On September 29th, 2010, I formally resigned my position with Plaza on the River. Since that time, I have had a very difficult time sleeping through the night. Yesterday was the first day I slept past 8:00am since my resignation.
As you read through my blogs, you will find two experiences I had that were life changing for me and monumental moments of my life. I had an Administrator that had different visions than I did, and enrolled me into a plan where I saw a short term answer to a life long dream. I was looking at a win/win situation.
I was going to be able to "Run The Show," Be able to direct a staff of people that I would be able to chose, and pursue a vision of service to others that would be a new standard for dealing with people in a magical, yet terrifying, inevitable portion of their lives.
Remember folks, LIFE, this is one game that no one gets out of alive, yet we never plan for it, we never want to face our demise, so fear makes us turn from it and just "let it happen."
As a result, when we finally do get to this point, we have not prepared for it, realize its a huge thing, and go into a state of shock because a moment will come when we truly are not in control and the inevitable is upon us. Not having any control is a scaryier thing than one might think.
Now, I don't want to make this a thing that would scare people, but rather make it something to ponder, prepare for, and find Peace with...It can be a magical experience as well. But that is an individual choice... back to my point..
I stepped away from who I "BE", stepped into the DOING so that I could complete the process, and totally lost that portion of the experience.... and here I am now HAVING results that don't serve me, and injured because of lies self serving others who wanted to save their skin. BE, DO, HAVE... Work your life that way, and results are so much more aligned with what you want!
I am no victim, I chose this path and am completely responsible for my results... I hold no one else to blame but myself... It was me that chose to put my "BEING" to the side and got too focused on the DOING.
Proudly, even in that process, I was still BEING many of the things I declare by maintaining my integrity, my trusting nature, being honest and keeping my word. With that, I was able to walk away with those things in tact, but was still sliced open and injured... It was me that let my boundaries be crossed! Like a boxer who drops his "right" too soon...he knows right when he has done it, and knows the pain is coming, he knows it is his fault!
When I resigned, I consciously knew that I would DO what was required of me to live up to the rules of unemployment, Because I BE a man of my word. I made sure I did those things, but I put my life, and my job off to the side.... I took all the DOINGS and left them alone, and KNEW consciously, that I had to re-center with who I BE before I could move forward in a direction that would serve me.
I know that BEING in service to others is the absolute BEST thing I can DO, to HAVE the results to re-connect me with my greatness.... Remember Nelson Mandella speech...
"Our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate, but that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness that frightens us. We ask ourselves
Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, handsome, talented and fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing
Enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God within us.
It is not just in some; it is in everyone.
And, as we let our own light shine, we consciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our fear, our presence automatically liberates others."
~Nelson Mandella~
I carry a copy of this in my wallet wherever I go, it is ALWAYS with me!
I poured everthing in my soul and body into serving Kathi and living up to the promise I made her (DOING BY BEING). As a result, I was able to experience the greatness (BY BEING) in this world. It is so easy to see the ugliness here....Newspapers, television, movies, games...All the terror and violence, fear and unrest...
We get so focused on all of that, we miss the great things lurking near our every step. We stop "paying attention" because we are to busy DOING.
Since I resigned, other than a nagging thing of my nerd yelling at me on my shoulder from time to time,(your not worthy, you suck cuz you have no job, yada, yada, yada) I have been so focused on paying attention, while I be in service to Kathi....What a wonderful world we live in, if we just pay attention!! You can read what I was witness to in my blogs.
Always remember that for every one nasty, ugly, bitter, hurtful, person, there are 100 beautiful and magical people all around us. Its just the others are so loud, all we can do is turn our attention to them. Remember, it is the ugly people in the world that make us caring people shine so bright...EMBRACE THEM!!
Remember, Diamonds are not so easy to see or find, but there are billions of them, and when we find one, how brilliant and beautiful they are!?
But when we move through the sludge, get sucked back into "The Drift" It really is like watching a train wreck in slow motion, and you cant look away and you have to get closer for a better view! Strange how we are like that huh?
Tonight, as I am restless and cant sleep at 2:35am, I am awake but not because I am afraid, and I haven't been since left my job.... I have been awake because I am EXCITED again... I am energized and full of life again... I am back to BEING the person I declare to be, I am DOING the things representative of those declarations, and I am HAVING wonderful, magical and exciting days and night, EVEN in what would be usually my (and many's) "darkest hour"... I am truly excited to see what is next for me.
If you have played "The MAZE game" with me then think of it this way...
Two years ago, I was in a safe square, I took a couple of steps, first one was a new step...BUZZZZZZZZ... I stepped again, I tried to move forward. I went to a square I knew I would get buzzed.....BUZZZZZZZZ Man, I have been there before and knew it! GRRRRRRR!!!! I need to get back to where I know the safe square is again, move again, and find that next square that doesn't buzz.
See folks, I actually do believe and work the things I talk about in my life.... I BE, DO, and HAVE those things because I pay attention....these are the things I know that every person in the world can do. Its really just a matter of awareness!
"The Master knows that he is playing a game.
The master knows there are rules to the game.
But the REAL master knows how to play the game, by the rules, and get what he wants"
Life is not a process of discovery, life is a process of creation. We create our reality, no one else does...... If we see it isn't working, go back to a place where it was, and try again, if you cant move through it, go back to where you could move, and try a different direction.
I am interested to see what the next step for me is, I am still working on "me" (which I don't think ever stops) but know and am clear of where I am, I am BEING the person I declare to be and with that, I KNOW I will do the things representative of that, and I will HAVE the results I want!
I was often told that these types of distinctions are like any other life tool or skill... You have to practice them and pay attention to properly achieve your goal. Man, that is a TRUTH!! Trust me!!
If it is to be, it is up to me!! and for my Millennium 3 people.... OWTF-DWIT!!
I am so ready to see whats next and so excited that I have people who were with me when I was in this safe square before that are waiting for me to help guide me to the next square. Kenya, Kim, Donna, and all the others who support me in so many ways, trust me when I say, its gonna be AMAZING!
Peace....and I still probably cant sleep.... GRRRRRR!!!
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