” DAMN, shoulda said 1500.00!! GRRRR!!
Holy crap…6 hours?? I had only three hour’s worth of material, what was I going to do… Back up to Kim’s office…
“Brad, you got this man, you could speak for 10 hours if someone would let you. Just go look at Family Matters and extend it..If that is a twelve hour class, you have plenty of material to teach how to do it for 6”
And she was right…on both statements…I could talk for ten hours and I did have enough material…So I went to work.
I was able to get the material together and put on the training. It was six hours long, sponsored by the Kronkosky Foundation and it was GREAT… Got the feedback and had two complaints again about cussing in my jokes…
Ok, I hear ya!! Lesson learned!
Kim facilitated it with me and we had another GREAT, exciting, impacting and powerful day. I added to my presentation and “tricks of the trade” and made it even more fun and light…It was a great time, plus I got 1000.00 for it… That was the way to roll man!!
I decided that these conferences were the way to get this going and presented at another one in Austin at the TNOYS conference (Texas Network of Youth Services). This time I had standing room only. People actually standing in the doorway to listen o me.
I had Kim, Stephanie and Donna with me this time and a large portion of the team I worked with at K’STAR attended as well…Along with my big boss. It was a huge success!
As I sat and read through the feedback, I had no complaints…not one…Then, on the last one, I got this “You seem to belittle people in Lower Socio-economic classes”
What, are you serious? My whole presentation is about empowering and lifting these people…Whatever!
But other than that, not one complaint… ALL positive feedback other than that one. I was doing something that was working!! And working BIG!!
Maybe too big!
About a week or so later, I got another call from an organization in Lubbock…Catholic Family Services and one of their staff attended my training and wanted me to come to their organization. I worked out the details and they agreed on 1500.00 for the day PLUS they took care of my airfare, Kims; and both our rooms! I was amazed!
Kim and I went to the training, changed some things (against what I thought I should do) and this time, it wasn’t as impacting as the others. People weren’t as jovial, as thrilled… But it was my fault…I altered from what I knew was working to try and make it better. Even against some things I would teach not to do…
Sometimes the best coaching we get, is the coaching we give!
And this is where my vision started to slip…
Because of the tiresome traveling, the complications we faced with our traveling and the response from the group, I felt I had not really gotten this honed like I wanted to… In all reality, as I look back, I got scared.
“It’s our light, not our darkness that most frightens us”
~Nelson Mandela~
Because I got scared, I decided to step away from this and start to pursue more in the direction of what my Masters Degree lined out for me…I felt I needed to stay in business for someone else and get that consistent check..Besides, if I could get somewhere and “run the show” I would really knock their socks off.
So I stepped away from lecturing and went to work for Medina Children’s Home. Don’t get me wrong...VERY rewarding and as my stories will tell you, life changing!
Then after conflicts with administrators, I went on to Plaza on the River..Again, another hugely impacting part of my life, but again, an administrator. I did not do well there with that role, but still had amazing and impacting experiences that would change my life forever.
I guess, now that I reflect, these were fences I had always looked at, was never able to climb, was now able to do so, and realized, the disinterest I had in those fences before were just as disinteresting while climbing them now…
I didn’t much care for administrators when I wasn’t one, and found when I was one, I still didn’t care for them very much. They are a necessary evil, but not necessary in my life.
So I climbed those fences, got into those pastures and found that the grass didn’t taste all that sweet. So I went back, climbed back over and now here I am, at that fence I was climbing before that offered me so much reward…..
Ahhhhhhh, I am home!
Don’t ever settle, don’t ever NOT do something because you are afraid…fear ids JUST an emotion and it can be overcome. Go, seek what brings you happiness and embrace it with all you have. When it stops making you happy, look for other fences, they are there…and start climbing!
“There is no way to happiness, happiness is the way!”
~Dr. Wayne Dyer~
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